Numb

by Lynn Rider

‘rendezvous?’

  ‘Word of the day’

  ‘Word of the day?’

  ‘Gotta keep the mind sharp’

  ‘And you do this with one word a day?’

  ‘Yep. That’s all it takes when your mind is as sharp as mine naturally’

  My phone rang while I stared at our conversation.

  “Hey, you close?” I answered Leah’s call.

  “I’m about four blocks away.”

  “Okay, I’ll meet you out front.”

  Not wanting to leave Ashton hanging, I texted him back.

  ‘You’re crazy. Gotta run. Leah and I are baby shopping today. We will rendezvous tomorrow’

  “Meagan, Oh my God! Look at how adorable this is.”

  I glanced up from the stroller tag that I was studying to see her standing there holding an infant-sized suit. We had been at this for six hours, and despite having to stop to eat three times and at least ten bathroom breaks, she was like the energizer bunny. I was exhausted, but she was still going strong.

  When I finally managed to pull her from the store and back to her SUV, we’d clocked an impressive eight hours of shopping. It was exciting and fun at first, but now I was just exhausted.

  “So where’s Ashton today?”

  She’s up to something.

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged.

  She raised an eyebrow at me skeptically before looking ahead to the traffic that wasn’t moving in front of us. “He’s good for you.”

  I scoffed. “You don’t know him.”

  “You’re right, I don’t. But I know you and I see how you light up when he’s mentioned and you almost went airborne yesterday at lunch with him there. Meagan is at her best when he’s around.”

  “That’s the problem. He’ll never be around.”

  Leah laughed and shook her head. “My point, Meagan, is that Douglas doesn’t do that. There’s no fire in your eyes when he walks in the room, there’s no electricity when he touches you. I know you don’t get it because you’ve never had it. I’ve been asked numerous times and see it in the faces of people when they see me with Cliff. He does that for that me. He’s my best friend, he encourages me, comforts me but he also excites me in a way that no one else has. You need that, Meagan, and I don’t see Douglas being the one to do that for you.”

  “Have you ever thought that’s by design?”

  She looks at me curiously. I don’t have the heart to tell her I don’t want to feel because when you feel the highs of love, you will inevitably feel the lows when it fell apart. Douglas couldn’t hurt me, not in the life-shattering way that Ashton could.

  Before she could respond, we were in front of my building and I was opening the door. “Love you, Leah. I’ll see you tomorrow night at work.” I said, climbing from her big SUV and slamming the door before she could try to persuade me to feel differently.

  “SO YOU DON’T KNOW any of the artists who will be featured tonight?” I asked as we stood in the elevator that was taking us to the loft of an old brownstone.

  “No, all the pieces that will be on display tonight are from artists that have never had their work shown. It’s kind of a coming out, if you will. This particular broker puts these on every once in a while, but she’s strict on limiting it to only undiscovered artists,” Douglas said as he opened the gate to the elevator.

  We walked into a large open space with hardwood floors and high ceilings with exposed pipes and air conditioning ducts. It felt very industrial yet chic. There were at least a hundred different pieces of work lining the walls, propped on easels and some sculptures on columns. The added lights used to display the artwork on exhibit help to light the vast space.

  A beautiful blonde approached us wearing a wide smile. “Douglas,” she called out when she got within hearing range. She’s British. She grabbed his hands and kissed him on the cheek.

  “Elisabeth, this is Meagan.”

  “Lovely to meet you. He’s told me so much about you.” She smiled genuinely and shakes my hand eagerly. “Although, he didn’t tell me you were a model.” Douglas smiled bashfully while shaking his head.

  “Inside joke, darling,” she said with a smile. I smiled in return. “As you can see we have a number of artists represented tonight. Please take a look and let me know if you like anything or want to meet the artist. And have some wine. I assure you it’s not the dreadful stuff they usually serve at these things.” She laughed as she disappeared through a group of people.

  Douglas wrapped his arm around me and led me to the first painting. Douglas was an art lover. His apartment was lined with art from all different levels of artists; some famous, some yet to be discovered. He bought what he liked and was not concerned whether it would grow in value.

  We walked hand in hand, examining each piece. Douglas lingered on some, pensively studying them, but he didn’t make any effort to call Elisabeth over. We approached one set of paintings that were odd, but calming. Douglas must have thought so too as he gave no effort in moving on. I knew nothing about art, but I would have categorized them as abstract if I had to rely on what little I could remember of my last art class in college. They were different tones of blue, just color on canvas.

  “Do you like em, Meg?” Ashton’s smooth voice asked from behind us.

  My body instantly reacted to the sound of his voice. My heart started beating erratically, my pulse quickening and every nerve ending on point. Douglas turned first to look over his shoulder. I took another minute, trying to calm my reaction. Leah’s words streamed through my head like a chorus to a song.

  Could they see my reaction?

  I turned to see him standing there in a pair of low-rise charcoal slacks and a crisp white button down. The top several buttons were unfastened, giving a peek of the tattoo that lied underneath.

  “Ashton, good to see you,” Douglas said politely extending his hand.

  Ashton peeled his eyes from mine and smiled at him, extending the same courtesy. He took that as his segue to step in my direction, kissing the cheek opposite Douglas. I leaned into him, savoring the closeness as his mouth made contact with my skin. He pulled away slightly and licked my cheek with a swipe of his tongue. The warm sensation startled me. Ashton stepped away, giving me a cocky grin. My skin grew cold where his mark had been made, heightening my awareness of his absence.

  “You didn’t answer my question.” Ashton looked down at me.

  “Yes, I do like them. Did you do them?” I asked, trying to sound unaffected. I turned toward the paintings again.

  “No, but my buddy Charlie did. He’s here somewhere,” he responded, causally scanning the room.

  “They’re brilliant. The best I’ve seen all night,” Douglas interjected.

  “That’s nice of you to say. He’s been doing it for a while, but tonight has been a little nerve-wracking for him. Putting yourself on display for anyone to critique is difficult.”

  “Yes, I’d imagine so. Well, I think I know the perfect place for them if he’d consider selling them.”

  Ashton smiled. “Really?”

  “Yes, of course. I think they’re superb,” Douglas confirmed, glancing back at the pair of paintings.

  “Great, I’ll go find him and that art broker.”

  “Elisabeth,” Douglas corrected.

  “Yeah, Elisabeth,” Ashton repeated. He looked my way briefly before he turned and walked away.

  “Where are you going to hang them?” I asked as I looked up at Douglas.

  “Your place.” He smiled down at me.

  “What? You don’t have to do that.”

  “I know, but these were the first paintings we stood in front of tonight where you’re eyes didn’t wander, trying to get a sneak peak of what was next.” He laughed.

  His laugh was contagious and his assessment right on. Now that he mentioned it, I had grown bored with every other piece relatively quick. “You shouldn’t buy them, Douglas. I will,” I insisted.

  “Douglas, Meg, this is Charlie,
” Ashton said as he approached with Elisabeth and a rocker-looking guy wearing a bashful grin. His dirty blond hair was pulled back into a ponytail and had sporadic tattoos lining his arms. He wasn’t as big as Ashton in height or muscle mass, but he was heavier.

  Elisabeth wasted no time in talking to Douglas about the business side of things, stating the price and delivery and pick up options. I listened attentively and interrupted just as Douglas was about to make the deal final. “Sold,” I said, handing her my credit card.

  Douglas gave me a disappointed look, but Ashton raised a single brow, impressed with my decision

  My phone whistled with an incoming text message before daylight. Must remember to put it on silent before bed.

  1 New Text Message - Ashton

  ‘In the studio already then I’m going to skedaddle over to Stone-Field for our 11:00 rendezvous’

  ‘Let me guess…skedaddle is the word of the day?’

  ‘Yes, but you should be impressed that I included two words of the day in one message’

  ‘Your sharp mind knows no bounds’

  ‘Now you’re learning! See you later;)’

  ‘Did you just wink at me?’

  ‘Yes, yes I did. Gotta run. See ya!’

  I smiled as I put my phone down.

  My phone rang out over the hands-free in my car, and my already good mood spiked at seeing Reece’s name. She was Phillip’s best friend and Owen had mentioned she’d be in New York soon.

  “Hello!” I sang out as I answered.

  “Hey, Meg! How are you?”

  “I’m great. Tell me you’re coming to New York soon?”

  “I’m actually here. James’s meeting got moved, so we’re a week earlier than I expected. I hope it’s not too late to make plans for lunch this week.”

  “I can’t today. I’m on my way to an appointment, but how about tomorrow?” I asked hopefully.

  “Well, if you don’t mind having a third person. My friend Kelly and I are supposed to have lunch. Is that okay?”

  “Of course,” I said, hiding my disappointment. I wanted to talk to Reese alone about my friendship with Ashton. I really could have used some female advice from someone who knew Ashton. Since Owen mentioned her visit, I was counting on her helping me sort out how to handle a platonic friendship with a guy like Ashton.

  “Great, I’ll text you the time and place in a little while. I can’t wait to see you.”

  “Me too. I’m looking forward to it.”

  We said our goodbyes as I pulled into Stone-Field fifteen minutes early. Chef Frank was impressed to see that I was here for three lessons in a row, but then gave me a knowing look as Ashton walked in. Once he got settled and removed his jacket and scarf, he walked over and hugged me.

  “You’re not going to lick me, are you?” I asked while he still had me in his embrace.

  He laughed as he pulled away. “Do you want me to lick you?” he asked deviously.

  “I don’t remember asking you to do it last night.”

  “I had to do it for two reasons. One, you were too affected by me.” His cocky grin was set in place.

  “What?” I scoffed at his theory.

  “You were. You were going to give away how my presence affects you right there in front of your boyfriend.”

  “You don’t affect me,” I said acidly.

  He closed the distance between us, intruding on my personal space, his warmth blanketing my body. My heart started its erratic rhythm and my mouth suddenly went dry.

  “Do you want to know what the other reason was?” he whispered against my ear. I swallowed hard and nodded, unable to speak. “I needed to mark what was mine.”

  I looked up to meet his eyes and took a deep breath. Okay, he affects me.

  I pulled into the Park Plaza valet line ten minutes early and was impressed with myself at being on time yet again. As I walked toward the hotel lobby, the approach of a black limo caught my attention. Feeling starstruck, I hesitated, wanting to see who was behind the dark glass, then laughed when Reese stepped from the back of the limo. She shrieked and ran toward me, wrapping me in her arms.

  “What are you doing in that thing?” I asked as the limo pulled from the curb.

  “Ugh, ridiculous isn’t it? I’m not allowed to drive in New York City.” I looked at her puzzled. “James … need I say more?” she scowled. “Come on, my friend Kelly is already inside.”

  I follow Reese’s confident gait through the elegantly decorated dining room of the restaurant. Patrons turned to stare at her as we walked. I was intimidated by our surroundings and the uppity people who occupied the tables, but she remained unaffected. I guess being married to one of the wealthiest men in the country, she was in her element.

  “Kelly, I’d like you to meet my friend, Meagan,” Reese said as we reached the table. She stood and shook my hand. She was rather short but pretty with a cute athletic build. She offered a warm smile. “So good to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you,” she said as we sat. I was flattered.

  We talked about the symphony, Reese’s new business in Nashville and Kelly’s quest to redesign a house she and her husband bought in the suburbs. I listened to Reese and Kelly brag over their babies.

  “Listen to us gush. I’m sorry, Meagan,” Reese apologized.

  “No, don’t be. It’s insightful. My best friend Leah is pregnant.”

  “Aww,” both Reese and Kelly said at the same time and then laughed.

  “So, Meagan, I heard through Phillip you have a pretty serious boyfriend.” Her statement wasn’t a question, but her tone turned it into one.

  “Yes, Douglas. I’m not sure about how serious we are, but we’ve been together for close to four months.”

  “Well, that sounds serious,” Kelly interjected with a smile.

  I shrugged, not wanting to get into what we were. I was beginning to question that a lot lately.

  “I can hardly remember the newness of a relationship that’s four months old. Kyle and I have been together since the tenth grade and married right out of high school.” She had a wistful look on her face. “It just keeps getting better,” she said, smiling pensively.

  “Are you happy, Meagan?” Reese asked.

  Her question hung in the air unanswered as I watched her curiosity morph into concern. I couldn’t answer her because I didn’t know. As if Reese could hear my unspoken thoughts, she turned her attention to Kelly.

  “Are you ready for their tour to start?” Reese asked, changing the subject.

  Kelly’s shoulders slouched and she shook her head. Reese and I waited silently while she swallowed her food forcefully and smiled sadly. “No, I’m never ready. This will be the third tour and probably the hardest because of the boys. We have an amazing daytime nanny who helps with them and it won’t be the same without him here to help. Kyle’s pretty insistent on hiring a nighttime one too, but I don’t want that.”

  I looked at her, not fully understanding what they were talking about. She must have caught my bewildered look because she continued, “My husband, Kyle, is the lead singer of Silver Knight.”

  My heart almost stopped beating. If her husband was going on tour, then Ashton would be too. I only just got him back in my life and suddenly he was slipping away again. “Oh, when do they leave?” My tone sounded more solemn than I’d intended.

  “Three weeks. It will be the quickest three weeks and the longest eight months of my life.” She laughed quietly as she stirred her salad. “I guess I should be happy. It’s not a year tour like the first one.”

  I sat silently while my thoughts swirled in my head. So many emotions were coursing through my body that I was longing for the numbness to take over.

  “Meagan, are you okay?” Kelly asked.

  I looked up to see both Reese and Kelly’s concerned eyes looking at me anxiously. I nodded. “How do you make it work?” I asked quietly.

  Her eyes flicked to mine, followed by a sincere smile. She knew what I was asking. “When it
’s so passionate that you feel electricity when you’re together, and so consuming that he’s all you think about when you’re not, it just does.”

  “How do you know?”

  “When he walks in a room, he sucks the air out of it. When you’re so intoxicated by his presence, you can’t see or feel anything other than him. When he touches you, it burns through your skin all the way to your center. That’s how I knew and that’s how I know every day. In eight years, not one day has gone by that all of this hasn’t been true. Not age, distance, kids or even his career has clouded it.”

  She reached for my hand and gently wrapped her fingers around it. “Ashton is crazy about you. He’s cleaned up his life to prove to you that he is not the man he used to be and I’ll be forever thankful to you for that. I know I don’t know you, but I can see why you’re perfect for him. I’m sorry it took him so long to get his crap together because it sounds like he’s missed out, but so have you.” She gave my hand one more squeeze before releasing it.

  Tears burned my eyes and threatened to spill. Reese handed me a tissue and allowed me some time to get myself together. “I’m sorry, Meagan. I didn’t think lunch would take this turn.” Reese said compassionately. Through my tear-filled eyes, I managed to see the stern look she flashed at Kelly.

  I laughed softly. “I must look a mess, sitting here in this beautiful restaurant falling apart.”

  “No, you’re beautiful and all these self-absorbed snobs aren’t paying any attention to us.” I laughed. She did notice these uppity types. She was the same old Reese.

  “I’m sorry, Meagan. I really should have kept my mouth closed. I promised myself that I’d be good, but the opportunity presented itself.” She shrugged. “If you give me an inch I’ll take a mile, but hurting you was never my intention,” Kelly apologized sincerely.

  “It’s not your fault. My life is just a mess. I have one man who is perfect for me and would never hurt me and then there’s Ashton.”

  “I think that’s one in the same, Meagan,” Kelly retorted.

  THE NEXT COUPLE OF WEEKS were painful. All the heartache and sleepless nights that I’d endured when I first moved to New York had returned. I was selfishly trying to have my cake and eat it too. Having Ashton in my life in any capacity wasn’t going to work. I needed the numbness that only Douglas could provide, but realized I cared too much for him to continue stringing him along.