She

by Franceska Krence

  "This isn't about me, we're talking about you right now," I pointed out.

  "No, that's not how it works, Ruby. It works both ways. I shouldn't be the only one being honest."

  I knew she was right but decided to ignore it. "Just tell me and we'll move on," I sighed, trying to grab her hand.

  "I'll tell you if you admit you aren't straight," she looked me straight in the eye.

  For the second time today, I took a step back. "That's not fair," I said, my voice weak. Even if a tiny part of me knew I wasn't, it certainly wasn't right for her to force it on me.

  "We can't keep going like this. Either you're with me or you're not. You have to be honest with yourself," she said, searching my face.

  "But I am with you. Ever since the day you came to this school I have barely left your side. We're really good-" I defended myself.

  "If you say, friends, I'm leaving," she dared me, clenching her jaw.

  I immediately shut up, trying to figure out why she was pushing me. I started to feel weakness creeping up to me.

  "You can't just take every single question I ask you and turn it on me, Eden."

  "So what? You can call me out on not being honest while I can't? How is that fair?"

  Was this our first argument? Was I supposed to feel mad? Because all I felt was empty, weak and dizzy. I sighed, tired of this. This took up too much energy and made my headache even worse. Massaging my temples, I supported my back on the counter.

  She noticed, her face now concerned, as she came closer to me, grabbing my hand.

  "Ruby, I can't keep going like this. I know you feel it, so why can't you just admit it?"

  I looked at her, the room spinning. I just wanted to be alone.

  "Can you go?" I asked, looking down, squeezing my eyes shut, hoping the dizziness would fade, "please?"

  I felt her eyes on me.

  "Rub-"

  "Please go," I repeated.

  "Alright," she said, kissing my forehead, leaving the house right after.

  And then it was quiet. And then I was alone. I couldn't help but feel like I shouldn't be left alone. Even though it was morning, I could feel the darkness suffocating me.

  I felt dizzy, grabbing the counter with my hand for support. For yet another time in the last few days, I had the feeling that something just wasn't right.

  Suddenly I could tell I was about to throw up, as I tried my best to walk straight to the toilet without falling. I threw up every bit of what I had eaten last night.

  "Disgusting," I said to myself, wiping my mouth.

  I knew this was the last day of school before holidays, but I also knew there was no way school would be my priority today. I never missed school, but I guess it was about time I started.

  I barely got up, trying not to fall. Deciding I wouldn't be able to make it to my room since it was upstairs, I fell on the sofa, immediately falling asleep.

  Soon I was back in the darkness, looking around. I shook my head, this wasn't real.

  "Ruby, just give up," my voice whispered from afar.

  "You can't fight it."

  "It'll destroy you."

  I shook my head even more, ignoring the voices.

  "No, this isn't real," I tried to convince myself.

  Suddenly, a very skinny, sick looking version of me stepped out of the darkness.

  "Oh, but it is," she said, attempting to step forward as she fell on the ground.

  She, or should I say I, looked so beaten up, my cheeks fallen in, dark circles underneath my eyes and chunks of my hair missing.

  "You're not me," I said, this time more confident.

  She smiled weakly, looking up from the ground.

  "Not yet," she whispered.

  I woke up panting, sweating and breathing heavy. At least the dizziness and sickness was gone. But the headache remained. I checked my phone, cursing when I realized I hadn't given the girls heads up about the canceled practice.

  When I checked the group chat and saw that the girls still did the practice on their own, I smiled being grateful for such a great team, sending them a text as an apology and explaining the reason as to why I wasn't there and didn't warn them.

  I got up from the bed, going to the kitchen, to make something to eat. Eden was already there, slicing up some fruit, whilst some soup was cooking on the stove. She turned to grab a towel and saw me.

  She smiled: "go back to bed, I'll bring the food, babe."

  I looked at her confused, not quite sure what to make out of this.

  "About earlier.." I said.

  "You're stupid if you think it's that easy to get rid of me, Ruby Gold. I came back like 10 minutes later, and found you sleeping with a fever, smelling like vomit," she explained, still smiling.

  I opened my mouth, to say something, but she cut me off.

  "Speaking of vomit, you know I adore you no matter what, but you should shower," she gave me a wink.

  I smiled, weakly, "I'll kick your ass when I feel better."

  "I didn't know you're into that. How about spanking? That I can deal with."

  "That food better be delicious!" I ignored her comment, going to the bathroom.

  This girl will be the death of me.

  NINE

  maybe I'm selfish as well

  by wanting you to be as selfess as I am

  ✽✽✽

  "So," I said, chewing on the food.

  Eden raised her head from her plate, raising an eyebrow, asking "what's up?" without saying anything.

  "We should talk about what happened earlier," I looked at her, waiting for her to try to change the subject or get mad.

  "Yes, you're right. What's going on? You've been quite out of it lately."

  I clenched my jaw. She was doing it again, turning it on me.

  "I guess I caught a virus or something," two could play this game.

  She analyzed my face, trying to figure out what I was planning since I had given up so quickly. But before I could say anything, her phone buzzed, her eyes quickly averting from mine to look at the phone, soon focusing back on me.

  I quickly got up, grabbing it from the counter, giving it to her. Of course, not before checking the caller ID, which read "B Quiet".

  She averted her eyes, knowing I saw the caller ID.

  "Listen, this is not the right time to talk, I'll call you back later..." she immediately said, picking up the call.

  It was clear, she didn't want me to hear any part of the conversation.

  "Wow, okay, slow down B," she turned around, hiding from me.

  There was a deadly silence, and even from behind, I could feel her change from her usual self to someone I was a stranger to.

  "I'll be there in 5," she said, ending the call with her voice so cold it even made me shiver.

  She turned around, nearing me as she placed a kiss on my forehead the way she tended to do.

  "I'll be back later to check on you, so make sure to rest and finish the food," she grabbed her leather jacket and was about to leave, but I grabbed her hand.

  "Take me with you," I asked. Somehow the thought of being alone today didn't seem so bright.

  She smiled, "Ruby, you're sick. I'll be back soon, I promise."

  I looked at her, trying to understand what this beautiful girl was hiding from me. But I guess it wasn't time for me to know yet because I would've by now if it was.

  "Alright," I said, still not letting go of her arm.

  "Mind letting go of my arm?" she asked, a playful smirk on her lips.

  "I have to do this first," I leaned in, giving her a quick peck, not wanting to let go. But I did, because she had to go and I had to find out what was going on.

  "You can't give me kisses like that before I have to go, that's unfair," she smiled.

  "Well I just did, so deal with it Harper," I gave her a slap on the butt when she turned around to leave.

  "I knew you were into that stuff!" she shouted nearly out the door.

  I smiled, sitting down to
finish the food like she wanted me to. I guess finishing it was more of a dream than reality since I could go only as far as one mouthful.

  And then I once again felt the bile trying to exit my throat. It was building up quickly as I ran to the toilet, throwing it all up.

  "Fuck," I cursed as I finished vomiting.

  I wasn't one to curse, but considering how sick I'd been feeling lately, that seemed to be the only way to put my physical feelings into words.

  I slowly got up, the dizziness returning hand in hand with the headache. Growing used to the headache was easy, I almost found peace in it. For the second time today I made my way towards the sofa coming from the toilet, after throwing up. My only wish was that it wouldn't repeat anymore.

  Even though I felt like passing out and never waking up, I took my laptop, focusing on what's more important.

  Day by day, hour by hour, I slowly realized I was being foolish, I had feelings for Eden I wasn't ready to say out loud our admit, the fact that I kept it in me was also making me rather ashamed of myself. I wasn't one to be dishonest - lying or pretending wasn't what I aimed to do any longer, not after spending a lifetime not allowing my true self to come out.

  This girl had changed my life in a matter of minutes. However, hiding things from me just wasn't going to work out. It just so happened I was very into hacking, loving it ever since I was little.

  I started with the basics, any person knew of - "google". No hacking tricks, but perhaps it gave me any information about "B Quiet". It wasn't a name I was familiar with, and since I knew everything about anything, (another perk of being a daughter of parents who owned the whole town) it made it obvious it would be easy to search up. There were no helpful results, so I kept trying different variations for another half an hour.

  Running out of ideas, I decided to link it with Eden, trying "Eden Harper Quiet", which, once again, gave no results, but the following "Eden Quiet" did. Various results with articles about a gang called "Quietus" popped up, mentioned the potential names of the gang members, one of them being Eden.

  I tried typing in "Quietus" separately, Wikipedia popping up with a definition of the word.

  "Death or something that causes death, regarded as a release from life.. what the hell?" I read out loud, my brows furrowed.

  I checked the other links related to "quietus". There were a few links about a gang named "Quietus", articles one after another wrote "the leading gang "Quietus" takes down their enemy", ""Quietus" club shooting, 10 people dead, 3 injured", "Who is "Quietus" leader?".

  I sat there, bgetting dizzier by second. Something just didn't feel right.

  This wasn't enough information, I had to know more and here the hacking talent came in. I accessed the police database, seeing what reports they had about "Quietus".

  I found reports about the gang, related to countless murders, but never was there any solid names mentioned, only potential ones. All the murder cases were classified as "solved", by a guy named B. Harper, with no person actually held liable for all these deaths.

  There was something wrong with this. It couldn't be a coincidence that two of the names matched the most likely gang member names, mentioned by victims that were soon killed after giving testimony. Or was it and I was just reading into it too much. My intuition, however, made it clear the first one was the right one.

  I looked into two of the murder cases, seeing the pictures of the dead people. Why stop at two? Because I had seen enough with only two of them. Few of the victims had been shot right in the middle of their foreheads, while a few were beaten up. Why a few? Because in each of the cases, there were multiple people killed.

  Deciding to try and connect both Eden and the cop under who's name the cases were solve wasn't hard, considering their surnames were identical. The search immediately came up with a know gang leader's name, whose two children, Blake, and Eden Harper had gone missing at a young age.

  I should have been shocked or something, and I probably would lose it the first thing when I wake up, but my health problems just made me feel bad enough to distract myself from what was going on right in front of my eyes.

  Somehow the only thing I could think about was Eden and if she was safe, as well as actually involved in any of this nonsense. It might have been the most un-intelligent thing to think about while my life could be in danger, but I just couldn't help it. She had grown on me and become one of the most important people in my life in a matter of days. I guess that's what that tingly feeling in your stomach does to your common sense.

  I shut the laptop, not wanting to think about it any longer as I could feel myself passing out. The dehydration was clear, probably having another fever as well, and I was weak - one thing I hated being.

  I laid down, my eyes opened. The exhaustion wasn't doing a great job in beating my thoughts about Eden. I had no clue how much time had passed with me just laying there like this, but I already heard someone opening the front doorb

  "Babe, it's mid-day," she smiled, laying down next to me, "you look like shit. Did you vomit again?"

  "Aren't you a charmer," I rolled my eyes, smiling.

  "I'll make you some more soup," she said, concerned, already trying to get up, but my arm around her stopped her.

  "Just stay with me, please," I pleaded, my eyes barely staying open.

  "Anything for you," she said, kissing my forehead, "you're burning, babe."

  I chuckled weakly: "that's just because you're so hot."

  She smirked, "you're adorable. Now go to sleep."

  She didn't have to tell me twice, as I snuggled closer to her, breathing in her fresh scent. Seconds later I fell asleep, trying to remind myself to talk about the gang as soon as I wake up.

  The person I cared the most about might have been a threat to my life, yet all I wanted was to be closer to her. It's truly the things you shouldn't have that you crave the most.

  TEN

  I gave her all that time

  almost forgetting I'd lost mine

  ✽✽✽

  I woke up, inhaling deeply as I shot up in the bed.

  "Babe?" Eden groaned, clapping weakly, automatically turning on the lights, "are you.."

  Unable to hear the last word, I ran to the toilet, supporting myself by the toilet seat as I barfed all that I had left in my stomach, which was close to nothing at this point. I felt Edens arm grabbing my hair, just as it was about to fall in my face, the other softly running against my back.

  Once my body finally stopped trying to force any leftover liquid from my body, I collapsed on the ground. This was taking the best of me, leaving me with no strength.

  "Here," Eden handed me a glass of water, "take small amounts so it doesn't come back out."

  I couldn't physically hold it with my hands, they were shaking too bad, so she put it the bottle against my lips, tilting my head a little bit. I washed my mouth with it, spitting it back in the toilet.

  "Thanks," I said, my voice hoarse and unrecognizable.

  Her eyes were full of concern as she took in my disheveled look.

  "Ru, you should go to the doctor," she said softly.

  I smiled, and it probably looked very weak, but hey, at least I tried: "I'm okay, it'll pass."

  "Right, I'm taking you to bed," she dropped the subject, "can you walk?"

  I tried getting up but failed miserably, Eden catching me.

  She cracked a sympathetic smile, " I'll take that as a no."

  Then she placed my arm around her neck: "hold on," she said, picking me up.

  I smiled. My girl wasn't just the most beautiful person on the earth, but also a strong one as well. It still made me overthink it, sadly, further proving that she might have something to do with the mysterious "Quietus".

  She slowly put me down on the bed, placing the blanket over me.

  "You're burning up," she said after she had kissed my forehead.

  I hummed in response a little too late as she was already walking away, my eyelids closing.

>   And so I fell asleep.

  ✽✽✽

  When I opened my eyes I felt relief pass through me as I realized the headache, dizziness, as well as the sickening need to throw up anything, had finally ditched me.

  The delicious smell of waffles found a way to my nose and I finally felt alive, the smell making my mouth water in an instant. I hadn't had the desire to eat for days now and to have it back was quite refreshing.

  I smiled, getting up from the bed and fixing my hair in a bun.

  "You do realize how much I appreciate you, right?" I grinned, walking in the kitchen, sincerity clear in my voice.

  "I'll make a note of that, princess."

  That wasn't Eden's voice, it was my dads. As soon as I saw him, I ran to him, tears in my eyes.

  "Daddy!" I squealed in pure joy, hugging him.

  "I'm here, beautiful," he was as happy as me, lifting me up, "missed me?"

  He put me down, smiling as he gazed at me.

  "More than anything," I grinned.

  "What? More than your momma?" my mom chuckled, looking at the both of us from the kitchen doorway.

  "Mom!" I squealed, this time running to her.

  At this point, countless tears had already escaped my eyes.

  "Don't cry, Ru," she said, wiping my tears away, kissing me on the cheek.

  "You should take your own advice, lady," I laughed, wiping away her tears.

  Dad was cutting up some strawberries, observing us with a smile.

  "My two favorite women in one place," he winked at us.

  "What's for breakfast?" I teased, "waffles, right?"

  Some things never changed. No matter how much money owned or how much he knew, still the only thing he knew how to cook remained waffles.

  "You better watch it, young lady," dad joked back.

  "We're missing something," mom said, turning on "Freedom" by Pharrell Williams.

  We all looked at each other, immediately starting singing and dancing. This was the family jam, as cringe as it was. Moments like this kept me going every single day between long periods of times I had to wait to see them again. Sometimes it would be weeks, but mainly months. After all the singing, dancing and cooking, we were finally eating breakfast.