Marrying Mr Write

by Cassandra P Lewis

  Jim is over the moon to see me out, I feign enthusiasm, “Great to be back mate! Are the beers on you tonight then?” He laughs and heads toward the bar, “I’ll have a pint of Carling then!” I call after him and settle in with the rest of the group.

  After a while the conversation inevitably turns to me and Rosie. I have to try and roll with it as I knew it was coming.

  “She was pretty hot though man! When I saw you that day in the shop I thought yeah fair play Jacko but no chick’s worth all the shit you’re going through mate, I hope you’re getting half the rent off her!”

  Andy doesn’t have a lot of respect for women, the one woman that he did try to commit to cheated on him and left him with a mountain of debt to pay off, luckily he’s loaded so it wasn’t a problem, but I’m certain he will never settle down again.

  “It’s been two weeks mate; I’ve not thought that far ahead. I just want to have a few drinks and a good time tonight!” I want the subject changed quick sharp “What you want Jackson James is to get ball deep in some chick with low tolerance to alcohol and even lower self-esteem!” Phil raises his bottle of beer to me on a smile and I clink it with my glass in agreement, it’s not what I want, but maybe it’s what I need.

  “Cheers to that!”

  “JJ, she’s seriously checking you out!”

  Phil shoulder barges me to draw my attention to the blonde at the bar, she is checking me out. I feel the old Jackson for a moment. It’s been ages since I’ve been out without Rosie and I haven’t even contemplated the thought of a one night stand in that time. I don’t really want to sleep with anyone else, it feels like cheating. But Rosie has made it quite clear that we’re over so sod it, I’ve got to move on.

  I smile at the blonde and let her know that I’m up for whatever she has in mind. I notice her say something to her friend and then start making her way towards me.

  “Hi, I’m Samantha,” She leans up to speak into my ear due to the loud music in the bar, “Are you going to buy me a drink?” She looks me in the eyes and smiles; I ask what she’s drinking and head to the bar.

  ‘Sort your head out Jackson, Rosie is gone!’

  I give myself a pep talk as I wait for our drinks, I need to get Rosie out of my system but I am freaking out about fucking someone else. I order some shots and down them at the bar before heading back over to this evening’s entertainment.

  As I get near I immediately recognise the woman talking to her, even though she has her back to me, “Pip,” I put my hand on her back and lean in to kiss her on the cheek as I hand ‘what’s her name’ her drink.

  “Jackson, how lovely to see you. I was just speaking to Samantha here; I told her that we’re old friends. Are you two…?” I know what she’s asking, have I moved on already, “Not yet!” I grin and blondie blushes, part of me wants to hurt Rosie, I’m just hoping that Pippa tells her.

  “Well then, I should leave you to your evening,” Pip leans in close and speaks directly into my ear, “Look after yourself Jackson, I’m worried about you!”

  Her admission stalls me for a moment before I look her in the eyes and try to appear unaffected, “Don’t be, I’m good!”

  I smile and can see the doubt in Pip’s eyes but she just smiles back and kisses me on the cheek before leaving me standing with Sarah, no, Sophie, what was her name?

  I tell ‘thingy’ that I’m heading to another bar and to meet me there later on, of course she agrees and as I turn to leave she pulls me down into a kiss. I kiss her back and feel her undo the zip on my jeans and slide her hand inside. Christ, she really is up for it.

  I break the kiss and she slowly removes her hand. We’re met with a few dirty looks from people around us and a round of applause from the lads that I’m here with; she just smiles and tells me she’ll see me in an hour.

  I’m struggling to stand as Andy makes the decision that we’re heading to a club. Phil reminds me about ‘thingamajig’ but I’ve lost interest. I doubt I’ll be capable of much in this state anyway.

  As we head out of the bar and the air hits my senses I stumble a little. I’ve been doing a lot of drinking lately, and a hell of a lot tonight and I’m wasted.

  We reach the club and I’ve sobered a little with the walk, but not a lot. We stand in the queue but all I want to do is drink, I’m not in the mood for waiting around.

  “Fucking COME ON!” I shout, I’ve got a really short fuse tonight and I’m getting wound up.

  “Shut the fuck up!” The bloke in front turns around and lights the fuse, I’m going to blow!

  “Say it again mate, I didn’t quite catch that!” I respond calmly, sarcastically and he turns around again, “I said, shut the fuck up!” He repeats his words equally as calmly and pushes on my chest. I smile, Jackson’s back.

  Within seconds my fist connects with his jaw, he stumbles back before losing his balance and falling on his arse. I laugh and stand over him, “GET UP!”

  Even I can hear how menacing I sound, I’ve sobered up pretty quickly now and feel powerful, in control.

  I’m aware of people moving out of the way and shouting at me to stop as he pushes himself to his feet and takes a swing at me. He connects with my cheek bone and I strike again. I laugh as the blood starts to pour from his nose and he puts his hand up in surrender. I smack his hand out of the way and push him hard backwards until he falls down and start to kick him hard in the stomach and ribs.

  I’m unaware of what is happening as I’m pushed down onto the ground. I try to fight back but then I feel the clench of handcuffs on my wrists. I look across the ground to see my opponent face down on the ground, a policewoman kneeling on his back as she cuffs him too.

  Shit!

  CHAPTER TEN

  “Rafael! It’s two in the morning. This had better be good!”

  I’m woken by my phone ringing on my bedside table and I’m annoyed when I answer it to my brother.

  “Sorry Ro, I’m sorry to wake you but erm, it’s Jackson sis, he’s been arrested!”

  I’m silent. I need to process what he’s just said. I can’t help feeling as though this is some sort of cry for help. Jackson has already told me that he used to take pleasure in getting into trouble after his mum died. Is he reacting the same way to our relationship ending?

  “I’m coming!” I feel an overwhelming need to get to London now.

  “No Rosie, there’s nothing you can do. I just, well I don’t really know why I called you to be honest.”

  “Because you know as well as I do that I need to be there. Text me the details Rafe. I’m coming!”

  I jump out of bed and throw on some clothes. Thank god I’ve been driving Audrey while I’ve been here because otherwise I just know that she’d have no petrol in her, but as it is, I only filled her up yesterday.

  I throw my bag of clothes in the boot and my handbag on the passenger seat before starting the engine and heading off toward the capital.

  The roads toward Derby were really clear but for a few taxis taking home late night revellers, and as I got onto the M1 it was virtually empty. There are a few lorries about but I overtake them sharpish and they disappear into the darkness of my rear view mirror. My foot is firmly planted on the accelerator and pushing it as far as it will go. It’s been a really long time since I’ve driven this fast and I can’t help but enjoy the familiar rush as I possess the empty road.

  I reach London in just under two hours and pull over to read the text from Rafe with the details of where Jackson is. I programme the Sat Nav to take me to the correct police station and make my way through an eerily quiet London.

  Its five o’clock on Sunday morning. The first light of the day is making its way through the streets as the remnants of last night are cleared away for the day ahead. The only people about are the litter pickers, the club leavers and the walk of shamers.

  I make my way through the city and park up outside the police station.

  ‘What am I doing here?’ Rafe was right, there’s nothing I can
do. I’ve fought so hard over the past couple of weeks to not make contact with Jackson at all, and so has he. It has killed me, I am weak and thin. I’m tired and feel like I have lost a limb, but I’ve stayed away, until now.

  I sit in my car until six am, somehow that seems a more respectable time to go inside.

  “Excuse me; I believe you are holding my f…” I pause, what do I call him now? “My friend, Jackson James? Could you tell me what’s happening with him please?”

  The man behind the desk is friendly and starts to look on the computer for the details of Jackson’s arrest.

  “From the looks of this Miss, he was arrested for fighting in the street. He was only given a fine but he was too drunk to be sent home so he was brought here to sober up. We don’t need to hold him if he is in a more acceptable state this morning, are you willing to take him home if he is?”

  I’m stunned. He’s been fighting, drinking…I know the third of his teenage vices and I can’t bear thinking about whether he has been sleeping around.

  “Miss?”

  “Oh, sorry. Erm, yes. I’ll take him home.”

  I sit in the waiting area for about forty five minutes. I guess Jackson was still asleep, I hope that’s the only reason for the wait. I have never seen the old Jackson, I’m anxious as I don’t know what to expect but as the door opens and I look up into the eyes of the man that I love, all I feel is sadness.

  “Why are you here?”

  He looks at me, confused and I think annoyed. Pip was right, he looks terrible. I know that he is nursing a major hangover right now, but he looks different. I still see the beautiful man that I adore, but he is slimmer, his arms look bigger than I’ve ever seen them as the sleeves of his bloodied shirt hugs them tightly. He is unshaven but it’s not just the stubble of a night in a cell, this is the growth of a couple of days. His handsome face is strained, he looks exhausted and there is anger in his eyes, it’s a look that frightens me. I never thought that Jackson would look at me like that.

  “I’m sorry, Rafe called me and I just came straight here.”

  “I told him I didn’t want you to know!” His voice in monotone and he is still standing, staring down toward me, “Well, I’m here.” I shrug my shoulders; I wish I hadn’t come, “You mean that you were in London the whole time?” He shakes his head and starts to laugh, “No Jackson, I was in Buxton. I drove down this morning.” He looks me in the eyes and I notice a glimpse of my Jackson flash across his face as he realises that I do still love him, “Let me take you home.”

  He just nods his acceptance and I stand to leave, “Thanks Rosie”

  I park next to Jackson’s Range Rover outside ‘our’ apartment and feel sick with nerves. I don’t know what to do now, do I go in? Do I leave? Technically it’s my home, but I feel like I need to be invited up. I don’t move and Jackson looks over at me from his side of the car.

  “Are you coming in?” His voice is softer now, he sounds like the man that I fell in love with, “I don’t know, I really don’t think...”

  “Come and have a coffee with me Rosie. It’s about time we talked!” He interrupts and opens the car door, I can’t resist and follow suit.

  Jackson opens the door to the apartment and steps aside to let me enter. I gasp as I look around.

  “I can’t just live here like everything is normal Rosie,” He notices the look of confusion on my face; “I’m looking for somewhere else and need to be ready to move once I find somewhere. I need to jump in the shower and wash last night away, will you please stay? I’ll be ten minutes max!”

  I nod and he smiles weakly before heading into the bedroom.

  I stand in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil and look around the room. Virtually everything is in boxes piled up all over the place, and burying the sofa. The sight of our home in boxes hurts me; the thought of Jackson living this way confuses me. He’s the most house proud man that I have ever met and I know the chaos must be driving him crazy; it would have done before anyway. I notice that the TV is on the top of a box behind the sofa and walk toward it. I am confused as I notice a mattress and bedding on the floor where the dining table used to be.

  “I can’t sleep in that room without you there!”

  Jackson speaks from behind me and I turn around to face him. There are tears in my eyes from the shock of what I’ve done to him but I’m immediately drawn to his body. He’s emerged from the shower wearing just his loose fitting trousers that I love so much. His body is different, more defined and bigger that I’ve seen him before. He’s obviously been working out a lot. My eyes trail upwards and I notice that he has shaved I take a deep breath and see him smile.

  “You can’t live like this Jackson, it’s not you!” I can’t bear it.

  “It hopefully won’t be for long. Do you want coffee then?”

  “Oh I boiled the kettle sorry I forgot. You’re really going to move then?”

  “This is our apartment Rosie. One, it’s too big for just me and two, it’s our apartment!” he answers as he heads into the kitchen and I realise that he misses me too much to live here without me.

  “I’m sorry Jackson.”

  I look for somewhere to sit but there is only the mattress. I sit down tentatively. As Jackson sits next to me and hands me a cup of coffee, his fingers brush mine and the contact makes my stomach flip. I miss him so much.

  “I miss you Rosie.” His voice his quiet and sincere and his words bring me to tears. “I’m sorry; don’t cry please, I just miss you. I can’t help it.”

  “I love you Jackson, so much it hurts. But I’m just so scared every day of losing you, of getting hurt. If I marry you, my life will be spent saying goodbye to you every time you go off to write about somewhere new, and worrying that you’ll find a better offer while you’re there. I just don’t know how to stop thinking like that, and I know I cause you grief because of it.”

  “Then I’ll stop writing about new places, I’ll stop writing about any places if it means that you’ll come back to me!” I am stunned as I look into Jackson’s eyes and see just how serious he is. “I will do whatever it takes Rosie!”

  “I can’t ask you to give up what you love Jackson.”

  “Then don’t go! I never wanted to be a travel writer Rosie, it was just something that I fell into and happened to be good at. You are what I love, so don’t make me give you up!”

  I stand up as I start to panic. This is a lot to process, “I don’t know Jackson, I just, I don’t…” I’m rambling as he stands and pulls me into his arms, I shut up.

  “Don’t throw this away Rosie, we’re too good together.”

  He leans in and kisses me like his life depends on it. I melt into him and feel his arms tighten around me, pulling me into him and I’m lost. I relax into him, letting him kiss me as deeply as he wants, telling him that I’m his.

  I feel Jackson’s hands move to my hips and shiver at his touch. It feels like a lifetime has passed since I felt his hands on my body. My jeans and hoody feel like a suit of armour as the desperation for his skin on mine overwhelms me. I feel him smile against my lips as he reads my eagerness and lowers the zip on my hoody, pushing it off my shoulders to expose my lace clad breasts to him.

  I hear him groan in appreciation as he pulls me tight into him and I feel how hard he is, for me. Jackson kisses my neck and collar bone and I think I might explode. I undo the buttons on my jeans before he picks me up and lowers me down onto the mattress and kneels up next to me.

  I smile as I pull at the drawstring on his trousers and he laughs, standing to let them fall while I shuffle out of my jeans.

  “You’ve lost weight. You look so … fragile,” He looks concerned as he kneels between my legs and runs his hands up my thighs, “I’m fine, I won’t break,” I smile and encourage him down to kiss me, “I’ll be gentle”