Numb

by Lynn Rider

  I felt the rush of cold air when he opened the shower door to step in.

  “Are you hiding from me in here?” he asked huskily as he pulled my back into his chest and wrapped his arms around me. He kissed my shoulder while I shook my head, leaning into his firm chest.

  He took the soapy sponge from my hands and started rubbing gentle circles across my back. He pulled my hair back, kissing the delicate skin on my neck. “I couldn’t stay away knowing you were in here naked and wet.” His hand glided down my side and around my front, landing between my legs. His index finger slid between my folds then entered me. “You’re wet in more ways than one,” he whispered.

  He started an in and out rhythm that put light pressure against my clit with each stroke. Wanting more, I opened my legs, placing one leg on the tiled shower bench. “I want you to come, Meagan.” He started rocking my body against his hand. I threw my head back against his shoulder as I moaned in ecstasy, my orgasm roaring from my body.

  “You’re so fucking beautiful,” he whispered hoarsely against my neck.

  The subtle jut of his dick against my body had me reaching for it. I took it firmly in my hand and began stroking it between our bodies. I had never done this before, but the sharp intake of air by Ashton told me he was enjoying it. He started to rock into me softly as his dick hardened more.

  “I’m going to come,” he murmured roughly, stepping back. My gaze lifted from the swollen shaft in my hand to meet the heat in his eyes. “I want to be in you,” he said before pulling my face to his and kissing me deeply, hungrily. He lifted me gently and I wrapped my legs around his waist. With one hand supporting my weight, he worked the other lazily over my clit. With each soft pass of his thumb around my tight pebble, electric currents shot deep through my center. The moans escaped as he met my kiss with the same vigor. Ashton lowered my body, pressing into me slowly.

  He rocked leisurely, but I wanted more. I kissed him aggressively to prove my point. “Meagan, are you trying to tell me what I think you are?” he asked with a cocky grin. I nodded and bit my lip. He pinned me against the wall and drove in and out, hard and fast. In my limited sexual experience, I’ve made love, but I’d never been fucked and at this blissful moment I couldn’t come up with one excuse as to why not.

  Ashton changed the direction of his thrusts and I immediately screamed his name as my orgasm ripped from my body. As my body convulsed around his, he found his own release, filling me with each pulse of his dick.

  He rested his forehead on my shoulder for several silent minutes before gently placing my feet on the ground. He washed my body again with the soapy sponge, then stepped out to get us towels, gently drying me off.

  We climbed back in bed where we stayed most of the day.

  IT TOOK ALL MY strength to heave my large, bulging suitcase into the back of my small SUV. I know I’d packed too much. Leah didn’t warn me of what to expect so I needed to be ready for anything. I climbed behind the wheel and started off toward Cliff’s family estate in the Hamptons.

  As I rolled up to the large grey and white seaside mansion, Leah was standing on the front porch with Luke’s little pudgy hand in hers.

  “I couldn’t wait for you to get here!” she called out as I stepped from my car and stretched. She traded Luke for my purse.

  “Leave your bag. Cliff will get it. He’s out back with a few of his friends. They went fishing today and actually caught something.” She giggled as I followed her into the house.

  Nothing had changed since I was last here except the addition of some framed pictures of Luke proudly displayed. He was the only grandchild and was probably going to grow up taking advantage of that if it didn’t change. Cliff and Leah’s parents were both well off and showered him with gifts and affection. A small jolt of pain hit me as I saw countless casual photos of Cliff’s parents with Luke on the boat, on the beach and at this house. Luke was only four months old and already tightly woven into the design of the room. My parents would never be part of my life or any kids that I may have in the future.

  “You okay?” Leah asked as she took in my reaction.

  I smiled warmly at her. “Yes, couldn’t be better.”

  She smiled in return and led the way to the kitchen.“I hope you don’t mind fish for dinner. Cliff was really excited to have caught something. Last year he went out numerous times and never caught anything,” she added with a goofy smile.

  “What’s that smile about, Leah?” I knew her mischievous grin when I saw it.

  She leaned in. “Cliff wanted to take me on the boat last summer because he hadn’t caught anything with his buddies. He thought maybe I would be his good luck charm. So we woke up one morning really early and went fishing. By daybreak we hadn’t caught anything, so we ended up making love on the boat and poof. Nine months later Luke was born.” She laughed.

  “You never told me that.” I laughed. “You didn’t hear that, Lukey,” I playfully covered his ears with my hands.

  “I don’t tell you all my secrets. Just some.” She winked as she turned to the refrigerator.

  I played with Luke while Leah got out ingredients for dinner. “What can I do to help?” I asked as I nuzzled into Luke’s little chubby neck.

  “You’re doing it. Hold my baby and keep me company.” She smiled lovingly at Luke.

  She got busy chopping and slicing and telling me about her week. Since she no longer worked outside of the home, she and Cliff had been here all week with his parents. She was fortunate to have a great family that she adored as much as they adored her.

  “So how was Rockstar?”

  “He’s good. He won’t be back for two weeks.” I frowned.

  “You have it bad. Did he give you a good right pounding?” she joked in her best English accent.

  “Who are we talking about? Ashton or Douglas?” I asked sarcastically.

  “Ha! As if Douglas could have given you a good right pounding!” She laughed hysterically at her own joke as I just watched her.

  “That’s really not nice, Leah,” I said sternly. “I may not be with him any longer, but he is a great man who will be a great husband and equally good father.”

  “Okay, don’t get your panties in a twist.” She rolled her eyes. “So tell me about Rockstar. Did you guys go anywhere while he was here?”

  “No, we stayed in.” She raised an eyebrow at me. “What?”

  “What do you do when you ‘stay in’?” She laughed. I smiled mischievously. “Get out!”

  I nodded. “You’ll never get the details, but let me tell you this. Oh. My. God!”

  “Shut up!”

  I nodded, grabbed the baby bottle of milk that Leah had made from the counter, and carried Luke to the back porch.

  “You can’t just drop that and walk away. I need to know more!” she yelled from inside. I laughed at her persistence as we walked further down the walkway that led to the beach. The sound of the waves crashing was relaxing. I stood there rocking Luke’s sleepy little body as he sucked down his milk.

  Cliff had returned from the dock with his three friends and they were comfortably lounging on the back deck telling stories and laughing. They all fell silent as I approached with a sleeping Luke.

  “Meagan, your phone has been ringing like crazy in there,” Leah pointed to my purse with the knife in her hand when I walked in the back door.

  I glanced at my watch and realized that Ashton was supposed to call. Silver Knight was going to be on a national late night show tonight, but to my surprise, they taped those ahead of time during the day. Cliff followed me into the kitchen and dutifully took Luke’s little sleeping body from my arms, allowing me two hands to find my phone.

  4-missed calls-Ashton

  I pressed his name, but my call went right to voicemail. “Shit.”

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, I just missed Ashton. He’s performing on the Rich O’Connor show tonight and I wanted to wish him luck before they went on. She glanced at the clock and looke
d at me skeptically. “They pre-record those during the day of the show.”

  “I’m sure he’ll call you after,” she said confidently. “Okay, here’s a question for you,” she said, changing the subject with a gleam in her eyes that usually meant she was about to be crude. She pointed down at the counter. Lined up on the granite countertop, was a banana, a cucumber and a foot long hot dog. “Which is it?”

  “Which is what?” I asked innocently.

  “Ashton. Is he thick and long like this cucumber, got a slight bend like this banana or is he long and lean like this hot dog?” She proudly held each one up as if she were on a game show.

  “Leah, you’re terrible! I’m not telling you!” I shrieked.

  “Not telling her what?” Cliff asked as he returned from laying Luke down. He grabbed the banana from the counter, peeled it and sunk his teeth into it. Leah and I both laughed as he looked back and forth between us, bewildered by our humor. “Come outside, Meagan. I want to introduce you to my friends,” he said as he threw the peel in the trash. I hopped from the stool and followed him to the door.

  “Hey, Leah, make sure you put that cucumber in my salad. I like lots of cucumber.” I called out over my shoulder before stepping onto the back deck.

  3 Missed Calls – Ashton

  1 New Text Message – Ashton

  ‘Hey, babe. Starting to think you’re screening your calls and I’m not on the approved list:) Just finished the taping of the Rich O’Connor show. Didn’t go as well as expected. Please don’t watch it until I’ve had a chance to explain. Almost to the arena. I’ll try to call you later before we go on’

  I looked up to see Leah studying me. “You okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I missed Ashton’s call again. He said the taping of the show didn’t go well and not to watch it.” I said quietly as I wondered what could have gone so terribly wrong. Ashton has a strong voice and the songs they chose he could play or sing perfectly in his sleep.

  A devious smile spread across Leah’s face. “Well, you know what that means? We have to watch it!” She leaped from her seat and disappeared into the living room.

  I pressed his name on my phone and it went to voicemail. I looked at the time and figured he would be on stage by now.

  “Meagan come in here!” Leah hollered from the family room.

  She was standing in front of the massive eighty inch flat screen watching Silver Knight perform. I stood back against the door jam and watched them perform flawlessly. I studied every detail of every camera shot and listened to every word. I couldn’t see or hear one mistake. They looked and sounded awesome.

  As I started to relax and found a seat on the couch, I watched as they took their seats on the panel next to Rich’s desk. They were only supposed to perform. Rich started out asking about the tour and the release of the success of their latest single that hit number one within the first couple of weeks. He asked Charlie about his art. I smiled, knowing that I had two pieces prominently displayed in my own home.

  But then, it hit me where this was going to go wrong before it did. Rich turned his attention to Ashton and dug behind his desk, pulling out a tabloid. I somehow knew before he displayed it to the camera what was on that front page. My mouth became dry and a lump formed in my throat. He was going to ask about reports of Ashton’s drug addiction.

  “So, Ashton, there were reports of your battle with drugs and alcohol in the recent news, but as you’re sitting here, you look fit and healthy.”

  The camera panned in on Ashton’s reaction. His jaw tightened and his lips pressed firmly together. “I wouldn’t consider what you have in your hand news. None of that is true. Those people just want to sell papers. I really don’t want to talk about tabloids and their lies,” he said when his gaze cast down on the paper Rich was holding.

  “Well, in here it says that you sought the help of this young woman. Is she the reason that you’re so together these days? I mean, we’ve not heard or seen pictures of you with random women for months now.”

  The camera zoomed in on Ashton again. I could tell he was pissed. Kyle must have quietly said something to him because he cast a look away from Rich to the person next him and nodded. “I’m good, man. Those papers are garbage. They’re only intention is to sell lies and hurt people in the process.” He looked at the camera when he said it as if he were saying it to me.

  “So you’re not involved with this unidentified woman?” Rich asked as the camera zoomed in on the tabloid of Ashton and I walking out of the hospital in St. Louis.

  “Shit,” I mumbled as I covered my mouth. That wasn’t the tabloid I was expecting.

  Ashton looked at Kyle again and nodded. “Nah, she and I are just friends,” he said dismissively.

  My heart broke. I didn’t want to hear anymore, I quietly got up and exited the room to cry alone. How could he tell me he loved me just two days ago, then deny any involvement with me?

  A quiet knock on the door and Leah’s sweet voice calling out pulled me from my deep thoughts. She opened the door and walked in cautiously.

  “I’m all right,” I said, trying to sound confident.

  “No, you’re not and it’s okay to not be. That was painful for both of you.” She sat on the edge of the bed, trying to slick down my crazy hair.

  “He just said he loved me not two days ago and then goes on national TV and denies even dating me. He didn’t need to share details, but it was like he just dismissed me.”

  “I know, honey, but he called earlier, wanting to explain. Let him. I’m sorry I forced you to watch it when he asked you not to. This isn’t a world we’ve ever lived in. Maybe seeming like a single player sells more records or something. Maybe Kyle told him to deny it because … well, let’s face it, they make that band in the looks department. It’s already known Kyle is taken, so maybe keeping Ashton a viable candidate for all those groupie sluts to drool over keeps them current.”

  Her logic made sense, but it still hurt that I could be in love with someone and he could so easily be persuaded by his career to deny me. Kelly’s words ran through my head about Kyle not letting his career get in the way. Ashton did just that.

  “I’m fine, Leah. I’m just tired now.”

  She didn’t look convinced as she got up to walk toward the door. She turned just before stepping out. “Hear him out. If it’s not good enough, he’s not good enough. But Meagan, you’ve been on a very long journey to get to this point. You owe it to each other to hear one another out. Be truthful with your pain. Don’t candy coat anything. He may be just as new to this as you are and is entitled to some mistakes.”

  With that, she exited and quietly closed the door.

  CLIFF, LEAH AND LUKE were on the deck eating their breakfast when I walked into the kitchen. They were all so happy, even baby Luke’s arms were flailing around over his body as he sat in his bouncer on the table. I smiled and found myself quietly laughing at the sight of ‘stick in the mud’ Cliff cooing at Luke like he didn’t care if anyone were watching.

  The sound of my phone ringing from in my purse broke my concentration, and a sense of dread took over my happy thoughts. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to face it, but I had to.

  “Hey,” I answered solemnly.

  “You watched it didn’t you?”

  “Some of it, maybe all of it, I don’t know. Once you dismissed us, I walked out of the room.”

  He sighed heavily into the phone. “Meagan, I didn’t want you to watch it until I talked to you. There are some things you need to understand about my line of work.”

  “Yeah, I think I get it. You sell more records if you’re single. Is this why when you’re in town we stay at my place and never go out in public? Are you ashamed of being seen with your friend?”

  “What? No! Meagan, please listen to me. When you’re a celebrity, people are naturally curious about what makes you different from them, but we aren’t different. We just have a talent that has been discovered. But what they do is break you down, dissect y
our every move. I’m a guy, so when I’m out I’m not scrutinized the same as women are, but the offset to that is that any woman I may be involved with will be. I know you may not understand it, but I did that to protect you. It was terrible to deny. Kyle kept telling me to keep my shit in line. He knew I was on the verge of jumping up and down, shouting to the world how much I love you. You are my world, Meagan, and because of that I have to protect you. I can’t do that when I’m on tour. I only have five weeks left. I promise once I’m home, you and I will be seen everywhere together. Hell, I’ll make it my personal mission for us to grace the cover of every one of those lying ass papers. I’ll even call in the tips myself!”

  I had a lump in my throat that I couldn’t swallow. I cried softly into the phone as Ashton soothed me with his beautiful voice and sweet words. “Ashton, how do you know how they’ll treat the women in your life? Have you ever had that happen?”

  “No, babe, I’ve never been in love before you.” My heart soared with his confession. “I learned by watching it happen to Kyle and Austin. I’ve already told you Austin was in my place in the band originally. He and Kyle were best friends and their girlfriends, Kelly and Amber, were best friends too. When the band started gaining traction, Amber and Kelly felt some of the heat. They got hate mail, ugly things said to them and about them. Amber wasn’t as thick-skinned as Kelly. She eventually left Austin and it broke him. He turned to alcohol, later adding drugs to the mix.”

  “I’m sorry, Ashton. I would have never thought.”

  “I know, babe. I wish I was there. I want to show you how much I love you. I need to touch you,” he said huskily through the line. My core heated.

  “Ashton, we have two more weeks,” I whined.

  He let out another deep breath. “I know. Can you come to Nashville on the twelfth? James will send the plane for you.”

  “How do you know that?” I asked, wondering how James got put into this equation.