Into the Fire

by T A. McKay

  I grab my toothbrush and I’m just covering the bristles with toothpaste when the door to Madison’s bedroom opens.

  “Sorry, the door was unlocked. I didn't realise you were in here, I was gonna brush my teeth.” I move to the side and wave my hand to the sink letting her know she can come in. I start to scrub my teeth as she moves in beside me. I can't help watching her in the mirror. She is so much shorter than me, barely reaching my shoulders and her hair is a shocking red. I always loved her hair, and the freckles that her colouring gives her. They run across her nose and under her eyes, they’re pale and so fucking cute. She has always hated them, thinking they make her look ugly, little does she know they drive me crazy. She spits into the sink and rinses her brush out. She looks as though she is blushing a little as she turns and walks towards her room.

  “Good night, Noah.”

  “Good night, Angel.” The door closes quietly behind her and it takes a few minutes to realise this is the first time ever that she hasn't slammed a door.

  I put my toothbrush back into my toiletry bag and turning off the light, I leave the bathroom. I leave the door open a bit behind me. I know I should close it, but I want to know if Madison wakes in the night. I have no idea why I'm torturing myself so much but I can't seem to stop.

  I strip out of my clothes leaving just my boxer shorts on. I normally sleep naked but I think that it would be too much of a temptation tonight, so I keep the simple barrier to my fantasies on and move towards the bed. I pull back the sheets, get under them and try to get comfortable. I don't know how it’s possible but this bed smells like Madison, like the body lotion she wears everyday. I close my eyes taking a deep breath, it feels like I'm lying next to her and that instantly makes my dick hard. What the fuck is wrong with me tonight? I have never had such an over the top reaction to Madison before, I have always been able to control myself. I need to get it under control, if we are having a sleepover tomorrow then I can’t be getting hard at the simplest touch, or the smell of her skin. I groan as I realise how stupid the idea was, if I can't control myself in a different bedroom how the hell am I going to control myself lying next to her all night? I just need to stop thinking about Madison. I swear I'm only like this because I'm tired, or missing Judi, or maybe a bit of both.

  I suddenly realise that I haven't called Judi to let her know I’ve arrived safely. I grab my mobile phone from the unit next to the bed, and see that I have three missed calls and two new messages. I unlock my phone and to no surprise find that all the missed calls are from Judi, she must be worried sick by now. I open the messages expecting them both to be from Judi as well, but they’re not, one is from Madison. I check the time it was sent and see it was only a few minutes ago. I didn’t notice it come in, I was so stuck in my head thinking about her that I didn’t even hear my phone go off. I open the message and read it, wondering why she is messaging me.

  ‘I missed you. I'm glad you’re here’

  I smile at her words. I missed her too, more than she will ever know. I suddenly can't wait until tomorrow night. I have kept so much from her about my life and it will be nice to get some of it off my chest.

  ‘I missed you too, like you wouldn't believe. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here right now.’

  The words are more truthful than they should be, especially since I'm not writing to my fiancé, but at this moment in time I really don't want to be anywhere else. I put my phone back on the unit and lie back on the soft pillow. I stare at the dark ceiling trying to clear my head. As my eyes close and sleep finally takes me, the last thought in my mind is of Madison, her smile bringing me a peaceful sleep. It doesn't even cross my mind that I still haven't called or text Judi.

  Chapter Three

  Noah

  “Are you sure you want to spend the day with me? You just got engaged last night, shouldn't you still be in bed celebrating?” Rocco walks out of the back door and across the decking towards me, passing me a bottle of beer he takes the seat next to me.

  “Trust me, if Makenzie didn't have to work today there would be no way in hell you would be here now.” He takes a drink from his bottle as I stare at him. He turns once he's finished and looks at me.

  “What?”

  “I'm just soaking up the feeling of love I'm getting from you. Harsh Rocco, very harsh.” I try to keep a straight face but I know it’s a losing battle, especially when he gives me his patented ‘what-the-fuck-ever’ look. I take a long drink from my own bottle, looking out over the garden. He’s lived here a good few years but he hasn’t really done anything with the place. Now, I can see the changes starting to seep in now that his life is changing, improving. It’s just little things, like new bright flowers, and a swing on the large tree, but they show how he’s growing up, taking someone else’s feelings into consideration. It also shows that he’s finally allowing someone else to take care of him, letting Makenzie take some of the pressure from him.

  I take a minute to enjoy the peace here. The afternoon is sunny, but not too hot, making it comfortable to sit out here. The trees are blowing in the warm breeze, and I can’t help but think how much I would love this life¸ to live here in the quiet, none of the noise that London has twenty-four hours a day.

  “Are you happy, Rocco? I mean really happy?” I don't look at him as I ask, I don't need him to see the pain I feel ripping through my heart. My life has become one huge clusterfuck and I don't know what to do about it.

  “Do you remember how we used to always be grossed out by mum and dad kissing all the time? Like they didn't care if we were watching or not, they would stare into each other eyes and then kiss. I totally understand them now, and I can't wait until I have kids to gross them out that way. I love her man, like more than I ever thought possible.” I see his smile growing and I can't help but feel a little jealous of him. He has found the woman that is his forever, the last woman he will ever be with, the last woman he will ever fall in love with. He holds up his bottle to make a toast.

  “To the Cole brothers, both of us off the market and crazy in love.” I clink my bottle to his and fake a smile. He seems so certain he has found his other half, his soul mate, I just wish I was as convinced. There has been a distance between me and Judi recently, and I know it’s probably me causing it but its something I can’t seem to stop. Between the pressure of work and the drama she always seems to be surrounded by, it’s just hard to look at her with anything other than contempt. She does nothing to help, all her spare time is used with shopping and ‘helping’ her friends. Not that I would ever begrudge her anything she enjoys, but it would be nice if just once I came first. The hours I spend in the office seem to increase by the day. I need to put the hours in to make enough money to give Judi the life she wants. I used to do it happily, knowing I was building a life for us together. Now though I do it out of necessity, needing to make her life easy and happy, but just once I would love to come home and have her smile at me. Make it actually look like she was glad I was finally there.

  The silence is broken by my ringing mobile. I reach into my pocket and grab it, I don't even look at the screen before I answer it, thinking it’s probably Madison asking about the ice-cream for tonight.

  “I say go with mint choc chip, or possibly chunky monkey.” I realise my mistake a little too late, I really should have looked at the caller ID.

  “Noah, what are you talking about? And why didn't you call me last night? I was so worried, I nearly missed an important meal with my father.” I hold in the laugh that’s building in my throat. There is nothing in this world that would make Judi miss dinner with daddy, not even if I was lying in a hospital bed. He is the important man in her life and she is his little princess.

  “I'm sorry, Judi. I was late to dinner with Rocco, so we had to leave straight away. Then it was too late by the time we were finished, I didn't want to wake you.” I see Rocco out of the corner of my eye. He has his eyebrows pulled down in a look of confusion, probably wondering why I'm lying to J
udi. I shake my head at him, knowing that when the call ends I have a lot of explaining to do.

  “Well next time at least text please, I really did worry. So I take it you arrived at Rocco’s safely, and did you get to your hotel okay?” I turn my body away from Rocco slightly, trying to not look at him while I continue to lie to Judi. I could get up and walk somewhere more private but what's the point? I will tell him everything, well nearly everything once I hang up.

  “Yeah I got to the hotel fine, it’s quite close to Rocco’s house. So, I'm not sure how to say this, I should have told you before I left but it slipped my mind. There is so much happening here just now, and I haven’t been home in so long, I have decided to stay another few days to catch up with everyone.” I know I have taken the easy way out, but telling her face-to-face would have caused so much drama between us. It would have also given her the chance to come with me, but I didn’t want her to be here. I wanted some time on my own, time to just be Noah, not the engaged, investment banker that has hundreds of people relying on him. I just want a week of chilling and maybe getting my hands dirty at the garage, no pressure just the things I enjoy to do. I’ve missed being able to just be me.

  “How long are you staying? Do you want me to fly up and be with you? Oh wait, I can't. It’s Amanda’s baby shower and I just can't miss that. All the girls will be there.” I hear her nails tapping on something and I grit my teeth together. I hate that noise, she does it when she is pissed about something but doesn't want people to know. She’s trying to stay calm, she wants to appear the supportive fiancé, and it makes me wonder who is there with her. She always says all the right words, but I know her tells, I can tell that I am not working in with her plans and making things difficult.

  “I'm fine here by myself. I’ll be back by the end of the week, I just want to get to know Makenzie better before she becomes my sister.” I know it’s lame to use Makenzie as an excuse but I don't want to hurt Judi’s feelings, no matter what is going on with us I don't want to hurt her. Her voice goes quiet when she asks me her next question.

  “Will you be seeing her?” I don't need her to tell me who she means when she says her. She knows there isn't a chance in hell I would come here and not visit Madison.

  “Yes, baby, I’ll be seeing Madison. Do we need to go through this again? She is my best friend and I haven't seen her in months.” She goes very quiet, I hate that she feels so insecure about Madison. I’ve never intentionally wanted her to feel like she was second place in my affections.

  “Okay, so just text me when you're coming home. I’m busy most of the week so you might not get me in if you call.” I can hear the hurt in her voice and I feel like a dick, but not enough that I want to cancel my time here and go home.

  “I will be home before you know it, the time will fly by.” I pray it doesn't, the last thing I want is this week to be over and life to catch up on me. I want this week to feel like it’s lasted a month.

  “I know. I have to go, Christie is here and we’re about to head out. I love you, Noah.” I close my eyes and let my head fall to my chest, feeling the guilt building.

  “You too.” I hang up the phone, realising it has been months since I last told her I loved her. I always just say ‘you too’. She must have noticed it, but I just can't seem to say the words.

  I take a minute to try and compose myself, so many mixed emotions working through my body. Guilt, relief and frustration all fighting to be the dominant emotion that I feel. I must be taking too much time for Rocco’s liking, he never was patient when he thought someone was hurting.

  “Want to take a shot at explaining?” I fall back onto my chair and look to the sky. I just want to take a minute to enjoy the weather before I have to explain how my life has gone to shit. I always seem to miss the summer, with appraisals this time of year I start early and finish late. I feel the only time I get to see the sun is through my office window.

  “Earth to Noah, come in Noah.” I sigh and roll my head towards him.

  “I'm trying to work out what to say man. I have no fucking idea when my life went off the rails like this.” The look of concern on Rocco’s face makes me feel awful. This is meant to be a happy time for him. Never again will he ask the woman he loves to marry him, knowing someone wants him for the rest of his life, and I'm ruining it with my drama.

  “You’re worrying me, Noah. I’ve known for a while now that something wasn't right, but I thought you would come to me on your own to talk. I want to know what's going on in your head, why did you just lie to Judi?” I pinch the bridge of my nose and groan loudly. This is just too fucking hard to deal with.

  “I’ll make you a deal, Rocco. As soon as I know what the hell is going on in my head, you will be the first to know.”

  ****

  “This is my favourite bit … like ever.” I’m lying next to Madison on her huge bed, a tub of cookie dough ice cream in my hands and a smile on my face.

  “You said that twenty minutes ago. Remember the kiss under the tree?” She has actually said it four times about different parts of the movie so far, but I let her carry on, it’s her thing. I think every movie we have watched is her favourite, even if she hasn't seen it before.

  “Oh the kiss, that was my favourite romantic bit. This is my favourite sexy bit.” She points to the screen with her spoon and manages to drip ice cream down her vest top. I watch as she sits up quickly, grabbing some napkins from the bed. She manages to spill something on herself every time we watch a movie. If it’s not ice cream it’s juice, and if it’s not juice it’s crisps. We learned a long time ago to have a handy supply of paper napkins close at hand for these moments.

  “Every single time, Madison. I know I keep threatening it, but next time you get a bib.” She turns and glowers at me, probably trying to look fierce but she is failing badly. She throws the used napkins at me, hitting me straight in the face, and I end up in a sticky mess along with her. Now it’s my turn to try and look pissed off. I don't think she’s taking me seriously though when she collapses back onto the bed holding in a fit of giggles.

  “I'm glad I amuse you little girl.” I try to put some anger into my voice, making it rougher than it needs to be, but this just makes her laugh harder, holding her sides while she rolls about. I pick up all the napkins, throwing them into the bin that we put at the side of the bed. Grabbing the now empty ice cream tubs, I throw them in after the napkins. Madison is still rolling about the bed, with tears running down her cheeks. I think of many different ways to get her to stop, but none appeal to me as much as what I'm about to do, and as childish as it is, I'm going to enjoy it so much. I get up onto my knees, moving closer to where she is lying, too busy laughing to notice me. This is helpful because she doesn’t realise what I'm about to do. I work my hands under her body and push, rolling her off the side of the bed.

  I lie back getting comfortable while I listen to her screams from the floor. I let my own laugh break free as I hear her cursing me, wishing pain on certain parts of my body. She pushes herself up until she is standing and now she really looks pissed off. Her hands are on her hips and she has fire in her eyes, and I will be fucked if she hasn't looked sexier than she does right now. These thoughts still shock me when I have them, I don’t know why I'm having them now. I lose focus, not concentrating on what Madison is doing, and that’s a huge mistake. Before I know it she has jumped up onto the bed and is crawling towards me quickly with a sinister smile on her face. My hands are under my head when she straddles my waist, pinning my elbows down to the bed, making it impossible to move. She might be a little thing but she has the strength of some of the men I know. She looks down at me with a huge smile, enjoying winning for once.

  “What are you gonna do now big guy?” I take a minute to just look at her. I don't think she realises where she’s sitting but my body knows, and it’s starting to react to the pressure of her arse. There’s no way I can control it. She’s sitting there doing a little happy dance, grinding her arse straigh
t onto my dick, and he’s only too happy to show his interest. The smile falters on her lips and her eyes grow large. I know she has noticed what’s happening, but can she blame me?

  “I think you can tell what I'm gonna do now.” There’s no point in trying to hide what’s happening. I'm a guy, and I have absolutely no control over my dick.

  “Noah!” She moves off my body, punching me before she flops down on the bed.

  “Can't you get that thing under control? I know you haven't seen Judi for a few days but seriously dude, have some control.” Her voice gives away that she is laughing at me. She may be trying to be serious but it’s not working. At least she is finding it funny, not making it awkward.

  “I'm sorry, okay? I'm a guy and sometimes we react when a woman gives us a lap dance.” Her mouth drops open and she just stares at me. It’s like she is trying to decide how to react to what I just said, should she be offended or laugh at the comment. She reaches over and hits me on the chest, there’s not a lot of power behind it so I know she isn't upset with me.

  “I can't believe I miss you so much, you are such a boy. I must be crazy.” The smile on her face melts my heart. I don't think she fully appreciates how much she means to me. I would be able to give up a lot of things in my life, but Madison wouldn't be one of them.

  “You love me and you know it. Your life would be so boring without me.”

  “You say boring, I say quiet.” She pushes me on the chest again and we both settle down, getting comfortable. I haven't felt this relaxed for a long time, it makes me realise I need to take more time out for me, time to relax and unwind.