In My Heart

by E. L. Todd

  But he didn’t.

  “Hmm…I’m a little jealous.” Apollo was my right hand man, but he left me for a beautiful woman. Could I really blame him?

  “Don’t be,” Lexie said with a chuckle. “Come over here and join us.”

  “Three’s a crowd.”

  “Not with you.” She continued to pet him on the head but her eyes were glued to mine.

  I smiled then moved to the spot beside her. I put my arm over the back of the chair and looked down at the two most important people in my life. It finally felt like the way it used to, when things were normal.

  I just hoped it would stay that way.

  ***

  Lexie sighed in the seat beside me, her eyes heavy. She sighed quietly before tucking her hair behind her ear. “I’m pretty tired…”

  “Me too.” I was ready for bed even though it was only ten o’ clock. I didn’t even have work the next day.

  She stood up and grabbed her purse. “I’ll come by the first thing after work.”

  She left every evening and went home for bed. I wasn’t sure why she didn’t stick around. Maybe she wanted to give me space. I wasn’t sure. But I certainly didn’t want her to go. “Can you stay over?”

  She held the purse on her shoulder. “You want me to…?”

  “Yeah. Unless you don’t want to or whatever.” I tried to brush it off like her presence didn’t mean anything to me, but that was a waste of time.

  “No,” she said quickly. “I do. I just…” She stood there awkwardly with her purse clutched in her grasp. “Wasn’t sure if that’s what you wanted.”

  “It is.” I stood up and Apollo jumped on the floor. I stared at her and tried to think of something intelligent to say. But when nothing came into my mind. I turned off all the lights and headed to the bedroom.

  Apollo joined us because he usually slept in my room.

  “Apollo, you’re on the floor tonight.” He had a large bed in the corner of the room.

  Apollo bent his ears and whined.

  “You heard me.”

  He bowed his head then walked to his bed. Then he turned in a circle before he lay down.

  “Awe,” Lexie whispered. “He hates being apart from you, even if it’s just a few feet.”

  “I know but I need my space. Having a big dog in the center of the bed gets old after a while.”

  “At least he’s not trying to come between us again.”

  “Let’s hope it stays that way…” I pulled off my shirt and tossed it in the hamper. Then I grabbed some clothes for Lexie to wear. I liked it when she wore my shirts to bed. Seeing her enveloped in something that belonged to me was satisfying.

  After Lexie changed in the bathroom she came to bed.

  I already had the light off and the alarm set for Lexie. I lay on top of the silky sheets and watched her slip between them. My old college t-shirt looked great on her. It was a blanket on her small frame but she still made it look sexy.

  She lay down beside me but didn’t touch me. She just stared into my eyes, her own thoughts hidden behind her irises.

  I took a deep breath and felt my pain dissipate. This was the only woman I wanted to look at, for whatever reason. I liked having her near me, this close to me. Somehow, I felt at peace. Despite the way she hurt me I recuperated.

  “Can I get you anything?” she whispered.

  My hand reached for hers. “No. I have everything I need.”

  ***

  Lexie came over after work and immediately examined my face. “It’s looking a lot better.”

  “It feels better.” It didn’t sting anymore and I didn’t need to take as many pain killers.

  She sat beside me then ran her fingers through my hair, looking into my face intently.

  I liked it when she stared at me like this. Our faces were pressed close together and I could see the brightness in her eyes. Her lips were just inches away, plump and full.

  “Can I get you anything?” she asked. “How about a back massage?”

  “You’re the one who deserves a back massage after everything you’ve done for me.”

  She chuckled. “I cook and clean for you. That’s not much in the grand scheme of things.”

  “I don’t agree with that.” I held her gaze so she knew I was being serious. “And I wouldn’t be here at all if it weren’t for you.”

  Apollo barked.

  “And Apollo,” I added.

  She looked down at her lap, closing off from me. “Anyone else would have done that.”

  “That’s what we like to think but we know that isn’t true.”

  She tucked her blonde hair behind her ear. “Well, I’ll get dinner started…” She didn’t move from the couch. She stayed in the exact same place, her eyes downcast.

  I eyed her lips and her cheeks. My heart was slamming in my chest and my fingertips tingled. Everything started to slow down, time and understanding. All I saw was her, the woman I loved.

  My fingertips moved under her chin and guided it upward. When she looked at me I let my hand linger there, feeling her soft skin. She was warm to touch. I suddenly noticed the thickness of her eyelashes and slight dimple found at each corner of her mouth. She was a work of art to me, with imperfections that made her perfect.

  My hand glided back into her hair, feeling the soft strands I used to fist every night. When my fingers clasped onto a handful it felt just the way it used to. My life without her was agonizing. I went from paradise to a living hell. She was the key to my happiness, the only thing that could bring me true joy.

  I gently pulled her to me, my eyes on her lips.

  She suddenly took a deep breath in anticipation, her chest rising. Her eyes were on my mouth as she came closer.

  When we were just a centimeter apart I cupped her cheek with my other hand. I paused for a moment, feeling the intimacy between us without our mouths touching. Being this close to her already felt right.

  I brushed my lips across hers, getting a taste of something I’d already had. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. The touch ignited her the same way it ignited me. My mouth pressed against hers, and the warmth filled me. Her lips were soft the way I remembered, and they felt good against my mouth. I slowly felt each lip, giving it a purposeful kiss. She breathed into me then her hands slowly came up and rested over mine. Her hands shook slightly, showing the same excitement I felt deep in my core.

  The kisses were slow. We both took it step-by-step, exploring each other like it was unchartered territory. Kissing her reminded me how good it used to be. I could do this all day—and all night.

  My body ached for hers, wanting every single piece of her. She was the one thing in my life that ever made any sense. My heart beat for her, and her alone. In my heart, I knew she was the woman I was supposed to be with—despite what she did.

  My hands glided to her waist and I pulled her closer, making her move over my thighs and straddle them. She shifted her body closer to me, her chest pressed against mine.

  I gripped her thighs and felt her muscle tone through the tights. I loved how petite she was. When she sat on my lap I hardly noticed she was there. Her ass was right on my lap and my dick hardened immediately.

  Lexie wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me slowly. Her hair cascaded around us, forming a curtain. The smell of her vanilla shampoo washed over me and I was reminded of passionate nights locked away in the bedroom.

  My hands glided up her thighs to her waist. I fingered her hips, feeling the prominent curves in her body. I loved everything about her, from her lips to her legs. My lips kissed the corner of her mouth before sucking her bottom lip. A quiet moan escaped her mouth and my cock immediately throbbed.

  Forgetting about dinner and everything else, we stayed on the couch and kissed each other lovingly. I felt her body everywhere, touching her petite neck and feeling the tiny muscles of her back. Everything about her was exactly the same as it used to be, except she was a little thinner. But when everything was back to n
ormal we would fix that.

  I’d slowly come back to her over the course of several months. There were times when I hated her and wanted her to stay away from me. Sometimes I would pull her close and let myself become vulnerable again only to violently push her away again. Some days, I didn’t think this would last. And other days, I couldn’t picture my life without her.

  But something was different now. Maybe it was because she risked her life to save me, or maybe it was because she still fought for me even though most of my family hated her. Perhaps I was so in love with her I couldn’t hold her back anymore. It could be the combination of everything altogether. Whatever the case, my heart was fused with hers.

  I rose to my feet and held her legs around my waist. My hands were under her ass, and I loved how tight it was. I continued to kiss her as I carried her to my bedroom. Apollo seemed to understand his presence wasn’t welcome because he stayed in the living room.

  I carried her into my bedroom and shut the door behind me with my foot. Then I laid her on the bed, moving on top of her at the same time. Her legs were locked around my waist, and I dug my hand into her hair as I kissed her more passionately.

  Lexie ran her hands up my chest just the way she used to. I always knew it was her favorite part of my body. She felt the muscle underneath the skin with her palms before she gripped my shoulders.

  My body and mind were completely invested in this moment. I wasn’t thinking about the way she hurt me. I wasn’t thinking about all those months apart. I was just thinking about her, the woman I loved with all my heart.

  Lexie pulled away slightly then looked into my eyes, her hand brushing against my cheek. She stared at me like I was her entire world before she kissed me again. “I love you, Con.”

  My entire body tensed when I heard those words. Pleasure rippled down my spine and my heart contracted in ecstasy. “I love you too, baby.” I grabbed the back of my shirt with one hand and pulled it off. Once I was shirtless Lexie ran her hands up my body, from my stomach to my chest. Then she moved down to my sweatpants and yanked them down my hips.

  When they were around my thighs I kicked them off. While still kissing her, I pulled her heeled boots off her feet then worked the tights underneath her skirt. She lifted her hips and allowed me to get them off.

  My heart was beating so fast but in a good way. This felt right.

  I loosened her skirt then pulled them down her long legs. When I got them off she lay in just her thong. I hadn’t seen her bare like this in a long time, nearly six months.

  Lexie pulled off her blouse then unclasped the bra effortlessly. Her eyes were on me the entire time, watching my reaction to everything she did.

  I kissed her exposed shoulder then pulled the straps down, revealing her tits. My lips moved to her chest and I kissed her everywhere.

  She immediately lay back and dug her fingers into my hair, more aroused with every passing second. She breathed into my mouth with rugged breaths, her excitement untamable.

  Even though we’d done this a million times it felt brand new. Every moment was a new experience. I grasped her thong and slowly pulled it down, revealing her for me to enjoy. I got them off then tossed them on the ground. Now she was naked beneath me and she somehow looked more beautiful than she ever had before. “Beautiful.”

  She ran her hands up my arms then gripped my biceps.

  I pulled my boxers off then lay naked on top of her. My hard dick lay against her stomach and it twitched when it felt her warm skin.

  Lexie eyed it and immediately bit her bottom lip. “Mmm…”

  That turned me on even more. “He missed you.”

  “I missed him too…” She dug her nails into my arms, becoming eager.

  My mouth moved over hers and I kissed her again, slowly cherishing every inch of her. My hand explored her body, feeling her waist and then her tits. She did the same to me, running her nails down my bare back and gripping my ass.

  Lexie wrapped her legs around my waist then looked deep into my eyes, telling me she was ready for me.

  I stared at her beautiful face and watched her beautiful hair stretch across the pillow. Her eyes were lit in flames, and she looked at me just the way she used to, like she loved me with everything she had.

  I pointed my dick at her entrance and left it there, feeling the wetness pool at her opening. The tip of my cock could sense it, and it hardened even further. Sex with Lexie was different than it was with everyone else. It made me realize just how lonely and desolate I was with all the others.

  I slowly inched inside her, feeling her tightness all the way through. She was wet enough to make the descent easy. The constraints around my dick felt amazing. A moan escaped my lips the further I went. When I was completely sheathed I paused.

  Lexie’s chest had reddened and her nipples were hard. Her mouth was slightly parted with pleasure and she looked up at me with desire burning in her eyes. Her breath came out as pants.

  Emotion washed over me as I looked down at her. When I picked up random women and fucked them on this bed I was pretty much dead inside. The sex was the only thing I could enjoy, and even that was painful. I kept trying to get Lexie out of my mind, and I thought screwing enough women would do the trick. In actuality, it only convinced me how irrevocably in love I was. I would never get over her as long as I lived.

  To feel our bodies connected together now, to know she loved me and wouldn’t leave me again, was the best healing I could have ever experienced. My heart didn’t feel so cold and my body finally relaxed. She and I were together again—and it would stay that way.

  I felt at peace with the world, like I knew exactly where I belonged. All the heartache melted from my body as I stood in the light of her sun. All the tiny scars that no one could see repaired themselves. I was invigorated and born again. I was given another chance to feel happiness, to be with the woman I wanted for all my life.

  My eyes filled with tears and I couldn’t stop it. All the happiness in my heart shocked my system. I was overwhelmed by everything that happened. The past six months happened in the blink of an eye and I couldn’t believe where I was now.

  She cupped my face and her bottom lip quivered. Instantly, her eyes coated with tears. The same emotions were written all over her face. She felt the same way I did, in every way imaginable. “This is it,” she whispered.

  I nodded then pressed my forehead to hers.

  “This is the beginning of forever.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Trinity

  I didn’t feel like myself at all.

  I felt disgusting, wrong—dirty. Every time I thought about the way Maximum touched me I wanted to die. I was violated in a profound way and no matter how many showers I took I couldn’t wash him away.

  I thought I could return to normalcy if I just stopped thinking about it. Slade was everything I wanted in a partner, and I never looked at him in a negative way. I thought we could make love just the way we used to but…I couldn’t let him touch me. All I could think about was Maximum and then I collapsed.

  Now I didn’t know what to do.

  I pushed Slade away, and I can’t blame him for being upset. He was getting the short stick in this situation. I would tell him the truth but there would be two dire consequences. He would kill Maximum Shot and go to jail for it. And if that didn’t happen he wouldn’t pursue his dream to be a recording artist because he would never leave my side again.

  So, I couldn’t tell him.

  I stayed on the couch that day and snacked on whatever junk I could find in the house. I had no motivation to do anything, and I didn’t care about work anymore. All the things I once cared about seemed irrelevant. Now I just wanted to stay home all day and never leave the house. I was sick of the way men treated me. It’d already happened twice, and it would probably happen a third time.

  The front door opened and closed, so I knew Slade was home. He left the house a few hours ago but didn’t say where he was going. He left in a hurry bec
ause he was pissed I wouldn’t tell him what happened.

  He slowly approached the couch then stood beside me.

  I could see his leg but nothing else. I finally looked up because I knew he wanted my attention.

  The look on his face made me sit up.

  He stared at me with a devastated look, like he lost everything that meant anything to him. He looked broken, like there were too many scattered pieces to put back together. He was practically dead.

  He knew.

  Slade sat beside me but didn’t touch me. He was on the verge of tears.

  I didn’t know what to say so I stared at the ground.

  He extended his hand toward me but didn’t touch me. “Can I touch you?” His voice was barely above a whisper.

  I nodded.

  He hooked his arm around my shoulder and brought me into his side. He pressed his face into my neck and took a deep breath, trying to still his emotion.

  Seeing him try to keep himself together broke my heart. My eyes burned before the tears came. Then they flooded my vision, making my chest ache as I tried to breathe.

  “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

  I squeezed his hand.

  He took a deep breath and a few tears fell onto my neck. “Baby, you’re going to be okay. I’m here.”

  “I know…”

  He pulled away and looked me in the eye, his eyes red and his face blotchy. “I won’t let anything ever happen to you again. I promise. I promise on everything I have.”

  “I know.” His heart was just as broken as mine was.

  “I wish you had told me…” There was no anger in his voice or accusation. “I would have been more sensitive. I wouldn’t have yelled at you or snapped if I’d known…I feel like the biggest jerk in the world.”

  “Don’t,” I whispered. “You didn’t know.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “I…a lot of reasons.”

  He waited for me to answer.

  “I didn’t want you to look at me differently.”

  He closed his eyes like he was in pain. “I’d never look at you differently, Trinity. I love you just as much as I always have. That will never change no matter what happens.”