Sand Glass

by A M Russell

  ‘That must mean that the tag of Mr Alexander had been taken from another version of Jules. A stolen tag? Is that why he looked like him?’

  ‘Who can say?’ Violette tapped her nails on the glass, ‘sometimes in life, a person takes on the appearance of a character. They assume an identity. If the person was similar in basic physical appearance to Jules, he might have convinced himself he was the same person, but had simply made different choices.’

  ‘So am I supposed to see Janey as being two people or one?’

  ‘You can see it anyway that helps you. But perhaps you need to stop being afraid of what might happen if you allow yourself to see both sides of her as real.’

  ‘Why does it matter what I think of her? Why should that make any difference at all?’

  ‘It does,’ Violette looked away, ‘I will say something completely as a friend…. Take this as you wish…. But Janey is alone in this city. She is afraid that she has made a terrible mistake. And you have wounded her…. It was necessary, for all our sakes; and no one blames you for that… but you took away her dignity… and perhaps you are the only one who can give it back. She is already half way to helping you. I have done that much for you. But her pride cannot be answered by anyone else. Only you can tell her she really matters. Only you can bring those two sides back together. Jules tried to explain about; hmm… people meeting themselves. But that is maybe how she can believe you are telling her the truth. Taking it on faith is not her greatest attribute is it?’

  ‘No. I guess it hasn’t been.’ I felt dreadful. Violette took another bottle of wine out of the back of fridge and went to join the others.

  I sat with my elbows on the table and my hands over my face. Ten minutes later I left by the front door to jump in a taxi and go to Janey’s house.

  I stood in the gloom of her porch. Wishing I’d rung her first. I felt around in my jacket. No phone in there either. It was chilly and beginning to be a bit damp. I sat down on her step just inside the porch. A few stars were visible now. This was fitting. That I should feel this bad. I was tired and to tell the truth not perfectly sober.

  I stood up then, with the intention of walking away back onto the main road. I saw myself getting the twenty-past Bus back to the end of my street.

  ‘Davey!’

  I spun round and tripped over the edging on the path.

  She came out of the now open doorway and pulled me out of the low hedge.

  ‘I must get that fixed.’ She eyed me very strangely.

  ‘Janey…..’

  ‘Just come in;’ she looked around, ‘the snails come out soon. I hate accidentally standing on things like that.’

  ‘Thanks. I don’t like them either.’

  Inside she put the kettle on to boil. Then she seemed to forget about it and wandered back into the room with all the paper models. I realised that they were origami folded shapes, dozens of them. A chair in the corner near the window, stood next to a like side table, a phone was off the hook.

  ‘Yes… he’s here,’ she listened then, and said yes a couple of times, then said: ‘it will be alright. I’ve had none of that in the house since Wednesday. So eleven… yes, alright. Bye.’

  I hung around not daring to sit on the invitingly confortable settee.

  She wandered back into the kitchen, and still forgot about the kettle. We both stood. Neither seemed to know what to say.

  ‘They rang you.’ I said lamely.

  ‘Yes.’ She gripped both hands together, as if trying to hold onto a thought she might have had when the phone call was still connected.

  ‘What did they say?’

  ‘Oh… just that I must return you by eleven o’clock. So….’

  ‘I’m sorry…. I’m sorry for being so hard on you last week.’

  She turned away and sobbed once and stayed there with her shoulders hunched; I waited.

  ‘Can you really get Jared back for us?’ she said in a broken tone.

  ‘I will try. And yes, I believe I can. I have to find where he went.’

  She turned around, ‘That’s all I want; to have Jared back. My parents are hopeful, but I… I just want it to stop. The nightmare. He’s so frail… you know. Like a child in a war zone. Sleeping there, dreaming… is that what happened? He dreamed and it made a connection into that world, while he was asleep in this one?’

  ‘I think it’s probably something like that.’ I said.

  ‘Will you bring him back?’

  ‘I won’t be coming back without him, I promise you that.’

  ‘And what about me?’ there was that strange look again.

  ‘I’m not sure I understand.’

  ‘Will you bring her back… I mean Janey back?’

  ‘Yes.’ I looked into her eyes, ‘I’ll do that for you. And then I’ll go home. I’ll not bother you again. I….. I…. can’t say I won’t want to bother you. But I’ll keep my word if that is what you want when we are all get back.’

  ‘What about a get together. The team and all that?’

  ‘Well err… yes, except for that.’

  ‘What about if it’s someone’s birthday and they have a party, and we are both there?’

  ‘Well, then…. Of course I would say hello. Find out how you’re doing… that sort of thing.’

  ‘And Christmas. What about Christmas?’

  ‘It comes once a year?’ I was blinking quickly again, feeling nervous in quite a different way.

  ‘I mean if we were both invited to someone’s house over the holidays. Would you come if you knew I was going to be there?’

  ‘I would. After all it would be silly not to. My friends are very important to me.’

  ‘Yes. Violette said something like that.’

  ‘Oh.’ I shrugged and started to get twitchy, the kitchen clock in this place said twenty-past Eight. Bus had just gone.

  ‘Davey?’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Would you ever consider perhaps stretching those rules a bit… just a little, and perhaps meeting me for coffee when we both happen to be in the city.’

  ‘You mean at lunch time? Near the University palisade?’

  ‘There’s a pub I think you know… isn’t there? They have coffee.’

  ‘Yes they do. It’s very good. More than can be said for the beer they serve.’

  ‘So I gathered. Your friend Alex filled me in.’

  ‘Alex? What is he up to?’

  ‘He invited me to his and Violette’s Reading group. French poetry next month; I studied it at college. I thought I could do something that was a bit creative…’

  ‘Alex is very creative!’ I laughed, and quickly stopped myself, ‘sorry, a bit over the top. He’s rubbing off on me already.’

  ‘Why, how long have you known him?’

  ‘Two years. Ever since I started at Blue Sky.’

  ‘That’s what it’s called. Really odd name.’

  ‘It is. I agree. Especially considering the kind of weather we have had.’

  ‘I like it. It made me think of a summer sky. Gazing into the endless blue. Laying back and chewing on grass and looking up.’

  ‘Sounds great.’

  She coloured up then; ‘I’ll make us some tea… or coffee. What’s you brew?’

  ‘Janey. Please come here.’

  She just stared at me bewildered. She took a couple of small steps towards me: ‘I keep having strange dreams,’ she said, ‘I did before. I saw you before in a dream. I can’t believe it’s real. But I suppose it must be, mustn’t it?’

  She half turned back to the kettle.

  ‘Janey…. I wanted to say something. But I’ve not been able to find the words. I don’t know….’ I bit my lip, ‘I don’t know how I will feel when we get back. I don’t want to muddle you up in something that is already about as muddled as it ever really ought to get. And I just wanted to say…’

  ‘That you won’t see me…’

  ‘No! I mean no, I wasn’t going to say that! I do want to see you. I want t
o see you right now. But you’re hair keeps hiding your face and it’s hard to hear what you’re saying.’

  She turned towards me then, lips parted, with quite a different expression. A complicated sequence of emotions flitted across her face. She put her head on one side slightly enquiring, and took a step towards the table.

  ‘I have a timetable on here somewhere.’ She put her hand on a small stack of papers on the corner. ‘They are my lecture schedules for the new year. I haven’t anything after. Perhaps we could me then?’

  ‘Perhaps. But a better idea, might be next week after my trip.’

  ‘You make it sound as if you’re going away on business.’

  ‘I am. It’s everyone’s business I’m poking my nose into. But most of them won’t know it afterwards.’

  ‘Will I?’

  ‘I think you will. Some people remember everything; some nothing. And there is every shade in between.’

  ‘I think I will too.’

  She smiled and took another step to me. She was at arm’s length but not inside my personal space.

  ‘Janey?’ I said quite gruffly, trying to avoid her eyes; ‘what are you doing?’

  ‘Something I have to do.’ She said evenly.

  ‘What?’

  ‘This….’ She said and stepped right up to me, reached her hands round my neck and pulled me down towards her.

  Her proximity was so alarming; I actually forgot I was in her house.

  ‘Perhaps you ought to leave?’ I said breathlessly.

  ‘Not a chance.’ She replied sweetly.

  She pulled my lips against hers and softly brushed them together.

  I was nose to nose with her. I was terrified I might do something wrong and spoil everything. I felt myself trembling uncontrollably.

  ‘Janey…please. I’m a bit… err….Janey?’

  She kissed me then. It was how I remembered. I was falling through space and I didn’t want to stop. She was kissing me and I was drowning. I was falling faster, and further. I was kissing her back then and stroking her hair away from her face with one hand. I felt completely defenceless. She was drowning me deeply this time. I was crying, and laughing at the same time.

  She pulled away shocked by the chain reaction she had started and indicated I sit down on the comfy settee. We sat there staring at each other. Each had their own thoughts of the complex situation that this experiment had brought about. Perhaps it’s all science; just chemistry. I wanted her, but I needed to get this under control.

  Her Fate and Jared’s fate might depend on what we did in the next few days. It could be bruised and crushed by one wrong move. Something so concentrated in its intensity; these confused feelings that I had; were they just the illusion of a life that would end up not being chosen? Inside I felt cold and creepy as I looked at her again. Kissing her had been too much. I felt my mind was being shattered apart.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ she said, ‘I didn’t realise. She really got to you didn’t she?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I hope you don’t think that I was being too err…. Forward.’

  ‘No….I don’t know. Yes, perhaps.’

  ‘So perhaps I’m using you?’

  ‘Well, perhaps you are, but I’ll just have to accept it won’t I?’

  She looked at me very oddly then, ‘You really are no fake. You actually want to go back and find Jared?’

  ‘Yes. I really do’

  She stood suddenly and went to the models on the table and picked one up, a flapping bird.

  ‘I was playing with you. I apologise….you are seeing someone who is cold as ice really.’ She smiled at the irony of it, and then picked up a folded flower, ‘I’m really not her you know. I wasn’t doing anything except finding out if you really were ready to find Jared. You haven’t changed your mind have you?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You’re going tomorrow. I will be at the Base by ten o’clock myself.’

  ‘You took the offer?’

  ‘You are surprized?’ she asked me, ‘My curiosity overcame any other scruples I have in fact got, that you so ridiculously may be unaware exist.’

  ‘I see. So you won’t get in the way of our plan?’

  ‘I would have to know what it is to make sure I didn’t do that, now wouldn’t I?’

  ‘Not likely dear Harriet.’

  ‘Don’t call me that.’

  ‘What shall I call you?’

  ‘Janey Arden. I suppose that is going to be fine if this time line doesn’t explode from the accidental similarity of the second names.’

  ‘I may see you there then.’ I was being cagey now.

  ‘As you wish.’

  ‘I’d like it if you didn’t try to stop us.’ I said firmly.

  ‘I wouldn’t dream of it.’

  ‘I will find Jared and bring him back. I made a promise out there. And I need to keep an appointment…’

  ‘An appointment with destiny?’

  ‘Yes…. Actually yes.’ I straightened up, ‘I just hope I know what I have to do when I get there.’

  She stared at me with a curious mixture of alarmed contempt and admiration. She picked up a another model. ‘Do you know what this is?’ she asked.

  ‘I have no idea.’

  ‘It a locking puzzle box.’ She said lightly, ‘once it is folded you cannot unfold it.’

  ‘You don’t say!’

  ‘I would help if you were a little more compliant.’

  ‘I’m sure it would.’

  ‘I mean; I might be able to do something for you.’

  ‘You might? I mean, you will?’

  ‘Perhaps.’ She touched the box lightly with one finger, ‘on one condition….’

  ‘No conditions,’ I said, ‘No agenda either.’

  ‘Tricky. I might have to persuade you some more.’ She stepped towards me again.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘No?’

  ‘I’m serious….. this is serious. No tricks.’

  ‘You really mean it. I mean….. you really…..well this is truly bizarre!’

  ‘About going to find Jared. And going back to Cloud Field. Yes. It’s all true.’

  She turned away. And stared into nothingness for nearly a minute.

  ‘Very well,’ she said, ‘If this is genuine. I will not get in the way.’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘Yes. I will do what I can to help you. Just name it.’

  ‘Okay.’ I said with a tired little sigh. Now she wanted to help. I really wished she hadn’t kissed me though. I wasn’t prepared for that. Janey got up and left the room. I put my hands over my face. I didn’t stand a chance. I had one thing that was stronger than this desire for this double-existing woman; to save Jared from that other place. What the hell! I really wished at this moment that I’d never gone on the expedition. One letter. That was all it took. I heaved myself upright, just as she came back in. ‘It’s time to go back to yours.’ she said. She had her coat on and her micro rucksack and car key in one hand. I got up and followed her out.

  We arrived back at my place to find Alex rummaging in the Land rover.

  ‘Hi kids! I’m just getting the indoor camping kit inside before it gets any later.’

  We helped Alex lug a couple of camp beds inside. Five minutes later I was hugging a much needed tea and sitting in the debris of the popcorn and nibble fest from earlier. The two girls had vanished upstairs to talk while taking over the bathroom.

  ‘Where’s the other john?’ Alex was smirking.

  ‘What’s the gag?’ I asked a very relaxed Jules.

  ‘Oh? Yeah. You look like you’ve got carpet burn on your face. I mean you a flushed and flustered looking. A bit like the cat that’s been in the whiskey cream on New Year’s eve.’

  ‘Cat’s like whiskey? I mean, you what?’

  ‘I know..’ Jules stretched, ‘Alex was telling us stories. Violette is great. And I’m loving it. Being here. You’re a great friend. Thanks for the…. hospitality.’
>
  ‘You’ve been imbibing the beer haven’t you?’

  ‘Yeah. Alex reckons it will help the time go past slower.’

  ‘And does it?’

  ‘No idea. I’m having too good a time to notice.’ He squinted at me, ‘You really have been got at haven’t you?’

  ‘Yes.’ I admitted.

  ‘Tough.’ Jules sat up then, ‘Tomorrow is going to be on call time for the Doc then. Comforting the lovelorn; soothing the frail mind.’ he seemed perplexed, and then said: ‘Honestly I’m am a bit concerned… you and Marcia doing all this.’

  I saw the way it was going and hoped Violette would be back soon from the outer limits of the bathroom and my spare bedroom. She wasn’t long in coming back.

  ‘Janey’s in your second bedroom. I hope that’s ok.’

  ‘Yes it is. I said you and err… you both could take my room.’

  ‘Let’s go Flower.’ said Jules taking Violette’s hand. She looked down at him. ‘Are you sure you are comfortable there?’ she said.

  Jules got up suddenly and stumbled out of the room with Violette. I heard them giggling as they went upstairs.

  ‘Don’t worry.’ said Alex, who had just come back in with another beer each for him and me, ‘they’re too intoxicated for that.’

  ‘I wasn’t thinking about Jules and Violette.’

  ‘Ah! The unfathomable Janey. I would love to dip my wick in that pond of deliciousness.’

  ‘If I wasn’t your friend I’d take offence.’

  ‘I was joking! My… have you got it bad. I see that I will have all on comforting the poor little thing. Don’t worry,’ he said, seeing the look I gave him, ‘if she is that into you, I’m surprised you haven’t smuggled her along on the trip.’

  ‘What did you say?’

  ‘About what?’

  ‘Janey.’

  ‘Take her with you?’

  ‘She has already taken the job.’ I said.

  ‘Really?’ Alex gave me a calculating look, ‘Not to want to dent your bright shiny thing; but that is really going to muck it up. A lot. Probably.’

  I shrugged, ‘It’s her choice.’