Riptide (A Renegades Novel)

by Skye Jordan

  When he was done, he leaned back against the chair and relaxed, twirling his finger around one feather-soft curl. “There’s something very Zen about having her asleep against me.”

  “Mmm-hmm.”

  In the silence between them, all the drama of the night and the deeper problems it exposed overtook his thoughts. He lifted his gaze to hers and asked the impossible question. “What are we going to do?”

  She grew serious and shook her head. “I don’t know. You never answered me when I asked about visiting us so you could see Sophia’s life in DC.”

  A slow smile drifted over his mouth. “I believe you distracted me with—”

  “I wasn’t the one doing the distracting.”

  And then they were grinning at each other, locked in one of those wild moments, heavy with meaning and emotion. A moment with the potential to be a turning point. Only, he wasn’t sure what it would be a turning point for.

  The older couple stood, and Helen paused beside the table. Her wrinkled hand skimmed Sophia’s head in a sweet gesture. Her eyes came up and met Zach’s, then Tessa’s, then Zach’s again. “Cherish these moments, you two. They’ll be the ones you look back on and smile over in fifty years.” She glanced over her shoulder at Dick. “Right, sweetheart?”

  Dick put a hand on Helen’s shoulder and leaned in to peek at Sophia. Then he turned to his wife. “Sure are. They’ll be gone before you know it.”

  They said good-bye, and silence settled between Zach and Tessa again.

  The waitress set the bill on the table, and Zach worked his wallet out of his back pocket. But with only one hand free, he had to hand it to Tessa to pull out the credit card. When the waitress left the table, Zach resettled with Sophia’s weight against him.

  “Tessa,” he hedged, not sure how to phrase what he wanted to say. “I know this is happening really fast, and we’re working against a time limit…” He stopped, insecure over the words that seemed like they might take them in the right direction, because they were words that changed life as he knew it, and his bachelor’s brain was fighting to hold on to its way of life. “What if you did move here?”

  She frowned. “What do you mean?”

  Shit, what did he mean? “I just, I don't know, if you lived here, we can both be with her. It will allow me to see her after work. Days I’m not filming, I could take her to give you a break. Then maybe we could just use the babysitter now and then and not need a full-time nanny."

  Tessa was giving him that blank stare, the one Sophia used just a while ago when they told her that he was her father. She sighed, rested her head in her hand, and seemed to think about what she was going to say next. "I know it’s unsettling to think about us leaving when you just found out about her and are just beginning to get to know her. And I appreciate you wanting to be with her more and being willing to include me in that.”

  “I hear a but coming.”

  She smiled a little. “But…” She said the word rising on the last syllable. “Here’s the thing. Every time you make a change in Sophia’s life, you have to think about the consequences long-term. Us moving here just creates a whole new set of problems and adjustments. Sophia is established in school, she loves her teachers, she has friends—”

  A little bubble of panic burst inside him. “I’ve always heard kids were adaptable. Sophia is adorable, and there are plenty of great schools here with teachers who will love her. She’ll make new friends.”

  “Zach, she just lost Corinne. Hell, she still asks and talks about her. She’s been through a lot of change recently. Over the last six months, when Corinne was going downhill fast, Sophia started acting out. Tonight is an example of how that has continued. She never used to throw tantrums or fuss.”

  “She’s a kid. She’s three. Did you ever think that it might be part of a stage she’s going through?”

  Tessa rolled her eyes. “She needs stability. She needs to know that the things and people she loves will be there for her.”

  “I can’t be there for her if I’m here and she’s there.”

  “You’re not an established element in her life yet.”

  “How can I become one if you take her to the other side of the country?”

  Tessa sighed and closed her eyes. “I know this situation isn’t perfect, but we have to put Sophia first.”

  “Are you putting Sophia first or are you putting yourself first?” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Zach felt like shit for saying them.

  She opened her eyes and stabbed him with a look. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means, if you stay where you are, you don’t have to share Sophia. You don’t have to worry about sharing her attention, her affection, or her time. Your perfectly designed little world stays intact. You don’t have to alter your schedule, you don’t have to change your job.”

  Her eyes narrowed and her lips firmed. “If I wasn’t willing to share Sophia, I wouldn’t be here right now. If my little world was so perfectly designed, Corinne wouldn’t be dead, and I wouldn’t be sitting here.”

  Zach leaned back, exhaled heavily, and ran a hand through his hair. “Look, I get that you’ve made a lot of changes in your life for Corinne and Sophia. I get that you probably don’t want to make more—”

  “This doesn’t have anything to do with me not wanting to make changes.” Her voice was low but deliberate, her expression intense. This was the woman who practiced law. “I’ve done nothing but make changes. I was a breath away from partnership at one of the largest law firms in DC when Corinne told me the cancer had spread and she wasn’t going to live to see Sophia off to her first day of kindergarten. I changed my entire life for Sophia. I walked away from big money, prestige, and important cases for the possibility of a junior partner’s position at the firm I’m with—all so I could work from home three days a week.”

  “I’m…sorry.” Zach’s jaw went slack. His mind bent. He shook his head. “I didn’t know.”

  “Well, now you know.” The fight in her tone fell away, and her expression softened into one far more familiar. “If I was to move here, I’d be starting all over. Working from home is a privilege you earn, and one not many firms offer. I’d be away from her five days a week. You’d be working sixteen-hour days, able to, what? Pop in and read her a bedtime story? Maybe? Spend part of a Sunday playing with her at the beach? Is that what you envisioned for fatherhood? And who knows where you’ll be next year? Will they keep you on for another season? If not, then what will you do? Do you really expect me and Sophia to follow you wherever you go—”

  “No,” he said, too forcefully. “I just—I don’t know.”

  He exhaled and sank against the chair. Closing his eyes, he pressed a kiss to Sophia’s head. He’d just met her, and now he was going to lose her. God, that twisted a knife in his gut.

  Maybe he shouldn’t take the part. Only, without it, he’d have to go back to the piece work he’d been doing for years. A modeling job here, a Surfer magazine photo shoot there. He’d have to win competitions to earn sponsorships. Which meant he’d have to practice relentlessly and travel.

  “I know this is impossible,” she said, voice soft. “I don’t want to make this any harder on you than it’s already been. And I don’t want to keep you out of her life. But at the end of the day, everything has to come back to doing what’s best for Sophia. That’s what I promised Corinne, what I promised myself, and it’s the unspoken promise I’ve made to Sophia.”

  Zach nodded. “I get it.”

  “Will you be able to come out to DC after filming here ends? Before you start the series?”

  “I don’t even know if I’m going to get the job.” He forced his mind to engage and tried to remember his plans. He repositioned Sophia’s warm weight. “I’ve got a board manufacturer’s advertisement to shoot before I head to California for the Mavericks competition. I’ll be surfing there for four months. After that, I’m not sure. I need to look at my calendar, see what I can move around.” H
e shook his head, at a loss for an adequate remedy and bleeding inside. He couldn’t talk about this anymore. “We should get her home.”

  16

  Tessa watched the night pass out the window. Her stomach hurt, her shoulders were tight, and a thick dread coated her throat.

  All her concerns over Zach had been dispelled over the last several hours. He’d kept Sophia safe in the water. He’d helped her achieve in a new environment. And both he and Sophia had fun doing it. He’d also been infinitely patient with her moods and willing to alter his own plans to meet her needs without anger.

  That didn’t mean he could raise her, but it might mean he had the capacity to be a decent dad.

  And now Tessa had to figure out how to include that dad in Sophia’s life, while keeping her own together.

  Zach’s hand covered her knee and squeezed. “You’re quiet.”

  Before she could respond, her cell rang. Tessa pulled it from her pocket and saw Gordon’s name on the screen. Tessa glanced at the clock on the dash. It was 7:30 p.m., which made it 1:30 a.m. in DC.

  Her stomach dropped. “Damn, this can’t be good.” She connected. “Hi, Gordon, what’s going on?”

  “I’m so sorry to bother you.” He sounded tired and exasperated, which meant he’d done everything within his power not to bother her, but it had failed. “Calvin is lowballing Denise. Denise is digging her heels in, and Al’s got one foot out the door.”

  Tessa closed her eyes. “Nooooooo,” she groaned. “No, no, no.”

  “Bryon’s been all over me since noon,” Gordon said. “I put Gail on it, but no one calls her back, and now Bryon’s demanding to meet with you.”

  No. She wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready to leave Zach or Hawaii. She wasn’t ready to go back to work. Wasn’t ready for the stress of it all. “That’s a problem.”

  “I made some calls,” Gordon said. “There is a firm about two miles from where you’re staying with full services, and they’re willing to loan you the paralegal in the conference room for two hours. Bryon’s standing by with his staff for a videoconference. Just let me know when you can be at the office there, and I’ll set it up.”

  “Shit.” She closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead. “Abby left this morning. Sophia is asleep…” She glanced at Zach, then looked over her shoulder into the backseat, where Sophia was passed out. “Hang on a second.” She covered the mouthpiece. “I’m really sorry to ask, and it’s a long story, but do you think you could stay with Sophia for a few hours?”

  His brows rose in surprise. “Me? Alone?” He glanced back at Sophia, and a spark of uncertainty lit his eyes. “Is she going to stay asleep?”

  “If she does, she’ll be awake at four a.m. And if that happens, I’m sending her over to your place and going back to bed. So, no, she shouldn’t stay asleep.”

  “I guess that answers the question of where we’re all sleeping.” He glanced at her with a sidelong grin. “If you’ll reconsider letting me stay with you, I’ll watch Sophia.”

  His humor lightened her irritation. Tessa really shouldn’t sleep with him again. On the other hand, this was the last little bit of time they had together. Then Tessa would go back to Washington, Zach would move on with his glamorous life, and they’d stay in touch only for Sophia.

  Tessa removed her hand from the phone. “Tell Bryon I’ll call him in thirty minutes.”

  “Yes,” Zach hissed in a low tone, his face lightening with a grin.

  “I agreed to reconsider,” she told Zach, who gave her a narrow-eyed, that’s-not-fair look. To Gordon, Tessa said, “Okay, go ahead and set it up. I’ll reassure Bryon.”

  When she got off the phone Zach asked, “What’s going on?”

  “Typical bull.” She sighed and rested her head back against the seat. “The veterans lobbyists and the Association of Hospitals are on board with our revised guidelines to provide access to health services for veterans. But the Veterans Administration is giving the lobbyists a lowball figure of how much money they have to pay for services. Everyone else who matters has approved the bill as it stands. These players are the last holdouts for the bill to go through smoothly and quickly. And they’re big players. If these three can’t find common ground on what services the veterans will receive and how much those services cost, the bill won’t go through.”

  Zach glanced at her. “Isn’t it, like, 4:00 a.m. in DC?”

  “Yep. And the senator’s chief of staff, that’s Bryon, is demanding a meeting with me to hash things out.”

  “Tonight?”

  “Tonight.” Tessa closed her eyes. She was tired from the sun and the stress, and she wished she could put Sophia to bed, then slide under the sheets with Zach. “People on the Hill work crazy hours.”

  “What do you do with Sophia when this happens?”

  “When Corrine was alive, I left Sophia at home. Since she passed, I handle these things from my home office, or I have Abby stay with her.”

  “And how often does this happen?”

  “Two, three times a year. It’s always crunch time just before submitting a bill to Congress.”

  When Zach pulled into the condo parking lot and slowed, Tessa was already opening her door. “Can you get her inside? I’m going to run ahead and change.”

  “Um…”

  “Try not to wake her until after I leave. She’ll get less upset that way.”

  “Upset?” was all she heard him say before she hurried toward the stairs.

  Sophia would be bitchy no matter who tried to get her out of the car. Might as well let Zach experience all the “angel’s” little quirks.

  Tessa jogged the steps and let herself into the condo. In the bedroom, she dragged her one and only suit from the hanger. She really only had to look professional from the waist up for the video conference, but she’d feel silly walking into a lawyer’s office in half a suit.

  Zach’s footsteps sounded on the stairs, along with Sophia’s sleepy whine and Zach’s attempts to soothe. Tessa brushed her hair and rolled it into a quick bun, then she grabbed her briefcase and peeked around the doorjamb.

  “Shh, shh,” Zach said, bouncing Sophia gently in his arms as he wandered into the living room.

  When she caught his eye, Tessa put her index finger to her lips. Sophia’s head was on his shoulder and her eyes were closed. But a steady whine murmured from her throat, along with random words like “want Mommy” and “not tired.”

  He lifted one arm out to the side as if to gesture What the hell? and mouthed, What are you doing?

  Tessa used two fingers to make the motion of someone walking and pointed toward the door. Zach, pulled his phone from his back pocket, and showed it to her, mouthing, Text me.

  Tessa nodded, and while Zach paced the living room keeping Sophia’s back toward the door, Tessa hurried on tiptoe out of the condo and closed the door quietly. There she paused and tilted her head toward the door to listen. When no frantic temper tantrum erupted, Tessa hurried to the car.

  She pulled up the directions Gordon had sent her and started her GPS. Pulling out of the driveway, Tessa sighed in relief and rolled the window down a little to let the cool night air in. The roads were dark and quiet, and she relished this rare moment alone. Only now did she realize she hadn’t had a moment away from Sophia or Abby or Zach or the fear of losing everything.

  She let her mind turn toward the meeting ahead of her. She had no doubt she would be calming nerves and smoothing feathers, and from the sound of things, she’d also be doing more negotiating.

  The thought of negotiating brought her mind back to Zach again and their conversation at dinner. She was in for a lot more negotiating with him, because judging by his affection for Sophia, he wasn’t going to give up easily.

  The sign for the law offices of Snyder and Smith appeared around a bend. Tessa slowed and turned into the parking lot, forcing her thoughts back to the work at hand. Once she closed this deal and pushed this bill through Congress, Tessa could relax a little and try to f
igure out how to arrange time for Sophia to see Zach. But she couldn’t do any of that working five twelve-hour days a week in the office.

  She pulled into a parking space and shut off the engine. “First things first,” she told herself as she reached toward the passenger’s seat and grabbed her briefcase. “Gotta get the junior partner position before you can breathe. Gotta be able to breathe to think.”

  She popped the door handle and pushed the door open. Then froze. Something she’d caught sight of from the corner of her eye dragged her gaze to the backseat. Sophia’s sparkly white Pegasus lay against the navy-blue seats.

  Her stomach dropped and swirled. “Oh no.” Instinctively, she reached for it, then sat staring at it for a second. “Shit.”

  If Sophia woke and wanted this, all hell would break lose at home. The combination of finding Tessa gone with no Abby to turn to and her newest, beloved stuffed animal missing would be enough to melt Sophia into an inconsolable puddle of misery.

  Tessa glanced at the dashboard clock. Then at her phone.

  Let a sleeping dog lie.

  She didn’t like what her subconscious was telling her, but one more look at the clock on the dash, and Tessa knew all she could do was hope for the best.

  Sweat collected along Zach’s spine beneath his T-shirt as he paced the condo, patting Sophia’s back while she continued to scream in his ear.

  “I w-want Pe-pe-pegsis,” she cried against his shoulder for what had to be the thousandth time in the last ninety-six minutes. Yes, he was counting every single one. “I w-want M-mommy.”

  “I know, honey,” he murmured to her as he passed the sofa, wondering if there would be rug wear when Tessa finally got home. “Mommy will be home soon”—God please let her be home soon—“and she’ll have Pegasus with her. Try to relax.”

  But she just continued to wail and whimper and sniffle and wipe her face on Zach’s shoulder.