Beauty in the Ashes

by Micalea Smeltzer

  We walked out of the restaurant and I found myself yearning for more time to spend with her. I knew I couldn’t take up any more of her day though.

  “Do you need a ride home?” She asked.

  “I’m fine. I enjoy the walk,” I shrugged.

  “It’s no trouble, really,” she opened her car door. “Don’t be stubborn.”

  I chuckled. “Fine.” I accepted her offer. I gave her directions to Kyle’s place and she pulled up to the curb. “I hope I get to see you again.”

  “Me too,” she smiled. “What’s your phone number?”

  “Oh, uh, I don’t have one,” I scratched the back of my head. When I’d made the decision to go to rehab, I’d thought it would be best to start clean, and that meant forgetting about everyone that had become a part of my life once I started using.

  She frowned. “Can I reach you through Kyle?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. He’ll let me know you called.”

  “Great,” she smiled. I started to get out of the car, but her hand landed on my arm to halt my progress. I looked over my shoulder at her and raised a brow in question. “I’m really glad I ran into you today. I’ve missed you.” Her lashes fluttered against her cheeks.

  “I’ve missed you too,” I admitted and the words were true. I hadn’t realized how much until now.

  “Bye,” she whispered.

  I gave her a small wave as I jogged up the steps into Kyle’s townhouse. I closed the door and peeked out the window, watching as she left.

  The strangest emotion was filling my body.

  I was…happy.

  CHAPTER 33

  Sutton

  “Memphis!” I cried, my voice full of urgency. “Come here! Hurry!”

  He came running out of the bathroom, half of his face was shaved and the other half still boasted white foam. “What is it? Are you okay? Is the baby coming?” He fired questions at me in a rapid fashion. One hand held the towel around his waist, which was dangerously close to slipping off.

  “No,” I giggled. “The baby kicked.”

  “You nearly gave me a heart attack because the baby kicked?” His look was incredulous.

  Men.

  I grabbed his hand and placed it on my rounded stomach. His mouth gradually fell open in awe and his eyes widened. “Wow,” he gasped, moving his hands over my stomach to better feel the baby. “That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt.” He reached up to cup the nape of my neck. “Thank you for sharing that with me.” He pressed his lips to mine in a soft, but lingering kiss.

  To an outsider we were a couple sharing a special moment over our growing child. Although, while we were now officially a couple, the child was not his.

  Enough time had passed that I knew Caelan was out of rehab. He hadn’t called or come to see me. He’d ceased all contact and made it pretty clear he wanted nothing to do with me. That stung, but I was okay. In fact, Memphis made things more than okay.

  “Are you ready to find out if the baby’s a boy or girl?” He asked.

  “Yes,” I grinned, barely containing the squeal in my voice. “I can’t wait!”

  I wrapped my arms around him and held him close. Once I stopped fighting my feelings I saw that what I had with Memphis was a beautiful thing. Our relationship was as easy as breathing.

  His hand continued to rub absentmindedly against my stomach. Peering into my eyes, he said, “You know, this apartment isn’t quite big enough for a baby.”

  “I know,” I agreed, nervously biting on a fingernail. I knew I needed a better place to bring the baby home to, but this was all I could afford.

  “I have an extra bedroom at my place.” His tone was very persuasive. “It could be yours and the baby’s, or,” his voice grew husky, “it could be the baby’s and you could sleep in my bed.” He ran a finger along my jaw in a light caress. My neck arched and I moaned. I hadn’t told Memphis I loved him yet, but I knew in my heart I did. I wasn’t ready to say the words yet, soon though. We hadn’t had sex either. I knew we both wanted to, but I was making myself wait to progress things to that point. In the past, that’s what all my relationships had been based around—even with Caelan—and I wanted things to be different with Memphis. However, my patience was wearing thin. I wanted him.

  “I-I-” I stuttered as his fingertips skated over my exposed collarbone. I didn’t know how he could fill my body with want by one simple touch or glance. He was a freakin’ magician—the panty magician, because I was about to throw mine across the room and beg him to take me right here. But then I gathered my senses and told myself to calm down. It wasn’t time. I wanted it to be different with him, romantic. I didn’t want it to be a clash of lips and limbs. I think that this was the first time I’d ever craved slow, sweet love.

  Memphis was a miracle worker.

  “I need to think about it.” I gasped, finally finding my voice.

  “Don’t take too long,” he murmured as his lips ghosted down my neck. “The baby will be here before you know it.”

  “I know,” I whispered.

  He released me and pointed to his face. “I better finish shaving.”

  “Too bad you’re lopsided now.” I smiled wryly and reached up to caress his smooth cheek. “I like you with some stubble.”

  “Is that so?” He chuckled. “I’ll stop shaving then.”

  I laughed under my breath as he retreated to the bathroom. I was ready to go, so I sat down to wait. Normally, Memphis waited for me, but I was so excited to find out the gender of my baby that I’d been ready for hours.

  Memphis walked out of the bathroom dressed in a pair of dark khaki cargo pants and a white v-neck shirt. “You look nice,” I grinned, looking him up and down.

  He chuckled huskily and grabbed his wallet off the dresser and put it in his back pocket. “I thought maybe we could have a picnic in the park after your appointment.”

  “That sounds great.” I meant it too. Normally, that would have been something I would’ve frowned at—anything overly romantic gave me hives—but not anymore.

  He looked at his watch. “We better head out.”

  He was right. This was one appointment I didn’t want to be late to.

  I twitched with excitement the whole drive to the hospital. Memphis eventually grasped my hand to cease my movements.

  I was a buzzing bundle of nerves by the time I was called back to the room to wait.

  My doctor believed that Memphis was the father of my baby. Neither of us had bothered to correct her. It was easier not to. Besides, Memphis had proven himself to me and I believed him when he said he wanted to raise my child as his own.

  I held my breath as I waited for my doctor. I had no preference over whether my baby was a boy or girl, but I was desperate to know.

  “Breathe.” Memphis rubbed his hand soothingly up and down my back. “You’re going to pass out if you keep holding your breath like that.”

  I let my breath out with a gust. “Sorry,” I smiled sheepishly. “I hate waiting.”

  “Me too,” he chuckled, pulling up a chair and holding my hand as he sat down beside me.

  We both fidgeted nervously, our eyes on the clock as we waited for my doctor. It always took awhile for her to come back to my room, but this time it seemed to take even longer.

  When she finally came in, I asked, “Can we speed up this process?”

  She laughed. “Someone’s excited.”

  “We both are,” Memphis added.

  She asked me several questions and looked things over. “So, you want to know the sex?” She moved the wand over my rounded stomach.

  “Yes!” Memphis and I exclaimed simultaneously.

  She laughed. “Are you really sure?”

  “Don’t play with me,” I pouted.

  She clicked around the screen and moved the wand until she saw what she needed to. “It looks like you’re having a…” She paused for dramatic effect. “Girl!”

  “A girl?” I gasped in awe. “I’m having a daughter?”r />
  “You are,” she smiled, wiping the goo from my stomach and putting everything away.

  “Wow,” I breathed in shock. Somehow, knowing I was having a girl made it even more real. In a few months I’d have a daughter to hold. I looked over at Memphis and saw that he had tears shimmering in his eyes.

  “We’re going to have a daughter,” he breathed, leaning over to kiss me. His words affected me more than he knew—it was a turning point for me. We were in this together. He wasn’t running from me. Memphis and I were going to be a family—him, little bean, and me.

  “Here you go,” the doctor handed the ultrasound sound photos to me.

  I clutched them tightly, not wanting to let go. I stared down at them, tracing the soft curves of little bean’s nose and mouth. She was perfect and I couldn’t wait to hold her.

  After a few moments to overcome my emotions I got dressed and we headed home to pack for our picnic.

  I felt so light and happy. Things were falling into place for me. All the bad shit I’d gone through had been a really crappy stepping stone in this thing called life. Now I was where I wanted to be, and because of all the bad I could appreciate the good even more.

  “Why are you smiling?” Memphis asked me as he made sandwiches.

  I sat down at one of the stools and propped my head on my hand. “I didn’t know I was.”

  “You were,” he chuckled, carefully watching what he was doing. His copper hair fell in his eyes and he flicked his head so that the strands were out of his way.

  “I guess I have a lot to be happy about.”

  “I like seeing you like this.” His gray eyes flicked up to meet mine.

  “You’re a big part of the reason I’m so happy,” I confessed.

  His grin was infectious. The dimples in his cheeks winked at me and I resisted the urge to lean across the counter and kiss them. “Really?” Surprise colored his tone.

  I nodded. The words I love you were on the tip of my tongue, but I did not proclaim them. Instead I decided to wait until we were at the park. That seemed like a better, more romantic, spot to confess my feelings.

  Memphis packed everything in a cooler and we were on our way once more. It was a nice spring day—the birds chirped and the sun shone like a halo over the world.

  He parked the car and took my hand, the cooler clasped in the other. We didn’t walk very far until we found a shady spot under the trees.

  “Shit!” Memphis cursed. “I forgot a blanket for us to sit on.”

  “It’s okay,” I assured him. “It’s only grass. We’ll be fine.”

  He seemed unsure. “We can sit at a table if you’d prefer,” he pointed to one of the many tables scattered through the park.

  Rolling my eyes at him, I sat on the ground and patted the spot beside me. “It’s a nice grassy blanket. Same difference.”

  He sat down, chuckling under his breath. “You are so different than other girls.”

  “I take it that’s a good thing, since you’re sitting here with me and not one of those ‘other girls’ you speak of,” I laughed, grabbing a sandwich from the cooler.

  “It is,” he smiled, the motion crinkling the corners of his eyes.

  I pulled the sandwich from the baggie and took a bite. “Mmm,” I moaned, “this is delicious.”

  “It’s a sandwich,” he stated.

  I looked at him out of the corner of my eye, and said, “I’m pregnant, therefore always hungry. So I’m sorry that I’m thoroughly enjoying this sandwich.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” he grinned and grabbed the sunglasses dangling from his shirt, slipping them on to block the sun.

  We chatted as we ate and once the food was gone, we decided to stay a bit longer. We moved to a sunny spot and lay down beside each other. Memphis crossed his arms behind his head and stared up at the clouds. Taking the opening, I scooted my body against his, curling around him, and rested my head on his chest. A hum sounded in his chest. His fingers lazily trailed up and down my arm. I felt content and entirely at peace in his arms.

  My eyes grew heavy, but I forced myself to stay awake.

  Memphis’ breaths were heavy, like he had a lot on his mind.

  He leisurely rolled to his side and propped his head on his hand. He trailed a finger down my nose, his eyes far away.

  “What are you thinking about?” I said the words softly, like I was afraid of his answer.

  “I love you.” The words tumbled out of his mouth and shock slithered through my body. I hadn’t been expecting that. “I love you,” he repeated. “I don’t expect you to say it back or anything, but I thought you ought to know. I couldn’t keep it to myself any longer. I love you,” he brushed a piece of hair off my forehead, his fingertips gliding in a feather-light touch over my face. “I love you.” Grinning, he said, “It feels so good to say that.”

  Pushing him onto his back, I hovered above. My hair fell forward, creating an intimate shield around us. I lowered my head, like I was going to kiss him. When my lips were only millimeters from his, I breathed, “I love you too.”

  His gasp was my undoing and I couldn’t hold myself back from closing the small distance between us. I kissed him with every ounce of passion I had in me. I wanted him to know that I wasn’t just saying the words. I really meant them.

  Memphis had burrowed a space into my heart the moment I met him, and while I fought my feelings for him and immersed myself in Caelan, those desires never went away. In the past months, my love for him had grown every day—even when I’d done everything to push him away, that love was building inside me. I fell in love with him slowly—the way you’re supposed to. I got to know him and he got to know me. There was nothing instant-love about us. We worked hard to get to this point and went through a lot. Sadly, it took me falling for someone else, and subsequently ending up broken hearted, to see that this man right here was the one for me. He wasn’t my second choice. He was the choice.

  Memphis broke the kiss and turned his head to the side as he panted. He sat up with me cradled in his lap. He took my face between his hands. “Are you sure?”

  “Abso-fucking-lutely.”

  “You and your potty mouth,” he chuckled.

  “Face it,” I pressed my forehead to his, “you love all the things I say.”

  With a serious look, he said, “It’s you I love.”

  “You really love me?” I burrowed my head in the crook of his neck, absorbing the heat of his body and familiar scent.

  “I really do,” he breathed. “I love the way you’re so passionate about things you believe in. I love the way you smile in the morning when you’re still half-asleep. I love the way you sing in the shower when you think I’m not listening. I love the way that you’re this crazy self-confident woman, but sometimes you show this soft shyness and I can see a glimpse of what you were like as a child.” Grasping a strand of my dark hair in his fingers he tugged gently. “I love everything about you.”

  I grinned at that. “I’m glad, ‘cause you’re kinda stuck with me.”

  “Oh, am I now?” He laughed, his hands grasping my waist where I straddled him—probably not the best position we could have been in, in a public park.

  “Yeah,” I smiled—the kind of smile that makes your face hurt, “now that I have you, I’m never letting you get away.”

  His laughter made his whole body shake. “I think I should be saying that. You didn’t have to chase me. You had me from the beginning.” His face grew sad. “It was hard watching you fall for someone else.”

  My heart clenched painfully at the hurt etched into the handsome lines of his face. “I’m sorry.”

  He shook his head and took my hand, pressing his lips against my fingers in a tender kiss. “Don’t be. All that hurt I felt makes this moment that much sweeter.”

  “Are you sure you’re a bartender and not a poet?” I asked him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

  “I’m sure,” he winked.

  “I wish I was better with words,”
I whispered and lowered my arms as I laid my head on his shoulder. “I wish I could express to you how strong my feelings for you are.”

  “Don’t worry,” he kissed the top of my head and then my forehead, “we have the rest of our lives for you to show me.”

  ⌘⌘⌘

  We crashed into the apartment, tearing at each other’s clothes. With both of our declarations at the park, neither of us could wait. I needed him to feel my love.

  My legs wrapped around his waist and he carried me to the bed.

  In the back of my mind, a silly insecurity reared its ugly head—would he be disgusted by me? I was pregnant and my body didn’t look like it used to, and as a guy would he be grossed out?

  My fears overcame me and I pushed at his shoulders. “Stop. Stop. Please, stop.”

  He pulled away, looking at me with a raised brow. “What’s wrong? Tell me.”

  I swallowed thickly, fiddling with my hands. “I…I’m pregnant.”

  He laughed. “Yes, Sutton, I’m well aware. I’ve been to every appointment and I’ve watched your belly grow.”

  I frowned. “No, you don’t get it. I’m pregnant. I don’t look like I used to and this baby,” I wrapped my arms around my stomach, “it’s not even yours. How can you even want to do this with me?” Tears coated my lashes.

  Memphis cupped my cheeks, forcing me to look at him. “Get those silly uncertainties out of your head. None of those things matter to me, you know that. Don’t let fear hold you back. I love you and I love this baby,” he placed his hand on my stomach, overtop mine. “If I didn’t want you or this, I wouldn’t be here. I would never lead you on, Sutton. I love you,” he declared, “and when you love someone unconditionally, nothing else matters.” He stared at me for a moment, studying my facial features. “I won’t push you for more. If you’re not ready to progress our relationship to this point, I’ll wait. Do I want you right here and right now? Hell yes. But I won’t push. I’ve waited this long, and I can wait some more.” Brushing his lips against my ear, he whispered, “I can be a very patient man when I know the reward will be well worth it.”

  I processed his words and tried to push my insecurities away. A shiver rocked my body. I wanted this. I wanted it now. But I was scared.