Whisper My Last Goodbye

by Karen Woods

  Diane stood and walked to where her coat was on the side of the chair. “Sheila, I’ll call tomorrow after I’ve been to Asda if that’s alright?” Sheila didn’t reply.

  Harpur stood up too. “Mam, I’m going. I’ll see you tomorrow after work.” There was still not a sound from her. Diane and Harpur shot a look at each other and left the house together.

  Sheila waited until she heard the back gate slam shut and peeped out of the window. She looked at her son’s photograph nearby and pointed her finger at it. This woman was angry, raging. “See what you’ve bleeding caused. Didn’t I tell you this would all come back to bite us on the arse. Didn’t I tell you? Mother always knows best, son. She does, she always knows best.” Sheila carried on watching the television. She turned the volume up and every now and then she looked over at her son’s photograph, shaking her head.

  Harpur walked into the house and as predicted, Joanne was waiting for her. She knew she’d be there, trying to talk her way out of being seen with another man. She walked straight up to Harpur and before she could get a word in, Sam’s mother held a flat palm up to her. “Don’t waste your breath. I’m going to bed. I’m in no mood for bullshit so save it for someone who gives a shit because I don’t.” These were harsh words and maybe she could have put it another way but she just turned her back on her and headed straight upstairs. Joanne’s jaw dropped and for the first time she was stuck for words. Usually, she could talk Harpur round, make her believe her but she’d not even given her the chance tonight. Joanne was up shit street for sure now. There was no way she wanted Sam to find out about this. He would have ragged her about for sure. She needed a way out, something to get her out of the shit.

  Harpur stripped off and got straight in bed. She could hear Joanne coming up the stairs and going into her bedroom. Neil was still downstairs and that’s how she liked it, peace and quiet. Once she was in bed, she started to look at Facebook on her phone. It was great on this social media, she could find out all the gossip, catch up with old friends, see what was going on in other people’s lives. Yes, she was nosy, but wasn’t that what Facebook was all about? People dished the dirt on here, ended relationships publicly, told the world that a father had not paid a penny for his children in months. Yes, it was all going on, on there. Harpur was reading through her newsfeed when she spotted Dessie’s status update. “I can’t wait for this weekend, catching up with old friends.” She read it over and over again. Did he mean her? Was the status aimed at her? What on earth was he doing? This rendezvous was supposed to be hush-hush. What if someone put two and two together and knew it was her who he was meeting? Suddenly there were noises outside, the stairs were creaking. And then silence.

  *

  Harpur woke up and shot her eyes over to Neil lying next to her. Today was D-day. The start of her weekend away with Dessie Ryan. Her insides were shaking all over. She felt sick in the pit of her stomach. Neil reached over and his fingertips ran slowly over her lips. “I’m going to miss you this weekend. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Who knows, you might even come back and be madly in love with me again.”

  Harpur looked deep into her husband’s eyes. Did she still love him, was this all just a big stupid mistake? Why on earth was she risking her marriage for a man she hardly knew? The lies just rolled off her tongue and there was no going back now. “I just need some me time Neil. I need to figure some stuff out on my own. It’s only a few days away. You’re going on like I’m leaving you forever.”

  “It will feel like a lifetime, honest darling, without you I’m nothing. You’re my world.” What the hell was he playing at? Why now, when she was moving on with her life had he decided to declare how much she meant to him? Before this he hardly ever said how much he loved her. Okay, he’d send her text messages every day saying he loved her and a kiss each morning before he left for work, but that meant nothing, she wanted more. Harpur rolled over on her side and stared at him. Was she having second thoughts, was she going to bail out of the weekend away? Neil reached his head over to hers and placed his warm lips on top of hers. He was after some early morning sex. Harpur checked the clock again and jumped up out of bed. There was no chance of hanky panky, she was on a mission. Her suitcase was already packed at the side of the bed and all she needed to do now was get herself ready. The date was in two hours and she had to be in tip-top condition for the first time she met Dessie. Bridget would be here soon and she’d go berserk if she wasn’t ready.

  Neil looped his hands above his head and watched her applying her make-up. “So, who’s hen do is it? You never said?”

  Harpur flapped, she wasn’t expecting to be interrogated so early in the morning. She had to think fast. “Oh, it’s one of Bridget’s friends from work. I don’t really know her. I’m just going for a rest. They say a change is as good as a rest and I’m hoping to be relaxed and chilled by the time I come back.” Neil was thinking, she could see him through the mirror. She sprang to her feet and left the room. Phew, that was close.

  All too soon, Bridget arrived honking her horn outside the house. Neil stood and flicked the curtain back from the window. “Gobshite is here. Why does she need to make so much noise?” Neil pulled a sour expression and walked back to the sofa. Harpur was rushing about, she was stressed.

  Joseph watched her and held his head to the side. “Nana, where are you going? Can I come too?”

  Neil didn’t give her a chance to answer. “No, Nana hasn’t got any time for us this weekend mate. We can do something though, leave her to go and enjoy herself with her friends.” What an absolute wanker he was! Why now, what was he playing at? She walked over to her grandson and bent down. She gently held his face in her hands. “I’ll be back before you know it. Anyway, won’t it be nice for grandad to get up from the sofa and take you to the park to play some football? When was the last time he did that, ay?” Touché! That would teach him to be smart with his mouth. Neil was speechless and he knew Joseph would never shut up now until he’d been to the park. Joanne was sat on an armchair nearby and she spoke to Joseph again. “Perhaps your mother will take you down to the shops too and buy some cake mixes. She’s always promising you to bake cakes so I think you’re going to have a busy day after all.” This was hilarious and she smirked as she picked up her suitcase. That would teach them both. “Enjoy, see you all in a couple of days. Don’t miss me too much.” Harpur left the room and she could hear Joseph asking his Grandad when they were going to the park. She chuckled to herself as she opened the front door. Bridget was stood at the car and she was checking her wristwatch. “Don’t you ever call me for being late! Ten minutes I’ve been sat outside here. Get in, come on, hurry up.” Harpur placed her small grey suitcase on the back seat and sat down next to Bridget. She looked at her home one last time before they drove away. “Are you shitting yourself?” Bridget asked.

  “Actually I’m quite calm. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been sat on the toilet all morning but I’m fine now. It’s just a meeting. Me and an old friend catching up that’s all.”

  “You look amazing. He’s going to drop down dead when he sees you. You look mint.”

  Harpur pulled the mirror down and ran her fingers across her lashes. “I’m looking forward to seeing him. I wonder if he looks the same?”

  “You’ve spoken to him on Skype you lunatic, you know what he looks like!”

  “No, I mean in the flesh. Face to face.”

  “It's a bit late now to be having second thoughts isn’t it? Even if he’s a minger you will have to take one for the team. Don’t do all this for nothing!” Bridget was laughing her head off as she continued. “And what he may lack in the looks department he might make up for in the bedroom department, so it could even things out if you’re lucky.”

  “Bridget, you have sex on the brain. Are you on heat or something?”

  “I might be you know, the last leg over I had was with that guy I met in the pub when you were there. I’ve not heard a word from him since. In fairness th
ough I was steaming drunk and I must have just lay there when we were having sex. I bet it was like shagging a sack of spuds for him, no wonder he never rang me for another date.”

  Harpur burst out laughing. “How long is it before we get there? I’m going to have a quick fag I think.” Bridget turned the music up in the car and she was singing her head off. Harpur got a text alert and she pulled her phone out from her handbag. As she started to read the message the corners of her mouth started to rise at the corner. “Orr, look what he’s just written to me. He said he has never been this nervous in years. He’s asking for me to be gentle with him.”

  Bridget carried on driving and turned her head slightly. “What time did he fly in? Was it last night or has he been here a few days?”

  “He landed last night. He texted me in the early hours to say we were both in the same country now.”

  Bridget was being inquisitive. “Doesn’t his mother still live in Manchester?”

  “Yes, that’s where he’s staying he said.”

  Bridget was thinking, she held a finger in the corner of her mouth. “I wonder what he’s told his missus? Do you think she’s come over here with him?”

  “That’s nothing to do with me love. I’m just spending a bit of time with him that’s all.”

  “I know that but if your fella goes to another country you’d be with him wouldn’t you? Don’t you ever ask him anything about her?”

  Harpur went bright red. “I do not. God Bridget, you’re proper nosey you are. All I know is that he’s been with her for years. I don’t know anything about her.”

  “Well, things can’t be all rosy in the garden if he’s eager to see you. It’s not rocket science. If he was all loved up at home he wouldn’t be sneaking to a hotel to meet you now would he?” Bridget coughed to clear her throat and tapped her fingers on the steering wheel. “Say you two fall in love, what will happen then? Would you leave Neil? More to the point would you leave Manchester?” Her friend just asked too many questions and none of this was relevant to her situation at the moment. For the last time, this was a meeting of two old friends, nothing more.

  The girls pulled up outside the hotel. The Gabrielle song ‘Out of Reach’ played softly in the background. Harpur swallowed hard and she rubbed her hot sweaty palms together. Bridget turned the engine off. “It’s showtime, love. I hope you’re ready for this!”

  Harpur was silent for a few seconds. Her heart was pounding inside her chest and she was anxious. Her nerves were shattered and small droplets of sweat were forming on her forehead. “Oh, I don’t know if I can do this. I think I’ve not thought it through.”

  Bridget held a serious expression and poked her in the arm. “You’re not changing your mind now, no way in this world. I’ll drag you there myself if you don’t start making a move.” There was another text alert. She shot her eyes to her screen and read the message out loud.

  “I’m here. I’m sat in reception waiting for you. Hurry up before I have a heart attack. Love Dessie X”

  Harpur inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. “Right, I can do this. I can do this. If I turn back now I’ll regret this for the rest of my life won’t I?”

  Bridget reached over and hugged her. “Go and have the time of your life. Ring me as soon as you get chance. I’ll be in hiding for the next few days anyway so nobody will see me. I mean, that’s the last thing you need is Neil getting suspicious isn’t it?”

  Harpur touched the door handle and gritted her teeth together tighter. This was a leap of faith. Another deep breath and she finally opened the door. Harpur reached on the back seat for her suitcase. “Wish me luck! I’ll ring you as soon as I get chance.”

  Bridget never replied, she just wanted her gone. As she watched her heading towards the hotel she quickly typed a message to Harpur. “Remember take one for the team if he’s a minger.” She sent it and watched Harpur in the distance looking at her phone. She could see her laughing. Bridget started the engine up and drove slowly from the car park. This wasn’t even her date and she was more excited than her best friend was.

  Harpur reached the top of the stairs and stood for a few seconds to get her bearings. The sign for reception was right in front of her. Her feet moved slowly and when she got to the door she pushed it open with the palm of her hands. He would be able to see her now, where was he? Harpur twisted her neck about, eyes flicking one way then another. As she stood looking at her phone, a message appeared. “You look gorgeous.” He must have been able to see her, he was looking at her right now. She was just about to reply when a firm hand landed on her shoulder. “Hello sexy. It’s been a long time hasn’t it?”

  Her body shook from inside, heart racing. She knew that voice anywhere. It was Dessie Ryan. Turning slowly, she smiled as she met his eyes for the first time. “Hello Dessie, at last we meet again.” The two of them looked into each other’s eyes. Not a word was spoken. “I’ve already been up to our room. Should we go up so you can put your case in? If you like we can have something to eat in the hotel restaurant. I’ve just been to have a look at the menu and it looks impressive.” Harpur nodded. Her legs were like jelly and she felt sick. Dessie took her case from her and made his way to the lift. She was checking him out. He was dressed casually but he looked smart. His hair could have done with a good cut, but apart from that he looked like he did on the video chat. The pair of them stood looking at each other in the lift. Dessie was nervous and his eye was twitching. She was digesting him. Every inch of him. She wasn’t sure, she didn’t know if she fancied him anymore. Of course he was handsome but she wasn’t sure if he was, well, the man she’d imagined he’d be inside her head. The lift opened and he smiled over at her. “What have you got inside here, it weighs a ton.” Harpur blushed, he was right it was heavy and she’d probably brought lots of things that she didn’t need. Okay, she’d panicked and over-packed. Dessie walked along the small corridor and he was whistling. She checked his bum out in his Levi’s Jeans and smirked. He’d always had a fit arse and it was one of her favourite things about him. Dessie slid the card into the door and it opened. Here it was, there was no going back now. Everything they’d joked about, everything they’d planned was about to happen.

  Harpur walked into the room and shot her eyes about. He’d done them proud. It was such a lovely room with all mod cons; Flat screen TV, mini bar, and a king-sized bed. This was an awkward moment. She couldn’t just stand there like a spare part, she had to do something - talk, anything but stand there looked like an idiot. Harpur walked over to the bed and pressed down on it with her hand. “Bed seems comfortable.”

  Dessie burst out laughing and made his way over to her. “Do you want a drink? They’ve got anything you want in this place. Just say the word and it’s yours.” Harpur nodded. Yes, this would calm her down, she would have had a bottle of vodka if he’d offered her one. “Can I have a vodka and lemonade please?”

  “Of course you can sexy.” Dessie kicked his shoes off and opened the mini bar. She could see him necking a small bottle of gin as he poured them both a drink. He was as nervous as she was, the poor sod. Harpur started to relax and she was ready to make conversation. “So, Dessie Ryan. What have you been up to since you landed in Manchester?” She pulled her shoes off and climbed onto the bed making herself comfortable.

  Dessie popped his head from around the door and answered her. “Nothing really, I’ve just been at my mam’s. I’ve not had time to do anything yet. I’ve come straight here to see you. I’m going to meet up with a few of the lads early next week though. Have a few pints and catch up with them.” Dessie walked over to the bed and joined her. He passed her drink over and stared at her.

  Harpur was uncomfortable and wondered what on earth he was looking at. She stroked the side of her cheek and nose, just to make sure she had nothing stuck there. He still stared at her. “Why are you looking at me like that. Do you fancy me or something?”

  Dessie licked the bottom of his lip slowly. He moved in closer to her. She cou
ld feel his warm breath on her skin. “Can I kiss you? Just once for old time’s sake.” Harpur giggled and pushed him away. She wasn’t sure she wanted anything like this at the moment, it was too soon. “Stop it, you said we were just meeting as friends nothing else. Don’t start all that with me.”

  He rolled on his side and chuckled. “Still a shy girl I see then.” Why could he still make her feel like this even after all these years. She’d show him now. Watch this space Dessie Ryan, watch and learn. She grabbed his head in her hands and pulled him down until their lips touched. Now, she was ready to kiss him. They both looked deep into each other’s eyes and without any control over their bodies, their lips connected. Was this really happening? What was she thinking? What happened to just catching up with an old friend? Oh, there was passion here, chemistry, lust. They both wanted it as much as the other. This was a memorable kiss for sure. Harpur was the one who ended the moment. He was getting to her. She pulled herself away and lay smiling at him.

  Dessie let out a laboured breath and smiled over at her. “That was heaven. Just how I imagined it to be.” He was such a charmer. He always had a way with words and there was no way she was letting him get into her head with his bullshit.

  “I hope you enjoyed it because you won’t be getting another one.” The banter was in full swing now and after a few hours of catching up, they’d drained the mini bar. Dessie kept bursting into song and dancing about the bedroom. “Shall we go out to the pub or go out and get something to eat?”