Beautiful Goodbye

by Chandin Whitten

  My mouth was gaping open, how could my Gage say something like that to me? All those times he told me he would always be here, that I was his girl, that he loved me...meant nothing. This new Gage was someone I didn't want to be around. He was Jacob all over again. This whole time I was worried Larkin was going to hurt me but it turns out it was the one person I never expected. The one person I thought I could count on. Turning all my hurt into anger I screamed, "Get out! You and your STD sluts get the fuck out of my apartment! NOW!" Not waiting I turned and stalked to my bedroom, locking the door behind me.

  I heard some giggling then the front door closing. I fell back onto my bed and rolled my head to look out onto my patio. My room was completely dark except for the moonlight shining in. Tracing the light from the door to my dresser, my eyes landed on the picture I had sitting there. It was of Gage and I. It was after Gage's first college football game. Our arms were wrapped around each other and Gage had lifted me off the ground and was kissing my cheek. Where was that Gage? That was the Gage I loved. I grumbled before rolling over to lie on my stomach and I grabbed my phone to text Sadie.

  Me: Walked in on Gage and 2 girls. Kicked him out.

  Sadie: WTF? Are you serious! You ok...need me to come over?

  Me: Yes!

  Sadie: B there in 10

  I tossed my phone onto the nightstand and climbed out of my bed. Opening my bedroom door, I found Gage sitting on the couch, eyes closed with his head laid back.

  "Why are you still here?" I mumbled.

  Gage opened his eyes, blinking a few times before raising his head. Shrugging his shoulders he ran his hands through his hair. "I couldn't leave you."

  I shook my head and asked. "You what? Gage, I don't need you and I don't want you."

  Gage was standing in front of me before the last word left my mouth. "Don't say that. Don't fucking say that! Jenna I want to be the one you need, the one you want. I'm here standing right in front of you. I'm not going anywhere dammit. I'm yours Jenna. Fucking yours!"

  What? This night just kept getting worse and worse. "You sure as shit didn't look like mine when I came home. You’re a big boy Gage, do whatever you want just leave me the hell alone," I shouted.

  "You're my girl who's fucking some other guy who is wrong for you and is going to hurt you, I was pissed the hell off. I took it out on you and that wasn't fair. I know that but damn babe, can't you see what you mean to me?" My eyes stung as they filled with tears, I was still pissed as hell at Gage for the two STD sluts, but I would do anything to get my Gage back. When the first tear fell Gage reached up and wiped it away before kissing my forehead. "I am so fucking sorry, babe. I never meant to hurt you."

  Leaning into him, I wrapped my arms around his middle. "You hurt me bad tonight but nothing hurt as bad as when you told me to get over being raped. Don't you think I want to get over it, move on with my life? I wish I could just wake up one day and never have another thought about Jacob or what he did but that's never going to happen."

  Gage squeezed me tighter and let out a deep breath before saying, "I know. I know you’re trying to move on. Seeing you though and having to watch you go through everything is hard for me. You're not the only one who's hurting. I am crazy..."

  There was a sharp knock on the door before it flung open, and a very pissed off Sadie came barreling through. She stopped when she saw Gage standing with his arms around me. ”Why the hell are you here?" Sadie sneered.

  "Nice to see you too, Sadie. Why are you here?" Gage quipped.

  "Not that it’s any of your damn business but I came to check on Jenna, after her night with you and Larkin I knew she would need some girl time,” Sadie retorted.

  I held my hand up to stop the two of them. "Can you two stop. I asked Sadie to come over because I thought you left. I needed someone to talk to."

  "I'm not going anywhere, babe. Ever.”

  Sadie huffed before holding up a bag and stated "I stopped and got Chunky Monkey icecream, Reese cups and half a dozen chic flicks. We were going to spend the night crying over movies and vegging out on junk."

  I stepped away from Gage and pulled Sadie into a hug. "Thank you." I looked at Gage and he smiled. "Sorry, girls night. See you in the morning?"

  Gage just nodded then walked to his room.

  Once Sadie and I were in my room she turned to me and grabbed my shoulders, "Gage is in love with you."

  "Huh? You stupid or something?" I asked through laughter.

  Sadie just slowly shook her head. "No. That's what his problem is. He can't stand seeing you with Larkin, seeing Larkin have the one girl he wants. I may have only known you for a few years but even I can see how you feel about Larkin and how he feels about you. Gage isn't a moron, he sees it too."

  I stopped my laughing and narrowed my eyes. "I love Larkin. Gage knows that. He was the one who told me to trust Larkin. So why would he do that if he's in love with me?"

  Sadie shrugged and said, "He was just being your best friend but I think once he saw how much you really cared for Larkin he couldn't take it. He knew he was losing you so he tried to push you away, only he was the one who couldn't leave."

  There was no way Gage was in love with me, he was my best friend. Sadie had no idea what she was talking about, but I didn't feel like arguing with her, I've had enough of that tonight to last a lifetime. "Maybe you're right."

  "I am right. Now let's load up on sugar and Channing Tatum."

  CHAPTER 14

  When Gage came home from practice, he was hugging his hoodie close to his body. Walking over to where I was sitting on the couch he stopped in front of me with a huge grin.

  "What the hell are you doing? Are you so desperate you have to hug yourself?" I asked.

  Gage shook his head and said, "Gotcha something."

  Raising an eyebrow I joked, "I bet. What is it? A puppy?" Gage knew I had always wanted a puppy, but since my brother was allergic, I never got one.

  Gage smirked before opening his hoodie. "Puppy meet Jenna, and Jenna meet your new puppy."

  Snuggled into Gage was the cutest puppy I had ever seen. It was all black except one foot and two spots above its eyes were brown. "Oh my God! Is it a wiener dog?" I shrieked.

  "Yes, I know that's what you always wanted and I wanted to get you something special."

  Grabbing the small puppy from Gage, I held her close to me before raining kisses on her little head. "I think I will name her Dollie the Doxie."

  "Um, what about Bruiser or Killer or even Chomper? Anything but Dollie."

  Without moving my head, I looked up through my eyelashes at Gage and asked, "She's mine right?" Gage nodded. "Ok then, her name is Dollie the Doxie but we will call her Dollie for short.."

  "Fucking hell, babe. She's going to get made fun of at the dog park."

  I laughed as Gage rubbed his hand over Dollie's back, "I think she will be fine."

  **********

  "You heard anything from Larkin?" Libby questioned as she leaned forward and grabbed a handful of popcorn.

  I shook my head. "Nope."

  Megan put an arm around my shoulder. "He's just being an ass. We all know how he feels and how you feel. You two are perfect for each other and when you two were happy so was everyone else but now that you’re not with him you’re a damn Debbie Downer. Go talk to him and have mind blowing make-up sex so your grumpy ass will be happy again."

  "You can't be serious?" I asked.

  Sadie snorted, "Oh we couldn't be more serious about anything. These past few days you have been Jenna from hell."

  I let my shoulders sag as I dropped my head. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be such an ass to ya'll."

  "So will you talk to him?" Libby asked as she picked Dollie up, petting her little body.

  "What is there to say Lib? Gage and Larkin are never going to like each other and I will always be put in the middle, I can't take that. I don't want to have to choose between my best friend and the guy I think I love. I don't want to hurt either of them but
what about me. Did either of them stop the other night and think about how they were hurting me? No!"

  Sadie gave me a small smile before stating, "But you forgave Gage." I didn't know what to say so I shrugged my shoulders. "Jenna you have to follow your heart sometimes and have a little faith that everything will work out."

  "I can't do that, not after what I've been through." I mumbled barely above a whisper.

  "Huh?" Megan asked.

  I shook my head and said, "Nothing. I guess I just need some time to think."

  We all fell quiet and finished watching Pretty Woman. As soon as the movie was over, I fled the scene and drove straight home.

  Unlocking the door, I noticed two water bottles on the kitchen bar, and Gage's door was closed. I felt a little pang in my chest as I pictured Gage and some girl in his room.

  Trying not to focus on his door I headed to my room, just before I got to my door his door opened. I stopped dead in my tracks as Gage called out, "Hey babe."

  Not wanting to turn around and see some girl wrapped around him, I forced a smile on my face as I slowly turned. What I saw when I brought my eyes up was not what I expected, Larkin was standing beside Gage.

  Drawing my brows together and crossing my arms I asked, "Why are you here?"

  Gage stepped forward and spoke, "I asked him to come over after practice, I wanted to talk to him."

  I pursed my lips and questioned, "Why?"

  Gage gave me a knowing look before he spoke, "You two need to talk. I'm going to hit the gym." Larkin and I stood there starring at each other as Gage grabbed his gym bag and keys. "When I said y'all need to talk I meant with words."

  I jerked my head in Gage's direction to glare at him. "I thought you were leaving."

  Gage smirked, "Bye, babe." Then he was out the door.

  I stayed glued to my spot before I heard Dollie whining, turning to go into my room to let her out Larkin's deep voice vibrated my body, "So that's it? You’re not even going to talk to me? You’re just going to walk away?"

  Letting out a sigh I rested my head on my door frame and bit out "I'm not walking away Larkin. I'm going to let my dog out."

  I heard Larkin take a few steps and when he opened his mouth, I felt his breath on my neck. “You have a dog?”

  Fighting myself, I only nodded before turning my doorknob and stepping away from him. When Dollie heard the door open, she jumped up and ran in little circles around her cage. “Hey, girl. Did you miss me today?” Dollie just wagged her tail as I opened the front and reached in to grab her.

  “When did you get her?” Larkin was leaning against my door frame with his arms crossed, his t-shirt clinging to his tight body. I’m not really sure how long I stared at his body, but when he chuckled I knew it was too long and he caught me, damn him! “Are you going to answer me or just stare at me like I’m dessert?”

  “Whatever,” I scoffed and opened my patio door. Sitting Dollie down on the grass, I made sure to keep my back to Larkin. I needed to clear all my thoughts of him. After standing outside with Dollie, I brought her back in and sat her on my bed and commanded, “Stay, Dollie.”

  Without looking at him I asked, “Larkin, why are you here?”

  “For you,” Larkin stated plainly.

  I jerked my head toward him and said, “Larkin, don’t. Being with you is a disaster waiting to happen.”

  Larkin slammed his fist down on my dresser. “Dammit, Jenna. Don’t do this to us, at least give us a chance before you fucking give up. I’m standing here fighting for you, something my ass has never done. I have never fucking tried so damn hard to win a girls heart but I’m trying so damn hard with you. You just keep pushing me away and I can’t take it.”

  Shaking my head, I collapsed onto my bed and muttered “Larkin, you don’t want to fight for me.”

  “Why don’t you let me decide what I fucking want, Jenna?”

  Covering my face with my arm I groaned, “Just stop. Walk away.”

  I felt my bed dip then Larkin’s hand was rubbing my cheek. “I’m not walking away, Jenna. I’m staying right here until you listen to me.”

  I rubbed my eyes hard before opening them to look into the intense brown of Larkin’s. “Fine, go for it. I’m listening.”

  “Don’t be a smartass.”

  “I’m not. I’m giving you what you want so talk.”

  Larkin laid down beside me, using one hand to rub my arm and said “Jenna I want you, like I have never wanted anything else. I know with you comes Gage, which is something I will have to get over. I know how much he means to you. I talked to him tonight and we are going to work on our shit, we both want you happy. I am going home Saturday after the game and I really want you to come with me. Maybe if we get away from everyone and their opinions we can focus on each other.”

  What the hell? He was asking me to go away with him, to his hometown? I rolled my head so I was facing him to ask, “You want me to go to your hometown with you? And what, meet your family? We’re not together Larkin.”

  “Yes I want to take you home. I have told my mom all about you and she really wants to meet you, even if we go as just friends. I want you as more than just my friend but I’m at your mercy, Jenna. You have me completely.”

  Should I go? Probably not. Should I put myself in that awkward position? Hell no. Could I handle being with Larkin and not being able to touch him? That’s a big fat no. But, I found myself nodding my head, “Ok, when do we leave?” Seeing Larkin’s dark brown eyes relax made my heart rate pick up and hearing him let out a sigh of relief had a small smile playing on my lips.

  “I want to leave as soon as we can after the game on Saturday. It takes about two hours to get home so we should be there early evening.”

  “Where is home?”

  Larkin smiled, “Goshen, Ohio. A small ass town but I love it.”

  Biting my lip I nodded before asking, “What should I pack for?”

  Larkin smirked and I saw a twinkle in his eyes before he answered, “Dinner with my family, nothing special and maybe a night out. But where I’m from, they are jeans and t shirts kinda people.”

  “I can handle that.”

  Larkin leaned over and pressed his lips to my temple, letting them sit there until Dollie started whining. “Thank you for doing this.”

  I smiled before getting up and taking Dollie back outside. When I came back in I saw Larkin lying on his stomach with a soft snore escaping his mouth. His shirt had ridden up, and I could see the muscles in his back flexing every time he breathed. I put Dollie back into her cage and walked into my bathroom. Washing my face and brushing my teeth, the entire time my mind was on that sexy six foot four man lying in my bed. I wasn’t sure I would be able to sleep with him and not try something but there was no way I could walk out of my room and sleep somewhere else knowing he was in my bed.

  Changing into my red and grey plaid sleep pants and a black ‘OSU’ fitted tee I shut off the bathroom light and walked back to my bed. Stopping to stare at Larkin before climbing in, this man was my poison and damn if I couldn’t help but keep going back for more. I knew I was walking down the path leading me straight to disaster, but something in me kept telling my brain to shut up and follow my heart.

  Climbing into my bed, I made sure to face away from Larkin but within minutes, I felt him rolling over and wrapping an arm around me and pulling me to him. I couldn’t help the smile that formed on my face. I knew I shouldn’t be allowing myself to get this close, but I couldn’t stop myself. He was everything that scared me, everything I needed to avoid. But, damn him for putting a spell on me. There was something about him, something that pulled me right into his arms. Closing my eyes, I fought to turn my brain off and not think about that large, sexy man lying next to me. Finally, I found sleep.

  CHAPTER 15

  The rest of the week was full of stress, not just from school but also worrying about Larkin’s family. I never even met Jacob’s family, they didn’t get along…go figure. Attempting to pa
ck I was rummaging through my closet when I heard my bedroom door open.

  “Jenna?” Gage’s called out.

  Walking out and dropping a pair of jeans into my suitcase, I smiled at Gage. “Hey, how was practice?”

  Eyeing my suitcase Gage drew his eyebrows together and asked, “You moving out?”

  “No, Larkin asked me to go home with him this weekend.” Seeing Gage tense I immediately added, “Just as friends. I need time to work through some of my own shit before dragging another person into it.”

  Gage nodded once then bit the inside of his lip. “When will you be back?”

  “Well I guess Sunday night since we have class and y’all have practice. Would you watch Dollie for me?” I asked.

  “Sure,” Gage sighed.

  I could tell this was getting to Gage, but he was trying to be supportive for me.

  “Well I guess I will let you pack, I was going to see if you wanted to go to dinner but never mind.”

  As Gage started to turn around I grabbed his arm and said, “Dinner sounds good. I have until tomorrow afternoon to have my shit packed.”

  “Ha. But I know how you pack, you probably should have started this process six weeks ago just to be done by Saturday afternoon.”

  “Don’t be a dicktwizzle. Let’s go eat.” I smacked his arm as I walked passed him.

  “Pizza sound good?” Gage asked as we got into his truck.

  “Mmm yeah, I think Hound Dogs sounds yummy.” Hound Dogs was one of the best pizza places in Columbus. It was where our little group of friends went most times when we would go out. They were open twenty four hours. After a long night of partying a greasy pizza was perfect.

  Gage looked over at me before returning his gaze to the road. “We haven’t eaten there in a while, it does sound good.”

  We rode in comfortable silence, just singing along with the music. Poor Gage would never win karaoke. I don’t think he knew more than three words to any song.

  Pulling into Hound Dogs, Gage shut his truck off, and before I could open the door he grabbed my hand and said, “J, I just want to say be careful this weekend. Don’t let Larkin talk you into something you’re not ready for. I know how you feel about him but I think you need to focus on you for right now. Make yourself happy and figure out what you want.”