Can't Leave It Alone

by Nicole Jackson

“I did. You wouldn’t answer.” He stared at her. “Where have you been?”

  “Out with my friends.”

  “Where are the twins?”

  “With my ant.” She sighed as she wobbled over to the couch and flopped down.

  “And you wore that?” he eyed her skimpy attire.

  “I got it on, right?” she sassed.

  He stood up, stomped over to her, and sat next to her. “What’s with the fucking attitude?”

  She huffed. “I’m just trying to figure out why suddenly you have all these questions. Lately, you’ve been mighty concerned with what I’m doing. I don’t badger you like this.”

  He let out a pissed off chuckle, as he shook his head. “Actually, that’s the reason I stopped by. I have some shit on my mind and I wanted to discuss it with you.”

  “What’s up?” she asked as she folded her arms.

  “Okay.” He took a deep breath. “What’s going on between you and this Desmond cat?”

  She screwed her face up. “So, that’s why you came over here? To ask me about him?”

  “Yeah. I’ve been thinking about everything that you told me, and I think that you shouldn’t tell him about the twins.”

  “What?” she asked confused. “My kids aint got…”

  “Wait.” He halted her. “Just hear me out. Now we know that I’m representing him so I know about the dude and how he makes his living. So, after hearing how he took you through the trauma I think that you should stay away from him. I know for a fact that he’s still in the business. He’s into some very dangerous shit, and I think that it would be in your best interest to keep your sons away from that as well.” As he spoke she was beginning to smell a rat. He must have really thought that he was talking to a lame. This wasn’t about her safety at all. No, this was about his insecure ass needing to be pacified.

  “You’ve been on my mind a lot lately and I’ve been thinking that it’s because I’m starting to fall for you.”

  “Wow.” She stressed. “Well, Jacob, he already knows about the twins.”

  His eyes bucked. “When did this happen?”

  “Today. We just so happened to be at the same party and he met them.”

  “So, so, what does that mean?”

  “It means that he’s pissed that I hid them from him. He met them and they acted like he’d been around from day one.”

  Jacob sat listening, feeling overwhelmed with jealousy.

  “And Jacob, are you really concerned about me and my kids, or do you just feel threatened by the fact that Desmond and I were once together?”

  He thought for a second. “I won’t lie, I am a little uncomfortable with the situation, but I’ve been feeling like I want more from you for quite a while now.”

  She pursed her lips. “How is that so when you’re dating all these other women?”

  “Baby, I haven’t seen another woman in months.”

  “Yeah, right. Ruby makes it her business to let me know how many other women you’re dealing with.”

  He chuckled. “I don’t know why you would listen to her. She doesn’t like you, baby. Half of the time she’s probably lying or embellishing the situation. Now, I admit that there are a few women that still call the office, but I haven’t been with any of them in a while. Besides, I always find myself comparing the next chick to you. Then I figured why waste my time when I could just have the real McCoy. That’s why I had the edible arrangements sent to you at work. It was meant to break the ice. I had planned on sitting you down and letting you know how I feel, but then ole boy came around and I didn’t feel comfortable anymore. I was intending on letting you know that I didn’t care if the entire building knew that I was fucking my paralegal. I want us to be together.”

  “So, I think that it’s time we go forward and make things official.”

  “Official?”

  “Yeah. I want to commit.”

  He was looking at her like he was expecting for her to be bubbling over with joy. She definitely liked kicking it with him, but a relationship…that was a bit much. He was self-involved and pompous. Yeah, he paid her bills, but was that really any skin off his back? His paper was long, so the gesture wasn’t that great once she examined the entire picture.

  Initially, she had an apartment and it wasn’t the nicest. It was just a place to stay until she could do better. Once Jacob started making house calls he decided that he wanted to visit her in a better environment, so he surprised her with the keys to a nice upscale townhouse. What she didn’t know was that he owned the property. She was under the false illusion that he paid rent there. So, he paid her measly car note and came out looking like a super hero. Still, he spent plenty of money on her outside of that. Hell, she couldn’t afford all the designer shit she loved on her own. He’d been keeping her in Gucci since they’d first begun fucking.

  “I don’t know, Jacob.” She shook her head.

  “Does this hesitation have to do with your kids’ daddy?” he frowned.

  “No.” she shook her head. “I just don’t want to make a brash decision. Our lives are so intertwined and us failing would be a catastrophic disaster.”

  “How about I promise that if we ever break up, I’d give you a severance package? It would consist of money for you to move and start over, and a nice recommendation letter for another job.” He joked.

  “Ha, ha, ha.” She piped sarcastically. “This is serious.”

  “I know. I know.” he wrapped his arms around her. “I care about you too much to be malicious. If we didn’t work out, I’d get you transferred before I’d fuck with your livelihood. I know all too well how it is to struggle and I would never put your kids through that.”

  Chapter 9

  Jada lied on her back staring at the ceiling. She’d been up all night and now that the sun was out she was too afraid to close her eyes. Today was the day that Desmond was going to officially spend time with his sons. Butterflies were working overtime in her stomach. There weren’t too many bitches that intimidated her, but Ryan had major history with her man. She was once right there witnessing them together. She was always jealous of their relationship and hated that Bryan never gave her that much interest. She saw how considerate De-De was in regards to Ryan and it made her want him for herself. The only problem was that it seemed like he could only be that man for one girl; and that girl wasn’t her.

  She eased her leg across the mattress and tossed it over Desmond’s. He was sleeping hard, lying on his stomach with his mouth wide open when suddenly he began laughing. It was obvious that he was still sleep.

  “Ay, you better stop, girl.” He said sluggishly.

  Jada stuck her face directly in his to make sure that he wasn’t talking to her.

  “Why you wanna play?” he asked the woman in his dreams. “Baby, you know me. You know me.”

  Listening to him infuriated her. Something inside told her that he wasn’t dreaming about her. So, she shoved him until his eyes popped open.

  “Man, what?” he snapped pissed that she’d fucked up his dream.

  “What were you dreaming about?”

  He smacked his lips. “About how I could fuck you up.” He rolled over and out of bed.

  “Where are you going?”

  He looked back with a frown. “Got damn. Can a nigga take a piss? Can I at least do that?”

  She rolled her eyes as he went into the bathroom. “Stupid bitch.” He mumbled loud enough for her to hear.

  He splashed water in his face, before brushing his teeth. He could feel butterflies brewing in his stomach. All he could think about for the past few days was seeing his twins. He almost felt like he was the kid waiting to see his long lost father. He was excited in a way he hadn’t been in years. No score, lick, or money had given him this feeling.

  After getting fully dressed he went into their spare bedroom and grabbed all the bags filled with things he’d gone out and bought the twins. He’d bought them an Xbox 360 after asking Ryan if they have one in a roundabou
t way. He’d bought them four pairs of sneakers apiece and more clothes than he could remember.

  Jada stood in the doorway of the room watching him gather all the bags. She smirked “You sure did go all out.”

  He turned around. “What?”

  “I was just saying that you’re going all out, and all I can think about is that you had just told me, the same day you met those kids, that you wasn’t ready for kids. And now here you are, all honky-dory and shit.”

  He squinted. “Those kids? What the fuck you mean?” he threw the bags down. “Tell me what you trying to say, Jada.”

  She stepped back seeing the fury in his eyes. “Baby, I’m just saying that you switched up on me. How do you think that makes me feel?”

  He licked his lips as he pulled his slightly sagging shorts up. “You know what, main? I probably don’t always be the best nigga to you. I can admit that, but when it comes to my little niggas…don’t open your mouth to say shit. They all me.” He pointed at his chest. “And they come before you and everybody else, real talk. And if you don’t like it then there’s the door.”

  She stood with her arms folded as she bit her bottom lip, and silent tears slid down her face. His words sliced through her heart. Some kids that he’d only known for a few days already had higher rank than her. “I got you.” She sniffed.

  He studied her face before wiping her tears away, and placing a kiss on her cheek. “Bring some of these bags down to the car with me.” He slapped her on the ass.

  Knowing that she didn’t have much of a choice she grabbed some bags and followed him to his SUV. They placed everything into the trunk. “I’ll be back later.”

  She sighed. “Could you at least answer your phone when I call?”

  “Yeah, I got you.” He nonchalantly agreed, as he slid into his car.

  “I’m serious, DeDe.” She sighed. “I love you.”

  He nodded without uttering a word.

  She stood and watched as he backed out of his spot, before exiting the garage and disappearing off into traffic.

  Placing Jada far back at the recesses of his mind, he entered Ryan’s address into his navigation system. It guided him all the way to her townhouse. Once he pulled up to the gated community he was a little shocked that she was living in such a lavish place. He knew that paralegals weren’t balling out of control. Ryan didn’t seem to be struggling one bit, and he knew that it was more to the situation than what met the eye.

  He dialed up her number.

  “Hello.” She answered.

  “Ay, can you open your gate?”

  “You outside already?” she asked surprised.

  “Yeah.”

  “Okay.” As soon as she said that the gate slid open.

  “Okay, I’m in the gate. Do I go left or right?”

  “Right and then straight ahead. My garage is open and you should see my car. You can park in the garage.”

  “Alright.” He hung up spotting her Magnum parked in a two car garage. He pulled in and saw her standing in the doorway with her clicker in hand. She closed the garage.

  He hopped out and unlocked the tail. “Ay, I got them some stuff. Can you help me?”

  “Yeah.” She sashayed over and peered into the trunk. “I know all this aint for the twins.”

  “Yeah.” He nodded as he grabbed some bags.

  She grabbed bags as well, noticing that he’d been to Foot Action, Toys R’ Us, Macy’s, and Saks. Shit, she didn’t even shop at Saks’ for the boys, because they were too hard on clothes to waste money on that expensive high-end shit that they’d surely mess up.

  She led the way as they stepped into her place. He took in the décor. There were shiny hardwood floors with crown molding ceilings. There was a huge plasma TV mounted onto the wall, right above a fireplace. She had funny shaped red couches and what appeared to be a white bear skin run sitting underneath her glass coffee table. As they strolled past her dining room he saw that she had a huge glass table with white couch looking chairs, and against the wall was a gigantic aquarium.

  “You can just drop the bags right here.” Ryan instructed, as they traveled into the twins’ bedroom.

  He placed the bags on the floor, as he curiously glimpsed around. The boys’ room was like some shit off TV. Their walls were actually painted to mirror the sky with light puffy clouds. The comforters on their blue race car beds were different hues of blue. At the end of each bed were huge toy chests filled to the brim with toys. They had a plasma TV mounted on the wall as well. There were two of everything down to the two power wheel Benz trucks. If he didn’t know anything else, he knew that Ryan loved their kids tremendously. She always said that she wanted to give their kids everything they never had, and he could tell that she was trying her best to make that happen.

  “You got their shit laid, huh?”

  “I try.”

  “I see.” He nodded with approval. “So, what time are they gonna get here?”

  “In like twenty minutes.”

  “Cool. That gives us time to talk.”

  “About what?” she arched a brow.

  He ignored the question, as he strolled over to the dresser and picked up a framed picture. “I remember this shit. We was at Flip’s house party.” He smiled at the sight of them wrapped into each other’s arms. “Why you got this in their room?”

  “They asked for it,” she shrugged. “So, I gave it to them. They said that they wanted a picture with me and their daddy. I couldn’t tell them no.”

  He nodded, as he rotated to look at her. “Let’s go talk.” He grabbed her hand, and guided her out of the room, as if he lived there. They took a seat at her dining room table.

  He licked his lips, as he eyed her, “So, explain to me why you left me, again.”

  She smacked her lips. “Really you left me.”

  “How the fuck you figure?” he fumed.

  She huffed, “When I was feeling all emotional and needed you to listen, you ran off with Flip. Maybe if you hadn’t left that night I would have stayed.”

  “Naw,” he waved his head. “Don’t try to turn this shit around. Even if I was going to leave the game alone, you know that there were loose ends hanging, and I had to handle that. You just left because that’s what you wanted to do. Your mind was made up, before you ever told me anything, and you know that.”

  “No, you wrong.” She shook her head.

  “Yes, you did, Ryan.” He frowned, as he gazed into her lost eyes. “And that shit hurt more than anything in the world. For so long I damn near broke my neck trying to provide for you. I did that because I felt like you deserved it. I knew that you was down for me no matter what. Even when I was dead broke you was right there plotting on a come up, right along with me. So what was mine was yours. I wasn’t gonna let nothing or no one come between us. When I lost your brother, and then you I started feeling like I aint have nothing to live for. You took all those years we built together and straight shitted on them, main.”

  The tears slowly blurred her vision. “Tell me what I was supposed to do, Desmond. I got fucking shot three times! I could have died. My brother lost his life and then I find out that I’m pregnant. Wasn’t shit stable about our life, and as much as I always said that I wasn’t ready for kids, the moment I found out about them I loved them like I never loved nothing else. I knew that I would literally die if something happened to them.”

  “But you should have told me!” he barked.

  “And then what?! What was you gonna do, other than make all these promises to close shop and my silly ass would have been right there, waiting on a day that would never come. If I had told you that I was pregnant would you have let me leave?”

  “Hell no!”

  “Exactly!” her lips trembled. “I just couldn’t live like that. That was a life filled with sleepless nights, Desmond. It was cool when it was just us, but my babies didn’t ask for that. What would you have done if somebody had hurt my kids? Shit, they almost did, when they shot me. I don’t w
ant the twins growing up, thinking that the way we were living was okay. They need to know better, Desmond. I just loved them too much to stay.”

  “So, it was just fuck me, right?!” he pounded his chest. “Fuck the fact that you stole my kids, Ryan?! You knew how I fucking wanted kids and you just took that from me.” His eyes became misty, as his emotions were all over the place. Since she’d left him nothing seemed to matter anymore. It was like he was the walking dead. He hit the streets with a vengeance, feeling like he didn’t have shit to live for. He did things with no hesitation, because in his mind there were no repercussions. Soon after, he was generating more money than ever before. Niggas never saw him coming, but he now realized that a huge portion of the reason he was so untouchable was because Ryan was gone. She was his weakness; his kryptonite.

  “I’m sorry.” Her lips quivered. “My intentions weren’t to hurt you, Desmond. I was just lost and confused. Everything had changed suddenly and I was scared. Please forgive me.” She sobbed. “I am so, so sorrrrrry.”

  He leaned over, and pulled her into his arms. She laid her head on his chest, and bawled. He knew that she was crying for multiple reasons. Talking about the past brought back a lot of old buried emotions.

  Neither of them knew how good it would feel to be in each other’s arms again. Desmond finally felt like he had his heartbeat back. For the longest he tried to convince himself that he was over her. He’d wanted so desperately to forget about her, but as her body rested on his he knew that forgetting her was impossible.

  “It’s okay, mama. It’s okay.” He whispered into her ear.

  She relaxed in his embrace, until thoughts of him being with Jada entered her mind. “Get off me.” She shoved him away.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, perplexed.

  “You. You dirty muthafucka. How could you get with that bitch Jada?”

  “What?” He frowned. “You left me, remember? She would come around and check on me. Eventually we started messing around, and then somehow we started living together. It just happened, you know. She was always happy with whatever time I gave her, and no matter what she stuck around, so I was like fuck it.”