Numb

by Lynn Rider

  “I missed you, babe,” he said with a cocky grin. I blinked blankly at him for a minute before regaining my wits. A weak smile crossed my lips as I took in his raised brow and smirk. “You okay?”

  I nodded, still unable to catch my breath. He laughed as he slowly released me and turned toward the counter. “We’re cooking. I didn’t know what you had so I bought everything,” he said as he unpacked the sacks. I watched in awe as ingredient after ingredient was lined atop the concrete counter.

  “What are we making?” I asked curiously as I examined some of his ingredients.

  “You’ll see. I’m the chef and you’re my beautiful assistant.” He winked before turning and quickly opening and closing cabinet doors. “Pots and pans?”

  I pointed in the right direction. “So why aren’t you on tour?” I asked, wondering how he’d got away.

  “I am.” I cocked my head sideways, demanding further explanation. “When Kyle arranged the tour, he left several cities where we’d have two or three nights between shows so he could fly home to see Kelly and the boys. It just worked out that I now also reap the benefit.”

  “So what does the rest of the band do while you two fly back to New York?” He looked at me with a goofy grin. “Never mind,” I said, shivering in disgust.

  My phone rang breaking me from watching chef Ashton working his magic in the kitchen. Leah. Ashton gave me a concerned look when I groaned while looking at the screen. I put one finger up and slid my thumb across the screen.“I still don’t care what it says, Leah,” I answered cheerily.

  “I know, I know. I wanted to call you to tell you—”

  “Ashton is here, can it wait?” I interrupted.

  “He’s there?”

  I laughed. “Yes, he’s here cooking me dinner.”

  “Bye.” She giggled and hung up.

  Ashton’s cocky grin was in place as he studied me.

  “Leah,” I simply explained. “She found a tabloid today that had you and me on the cover.”

  He nodded. “I saw it.”

  “What happened to ‘Meagan do yourself a favor and don’t play into their lies and just don’t read them’?” I asked in my best impression of his deep voice.

  He laughed softly. “I don’t sound like that and I know their stories are mendacious.”

  “Mendacious?”

  “Yep!” He winked with a smile.

  “Word of the day?” I asked as I chuckled softly.

  He nodded.

  Ashton left late that night to catch his flight to Los Angeles. It was a quick trip, but well worth it in my opinion. My heart wrenched each time he left, but the leaps when he arrived were a good trade off.

  “Where are you, lover girl?” Leah purred through the Bluetooth connection in my car.

  “Ha-ha. Almost there. I’m running late,” I said dryly.

  “Someone keep you busy last night?”

  “No, he left late last night to catch their flight. I just couldn’t sleep.”

  “Rockstar must not be as good as I imagined. Sex usually has the opposite effect on me.” She giggled.

  “Leah!” I laughed.

  “Well, is it as good as we all envision it would be?”

  “Leah!”

  “Come on, Meagan. Your boyfriend is the hottest member of the hottest rock band in the country. Tell me he has skills,” she whined, pleading for information.

  “Leah, I’ll never give the details. But I will say, I wouldn’t know. We haven’t done that.”

  “What!”

  I laughed. “I’m here. Are you already inside?”

  “No, I’m behind you. I called to tell you I was running late, but our conversation turned into what could have been a whole lot more interesting until you just shattered it.”

  “I’ll see you inside.” I laughed and disconnected.

  As the valet took my keys, I glanced back to see a man holding a camera in the distance. He was looking in my direction but wasn’t taking any photos.

  “Look who I brought!” Leah sing-songed as she approached with Luke in his carrier. I shrieked in pleasure and forgot all about the man in the distance before carrying Luke into the restaurant.

  “So tell me why you haven’t given it a whirl with Rockstar?” Leah asked after the waiter walked away.

  “Leah, you’re incorrigible.”

  “I know.” She laughed. “Listen, I know you’ve moved on and you probably don’t care, but something inside of me wants to tell you this.” She looked at me with a hesitant look.

  “Okay …”

  “Douglas and Cliff played golf yesterday and he told Cliff he’s moving back to London.”

  My heart fell into my stomach. “When?” I answered, trying to sound unaffected.

  “Not sure. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, I don’t know why that bothered me. I cut him loose, broke his heart, and now I’ve moved on. I just feel really bad Leah. He’s a really great guy. I really wish I hadn’t hurt him.”

  “I know, Meagan. He’ll be okay. He’s a big boy.” She shrugged as our waiter brought our food.

  He was seated by the window when I walked into the same busy coffee shop we used to visit regularly. His solemn face lifted with my approach.

  “Meagan, lovely to see you.” He stood, reached for my hand and kissed my cheek. I tensed under his touch, but he didn’t seem to notice.

  “Douglas. You look well,” I said, sliding into the seat opposite of him.

  “Thank you. I’m getting there,” he said earnestly. I instantly felt a pang of pain to my heart.

  “I hope you don’t mind that Leah told me your news. I’m not sure why she wanted me to know, but I’m glad she did.”

  His eyes narrowed slightly as if he was searching for something. “It’s fine. I guess I should have known that you’d find out. I can’t tell you that I hadn’t imagined what this day would be like. I always knew I would go back when my father decided to retire. I just didn’t expect to be sitting here in this awkward place with you.”

  Another pang of pain.

  He let out a heavy sigh and looked down to the table. “I’d imagined it so differently. You were supposed to be excited to be moving to London with me,” he said quietly as his eyes shifted back to mine.

  My gaze cast downward. I couldn’t look at his pain-filled eyes. I could feel the sudden tightening of my throat and moisture in my eyes. I blinked a few times, trying to ward off my reaction. This was a mistake. “I’m so sorry, Douglas.” My gaze returned to his. “I really am.”

  He sighed heavily once again. “I would do anything to make you happy, Meagan. All I ever wanted was for you to love me.”

  I reached for his hand. “I do love you, Douglas, just not in the way you deserve.” He nodded. “It’s nothing you did or didn’t do. You’ll always be special to me.”

  He pulled his hand from beneath mine and put it in his lap. “I think I always knew. I just thought it was your inexperience at relationships.”

  “I wish it could have been different. Maybe if we had met before—”

  “Before you met Ashton?” he interrupted.

  I nodded. “Ashton and I have always been complicated. I’m sorry you got caught up in that. I never intended for him to reenter my life. As much as my head said he was gone, my heart wasn’t on the same sheet of music.”

  “Do you ever rid yourself of your first love?” he asked earnestly.

  “I don’t know if I can answer that.”

  He stood and bent down to kiss my cheek. “Goodbye, Meagan. I really do wish you find the happiness you’re searching for,” he whispered against my cheek before standing up straight and walking out the door.

  THE SHARP KNOCK AGAINST my door interrupted my call. “Gotta go, Leah. He’s here.”

  “Do everything I would do. And I want details!” she said as I hung up on her. That woman was dying to hear the details of my sex life with Rockstar as she had affectionately continued to call him.

  I swung th
e door open and was immediately swept off my feet and into a pair of muscular, tattooed arms. I instinctively wrapped my legs around him as our mouths met and our tongues mangled around one another. I felt the shift of his body and the loud slam of my front door as he stalked into my apartment, unaffected by my added weight clinging to his hard body. He backed me against the wall and pressed into me tighter. I could feel every hard ridge of his abdominal muscles firmly pushing against me.

  He pulled away slowly, teasing me with his lips and nuzzling into my neck. “God, I missed you. You smell so good,” he said as he inhaled deeply between my neck and ear. I giggled. He pulled away with a playful look in his eye. “What?” I shook my head. He leaned in again and inhaled deeply. I giggled again. “Are you laughing at me or are you that ticklish?” His lips moved against my skin with his question.

  “I just find it funny that you like my smell.”

  “Babe, I don’t just like your smell. I love it,” he said, inhaling once again.

  “Me too.”

  “You love your smell too?” he asked, laughing softly and kissing my neck.

  “No, I love your scent. I always have. It’s unique, nothing like it,” I said confidently.

  He laughed again and stepped back, slowly releasing me from the wall. “Well, now that we have established we love each other’s scents, what is that other delicious smell?” He inhaled deeply.

  “Dinner,” I offered sweetly. He kissed my nose and smacked my ass as I turned to walk away. We filled our plates, then spent the next hour catching up on each other’s lives.

  “Ashton, are you staying the night?” I asked as we lay together on the couch.

  “Yeah, babe. I don’t have to leave until late tomorrow night.”

  “No, I mean are you staying here. Not at your place.”

  He looked down, locking his eyes on mine. “I hadn’t really thought about it.”

  “Oh,” I said, returning my attention back to the TV.

  He sat quietly for another minute before he pushed some distance between us and shifted his body so he could look at me. “Do you want me to stay?” he asked, searching my eyes.

  “Yes.”

  A slow, lazy smile spread across his lips. “Do you want me to stay or just stay?” he asked with a waggle of his brows. I nodded and his face turned serious, realizing what I was saying. “Are you sure, Meagan? We don’t have to.”

  “You’re making me nervous. Shut up and kiss me before I change my mind.”

  He kissed me sweetly. This was different from the kisses he greeted me with or the kisses he playfully stole when we were cooking. This was a passionate, but full of emotion kind of kiss. It was sweet, reverent, but still made my body heat in a way that all of his kisses did. I felt the rush of warmth spread through my body and settle between my legs.

  His hand snaked between my hair and neck as he gently caressed my skin. He pulled back, breaking our connection. “Meagan, are you sure?”

  “Yes,” I answered, breathing heavier.

  He kissed me again, more aggressively. A low moan escaped from me as the warmth that spread through my body turned to fire. I wanted him. No, I needed him. Just as I was about to climb into his lap, he pulled away.

  “Are you sure?” he asked again, holding me away at an arms distance.

  “Why do you keep asking me that, Ashton? It’s not like it’s my first time,” I blurted out before I even realized what I’d said. He pulled back completely releasing me. His jaw clenched; his lips set in a firm line. “I’m sorry. You were just being so hot and cold. I didn’t mean to throw that—”

  “It’s okay. I just need a minute.” He got up and walked toward the bathroom.

  With the click of the door handle, my tears fell. How could I have been so dumb? I cried as quietly as possible, lying on the couch by myself until I felt his warm hand touch my shoulder.

  “Come here, babe.” He sat next to me and pulled me into his arms. “I’m sorry, I freaked out. It’s just that—”

  “I’m sorry I said that, Ashton. I didn’t mean to throw that in your face,” I cried through a sob.

  “No, it’s fine. I just thought you hadn’t. I should have known a lot could change in a couple of years. I’m sorry.”

  He kissed my cheeks, following the path of my tears. I ran my fingers through his short hair as his mouth traveled down my jaw, onto my neck, across my collar bone and back up my chin. His hands caressed my face as his eyes looked deep into mine. His hands rubbed a path up and down my sides before resting at the bottom hem of my shirt. He lifted my shirt over my head and his eyes drifted immediately to the crest of my breasts. He leaned in and placed feather-light kisses along the edging of my silk bra.

  “You’re so beautiful, Meagan.”

  His lips traveled over the mounds of my cleavage. He gently rubbed my nipple through the silk, causing it to harden under his touch. He snaked his hand around to my back and subtly unhooked my bra, freeing my breasts. With one hand, he grasped my breast and lifted it to his mouth. I arched my back in pleasure as his warm mouth took in my nipple while the other hand lightly pinched and teased the other.

  “Let’s go to bed,” he said hoarsely as he slid our bodies from the couch.

  I lay back on my bed and watched as Ashton lifted his own shirt over his head. I had never seen him naked or even shirtless. Through the dim lights, I could see the definition of every muscle of his upper body. He was beautifully toned and artfully decorated with a variety of tattoos that fit together seamlessly.

  He unbuckled his pants, allowing them to drop to the floor before stepping from them. With only his boxers briefs remaining, I was mesmerized by the deep V that disappeared in the waist of his underwear. A devious grin overtook his face when he watched me take in my bottom lip between my teeth. He reached gently for my pants and slowly snaked his fingers under the waistband and pulled them toward him, exposing my entire body for his view.

  He stood over me, studying me as if he was committing me to memory. I started to get nervous and bit down harder on my lower lip. “Don’t do that,” he whispered huskily as he slid his underwear off and climbed on top of me. “It drives me crazy, and I know you only do that when you’re nervous,” he whispered against my skin with light, chaste kisses. “Don’t be nervous, Meagan,” he said before he planted his mouth against mine. His tongue dove deep and danced with mine.

  His body hovered over mine, but I could feel his length nestle between us on my thigh. As our bodies instinctively moved in sync with our kiss, a slight panic settled over me when his size became more evident.

  Ashton pulled away slowly. “What’s the matter?” The concern was unmistakable through his rough lustful tone.

  I smiled bashfully, trying to convince him I was okay, but he knew me better. He gave me a pointed look as he caressed my face, searching for the answer.

  “I think you’re too big.”

  I instantly regretted saying it once I heard it roll from my lips.

  A smile played on his lips, and for a brief second I saw the cocky grin appear before he wiped it clean and concern took over. “I promise it will fit. Do you want to touch it, Meagan?”

  I shook my head almost too aggressively and blushed at the thought. This time he did smile … a full-blown smile. “You have no idea how fucking cute you are.” He laughed softly against my skin as he kissed my breasts again.

  His warm kisses traveled up my collarbone, neck and landed on my mouth once again. He deepened the kiss, causing me to forget everything except the heat of our bodies and the intense pleasure he was evoking.

  His thighs parted my legs and he slowly entered me. I arched my back and rolled my head at the sensation of him stretching me like I’d never been stretched before. He started rocking slowly, and with each forward motion, I was unraveling. He slowed his thrusts, cradled my body with his, and hovered his face just inches from mine. His eyes held mine captive with a look of raw emotion. Using his knuckles, he caressed my face while studyi
ng me.

  “I love you, Meagan. I always have,” he said as his mouth lowered to mine. He kissed me softly and increased his pace. A moan slipped from deep within my throat when I found my climax. Ashton pulled back, releasing me from his kiss and rocked until he reached his own release with a groan.

  While still buried deep inside of me, he tightly wrapped his arms around me and held us close while our bodies recovered. He nuzzled in my neck and licked the delicate spot behind my ear, causing a shiver to run through my heated body.

  “It should’ve been me,” he said quietly after our breathing returned to normal.

  I bent my neck, creating distance as I looked in his solemn face. “What are you talking about?”

  He exhaled loudly, flipping over and tucking me into the crook of his arm. “Your first time. It should have been with me. I’ll never forgive myself for that. If I had gotten my shit together, we would have been—”

  “Ashton, don’t. It wasn’t meant to be back then.” I pulled from his embrace, leaning on my elbow and guiding his face with my hand to look at me. His face reluctantly rolled my direction and I could plainly see the torment across his features. “I believe that. You should too.” I held the side of his face in my hand. He gave me a weak smile that said he wasn’t convinced just before he pushed my head back toward his chest and snuggled in tighter.

  My eyes flipped open to a brightly lit room. I hadn’t slept that well in forever. Ashton’s large arm was slung over my shoulder, pinning me to the bed, but I had to pee. I slowly planted my legs to the floor and tried to slide from under his body and onto the floor.

  “What the hell are you doing?” he asked playfully with the deep rumble of his morning voice.

  “I have to freshen up,” I replied, breaking free when he lifted his arm from me. “That thing weighs like a hundred pounds.” I giggled as I pulled the sheet from him and wrapped it around me as I stood. I looked back. Ashton was lying there completely exposed with a hard on. I quickly looked away in an attempt to hide the blush that crept up my entire body, but found myself turning back for another look. He was thick and long. I hurried to the bathroom but stole one last glance of his perfect form lying there proudly before darting behind the door.