One Look

by Harlow James

  “That wouldn’t be good if that happened, Dani. PS: You look incredible today.” He trails his fingers up my bare arms, leaving goosebumps in their absence. I feel myself catch my breath as I feel the warmth of his on my neck.

  “Jake,” I breathe out, low and under the commotion of movement around us.

  “It’s good to see you still wear your bracelet too. It gives me hope, baby,” he growls in my ear before backing up and walking around me, but not before glancing back in my direction with a wink before he filters through the door to the main area of the library where the whole team has gathered for introductions.

  “Christ,” I mutter under my breath, bringing my hand to my chest to feel the rapid beat of my heart in my ribcage. My other hand tinkers with the bracelet on my wrist, knowing he would notice it, eventually.

  Jake is definitely playing dirty, which reminds me of all the dirty things he’s done to me in the past.

  But I can’t just give in so I can remember how deliciously we fit together when we’re naked. There are so many other things about our relationship that are holding me back, even though the ache between my thighs does not seem to stop. Even my own hand and vibrator has done nothing to relieve it.

  I shake off the instability I feel, straightening my spine and taking a deep breath before walking out to the room where the players have drifted apart, taking their seats in their respective spots throughout the library, where groups of kids are seated and listening intently to the stories each player is reading.

  I shuffle around the room, snapping pictures of each player as they read, animating the stories so well that I’m thoroughly impressed and have a mile-wide grin on my face. The smiles on the kids’ faces are priceless, and the parents have gathered around to listen and snap pictures as well.

  When I get to Jake’s corner, he’s in full character of the grumpy old giant who’s protecting his castle in the story he’s reading. The sound of his voice and the facial expressions he’s making project a chuckle from my throat behind my hand, catching his attention as his eyes find me and he winks.

  My stomach somersaults from his reaction, making my resolve to stay away from him crumble just a little more.

  I know I want him, that much my body and mind are sure of.

  It’s my heart that doesn’t know if it can take another round of despair and disappointment. Jake did nothing wrong in the past, but try to be there for me when I wouldn’t let him. It wasn’t his fault that the media was interested in our whirlwind relationship, or that the grief I felt when Gramps died caused me to search for a way to gain some control back in my life by pushing him away.

  And then when Jake got traded, I knew the idea of trying to reconcile was far-fetched, distance creating the ultimate barrier between us.

  But here he is, back on the Rays, back in California, and sitting in front of me, rugged and sexy as ever, and obviously wanting me too.

  Can we go there again? Can we pick up where we left off, or do we need to talk through the past to move towards a future? Can I handle the media again this time? Because I know that our reconciliation would be extremely fascinating news.

  A round of applause pulls me from my internal war as I see Jake stand and take a bow, making the parents and kids in front of him laugh. I join in, clapping and laughing at the man who has won over the hearts of those around him, and maybe got one step closer to winning mine back as well.

  Chapter 39

  Dani

  “Lochlin, you should have seen him. It was the sweetest thing,” I tell my best friend over the phone about how much my heart melted watching Jake on Saturday reading to the kids.

  “Believe me, I’m more than upset I missed Rocky reading to those kids. Although, I’m sure my ovaries would have probably exploded right then and there,” she exclaims through her Bluetooth speaker.

  “Well, I sent you those pictures since you had to work.”

  “Oh, I know. But seeing it in person would have been different, I’m sure,” she sighs. “I seriously can’t get enough of him, Dani.”

  “I’m happy for you, Loch,” I reply, sincerely ecstatic for my friend.

  “You could be happy too, Dani. If you would just let Jake back in.”

  I sigh, reaching up to rub my temples from the tension I feel at the mention of this subject. “I know, Loch. I’m…. I’m getting there, okay?”

  “Really? What do you mean?” She inquires, overly excited at the slight possibility of my changing feelings.

  “Well, Saturday was kind of eye opening. And Jake was playing dirty, Loch. He eyed me like I was his final meal. I had to fight so hard to keep my composure while he watched me.”

  “Damn, girl. He’s laying it on thick, isn’t he?”

  I nod, even though she can’t see me. I spin in my chair at my desk, focusing back on the bouquet of white roses and lilies he sent me this morning sitting on my desk.

  “Oh yeah. You should see the flowers he sent me today, Loch. They are the same ones he had delivered at our graduation dinner.”

  She chuckles. “Seriously? So why haven’t you talked to him about you guys then, yet?”

  I’ve been asking myself that same question.

  Things are going well right now. I’ve eased into my job surprisingly well, Conner officially decided to try out for the baseball team and made it, and a sense of calm has come over me at where I am in my life, excluding Jake being back, of course.

  But that’s the thing. I feel like letting him in now might not be the worst thing in the world. I just know we have so many things to talk about before we can move forward completely. And then there’s the part of me that is so terrified of ending up hurt again, or worse, me hurting him once more.

  “I don’t know, honestly. It’s just complicated…”

  “It’s only complicated because you are making it that way, Dani. He loves you. You love him. It’s been almost three years since Gramps died. You aren’t getting any younger, and there’s this delicious man who wants you… what is complicated about that?”

  “Sometimes your honesty is just so pure, Loch,” I say while laughing.

  “You love it, AND, you know I’m right,” she states confidently.

  “Well, maybe I could try talking to him today. It’s already four, and the team had a later practice, so they should be done by five. Conner has practice until six-thirty, so maybe I can catch him outside of the clubhouse later.”

  “Yes, Dani! My God, it’s about time woman! The man has been back for a month now and has obviously let you know he’s still interested. Go for it!”

  I laugh at my best friend and her eagerness to see Jake and I back together.

  “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were on Jake’s side this entire time,” I tease her.

  “Damn right, I was! I love you, Dani, but I know deep down you still love him and are stubborn as all hell. And Jake has made it very clear to Rocky and me, that he’s not giving up on you. Let him in, Dani, and everything will work out.”

  I sigh and then a big smile comes over my face, despite the shaking in my body. She’s right. I just need to take the leap. I just need to trust my path. Obviously, Jake and I have been put back together for a reason.

  Suddenly, a beep filters through the phone, signaling an incoming call. I glance down at the screen and notice it’s Conner’s school.

  “Hey, Loch. Conner’s school is calling. I’ve got to go,” I say, instantly worried that something is wrong.

  “Yeah, no worries. Call me later. Love you!” She sings through the speaker before hanging up on me, effectively connecting me to the other call.

  “Hello?” I ask, anxious for what this call must be about.

  “Hi, Miss Peters? This is principal Smith, from Woodbridge High School.”

  “Yes, hello. How can I help you? Is everything alright?”

  “Well, ma’am… I’m afraid I’m going to need you to come down to the school to pick up Conner. He’s been in a fight and will b
e placed on suspension for the next two days.”

  “What? Why? What happened?”

  “Ma’am, I feel better discussing this with you in person,” the principal says sternly, making me feel like I’m in trouble as well.

  “Okay, yes. I’ll be right there.”

  I hang up the call and then rush to gather my things as I make my way to the door and notice Jake standing there.

  “Hey, is everything okay?” He asks, laced with concern as he observes my panicked state.

  I shake my head, on the verge of tears from anger and worry. Conner has done some stupid stuff, but he’s never been in a fight before.

  “That was Conner’s school. I have to go,” I say, side-stepping around him and closing the door behind us.

  “What happened?”

  “I don’t know, Jake!” I snap, which makes him stumble back a bit. “I’m sorry. I just… I have to go.”

  I waste no time to gauge his reaction as I speed down the hall to the elevator, and jog to my car, rushing across town to gather my brother and find out what happened.

  As I drive, I curse myself for thinking I could chase after something I wanted right now, when Conner still needs me. Regardless of the reason for this altercation, Conner is my focus, and my happiness has to come second.

  I let a few tears fall as I grieve the thought that I wanted to talk to Jake tonight to see what is happening between us and where we could go from here. And even though I know this thing with Conner doesn’t mean we can’t get there eventually, I just realized that maybe the timing isn’t right after all.

  Chapter 40

  Jake

  Seeing that look of panic on Dani’s face brought back the same feeling of anxiety I felt that night she broke up with me. Something happened with Conner and I know she’s freaking out. But all I want to do is to be there for her. I’m just not sure she’ll allow me.

  I saunter back to the clubhouse, finding Rocky changing into his clothes to head home.

  “Well, how’d it go?” He asks me as I appear at his side.

  “I barely got to talk to her. She was leaving in a hurry. Something happened with Conner.” A wave of defeat comes over me as I slump down onto the bench.

  “Shit. That’s not good. I wonder what happened?” Rocky asks as he sits down next to me, still without a shirt on.

  “I tried asking her, but she said she didn’t know and kind of snapped at me. Fuck, dude. I’m really worried that something’s wrong.”

  The memory of when she didn’t show up for the game when her grandpa died flashes in my mind. I was so panicked that day; I thought I was going to have a heart attack on the field.

  “I’ll call Lochlin and see if she knows anything, but try not to stress. You’ll get to talk to her eventually,” Rocky offers while gripping my arm in support, before standing, putting on his shirt, and grabbing his bag.

  “I’ll text you and let you know what I find out,” he says, as I nod back at him before he leaves.

  I amble into the shower, trying to calm myself from the lack of control that I feel in this moment. I feel like I’m right back to where I was three years ago, wanting more than anything to protect Dani and be there for her, and I can’t.

  I take my time getting dressed and making my way to my truck, jumping inside and heading for home, when Rocky calls me on the Bluetooth speaker.

  “Hey, Rock. What did you find out?”

  “Well, all Dani told Loch via text was that Conner was in a fight at school, but he’s okay.”

  I let out a long breath of relief. Conner was in a fight, but he’s okay, which means Dani will be okay too. I know there are still a million questions to be answered, but at least this is something they can get past.

  “Thanks for the info, Rocky. I’ll talk to you later.”

  “No problem, bro. Good luck,” he says before ending the call.

  I’m almost home when I realize that I don’t think I can wait to see her. Maybe I can talk to Conner too, give him a guys’ perspective on the whole thing. I just can’t leave the day with so much up in the air where it concerns her.

  When I arrived at her office earlier, I had every intention to see if she got my flowers and then try to talk to her and possibly ask her to give me a chance to show her we belong together. The past few weeks with her back in my life have only cemented the fact that she and I are inevitable. I can’t control myself around her either, which is concerning me with how much longer I’ll be able to remain professional before I drag her into a closet somewhere and fuck her senseless.

  I’m pretty sure from her reactions lately that she wouldn’t mind.

  But I know I have to tread lightly, and even though my head is telling me that arriving on her doorstep right now may not be the best move, my heart won’t let me stop until I know she’s okay.

  I make a sharp turn, cutting off another car and apologizing out loud even though they can’t hear me, veering for the road that will lead me to Woodbridge where I know she still lives. Rocky and Lochlin have been more than willing to give me information when I’ve asked. Thank God they’ve been on my team.

  I arrive ten minutes later despite traffic, seeing her car in the driveway so I know she’s home.

  My gut keeps telling me I shouldn’t be here, but as I walk up the steps to the front door, the overwhelming feeling of déjà vu hits me, and I know that this is where I’m supposed to be right now.

  I knock three times, placing my hands in the pockets of my jeans as I wait for someone to answer. It takes a few minutes, but finally, Danielle answers the door in a pair of black leggings and a baggy shirt, with her cream-colored sweater wrapped around her. Just the sight of her in that sweater makes me feel like I have a fighting chance.

  “Jake. What are you doing here?” She asks me, narrowing her eyes, which look red as though she might have been crying.

  “I’m sorry for just showing up, but I had to make sure you were okay. You left in such a hurry, and you said something happened with Conner, and I just…. I couldn’t stop thinking about something being wrong.”

  She tilts her head to examine me, her eyes searching for an ulterior motive, I’m sure.

  “I promise, that’s the only reason I’m here, Dani. Is… is everything okay?”

  She shakes her head, letting a single tear fall before brushing it away, then opens the door wider to welcome me inside.

  “Come on in, Jake,” she offers as I step inside and see the same house from three years before with very little about it changed.

  “Are you thirsty?” She asks as she walks up behind me, meeting my eyes with wonder.

  “Water would be great, thanks,” I reply, making my way to the living room and taking a seat on the couch. Now that I’m here, I’m not going anywhere for a while.

  Danielle comes into the room holding two glasses, offering me one as she takes her own seat on the opposite end of the couch, just like she did the night she broke up with me.

  Suddenly, the lack of confidence I had coming here really falls through the cracks as the memories of the hurt I felt that night come rushing back. I nervously take a drink of my water before placing my glass on the coffee table and turning to her, waiting for her to speak, reminding myself that this isn’t a breakup.

  You’re here right now for her and Conner.

  “Conner got in a fight at school today,” she says quietly, avoiding my eyes. “One of the boys on the team said something pretty hurtful to him, so he popped off and socked him.”

  Damn, baseball was supposed to be something to give him some direction again, at least that’s what I’ve gathered from what Rocky and Lochlin have told me.

  “What did the kid say?” I ask, knowing that I had been in plenty of fights with teammates over the years. Teenage boys are bound to disagree and say some pretty nasty shit to each other.

  Tears start to fall again from Danielle’s face. The sight of watching her so upset pulls at my heartstrings, making my heart ache in my chest. I
stand up and walk over to her, sitting down next to her this time and pull her into me, wrapping her up in my arms.

  “You can talk to me, Dani. We’re friends…” I offer, even though the last thing I want is to just be friends with this girl.

  Dani shifts to sit up again, wiping at her tears with her sleeve. “Well, I guess the coach mentioned the parent meeting next week, as a reminder for the kids to tell their parents…”

  Shit, I think I know where this is going. “Uh huh,” I encourage her to keep talking.

  “And some kid started teasing Conner about how…” she takes a deep breath and says through her trembling lips, “About how he doesn’t have any parents, so no one will show up for him.”

  A sob wracks her body as she buries her head in my chest, her tears leaving my shirt with wet marks which I could give two fucks about right now.

  Christ. How do you make a kid okay with hearing something like that? Right now, I’m really proud of Conner for decking the other boy.

  “Shhhh, Dani,” I whisper in her ear, trying to console her as she continues to let out her sadness, but suddenly she perks up, her face red from crying.

  “I’m not even mad at him, Jake! How can I be mad at my brother for hitting a kid when the kid deserved it?” She exclaims while throwing her hands in the air.

  I start to laugh and then stop myself. But Danielle looks at me and then starts laughing too. We chuckle for a few minutes before she takes a deep breath and blows it out, shaking her head and closing her eyes.

  “I’m sorry to unload on you,” she says with a sympathetic smile.

  “Hey, don’t apologize. That’s why I’m here. I had to make sure you’re alright….”

  She looks at me with moisture still in her eyes, but there’s something else there too… gratitude, appreciation… maybe even love.

  “I really appreciate that, Jake. I just…. I don’t even know what to say to Conner right now. He’s insistent on quitting the team, but he was finally happy again. I don’t want to see him quit…”

  I let out a long sigh, unsure of exactly what I could do to help here, but I know I have to at least try.