Lookin' For Luv

by Carl Weber

  “Of course, Daddy. You always said we have to help the little guy.”

  Denise’s words were like a knife in Kevin’s heart. He was starting to think Mama had been a little more on the mark with her assessment of Denise than he once believed.

  He shook Denise’s father’s hand firmly as he glanced angrily at Denise. He had every intention of berating her as soon as her father was gone. He watched with no expression on his face as she kissed her father good-bye. Mr. Shwartz hurried to the door and was careful not to put his arm around the woman waiting as he escorted her outside.

  “What the fuck was that all about?” Kevin hissed at her, smashing his two fists down on table as soon as the door closed behind Denise’s father. “Is that what I am, the little guy?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I don’t fucking believe you, Denise. I can’t believe you’re going to sit right here in my face and pretend you don’t know what the fuck I’m talking about.” Kevin’s voice rose steadily, and other patrons were staring in their direction.

  “Kevin, will you calm down? You’re embarrassing me,” she whispered, trying to clean up a glass of water that spilled during his tirade.

  “You’re embarrassed! How about me? I finally meet my girlfriend’s father, and she introduces me as one of her clients! What the hell am I, Denise? Some insignificant little boy-toy that you pay for with expensive gifts?”

  “Kevin, it’s not like that at all! I love you. You just don’t understand Daddy.”

  “It’s not your daddy that I don’t understand. It’s you!”

  Denise tried to reach across the table and hold his hand, but he pulled it back.

  “I haven’t talked to my mother in three weeks because I was defending you and this relationship. And now you’re too embarrassed to introduce me to your father. You know what, Denise? I knew this interracial shit wasn’t gonna work out,” he declared with finality.

  “What are you trying to say?” She was truly worried for the first time. “Are you trying to say you don’t want this relationship because I didn’t introduce you to my father as my boyfriend? What are you, a baby?”

  “Yeah, I guess I am a baby. You sure as hell haven’t treated me like a man, have you?” Kevin stood up, disgusted, and walked toward the door.

  Denise had planned for many things in her pursuit of his unconditional love, but this was not one of them. She never planned on him meeting her family until they were ready to marry. Especially not her father. He was always too busy working or having meaningless affairs to be concerned with his children’s relationships. He certainly never bothered to ask who his children were involved with, but it was an unspoken law in the Shwartz household that they would never date outside their race. It was just deemed below their family status.

  She had figured she could hold off telling her family until she was able to make herself an invaluable part of the law firm. She was just starting out but had won quite a few very lucrative cases. Her father respected her work, and she figured once she was making enough money for his firm, he wouldn’t be willing to let her go even if she did marry a black man. When she saw her father approaching their table, Denise saw her little plan crumbling before her eyes, and she panicked. She couldn’t think of a lie that would not offend Kevin. Now she was paying the price as she watched her man walking away. She raced after him.

  “Kevin, where are you going?” She grabbed his shirt to stop him at the door. “Listen, I’m sorry. Please don’t leave. It’s not me, it’s my father. He’s prejudiced.”

  “Let go of me!” he shouted, trying to loosen her grip from his shirt. “Look, Denise, my family was willing to accept you for the person you are. My mama and my sisters had to put aside their pride to judge you as an individual, not as a white woman. If your father and the rest of your family can’t do the same, well, then, you and your family can kiss my ass.” He tried to walk out, but Denise blocked the doorway.

  “Kevin, please don’t do this. Just come back to the table so I can talk to you.” She was sobbing, the mascara running down her face. “Please, honey, just let me explain. This whole thing’s a little more complicated than you think.”

  “This had better be good, Denise, or I swear it’s over between us.” Kevin could see Denise wasn’t going to move without a physical confrontation. He smiled with an embarrassed look at the ten people behind him waiting to leave the restaurant. He gently escorted Denise back to their table, and they sat down.

  “Why the hell didn’t you tell me your dad was prejudiced?”

  “Look, Kevin, I’ll be right back. I have to go the rest room and clean up my face.”

  “Just go,” Kevin barked, rolling his eyes. He knew she was just stalling for more time.

  Denise looked a wreck. Her mascara was smudged all over her face and her eyes were totally bloodshot from crying, all of which the other patrons were whispering about. On top of all that, she needed time to think of a creative lie to pacify Kevin. Her father was far from prejudiced, although Denise was pretty sure he wouldn’t be happy about her dating a black man. Especially one who was just a physical education teacher. It wasn’t about color to her family as much as it was about prestige. She was expected to find and marry a rich Jewish professional as far as her father was concerned.

  As he sat at the table and waited, Kevin seethed. Twice he almost got up and left before she returned, but then he realized he couldn’t. When he had been cut from the NBA after his drug test, he reacted instantly and left without even looking for an alternative solution. He moved to New York without giving it much thought. And most recently he had broken up with Alicia because he acted before he considered all sides of the story. This time, as angry as he was, he was determined to hear Denise’s explanation before he made any decisions. If he wanted to be treated like a man, he knew he needed to get his rash behavior under control and act like a man.

  He contemplated his relationship with Denise and wondered if Mama wasn’t right about her after all. Kevin really liked Denise. Over the past six months she had introduced him to things he’d never dreamed of. He had seen how the upper class lived and was happy to be included in Denise’s free spending habits. But for whatever reason, he never made a true connection with her like he did with Alicia. Maybe it was the interracial thing, or maybe it was the fact that he was still in love with Alicia. Whatever it was, Kevin knew that as long as Denise made excuses about why he should not meet her parents, he would not be able to give her his heart.

  “Hello, Mr. Brown.” A voice came from behind as he sat immersed in his thoughts.

  Kevin turned to see Alicia standing behind his chair. She was as gorgeous as ever, wearing a sleek gray pants suit.

  “Alicia, what are you doing here?” He tried to conceal the smile that was creeping across his face. He was even happier to see her than he would have imagined.

  “I was headed upstairs to a retirement party, when I spotted you sitting here. If you’ve got a minute, I’d like to talk to you. That is, if you don’t mind?”

  “No, I don’t mind. The truth is we should have had a talk a long time ago.” He pulled out the chair next to his, then glanced toward the bathroom as she sat down. “But are you sure we should be together with that order of protection and all?” He couldn’t resist the slight jab after he had been so hurt by her legal action against him.

  “First of all, I want to apologize for that. At the time, I didn’t know what Michael had done.” She rested her hands on the table and leaned toward him.

  “So you know what Michael told me is what set me off, huh?” He was glad to finally hear that the boy was indeed lying.

  “Yes. I figured Tyrone would have told you by now about how I found out. Your friend really saved me from Trevor that day.”

  “He did tell me about it, but it’s good to hear from you that you understand now what was wrong with me.”

  “I do understand, but there’s something else I don’t understand.”

&n
bsp; “What’s that?”

  “Why did it matter to you anyway? That girl you’re dating told me you’d been with her all along anyway.” An accusatory look came across Alicia’s face. She was still more angry and hurt than she thought. “You know, Kevin, that hurt more than anything else. Probably because even then I was still in love with you.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Look, Kevin. It’s over between us now, so there’s no need to play games. Why not just tell me the truth?”

  “Alicia, I do have a girlfriend, but I wasn’t going with Denise until after you and I had broken up. In fact, I didn’t even try to meet anyone else until you had me served with an order of protection. I kind of took that as a hint you wanted me to get lost.”

  He didn’t appreciate what she had just accused him of. He was willing to acknowledge that he had acted too quickly when he broke up with her. He hadn’t waited for all the facts. But one thing he had been through it all was faithful, and he resented that she was implying differently.

  “Look, Kevin. You can tell me whatever you want. It doesn’t matter now. But I know for a fact that you were with her while you and I were dating. How else could she have been eight months pregnant when she came to my apartment?”

  She was becoming angry at the memory of her own embarrassment the day Denise’s private detective had gone to the apartment, posing as Kevin’s girlfriend.

  “Eight months pregnant? What the hell are you talking about?”

  Before Alicia could explain, Denise was standing beside the table, her expression a mixture of confusion and suspicion. She had overheard Kevin’s last exclamation but hadn’t yet figured out the context.

  “Uh, Kevin, honey,” Denise said as calmly as she could, “why don’t you introduce me to your friend?”

  Kevin turned to her and smiled at her perfectly flat stomach. There was no way Alicia knew what she was talking about if she thought his girlfriend was eight months pregnant. At the same time, he was suddenly nervous about introducing the women. After all, it is never comfortable introducing your ex to your current, and even more so when they happen to be of different races.

  “Alicia, I’d like you to meet my eight-month-pregnant girlfriend, Denise,” he said sarcastically.

  At the same moment that Kevin was saying Alicia’s name, Denise was remembering where she had seen that face before. The file from her private detectives had contained photographs of Alicia. Denise was surprised at herself for not remembering that sooner. Usually she was good with such details. Then again, she was still reeling from the meeting with her father. Now she knew what the eight-month-pregnant comment was about. For a split second she worried about her next move, then realized she was the only one at the table who knew the whole truth. It would be easy for her to play dumb and lie her way through this one. She decided to sit back and let Alicia make a fool out of herself.

  “That’s not Denise. Denise is black!” Alicia said indignantly. “Your girlfriend Denise was at my apartment, and she was a pregnant black woman.”

  “I’m not trying to be funny, Alicia, but she’s the only Denise I’ve gone out with since the sixth grade. And as you can see, she’s not black.” Kevin wondered if too many beatings from Trevor had made this woman lose her mind.

  “I don’t know what’s going on, Kevin, but a pregnant black woman claiming to be Denise came by my apartment with birthday presents for Michael.” Alicia was beginning to get an attitude. “Now, you can play games with me all you want. But that woman looked Michael in the eye and told him the presents were from his uncle Kevin, and that you couldn’t wait to play Legends of the Boxing Ring II with him. How would she know you and Michael had played that game together if she didn’t somehow know you?”

  Kevin hesitated while he thought for a second. He had told Michael he would buy Legends of the Boxing Ring II for his birthday the day he and Alicia had broken up. In fact, he had almost sent the game a few days before his birthday. He had been in the toy store with Denise and explained why he wanted to buy the game for Michael. She advised him not to send it, telling him it might be construed as a violation of the order of protection. He had heeded her advice reluctantly.

  Now, as some of the pieces started coming together, Kevin was still confused but becoming suspicious of Denise. He looked at his girlfriend and wondered if she was really capable of such a scheme. Then he remembered how boldly she had lied to her father in front of him and figured she just might be capable of anything. He just couldn’t understand who the pregnant black woman was and how she could figure into such a mess.

  The look on Kevin’s face as he stared at Denise was troublesome. She could tell that the wheels were turning in his mind as the three of them sat silently. He was trying to put the pieces together, and she knew it was only a matter of time before he figured out the connection with the video game.

  She had gone one step too far when she advised the private investigator that bringing that specific video game would make the story more believable. Denise didn’t know now what to do to stop Kevin from making that final connection and perhaps accusing her right in front of Alicia. She broke the heavy silence at the table.

  “Excuse me, Kevin. As your attorney, I have to remind you that Alicia does have an order of protection against you.”

  Denise tried to smile at Alicia, but her jealousy had taken over, and she couldn’t bring herself to look Alicia in the eye. She felt her position of power slipping away quickly. Kevin’s response confirmed her fear.

  “You know, Denise, the last time you advised me about the order of protection, we were in the toy store talking about that video game.” Kevin turned his entire body to face her in a confrontational posture.

  “What are you trying to say?” Denise asked helplessly, wishing she could scratch Alicia’s eyes out.

  “I’m trying to say that you’re the only person I ever mentioned that game to. Did you or did you not have something to do with the woman who showed up at Alicia’s door?”

  Alicia turned to face Denise, eager to hear her response to Kevin’s question. It was too much for Denise to see the look of superiority that came across Alicia’s face as the lies were being revealed.

  “Kevin! I can’t believe you are asking me this. Do you really think I would lie to you?”

  “Do I? I just watched you lie to your father’s face not less than fifteen minutes ago. Why would I expect you to be any different with me?”

  “Because I love you, Kevin.”

  “Well, if you love me, Denise, then tell me the truth, because I’m starting to wonder if you’re capable of that.” Kevin folded his arms and waited for a response.

  Denise’s bottom lip trembled, but she held back the tears. She gave Alicia an angry look, as if the whole episode were her fault. Her anger exploded into an angry tirade directed at Alicia.

  “This is all your fault, you know! Why can’t you just stay with Trevor? After all those gifts he got you, I’d think a woman like you would want to stick around! Why don’t you leave me and Kevin alone?”

  “What did you say?” Alicia demanded. “How did you know anything about gifts from Trevor?”

  “What gifts?” Kevin asked, again in the dark.

  Denise could no longer control herself. At this point she knew she had very little left to lose. She exposed the rest of her scheme.

  “Fine! I sent the gifts, and I sent someone over there to pretend to be me. What did you expect me to do? Kevin is supposed to be my man, and he still calls out your name in his sleep. I would stop at nothing to keep you out of his life, Alicia,” she sobbed. “I hate you.”

  Alicia ignored Denise’s final words. The only thought resounding in her head was that Kevin still cared for her. After all their misunderstandings, she saw a glimmer of hope that the two of them could reconcile.

  “Kevin, is that true? Do you really still dream about me?”

  She reached across the table to touch his hand. Kevin pulled his hand away, and t
he tension was obvious in his entire body.

  “Yes, Alicia, I do still love you, but—”

  “Kevin!” Denise shrieked. “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me after all I’ve done for you. I bought you furniture, I took you on trips. Things she never could have given you. How could you throw away what we have?”

  “What we have?” he asked in amazement. “We have nothing, Denise. Relationships are built on trust, and we don’t have that. You can’t buy my trust, and you sure as hell haven’t earned it.” He stood up abruptly and declared, “It’s over.”

  Denise collapsed into a chair, racked with sobs. A waiter rushed to the table as Kevin stormed away with Alicia hurrying to catch him.

  “Kevin, wait!” Alicia called as he walked out the door.

  He stopped on the sidewalk and faced her. “What is it now, Alicia?”

  “Did you mean that in there? Do you really still love me?”

  “Yeah, I do, but right now I can’t talk to you. You were willing to give Trevor as many chances as it took, but I made one mistake and you were ready to have me locked up.”

  “I’m sorry, Kevin. I’m so sorry. We really have some things to work out.”

  “Yeah, we probably do. But let me ask you this. Have you worked everything out with Trevor?”

  Alicia hung her head as she remembered her son’s father, who was waiting at her apartment. They had been back together since Trevor had started going to AA meetings. It tore her apart inside to think that she had let this man back in her life, especially since he had started drinking again. She told herself she was doing it so that Michael would have a father figure, but in her heart she knew that Trevor should not be that man. Her son struggled daily with the love that was tainted with fear.

  “Alicia, what’s your answer? Are you still with Trevor?” Kevin repeated.