Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat for Binge Eating

by Michelle May M. D.

  On the way home I remembered that Ron and the kids were going to a ball game and I felt a rush of excitement. I would be able to eat whatever I wanted! I picked up a large pizza. I put on my sweat pants and turned on the TV to zone out for a while. No deadlines, no points, no summer bathing suits.

  I was vaguely aware of the pain in my stomach but I just couldn’t stop eating until the whole pizza was gone. I was stuffed after eating it, but I felt calm. Afterward I sat there feeling stunned and sick. I felt a wave of rage, then shame that I’d let this happen again. It was hopeless.

  Then reality clicked in; my family would be home soon. I gathered up the evidence and walked it down to my neighbor’s garbage can. I was in bed with a book when my husband came home. I turned out the light to hide the tears streaming down my face.

  If Connie’s experience sounds even vaguely familiar, Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat for Binge Eating: A Mindful Eating Program for Healing Your Relationship with Food and Your Body was written for you.

  Binge eating is not just overeating. Sometimes called emotional eating, food addiction, or compulsive overeating, binge eating is more severe, more secretive, and more likely to be associated with loss of control, shame, and self-loathing. As you learned in the introduction, during a binge a person eats a large amount of food in a short period of time, usually while alone. They tend to eat fast and feel out of control and unable to stop. Afterward, they feel uncomfortably full, disgusted, depressed, guilty, or ashamed.

  WHY DO I EAT?

  If you struggle with binge eating, you may wonder why eating seems so effortless for some people and why others seem to be able to stick to a diet. You may even wonder why some people “just overeat”—but don’t binge the way you do. Let’s explore different eating patterns—Instinctive Eating, Overeating, Binge Eating, and Restrictive Eating.

  Instinctive Eating

  First think of someone you know who doesn’t seem to dwell a lot on their eating and effortlessly manages to eat the right amount of food for their body. Perhaps you’re thinking of your spouse, a friend, a child, or even yourself during a time when you weren’t struggling with food—like Connie’s childhood experience.

  I have a lot of fond memories that involve food when I was young—baking cupcakes with my mom to take for my birthday party at school, making a chocolate Easter bunny last all day, and Sunday dinners with my cousins at my Grandmother’s house. I never worried about what I would eat, as long as we weren’t having brussel sprouts for dinner!

  Overeating

  Think of somebody you know who struggles with eating too much. It may be you or a family member, or a friend. Connie described her husband Ron.

  Ron loves to eat! There are very few things he enjoys more. His favorite foods are ribs and pizza but he loves vegetables too. He overeats when he has the guys over to watch a game and when we go to his mother’s house for one of her fabulous home-cooked meals.

  Binge Eating

  You read about one of Connie’s binges at the beginning of the chapter. Can you think of a time when you or someone else experienced something like that?

  Restrictive Eating

  Now think of someone you know who is on a diet. You probably know a lot of people like this! Here’s how Connie described what it’s like when she’s dieting.

  Every time I start a new diet I weigh, measure, and count everything I eat, even grapes. I wake up thinking about what I can eat for lunch so I’ll have enough food points left for dinner. I eat “lite” this and “low-carb” that. Other than all the vegetables I eat, most of my food isn’t even real food. I kind of like being on a diet, because I feel like I’m in control for a while. It feels like I have really accomplished something worthwhile when I’ve lost weight. I don’t know what my problem is though. I’ve succeeded in just about every other area of my life but I just can’t stick to a diet very long.

  THE MINDFUL EATING CYCLE

  Do you recognize your own eating pattern in one or more of these examples? The Mindful Eating Cycle is a tool for recognizing and understanding eating behaviors. You can only change what you’re aware of so we’ll follow the path of the Mindful Eating Cycle throughout this book to solve the mystery of why you do what you do—and guide you to a new way of thinking about food.

  There are six questions in the Mindful Eating Cycle:

  Why?Why do I eat? In other words, what is driving my eating cycle?

  When?When do I want to eat? When do I think about eating? When do I decide to eat?

  What?What do I eat? What do I choose from all the available options?

  How?How do I eat? How, specifically, do I get the food I’ve chosen into my body?

  How Much?How much do I eat? How much fuel do I consume?

  Where?Where do I invest my energy? That is, where does the fuel I’ve consumed go?

  First let’s use the Mindful Eating Cycle to help us “deconstruct” the eating patterns in Instinctive Eating, Overeating, Binge Eating, and Restrictive Eating to better understand what’s going on. Once the patterns are clear, we’ll explore binge eating further.

  Instinctive Eating Cycle

  Let’s think about how you might answer each of these questions when you are eating instinctively.

  Why?The main purpose for eating is to nourish and fuel your body. Your body’s fuel level drives your eating cycle and helps you decide when and how much to eat.

  When?When your body needs fuel, it triggers the physical sensations of hunger. You decide when to eat based on how hungry you are, but you also consider other factors like convenience, social norms, and the availability of appetizing food. When you occasionally eat even though you’re not hungry, you don’t feel guilty—just full—so you aren’t interested in eating again right away.

  What?You eat whatever you want. Your choices are affected by your preferences and your awareness and degree of concern about nutrition information, as well as what foods are available. You naturally seek balance, variety, and moderation in your eating. In the Instinctive Eating Cycle, you don’t use rigid rules to decide what to eat; therefore, you don’t judge yourself for what you eat. Eating is usually pleasurable, but food doesn’t hold any particular power over you.

  How?You eat with the intention of satisfying hunger so you’re likely to be attentive to the food and your body’s signals. You’re more likely to eat calmly, slowly, and without distraction.

  How Much?You decide how much food to eat by how hungry you are, how filling the food is, how soon you’ll be eating again, and other factors. When your hunger is satisfied, you usually stop eating—even if there’s food left. You recognize that being too full is uncomfortable and unnecessary.

  Where?Your energy goes toward living your life. Your physical energy can be directed toward your activities during work, play, exercise, and even rest. Your mental energy can be focused on your daily tasks and goals. Your emotional and spiritual energy can be focused on relationships, feelings, and fulfilling your purpose. Any leftover fuel you consume is stored until it’s needed.

  Once the fuel you’ve consumed is depleted or stored, the signs of hunger develop, triggering your desire to eat again. The Instinctive Eating Cycle repeats itself, perhaps three or four times a day or every few hours, depending on what and how much you eat and how much fuel you need on a particular day.

  A person who typically eats instinctively seems to manage their choices effortlessly—in fact, everyone was born with the instinctive ability to manage their eating this way—just think of a baby or a very young child. Unfortunately many people forget how.

  Overeating Cycle

  Here’s how you might answer the six questions when you’re overeating.

  Why?Your cycle driver is a desire for pleasure or distraction. For example, if the trigger is boredom, eating distracts you and gives you something to do for a little while. If the trigger is a big tray of brownies, eating several might be pleasurable for a few moments. The temporary distraction or pleasure is initially
satisfying and therefore drives the Overeating Cycle.

  When?Your desire to eat is triggered by conscious or subconscious physical, environmental, and emotional triggers. Examples of physical triggers are thirst, fatigue, or pain. Environmental cues such as the time of day, sight or smell of appetizing food, or certain activities associated with food may trigger your urge to eat.

  Emotions such as stress, boredom, guilt, loneliness, anger, or happiness may also trigger eating. Sometimes hunger triggers the initial urge to eat, but then environmental and emotional cues lead to overeating. If you’re in the habit of eating for all these reasons, when do you feel like eating? All the time!

  What?The reason why you’re eating will affect what you want to eat (and every other decision that follows). Therefore, the types of food you choose to eat in response to needs other than hunger are more likely to be foods that are convenient, tempting, or comforting. For example, if you’re at a ball game, you might eat a hot dog, a jumbo pretzel, or a plate of nachos even if you aren’t hungry. If your trigger is stress, you might choose chocolate or potato chips. It’s less likely you’ll choose nutritious foods in your Overeating Cycle since you’re not eating for your body’s physical needs.

  How?In the Overeating Cycle, you’re more likely to eat mindlessly, automatically, quickly, and secretly. You may eat, or continue to eat, whether you’re hungry or not. You might unconsciously grab a handful of candy or nuts from a bowl as you pass by. You might eat while you’re distracted watching TV, driving, working, or talking on the phone. You might eat secretly or quickly to finish before someone catches you. You might feel guilty about eating and therefore you aren’t able to fully enjoy it. Eating this way is not very satisfying physically or emotionally.

  How Much?If hunger doesn’t tell you to start eating, what tells you to stop? In an Overeating Cycle, the amount of food you eat depends on how much food you’ve been served or how much is in the package. All too often, you feel uncomfortably full instead of content and satisfied after eating.

  Where?When you eat food your body didn’t ask for, your body has no choice but to store it. The excess fuel you’ve consumed is saved for later. You might feel less energetic or self-conscious and as a result, less likely to be physically active. Perhaps you avoid certain experiences like dating, going on vacation, or buying clothes that look and feel good because you want to lose weight first. Perhaps you feel bad about yourself so you don’t ask for that raise you deserve or you don’t set appropriate limits with other people, leading to even more emotional triggers and more overeating.

  When you eat for reasons other than hunger, the distraction and pleasure are only temporary. Consequently, you have to eat more to feel better, thus feeding a vicious cycle.

  The Binge Eating Cycle

  Binge eating is an attempt to use food to regulate, moderate, or balance your physical, emotional, or mental state. While there is overlap with overeating, the Binge Eating Cycle is more extreme and more destructive physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Just like Connie at the beginning of this chapter, for people caught in this cycle, bingeing has become a way to manage physical discomfort, numb certain feelings, and escape uncomfortable thoughts such as judgment and worry. Once started, the Binge Eating Cycle spins out of control even when there are painful physical and emotional consequences.

  Why?The Binge Eating Cycle is driven by unmet needs; a binge may provide temporary distraction, relief, or escape from unpleasant thoughts or physical and emotional states.

  When?A binge is initiated by certain physical, environmental, and/or emotional triggers and the thoughts that precede them. Quite often, a binge follows a Restrictive Eating Cycle. Many binge episodes are planned or pre-meditated and begin with walking up and down the grocery aisles selecting favorite binge foods, stopping at several drive-through windows, or ordering multiple take-out meals from one restaurant.

  What?Binge foods are often high in sugar, fat, or salt, and/or are highly processed foods. They are often “forbidden” foods—foods that aren’t allowed on most diets. Some binge foods may have an immediate physiological effect on mood, especially foods high in sugar. Certain foods may symbolize needs such as comfort or pleasure. Other foods may convey a certain feeling, like crunching when angry. Sometimes, the food chosen isn’t typical at all, like table sugar, cake mix or other pantry ingredients; frozen or uncooked foods; or condiments such as syrup, salsa, ketchup, or whipped cream. Some people binge on diet or healthy foods like rice cakes or canned vegetables. Obviously a binge is not really about the food itself.

  How?The food is consumed in a frenzied, panicky, or a trance-like state. The fast-paced eating pattern is mindless and disconnects you from uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Further, binges often take place alone and in secret, which adds to the guilt and fuels the cycle. People often describe feeling out of control and unable to stop. Connie says, “I call it my ‘beast’ because it’s as if a dark part of myself that I’ve been trying to squash down has finally taken over.”

  How Much?The amount of food consumed is one factor that determines the difference between overeating and a binge. A binge is formally defined as eating an “amount of food that is definitely larger than most people would eat in a similar period of time, under similar circumstances.” Stuffing food, even if it causes physical pain, can create a sense of emotional fullness in sharp contrast to the “emptiness” experienced at other times. You might eat until someone or something interrupts you or until you feel miserably full, stuffed, physically sick, or numb—or at least calm. You might even eat until you fall asleep, or pass out.

  Where?Following a binge you typically feel sluggish, tired, and uninterested in moving around or being active. Since your body is working to process the food you ate, you’re limited in what you can do or where you can go after a binge.

  You may also spend a lot of energy hiding the evidence—disposing of boxes, cartons, and bags, driving your garbage to a dumpster, buying more food to make it look like nothing has been eaten—and if necessary, eating more to re-create the appearance of a partially used product.

  When reality sets in after the binge, you may feel overcome with emotion and full of rage—wanting to throw, hit, or scream—or feel despondent, hopeless, or wishing you could die. The feelings of guilt and self-hatred lead to more negative self-talk and further isolation. This increases secrecy, shame, loneliness, and other emotions that perpetuate the cycle.

  In the aftermath of a binge, there is usually a sense of desperation and a renewed dedication to the next diet. You make plans to be “good” again—the next day, “on Monday,” or “after the holidays.” Of course dieting doesn’t stop binge eating. For many people restrictive eating simply becomes part of the binge cycle.

  Restrictive Eating Cycle

  Overeating and Binge Eating Cycles are often followed by periods of restrictive dieting. When you’re in a restrictive eating pattern, here’s how you might answer these same six questions from the Mindful Eating Cycle.

  Why?Your cycle drivers are the rules that determine when, what, and how much to eat. The rules can come from an expert, a book, a magazine, or a program, or they can be self-imposed. Your decisions about eating are controlled rather than intuitive. When you’re in a Restrictive Eating Cycle, the number on the bathroom scale or how well you’ve been following the diet’s rules determine how you feel about yourself on a partic-ular day.

  When?The rules determine whether or not you’re allowed to eat depending on the time. One example is “Eat every three hours so you never get hungry.” Theoretically, your eating will be easier to control—but ironically, most overeating has very little to do with hunger anyway. Another rule is, “’Never eat after 7 p.m.” which places external constraints on your eating without addressing the real reasons you want to eat in the first place or teaching you to manage triggers like watching television or loneliness.

  What?You should eat only the so-called good foods that are allowed on you
r diet. You may have to resist your favorite “sinfully delicious” foods or avoid situations and places where your forbidden foods would tempt you. Some diets allow you to eat any food you want, but higher-calorie foods are treated as special. These powerful foods must be substituted, calculated, earned, or eaten only on “cheat days.” In the Restrictive Eating Cycle, choosing the right food is very important because when your choice is good, you’re good. But when your choice is bad, you’re bad.

  How?Following the rules may require you to be very structured or even rigid in your eating. Always having to choose good foods may cause you to feel deprived, while choosing so-called bad foods causes you to feel guilty so eating becomes joyless.

  How Much?You eat what you’re allowed since the quantity of food is predetermined by the rules. This may require weighing, measuring, counting, or using some other external way to determine how much food you can have or how much food you should eat. These rules prevent you from eating too much food, or perhaps from not eating enough, based on the assumption that you don’t have the ability to consume an appropriate amount of food without following strict rules.

  Where?The Restrictive Eating Cycle requires a great deal of mental and emotional energy. As in the Instinctive Eating Cycle, your body will use whatever fuel it needs for work, play, exercise, and rest, but if you’re significantly and consistently under-eating, your body may attempt to conserve as much fuel as possible by lowering your metabolism and may cause you to become even more interested in food to prevent you from starving to death. You might spend a lot of your energy figuring out how to get the most food while still staying within the rules of your diet. Furthermore, while exercise is important for overall health and fitness, in the Restrictive Eating Cycle, exercise is sometimes used to earn the right to eat, to punish yourself for overeating, or to pay penance for eating a bad food.