Until It's Time To Go

by Connie Bailey

  “There aren’t any garden gnomes lurking around, are there?” Isaac said as he got out of the car. “I’m beginning to see why Laith went to the Goth side. The relentless cuteness around here would drive anyone to crucifixes and black hair dye.” He paused. “Or is it unrelenting cuteness?”

  “Just grab your bags,” she said as she pulled the lever that opened the trunk. “We can argue the small points of modifiers over a glass of wine. Which might even make the experience bearable for me.”

  Kylie looked up from her laptop at the kitchen table as Janelle and Isaac came in. She gazed at them over the glasses perched on the end of her nose. “Need any help?”

  “No, we’ve got it,” Janelle said, as she glanced at the stove. “Is that a pot of boiling water?”

  “Yes, ma’am, it is,” Kylie said. “All ready for the pasta just as you commanded.”

  Janelle kissed the top of Kylie’s head. “We’re just going to take Isaac’s bags to his room. Be right back.”

  “Welcome, Isaac,” Kylie said, half-standing to hug his neck.

  With a piece of luggage in each hand, all Isaac could do was press his chin to her shoulder. “Thanks for having me,” he said as he stepped back.

  Janelle knocked on the door at the end of the hall and Laith opened it. His hair was midnight blue. Pushing the headphones off his ears, he gave Isaac a hug.

  “Come on in,” Laith said, grabbing a bag from Isaac’s hand. Putting the roller bag on the single bed, he swept a hand around the room. “I hope it’s okay. I cleaned for days… weeks.”

  “I appreciate you giving up your room. I told your mom I’d sleep on the couch.”

  “Forget it,” Laith said. “I sleep on that couch all the time. And I can set my laptop up in the dining room. No one goes in there.”

  “I hope we’ll have time for a few rounds of BotLL. I like playing with you online, but it’s more fun if we’re sitting next to each other.”

  “Absolutely,” Laith said. “Though I’m about maxed out on BotLL.” He grinned. “Wait ’til you see the graphics in Kichirou!”

  “Keechee what?”

  Laith’s grin widened. “It’s what they’re playing in Japan. Not available here yet, but I know people online. It was a little hard at first, because all the commands are in Japanese, but we’ve got it figured out now.”

  “You sound excited,” Isaac said as he Laith followed Janelle back to the kitchen.

  “Kichirou is seriously tight and the graphics are so crispy that you get distracted looking at the backgrounds. I got greased this morning because I stopped to look at a tree with flowers on it.”

  “So gay,” Isaac said and dodged Laith’s playful punch.

  “Knock off the horseplay,” Janelle said over her shoulder. “Put your stuff away and come have lunch.”

  After a late lunch/early dinner, Isaac caught up with Laith and then joined Janelle on the back porch for a glass of wine. Behind the house, the evergreens marched away over the stony ground, undefeated but kept at bay. At least, Isaac hoped they were. If not, the house would soon be part of the forest.

  “You know, it’s really beautiful here, but don’t you think it’s a little… isolated?” he said as he gazed at the trees.

  “That’s one of the things I love about it. When Ky and I have a baby, this will be a great place to raise her… or him. At least I won’t have to worry about cars speeding down the road in front of the house.”

  “I was looking at it from a sixteen-year-old’s perspective.”

  “Laith talked to me about that. I agreed that if he earned all the credits for his diploma, he could go to California and study acting.”

  “You can count on me to do whatever needs doing.”

  “Oh I will, don’t you worry. Anyway, I have a feeling my nest won’t stay empty for long.”

  “Good. Seriously, what would you do without someone to mother?”

  Janelle took a sip of her wine. “Since I’ve decided to become a midwife that should never be a problem. The idea of a future full of healthy babies makes me happy.”

  “Wow, you’ve really jumped on the Precious Train and bought a lifetime ticket.”

  “So?”

  “So nothing. I’m just wondering what happened to the tough as nails tomboy who kicked Trace Quincy’s ass for calling me a shit-sucking fag.”

  “That tomboy liked kittens and pink ribbons just as much as I do. She just never felt comfortable with it until recently.”

  “What happened?”

  “I don’t know. I guess I just accepted that I’m a girl and that’s okay. I don’t have to deny myself things like cute shoes and stuffed toys on my bed to get respect.” Janelle shifted in her seat. “I think I’m through wearing my gayness like some kind of badge, like being different makes me special by default.”

  “I know exactly what you mean. I used to think that being picked on automatically made me morally superior… and I guess it does a little bit, but I just want to be a person, not a martyr.”

  “I hope that someday all gay people will be able to enjoy that luxury,” Kylie said from the door way. “But until there’s a little more equality and understanding in this world, some of us are going to have to keep wearing the badge.” She paused. “I reckon it’s obvious I was eavesdropping. Sorry. I just came to remind you that I’ll be gone for a couple of hours tonight.”

  “I didn’t forget. You have the thing at church.”

  Kylie nodded. “I’ll be shoving off in about ten. See you later.”

  “Church?” Isaac said when Kylie was gone. “I guess we’re all going through some changes. Is that something that just happens when you’re about to turn fifty?”

  “Didn’t you get the memo?”

  Isaac chuckled. “So what can you tell me about this guy Jessie?”

  “Laith didn’t talk your ear off about him?”

  “His name came up in conversation several times, but no details except that he’s a gamer.”

  “Huh. I would’ve thought he’d be falling over himself to tell you. Anyway, he met Jessie Lee online and I took him to the mall so they could meet in person. Jessie’s mom was so pleased that he was making a friend. I don’t think she has a clue that he’s gay, but she wants him to be happy and that’s the important thing.”

  “So is Jessie like… Laith’s boyfriend?”

  “You’ll have to ask Laith.”

  “Don’t think I won’t. I can’t believe he didn’t tell me he had prospects.”

  “Don’t do anything to spook him, okay?”

  “I won’t embarrass him. I promise.”

  “He’s sixteen. Of course you’re going to embarrass him if you talk about his love life.”

  “You forget.” Isaac paused for dramatic effect. “I’m not his mother.”

  Janelle sipped her tea. “So what do you want to do while you’re here?”

  “Mostly I just want to hang out with you guys. Feel free to let me know when I get in the way.”

  “I’m so glad you’re here. And I’m proud of you for leaving your comfort zone.”

  “I didn’t go all that far.”

  “Let’s see if you’re still saying that after a week here. So, you’re welcome to come into town with me anytime you want. My first class is at eight so I leave by seven-fifteen. Ky goes to work around nine. Laith is doing lessons at home so he’ll be here. If you feel like getting creative in the kitchen, go for it. I thought we’d have a barbecue or dinner party on Saturday, invite a few friends. If you want to go driving around, Ky and I can ride into town together and leave you one of the cars.”

  “I might do that. I’ve done some of my best thinking while driving.”

  “There are lots of scenic drives around the area.

  “I’ll check it out online,” Isaac said, fully intending to make a series of road trips around the area, but by the second day, he’d already established a domestic routine.

  Each morning, he rode into town with Kylie and joined
her first yoga class of the day. After a stroll around town, he had lunch with Janelle after her midwifery classes. He then did whatever shopping needed doing for the household and checked to see if Laith needed help with schoolwork. Sometime in the afternoon, he and Laith would plan dinner and do the prepping. When Kylie and Janelle got home, they all talked in the kitchen, or took care of personal chores until the food was ready. After dinner, they would sometimes go out to a movie, and some nights they even ate dinner at a restaurant, but usually they ended up around the cleared table playing Scrabble or Boggle or some other smart game with a silly name.

  At the end of two weeks, Isaac could see how a person could get used to this life, but though he felt at peace, there was still something missing. He’d tried talking to Steve about it, but Steve’s spirit hadn’t followed him to Colorado. Or maybe Steve couldn’t find him without the trail of whisky fumes to home in on. It wasn’t until a Saturday evening—when he’d been there one day shy of two weeks—that Isaac got an answer.

  Chapter 12

  “ISAAC,” Janelle said, taking his arm and steering him away from the small group around the barbecue grill. “I want you to meet Andrew. He’s a fitness coach who volunteers one day a week at the community gym.”

  “A pleasure to meet you,” said Andrew, holding out his hand.

  “Me too,” Isaac said, shaking hands.

  “Zee, I promised to show Andrew the window boxes Kylie built, but I’m needed in the kitchen. Would you mind taking him around to the side porch?”

  Isaac nodded and moved away without waiting to see if the other man was behind him. “Why do I feel like I’ve been set up?” he muttered as he led Andrew out onto the porch.

  “Hey, we’re both in the same boat,” Andrew said. He leaned back against the railing. “Not that I mind. Do you like canoeing?”

  “You’re smooth, really smooth, but I’m still pissed at my good friend Janelle.”

  “Come on. What did she do that was so bad?”

  “Are you kidding?”

  “No.” Andrew turned to face Isaac, the setting sun glinting off his short pale hair and the lenses of his frameless glasses. “Let’s see if we can figure out why you’re mad.”

  “Are you a fitness coach or a shrink?”

  “You don’t think the professions are related?”

  Isaac chuckled.

  “I like the sound of your laugh.”

  Isaac chuckled again. “You really are good. I bet plenty of guys fall for that straightforward ‘I’m so awkward I have to be sincere’ act.”

  “I’m just me. I don’t know you so why would I bother to put on an act.”

  “Where I come from that’s the best reason to put on an act.”

  “I like who I am.”

  “It’s funny. When I met you a couple of hours ago, I had you figured as a bubble-brained gym rat with a butt I could bounce quarters off of who’d been invited to the party by my evil matchmaking friend. But you’re definitely not an airhead.”

  “The glasses should have tipped you off.” Andrew smiled. “So… do you like me a little?”

  “What’s not to like? You’re smart and funny and cute and you have a smokin’ bod.”

  “Then so what if Janelle and Kylie set us up? Why don’t we just relax about that and get to know each other better, see where that takes us?” Andrew paused. “I know I’m pushy.”

  “It’s an interesting feeling to just chat with an attractive guy without wondering what he wants from you.”

  “I’d be happy to tell you exactly what I want from you.” Andrew raised his reddish eyebrows.

  “You’re quite the flirt.”

  “Sorry. This is probably too much information, but you turn me on.”

  “I’m flattered, but I doubt you’re ever at a loss for a dance partner.”

  “In case you haven’t noticed, this is a small burg. It’s hard to meet people, you know? Hell, the nearest gay bar is hours away.”

  “No boyfriend?”

  “Nope. You?”

  “I’m currently disentangled.”

  “Then there’s no reason we can’t flirt.”

  “I suppose not, but I feel like I should tell you I’m leaving in a couple of days.”

  “No drama, no expectations. I’d just like to talk with you and see if I can’t intrigue you to a little something more.”

  “Let’s give it a try.” Isaac sat in a bent willow chair. “Tell me more about yourself.”

  “Not like you’re putting me on the spot or anything.” Andrew pushed away from the railing and sat in the chair next to Isaac. “There’s not a lot to tell. I grew up around here, skipping school and going skiing. Managed to get a diploma and a recruitment letter from the Denver Police Department. After talking to my folks, I enrolled in the Police Academy and did better than anyone expected. I did my rookie year on a bicycle patrolling Harvard Gulch Park.”

  “So you were a cop. Wow.”

  “I didn’t last long.”

  “What happened?”

  “Probably not what you’re thinking. My partner didn’t die in my arms or anything like that. I just got tired of the harassment.”

  “Want to tell me?”

  “Promise it won’t end up in a script? Janelle told me what you do for a living.”

  “I can’t promise that.”

  “It’s not that big a deal anyway. My partner was a bigot and a homophobe. There were some gay hustlers that worked the park, and Carter was really hard on them. Instead of doing the right thing and reporting him, I put in for a transfer. For a while, things were better, but then I started noticing that people were avoiding me. I found out that Carter had spread a bunch of rumors about me. Instead of confronting him, I asked for a transfer to a smaller outfit. Lo and behold, I ended up in Steamboat Springs.”

  “So why did you quit being a cop?”

  “I was getting it on as often as possible with the guy who owned the local gym. When he decided to move to Vegas, I started running the place for him.”

  “In addition to being on the force.”

  “The last thing I wanted was free time. I missed that asshole when he left me for a blackjack croupier. Anyway, I started working out more and more and found out I really enjoyed the training. And I enjoyed coaching. One day, after the blue millionth fag joke in the cop shop, I resigned. My exit seemed to have no impact on law enforcement in Steamboat Springs.”

  “You know you could always move to a city where gay people are more accepted.”

  “So I’d hear fewer fag jokes?”

  “No, but in Hollywood the gay people are the ones telling the fag jokes.”

  “And that’s better?”

  “At the least, it takes the sting out of it. You know, the way the overuse of the word ‘fuck’ has pulled most of its teeth.”

  “Hmm, you may have a point.”

  Isaac took another sip of his margarita and realized he was getting drunk. It had been a while since he’d felt this warm dissolution, this melting of inhibition. It’s fine, he told himself. You’re still at the floaty, giggly stage. If you stop drinking now, you’ll be fine. When Andrew leaned in, Isaac met him halfway, pressing their lips together in a brief kiss.

  “Thank God that’s out of the way,” Andrew said. “First kisses are so crucial that I’m intensely nervous until it’s over with.”

  “I didn’t notice any nerv—” Isaac’s words were cut off as Andrew gently covered his lips again.

  The kiss was soft and slow and progressed easily through several stages. Andrew was a good kisser with minimal, but optimal, use of hands, and Isaac was really getting into it. He forgot he was sitting on Janelle’s side porch and that he’d only known Andrew for half an hour. The wet slide of tongue-on-tongue, the hard muscle of the thigh pressed against his crotch, and the warmth of the skin under his hands were as heady as the tequila in his drink. Everything felt good and he wanted more. If he hadn’t knocked over a watering can, he might have ended up be
nt over the porch railing.

  “Let’s take a breather, okay?” Isaac said when the dull clatter of the plastic jug died down.

  “Let’s go to my place.” Andrew squeezed the back of Isaac’s neck. “We can finish what we started.”

  “I don’t think so.” Isaac picked up the elephant-shaped watering can and put it back in its place.

  “I thought you wanted to do this.”

  “I do.”

  “Then what’s wrong?”

  “You’re not the one I want to do it with.”

  Andrew groaned. “Why does this always happen to me?”

  “What?”

  “I meet an attractive guy, and we click, but then it turns out that he’s still in love with some guy he left for all the right reasons.”

  “Maybe it’s the cop in you. You’re drawn to people in crisis.”

  “You’re pretty smooth yourself. I like the way you’re trying to let me down easy.”

  “It doesn’t cost me anything, and lately I’ve been made aware that other people have feelings just as deep and complex as mine.”

  “This always happens too,” Andrew said. “The deep and complex conversation.”

  Isaac chuckled and then apologized. “Sorry, I know you weren’t trying to be funny.”

  “No problem. Are you sure I can’t talk you into going home with me?”

  “Pretty sure. The trouble with me is I keep having these little epiphanies and then I fall right back into my old behavior. How many times do I have to learn the same lesson?”

  “You’re asking the wrong guy.”

  “I know.”

  “So why don’t you talk to the right guy?”

  “Impossible. I fucked it up beyond all recall. Frankly, I’m too ashamed of how I left it to even call him.”

  “What did you do? Break up with him in a text message?”

  “I didn’t do anything. I ran away.”

  Andrew shook his head. “That’s cold.”

  “More cowardly really.”