She

by Franceska Krence

  "Eden!" I raised my voice, annoyed with this, "I have offered you every possible thing we could do and you don't like any of them."

  She grinned at me: "I told you I want you to read for me."

  I rolled my eyes: "no, I don't see why I should. You have a pretty nice set of eyes yourself."

  "Please?" she made a poor attempt at puppy eyes.

  I groaned: "fine, what book?"

  "Can you just read the highlighted quote from "Kafka on the Shore"? The page is folded in, won't be hard to find."

  "Sure," I shrugged, quickly finding the book in the shelf, sitting next to her on the bed. I started reading:

  "Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

  And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others. And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about."

  I didn't even close the book, I just stared at the highlighted quote for a while, breathing slowly.

  "Beautiful, isn't it?" Eden was smiling when I looked at her, "it's like us."

  I raised a brow at her: "how is it like us? It's tragic, I'd never allow us to have such an outcome."

  But she just smiled at me, pulling me in to place a soft kiss on my lips.

  "You make me feel like I am in that sandstorm," she smiled, "but I guess it wouldn't be fate if it wasn't tragic."

  I pushed her away, not quite sure if I was supposed to think she was being serious: "perhaps you got stabbed somewhere in the head too?"

  She laughed: "whatever makes you sleep at night, Gold."

  I left it at that. But I still wondered, still thought about her words, what she'd meant by that. Somehow even thinking about it sent shivers running up my spine. When it came to this, they weren't the good kind.

  What is going on in your head, Eden Harper?

  TWENTY FIVE

  I just wanted to be there, next to you

  for a second longer, if you'd only allow me to

  ✽✽✽

  "Since everyone has been a moody bitch lately," Luke grinned, climbing on top of the kitchen table, "and I am done with trying to cheer y'all up, I came up with a genius idea."

  Angel shook her head, smiling:" being overly dramatic, Miley? "

  Blake joined in, rubbing his temples:" unless that genius idea is you leaving for like.. I don't know.. As long as I'm alive, don't bother talking."

  "I'm not cleaning that table later on," Andre added.

  I rolled my eyes at them all, deciding to support the guy: "Why are you all being so negative? Even if he isn't the brightest of us all, he still has some amount of brain in there. Besides, he is trying to cheer you up."

  Luke high fived me, still grinning: "that's right, belle," frowning right after, "wait, what did you say?"

  I laughed, spotting a puppies head popping out of Luke's hoodies front pocket.

  "You got a puppy! " I squealed, climbing on top of the table too to take it in my hands.

  "No, no, no," Luke took her from the pocket and turned around before I could take her, "she ain't going nowhere with you mean people."

  "Cmon, please," I begged, trying to pet her, while Luke shooed me away.

  "Luke, give her the puppy," Eden ordered, climbing down the stairs. If there was something Eden ignored in her life, it seemed to be my medical advice.

  Now, what the hell does she think she's doing walking around?

  "Yes, boss," Luke mumbled, handing me the puppy, a pout on his face.

  I took the puppy, showering it with kisses: "I swear, if I wasn't holding this fluffy ball of happiness, I'd kick your ass. Can someone do that for me, please?"

  Luke looked at me, I looked at Andre who looked at Blake when it finally ended on Angel who rolled her eyes in response.

  Angel climbed the stairs, putting her hand around Eden's waist, while Eden's hand wrapped around her shoulders. My brow raised, I just wasn't able to resist the anger that was growing within me.

  "Why aren't you in bed?" Andre asked, sensing my uneasiness.

  Angel laughed: "are you seriously asking her? She wouldn't have stayed in that bed even for an hour if Ruby hadn't asked her to."

  I furrowed my brows, confused: "what are you talking about?"

  Eden wouldn't look at me, the same for Blake and Luke. Cowards, I thought as I rolled my eyes. Andre would be one to clarify but I didn't want ask, considering he wouldn't lie to me and I shouldn't use it against him. So I was left to figure this out on my own for yet another time.

  "Andre, can you take me home?" I asked, deciding I did not have energy to deal with the mystery of Eden Harper today.

  He looked at Eden, for approval, yet she clenched her jaw, looking down: "sure, I'll wait for you in the car."

  I walked over to Eden, kissing her: "I'll see you in school on Monday."

  I was fully aware today was Saturday, but I had barely spent any time with my parents, while they had taken this time away from work just for me.

  "Ru..." Eden said, silently begging me to stay.

  But I needed her to voice it, she just wouldn't, she never did. It wasn't that I was mad at her, it made me even more enraged at the Quietus because I thought the gang was the reason behind her being this way towards me. Somehow it almost seemed it had nothing to with the gang - she made these decisions with her own free will.

  "Take care of this beauty," I handed the puppy back to Luke.

  I quickly grabbed my jacket, walking out: "till next time, amigos."

  Andre waited by the car, opening the door for me: "there you go, half baked."

  "Thanks, handsome," I winked at him, climbing in the car.

  "Where do you wanna go?" he asked me, driving out on the street.

  "Already told you."

  "Yeah, I mean the truth," he smiled.

  I laughed at how easily he read me: "honestly, I don't know."

  He drummed his fingers against the steer for a few seconds: "ok, I have an idea."

  "Puppies?" I smiled teasingly.

  "It's way better, trust me, you're gonna love it," he smirked, stepping on the gas.

  I scrolled the window down, enjoying the wind in my hair. It was quite refreshing to be able to breathe every once in a while. I felt quite trapped when it came to the whole situation with Eden - I couldn't just go and walk away because my feelings for her were the strongest they could be, but also I couldn't hurt the people around her, they had become important to me as well. Our relationship was hurting because of the things she kept from me, but still I couldn't find the reason as to why she was doing so.

  I didn't want to doubt Eden, but I was slowly starting to. Of course, it didn't take days to win over somebody's trust, but then why were we even together if the trust wasn't there?

  "We're here," Andre interrupted my thoughts, getting out of the car.

  I stepped out of the car, seeing sandy racetrack in front of us, my face immedia
tely lighting up.

  "Quads or motorcycles?" I asked, rubbing my hands together excitedly.

  He looked at me in amusement: "have you rode a motorbike before?"

  "Not yet," I grinned.

  "Then quad it is," he laughed, ruining my excitement only by 1%, "let's get changed, wouldn't want to ruin that cute dress and white converse."

  We went over to a little house in which all the needed equipment was hidden.

  "Here, your boots and suit, as well as a helmet," he handed them to me, "just knock on the door when you're finished."

  I smiled at how big of a gentleman he always was: "thanks, half baked."

  I quickly changed, looking like a total badass when I stepped outside.

  "You can start while I change if you want to," he walked in the house.

  I walked over to the quad he had already taken out of the garage that was a little bit further away from the equipment house.

  Next to the quad was a bike, which was obviously his, along with a kids quad which made me rather confused. As far as I was aware, he didn't have any kids.

  I sat on the quad, feeling the excitement, peace and power rush through my veins. I turned it on, immediately pressing the gas down with my fingers, leaning more towards the quad, barely sitting on it. I raced forwards towards the first little hill, spending a few seconds in the air, then doing a 90-degree turn, a 45-degree turn right after. I did the rest of the racetrack, pulling up next to Andre on his bike.

  "You never seem to stop amazing the hell out of me, huh," he shook his head, "fancy a race?"

  "You must love losing," I laughed, not wasting a second before leaving a cloud of sand behind me.

  We spent an hour of racing, taking short stops to drink water. My hands were killing me, so were my shoulders. We were now sitting on the grass, both quite worn out, tired, yet still, the silence in my mind remained.

  "Thanks for this," I said, looking up at the sky, "even I didn't know that this was exactly all I needed."

  "Welcome, half baked," he sighed, happily.

  We sat there for a few minutes, just existing, breathing, hearing, seeing. This was what living truly meant.

  "So," I interrupted the silence, "any kids you want to tell me about?"

  Andre laughed nervously: "what?"

  "Saw the kids quad, surely you're not collecting them," I pointed at the storage, "not that I'm judging."

  "Uh," he scratched the back of his head, "let's just say the kid isn't mine but it's still family. I'm taking of her and her mom until the dad finally grows up and stops being an alcoholic."

  "Sounds like someone we know," I laughed.

  "If only you knew.." he shook his head, "by the way.. Are you okay?"

  I laughed: "where is this coming from?"

  "I noticed that no one ever asks strong people if they're okay," he shrugged.

  It was true. Ever since I was little, I was forced to put a front on - one of the many things living in the eye of the public did to you. I thought about it: "it's nothing I can't handle. Speaking of which, are you? You're certainly the strongest, most put-together person I've met in like.. ever. "

  He smiled: "that I know, but it doesn't mean it's easy. The people who love you the most can't even carry part of the weight on your shoulders because they don't know about its existence. Also, don't worry about me, keeping that family together is what I am good at."

  "I can handle this," I repeated, almost attempting to reassure myself.

  "It doesn't mean you have to," he reasoned.

  Of course, I didn't, I chose to do so. The reason why it was so important to me was purely because every single decision I should have made, was made for me before I could even give it a thought. The freedom of choice is non-existant when money gets involved, the same as when there is absolutely no money.

  "It's easier doing this on my own. If they knew, it would hurt them, make them suffer, and at the end of the day, I don't want to responsible for making it harder for them."

  "This is not your fault, it's a sickness," he insisted, making it clear this conversation had nothing to do with Eden and he was fully aware of what actually went on.

  I smiled: "if it's meant to happen it will happen, them knowing about it won't affect the outcome in any way."

  "If you think I'll let you die, you have another thing coming, half baked," he promised.

  And I really hoped he would keep that promise.

  TWENTY SIX

  falling, falling

  was it for you

  or someone that I never even knew

  ✽✽✽

  "Thanks for the day," I hugged Andre, hopping out of the car.

  "I'm just a call away if you need me," he smiled, "of course, unless you want to call Luke, who will bring his bestie Jack with him, or Blake who will only look at his one true love - his laptop."

  "You've made your point," I laughed, "see you."

  Most likely that guy didn't even realize how much he was helping me with the small gestures. I felt as if I finally had someone apart from Hanna that truly had my back. Even though I wanted the only person to be Eden, I was fully aware I couldn't count on her with this if she couldn't fully trust me with her part.

  It was quite frustrating knowing I was falling so deeply for her without knowing where I'll land.

  "Looking good, Hen," I winked at him, walking in the house.

  "Mom, dad!" I shouted, "your favorite child is home!"

  "You're also an only child, so it's not like there's much choice," mom replied from the kitchen, where I found her sitting and reading, while dad was cooking.

  Walking over to dad, I kissed his cheek: "is Eden feeling any better?" he questioned.

  Of course, I hadn't told them she had been stabbed. As far as they knew, it was just a virus she'd caught from me. Yes, I know, a lie covering another lie.

  "Yeah, she's great. I'm the best care-taker in town after all," I grinned.

  Only it turns out she didn't even need my help. It just happened to slip my mind she was a part of a gang, not a normal girl, who'd need to be taken to a hospital, or need her girlfriend's support to get through it. I wasn't mad, I just couldn't understand her no matter how hard I tried.

  She could've simply told me not to stress it so much instead of making me believe she needed my help. Clearly both of us were great actresses.

  "So.." I started, "there's this thing we haven't discussed."

  "Here she goes.." mom mumbled, still focused on the book.

  "Princess.." dad sighed, "let's just eat the dinner first."

  "Just tell me," I begged, "I don't see what the big deal about you guys having to leave for work like you always do is. It's just a date I'm asking for."

  Mom took off her glasses, putting the book down with them, she looked at dad: "want to be the good cop, like always, or let me do this the bad cop way?"

  "Do what? What's going on?" I looked between the two of them.

  Dad sighed, turning around from the stove: "you don't have to put it that way, honey. Now she has a reason to feel threatened about the news."

  "What news?" I asked, getting annoyed.

  Mom rolled her eyes: "She isn't 5 years old, Mr. GoodCop, you can't pamper her forever. "

  "Stop talking about me while I'm in the same room!" I shouted.

  Dad walked closer to me: "princess, it's alright, just sit down and we'll talk about it later."

  "Jeez, dad, stop walking on eggshells around me and just say it," I begged.

  "We're moving," mom cut us both off, yawning.

  "Honey!" dad raised his voice.

  "What?" I raised my brow, not understanding what this was about.

  "Princess," dad put his hand on my shoulder, "we're expanding the business, so we've decided to move to England."

  I sighed, relaxing: "that's fine by me. You don't have to be worried. I don't need a babysitter or anything as I've been staying here alone most of the time anyway."

  "Check your facts, hun.
You're coming with," mom stated, putting her glasses back on as she focused on the book in her hands.

  Was she seriously not caring a single bit that my world was falling apart at the minute?

  "I can't," I said, completely and utterly dumbstruck, "I won't. I'm staying."

  "Prince-," dad started, cautiously approaching me.

  "No. I said I'm staying," I stated, my jaw clenched.

  Then I turned around, storming off to my bedroom. I was being childish yet remained both fully aware of it and unable to help it.

  Were they insane? They couldn't force me to leave now that I was finally happy, feeling alive. The whole reason for that was here, in this town, they couldn't just take me away from the person who had become my home, my safe space.

  Dad walked in, closing the door behind him.

  "Princess, just listen to me for a few seconds.." he said, his voice soothing.

  I nodded in approval, us both sitting down on my bed. If he wanted me to listen, I would listen. But so will they when I tell them I am not leaving her.

  "Your mom and I.." he sighed, trying to find the right words, "it's been really hard for us to manage coming home and running the business at the same time. You're our daughter yet we've only been in your life for 30% the most, it just can't go on like this much longer."

  "And now that our business is going international, we will be able to come here only once a year max. You staying here isn't an option, considering we can't be sure of you being safe from so far away."

  "If you want to, you can come and visit Eden as often as you wish, but staying here alone isn't an option. I won't miss any more time with you."

  I opened and closed my mouth like a fish, not being able to respond. So this was it, I'm moving. I should've been happy about the chance of spending more time with my parents, but Eden... There was no me without her, I couldn't just leave her behind.

  "Why do you care?" I asked, my voice quiet.

  "What do you mean, princess?" dad furrowed his brows.

  "Exactly what I asked," I felt the anger within me, together with the protectiveness over mine and Eden's relationship, "you guys haven't been here my whole life, why do you think that so suddenly you have the right to be my parents?"