Numb

by Lynn Rider

  “Oh, honey, you have reason to be, but you can’t.”

  “I don’t know how to stop it. I’ve lost my job, I look a mess and I’m angry. I’m so angry at Ashton and I know I shouldn’t be. He’s done everything to secure my safety, but I just can’t stop blaming him.”

  “Meagan, you can’t blame him. Blame me, blame Kyle. I think there are some things about that night that you don’t know. First off, no one told Dave they were going to call Austin on that stage. Kyle sprang that on Ashton in between sets. All Dave knew was that he was to go back to you. If I hadn’t been sick, he wouldn’t have left. It was one big communication failure. Dave thought Austin was with you and Austin was so carried away with the show he didn’t notice Dave wasn’t there anymore. And that woman—”

  “I know. She’s the one I should be blaming,” I interrupted with a sigh. “But every time Ashton comes around, I can’t stop pushing him away. I’m just lost, Kelly. I feel like my purpose has been taken away. I have nowhere to go and nothing to do when I wake up in the mornings.”

  “It’s only been a week, give it some time. You need to keep living. Ashton is beside himself with worry about you and he doesn’t know what to do to help. You know he’d do anything to change what happened, and he’s prepared to do anything to make it better, but you need to talk to him.”

  I sighed. “I can’t talk to him yet. It’s still too raw. I talked to my brother about moving back to Nashville.”

  Kelly’s face paled as she shook her head violently. “No, Meagan, you can’t.”

  “Only a few people know this, but Owen insisted on paying my rent so that I could follow my dreams. I can’t expect him to continue that when I’m no longer living my dream.”

  “Meagan, I have to tell you something else about that night. That woman wasn’t after you. She was after me. She’s a groupie that has a reputation with the band. She’s been escorted out before but never proved to be anything other than persistent until last night. She thinks her and Kyle are in love with one another, and she thought you were his wife.”

  My eyes dropped to her stomach and despite my predicament, I was suddenly thankful it was me standing on the side of that stage and not Kelly.

  After lunch and a stop at the mall to get some clothes that would fit over my cast, I arrived at my apartment. I was startled to see Ashton sitting in my living room. “You scared me,” I said quietly as I put my purse and bag down.

  “You’re scaring me,” he said solemnly. I registered the pain on his face as he sat on the edge of the couch with his elbows resting on his knees.

  “I don’t know what to do, where to go from here,” I confessed as tears welled in my eyes.

  He jumped to his feet and had his strong arms wrapped around me within seconds. I fell into the safety of his embrace and cried. He held me, until my sobs calmed, then lifted me and sat in the chair with me across his lap. I was almost asleep when he spoke softly. “I would do anything to change places with you.”

  “I know.”

  “Please, Meagan, let me help you. Tell me your fears and I’ll solve them. If I can’t, let us figure it out together. I love you more than anything and I’ll do anything to fix this, please let me try.”

  I pulled away from his body and looked at his face. It was lined with worry as he looked down at me. He brought his hands up, using his thumb to wipe along my cheekbone gently.

  “Just love me, Ashton.”

  “There’s no other option for me, Meagan.” He pressed his mouth to mine softly, snaked his hand around to the backside of my head and ran his tongue along the crease of my closed lips.

  He lifted my body without effort and carried me to my room. He placed me on the edge of the bed, stripping my dress with extreme care. He quickly stripped from his own clothing and climbed over my body, parting my legs with a smooth push from his thighs. He hovered over me, caging me under the security of his arms and lowered his mouth, planting soft kisses to the corners of my mouth before gently pulling at my bottom lip with his. He pulled his face away slightly, brushing my hair from the side of my face with the backside of his knuckles.

  “I love you,” he whispered before sliding into my body with such gentleness. He immediately began rocking slowly, locking his mouth on mine and kissing me until we both reached climax together.

  The exhaustion of the last week set in and sleep overtook me quickly.

  The sounds of pans clanging in the kitchen woke me the next morning. I glanced at the clock and couldn’t believe I had slept from yesterday afternoon all the way through the night. I freshened up, put on my robe and went to see what he was doing.

  “Good morning, babe,” he greeted me enthusiastically.

  “Good morning.”

  He wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. “Do you want a cup of coffee?”

  “Sure, but I can make it.”

  “No, sit,” he insisted. I fell into the stool at the counter and watched him shuttle around my kitchen like it was his own. That feeling comforted me.

  “We’re going to need to get dressed soon. I have a surprise for you.” He dumped some eggs onto a plate next to a waffle and fruit. “You know that golf tournament James and I work on? Well, actually, we put our names on it and others really do the work.” He shrugs. “James and I have to meet today to iron out any of the details that need it and you’re going to the spa.”

  I smiled excitedly, but then looked down at my casted arm. I cleared my throat and raised my arm as a reminder.

  “Yeah, they know about that. They’re still prepared to pamper my girl. I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve booked a facial, massage, manicure and pedicure. You can choose anything else that you want, but when I looked through the list, those seemed to work best with this thing.” He knocked on the hard surface.

  I smiled at how playful he was today. To think that only yesterday we were both breaking, but today I had a renewed spirit and as long as I was with Ashton, we’d be able to overcome anything.

  “Thank you, Ashton.” I got up and wrapped my one good arm around his waist.

  “There’s more.” I looked up to him to see his self-assured cocky grin in place. “Reese and two of her friends have flown in with James, so they’re going to join you.”

  “Olivia and Kate?”

  “Yes, I think that’s them. Do you know them?”

  “Yes, I met them at the wedding.”

  “We’re all having dinner tonight together before they all fly back to Nashville.”

  I knew what he was doing and it was working. Yesterday, I’d woken up hopeless, and although I still don’t know where I’d go professionally from here, I had people who cared and loved me.

  “Thank you, Ashton.” I wrapped my arm tighter once more and buried my head on his chest.

  “You’re welcome. I love you, babe. Now get over there and eat so we can go.” He smacked my ass when I turned.

  Dave was in my parking garage waiting in Ashton’s SUV when we walked out. I looked over at Ashton and he smiled with his hands up in surrender. “I swear he just got here. I didn’t make him sleep out here,” he clarified with a laugh. “Keys, babe?” he asked, holding out his hand.

  “What?”

  “I need the keys to your truck. Dave is doing spa day with the ladies.” He had a glint of a sarcastic smile like he’d been dying to say that.

  “You’re kidding me, right?” I asked sarcastically. Dave didn’t look happy about it either. “Can’t you two just drop me off and Dave go play with the boys?”

  Ashton’s eyes flicked down to my cast briefly before returning to mine. “Nope.”

  I groaned as I dug for my car keys. I placed them in Ashton’s hand while shaking my head, wondering how I was going to explain the three hundred fifty pound giant. “Great, Reese gets to bring her friends and I get to bring my bodyguard,” I mumbled under my breath.

  Ashton smiled and cocked his head toward Dave briefly. “Don’t tell him, but I booked him a pedi
cure. It’s your job to see to it that he gets it.” He winked and I burst out in laughter as the image of Dave’s big brooding body sitting in a pedicure chair with his feet soaking crossed through my mind.

  Ashton opened the back door of the Escalade and I looked at him hesitantly. “Back seat is safest,” he said in a tone that told me there would be no more front seat rides in my near future. He kissed me chastely before I climbed in. “I love you,” he whispered.

  “I love you too,” I said just before he closed the door and tapped on the glass.

  Dave pulled up to the Plaza Hotel valet line and I saw a familiar frame talking on his phone. His back was to me, but I know it was him. His hair was shorter, but there was no mistaking that put together look he wore so well, and I was instantly alarmed by my appearance.

  As Dave put the truck in park and the valet opened the door, he turned and a slow smile formed on his lips. “She’s here. I’ll call you later.” I heard him say as I stepped onto the sidewalk.

  “Hi, baby girl,” he purred as he closed the distance between us and hugged me tight.

  My vision was instantly blurred as my eyes pooled with tears. I pulled back, blotting my eyes with the backsides of my hands to catch the inevitable falling tears.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I heard you took a little spill,” he teased as he knocked on the hard surface of my cast. “Plus, I couldn’t pass up a day at the spa with the girls.” He laughed.

  “Dave, this is Phillip Matthews. He’s my brother’s boyfriend. But I also consider him my brother.”

  Phillip stepped forward and eyed Dave up and down. “You sure are a big son of a bitch,” he joked and Dave smiled.

  I shook my head. “Dave, you suck. It took me weeks to get that kind of smile from you.”

  “I like him. It took me weeks to like you,” he said snidely before directing a wider smile at me.

  Phillip laughed, tucking me under his arm and leading me toward the hotel entrance. “Owen sends his love. He had club stuff going on and couldn’t get away,” he explained as we walked across the lobby to where Reese, Olivia and Kate were waiting for us.

  Reese walked toward me with open arms and hugged me tight. “Jesus, Meagan, Ashton called me last week and told me about it, but shit.” She pulled back and inspected my arm. “Does it hurt?”

  “Not anymore. I was concerned about the numbness I was feeling actually, but they say it’s common for upper arm breaks. I can feel my fingers again so that’s a good sign things are healing already.”

  “Let me introduce you. This is Olivia and Kate, and this is my friend, Meagan.”

  Olivia stepped forward to shake my hand. “You must be Owen’s sister.” I nodded. “Thought so, you’re matching eyes give you away,” she joked.

  Kate stepped forward next. “I think I met you at Reese and James’s wedding. I hear you’re having ‘dating a celebrity’ issues. I can relate. We can compare horror stories later.” She shook my hand as her eyes scanned the length of my cast. “But I can’t beat that, so you win.” She laughed, setting my nerves at ease. I remembered meeting her at Reese’s wedding and being starstruck over her husband, Mason Hayes. He was my favorite country singer.

  Again, I felt Dave’s looming presence. “Everyone this is my friend, Dave. He’ll be joining us for our pedicure portion of the day.” I snickered, earning a silent sneer from Dave.

  After our facials and massages, we joined back together in a private dining room where we all settled to have lunch.

  “So, Meagan, I don’t know that I’ve been told who your boyfriend is,” Kate said kindly.

  “He’s Ashton Harris from Silver Knight.”

  “This may sound dumb, but I don’t know who that is. I’m sorry.” She laughed nervously.

  Olivia snickered, causing me to look in her direction. “She lives under a rock.” Kate cast an ugly look in her direction before smiling back at me.

  “Don’t worry, neither did I when I first met him.” I laughed.

  “Well, then it’s a match made in heaven then. Only a few of our friends know that I didn’t know who Mason was either.”

  “Now that surprises me. I love his music. I was sad to read he was retiring.”

  “I wasn’t.” She giggled.

  “I bet. I often wonder what it would be like if I could have Ashton to myself.”

  “The outside noise has proven to be a real test of trust and character, for both of us. My advice is to decide if your relationship is right for you by the private time you spend together. We’re so strong together when we’re alone that we find humor in anything that’s said about us now. After a while, it dies off. People are used to seeing us together, so no one doubts us anymore.”

  “Yeah, it was rough for this one. One day she was committed to making it work and the next day she was ready to bolt,” Olivia said flatly.

  I looked to Kate, who was giving Olivia a cutting glare.

  “I can completely relate. Just yesterday I was thinking of moving back to Nashville.”

  “What?” Reese snapped.

  I nodded. “It’s okay. Ashton and I will figure it out.” I offered defensively.

  “Meagan, have you talked to him about this?” Phillip asked.

  “No, I haven’t,” I said meekly.

  “Please promise me you’ll talk to him before you make your mind up,” Reese said.

  “I will.”

  “WHERE’S YOUR SUV?” Leah asked suspiciously as I stepped out of the parked BMW.

  “It’s at home. I stayed at Ashton’s last night, and when you called he was letting me out without Dave, so I wasn’t going to give him time to change his mind. I took the keys when he offered and ran.”

  We entered the deli and were seated immediately. Once we were settled, Leah asked playfully, “What’s Rockstar doing today since he’s let you loose of his clutches?”

  “I don’t know. I did think it was kind of suspicious that he didn’t pick up the phone and call Dave, but I didn’t want to ask. I kind of like the anonymity that comes with not having him around. I know this sounds unappreciative, but I swear I only get looks when he’s with me.”

  “That’s understandable. Dave doesn’t exactly blend in anywhere.” She laughed. “How’s Ashton dealing with Austin being back?”

  “He seems to be enjoying it for the most part. He hasn’t said it, but I sometimes see the exhaustion. He’s in a constant state of worry about Austin integrating back into society safely.”

  “How has that been for you two?” she asked, genuinely concerned.

  “It’s been okay. Before I was attacked, he incorporated Austin in our relationship more than he seems to now. I don’t know if he doesn’t want to burden me, or he thinks I need more alone time with him, or maybe he’s giving Austin more alone time to go and do. I just don’t know what it is.”

  “Have you ever thought that he may need more alone time with you?” she asked pointedly.

  “No, I really haven’t, but you may be right,” I said quietly as I pondered her theory.

  “Please tell me moving back to Nashville is out?” she asked.

  “I haven’t talked to Ashton about it. I’m worried it will drive a wedge between us.”

  “Uh, yeah, Meagan. A thousand plus mile wide wedge. If you think you’re vulnerable to sharing him with the public now, just wait until you’re in another state. Have you considered what that move will do to your relationship?”

  “No. I don’t want to move, Leah, but I can’t expect my brother to support his twenty-three-year-old sister forever. New York is not exactly a cheap place to live. ”

  Her body wilted when the truth in my words hit her. She took a bite of her salad before changing the subject. “Tell me you didn’t have dinner with Mason Hayes?”

  “I would be lying if I said that.” My smile widened. Yeah, I was still a little star struck over that night. “It was a total surprise. Ashton told me we were going to have dinner with everyone after
the spa, but I had no idea he had flown in too.”

  “Bitch. You have such a perfect life.” She smiled.

  I held up my casted arm.

  “It was time to move on anyway,” she said, matter-of-fact.

  “Move on to what, Leah? I’ve been consumed with finding the answer to that question since this happened and I just can’t seem to.”

  “I don’t know, but it’s not the end for you, Meg. It’s the beginning of a whole new chapter. What’s in that chapter remains to be seen, but I promise you it’s something good.” She said with an assurance that made me hang on her words. “So tell me about dinner with Mason Hayes.” She rubbed her hands together and leaned into the table to listen closer.

  I laughed. ”Well, it was with Mason’s wife Kate, too,” I pointed out.

  “Yeah, yeah, I’m sure she’s interesting and all that, but I want to hear about him.” She had the gleam of a lovesick teenager in her eye.

  “You’re terrible, Leah!” I said before filling her in on my star-studded dinner.

  “So you didn’t drive into the city to meet me for lunch at the last minute for nothing. What was the ‘something you have to tell me’?” I asked once my boring recount of my celebrity dinner was over.

  “I was actually in the city already with Cliff. We went to the doctor this morning and I’m pregnant!” She clapped.

  My eyes pooled with tears. My friend was going to be a mom again. I jumped from my seat, using my one good arm to wrap her in a tight hug. “I’m so happy for you and Cliff … and Luke,” I added. “When is your due date? How do you feel?”

  Leah laughed through her own tears of happiness. “I feel great and I don’t have an official due date yet. My doctor was out of town, so they only told us that based on my blood work I’m between five and seven weeks.”

  “Oh, Leah, I’m so happy for you. I hope it’s a girl. We need a girl,” I said affirmatively.

  She nodded as she dabbed her tears with a tissue.

  “Babe, come look at these,” Ashton called from the living room when he and Austin entered my apartment. I carried the salad to the table on my way from the kitchen.

  “Good timing, guys. Dinner is almost ready.”