Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat for Binge Eating

by Michelle May M. D.

  When you want to eat, ask yourself, “Am I hungry?” knowing that you can choose to eat whether you are or not. Since being in charge means taking responsibility, you’re free to choose to eat or overeat if you want, as long as you acknowledge the possible consequences and decide that for a given situation, the consequences are worth it.

  Fear-based: I can’t trust myself.

  You may believe you’re addicted to certain foods and feel afraid that you won’t be able to stop eating them if you start. This is a self-fulfilling prophecy because once you have even one bite, your mind automatically prepares for a binge. Depriving yourself of certain foods gives them power over you; in fact, it causes the strong cravings in the first place. This lack of self-trust often comes from a history of cycling between overeating and restrictive eating.

  Fearless: I trust myself to eat in a way that nourishes my body, mind, heart, and spirit.

  When you know those previously forbidden foods will always be allowed, the urgency to eat them in large quantities eventually diminishes. Research has shown that people get tired of eating the same kind of food over time, even foods they love. Following the steps outlined in “The Grey Area: Fearless Eating” allows you to experiment with different foods and decide what foods you’ll choose to eat based on how you respond.

  THE GREY AREA

  FEARLESS EATING

  Are there foods that you’d love to be able to eat without guilt or without bingeing? If so, the following strategies for fearless eating will help you rebuild trust in your ability to listen to your body wisdom. These steps will help you try out one previously forbidden food at a time and eat it regularly until it loses its magic and goes back to just being delicious. Move through the steps at a pace that’s comfortable for you.

  •Make a list of your forbidden, scary, or trigger foods—foods you enjoy but generally restrict yourself from eating.

  •Choose one of the foods from your list and give yourself full permission to eat it when you’re hungry and you really, really, really, really want it. This is the Four Really test.

  •When you’re hungry and decide you want that food (it passes the Four Really test), buy, prepare, or order one serving.

  •Eat the food mindfully, without distractions, and focus on the aroma, appearance, flavor, and texture as you eat. You’ll learn more strategies for mindful eating in the next chapter.

  •Does the food taste as good as you imagined it would? Sometimes you’ll discover it isn’t as good as you thought it would be; you may even decide not to finish it or that you won’t bother with it in the future. If you love it, continue to give yourself permission to buy or order it whenever you want.

  •You may decide to keep enough of that food in your house so you know it’ll be there if you want it. For some people, however, keeping certain foods in the house can feel too scary. In that case, promise yourself you’ll purchase and prepare only as much as you’ll need for one sitting or you’ll go to a restaurant and order it when you want it.

  •Don’t be surprised if you want that food frequently at first; that’s normal. Relax; the cravings will decrease when you realize the food is no longer forbidden.

  •This strategy is also helpful if you find yourself obsessing about a particular food.

  •When you’re ready, choose another food from your list and practice the process again.

  •If you find yourself overeating certain foods, ask yourself, “What was I thinking when I was eating it?” Restrictive or scarcity thoughts like, “I shouldn’t eat this,” or “I’m going to eat it all in case I don’t get another chance,” can continue to drive overeating. Remember, you’re in charge now, so replace those thoughts with more powerful, fearless thoughts.

  •Repeat these steps regularly to banish the fear that you’re not in charge of your eating.

  When you give yourself unconditional permission to eat what you want, you’ll notice that food quickly loses the power and strong attraction it once had. You’ll begin to trust that you can choose from among all the wonderful food choices available when you’re hungry. You won’t have to stock up in anticipation of your next round of self-denial. Amazingly, you’ll also find that you make more balanced choices and feel more satisfied.

  WHAT DO I NEED?

  Food decisions are neither good nor bad, but clearly, some foods offer more nutritional benefits than others. As you consider what food to choose, ask yourself, “What does my body need?”

  Food fuels your body. It’s wonderful to enjoy the food you choose, but keep in mind that the main purpose for eating is to provide your body with the energy and nutrients it needs to function at its best. Since your body is the finest, most complex machine ever created, it performs best and lasts longest with top-of-the-line fuel.

  Nourish Yourself

  Food can be used to your advantage when you learn to balance eating for nourishment with eating for enjoyment. The following strategies will help you with that process.

  Remember, you have a choice. When making decisions about what you’ll eat, instead of using words such as should, shouldn’t, can’t, have to, must, ought, always, or never, use words that indicate a choice such as could, can, may, prefer, and sometimes. For example, “I can choose to eat (fill in the blank) if I want it” or “I’d prefer to eat a salad” or “I’ll make healthy choices for myself, but I’ll make them because I want to, not because I have to.”

  Choose food based on balance, variety, and moderation. All foods can fit into a healthy diet; you get to choose what you’ll eat. Ask yourself what else you have been eating and what you are likely to eat later. Examples of helpful questions include:

  •Have I eaten a variety of fruits and vegetables today?

  •Do I eat enough protein or not enough?

  •Do I feel tired when I eat too many carbohydrates in one meal?

  •Have I been practicing balance, variety, and moderation over the last few days?

  MINDFUL MOMENT: Nutrition information is a tool not a weapon.

  Your answers to questions like these will help you decide which foods you could choose to meet your nutritional needs.

  Make small, gradual changes. Let go of all or nothing thinking. Healthy eating is simply the result of all the little positive decisions you make.

  Learn about nutrition. Use nutrition information to make informed decisions, not to deprive and punish yourself or to make you feel guilty. Surprisingly, once you know how one appealing food compares to another, you’ll often find yourself preferring the more nutritious food.

  Without a doubt, science will continue to discover new and important information about nutrition and health. In fact, things are changing so rapidly in this field that even credible information from reliable sources may evolve and change over time. Find accurate and authoritative sources for nutrition information to keep up-to-date.

  Be sure to examine how the information you learn applies to your life. Just because you hear or read something doesn’t automatically mean you need to make a change. If you are unsure, your health care professional or a dietitian can help guide you through the maze of all the nutrition information that’s available.

  Consider your personal health needs. Take an honest inventory of your health. What specific issues do you need to consider when deciding what to eat? Think about the following issues and talk to your health care professional or a dietitian for specific recommendations if needed:

  •Medical history (especially diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, risk of cancer);

  •Family history (especially diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, cancer, heart disease);

  •Allergies and reactions to certain foods (for instance, rashes, fatigue, digestive problems);

  •Your health goals (for instance, fitness or prevention of chronic disease).

  Be willing to try new foods. You just might surprise yourself! It can take several tries of a new food to acquire a taste for it, but some of your favorite foods ma
y be things you thought you wouldn’t like. Don’t persist in forcing yourself to eat foods you don’t like, however, since that can backfire.

  Make it taste great. Enjoy balanced choices by focusing on fresh foods, appealing combinations, new flavors, and interesting recipes. For example, learn to prepare healthy foods in exciting, delicious ways and learn to prepare your favorites in healthier ways by adjusting the ingredients or cooking method.

  Look for healthful alternatives. Ask yourself, “Is there a healthy choice that will meet my needs without leaving me feeling deprived?” For instance, could you be happy with frozen yogurt instead of ice cream this time? While eating out, could you decide to skip the appetizers and just enjoy the main course, order a great salad instead of a burger, or share your favorite meal? Make it a habit to choose more healthful foods unless you feel you really need to eat a particular food to feel satisfied.

  Keep an awareness journal. You may find it helpful to keep a journal for a while to help you recognize patterns and identify areas that you want to improve. Many of the people we work with initially say they hate the thought of journaling because it reminds them of a diet. The difference, however, is that an awareness journal is used to make connections between what you eat and how you feel (and for that matter, how you feel and what you eat), rather than tracking and accountability. Perfection is not necessary; you’ll learn something about yourself even if you journal intermittently. You’ll find a great Awareness Journal at www.AmIHungry.com.

  Become aware of how you feel after you eat. Notice how long certain foods stay with you, whether you feel more energetic or sluggish after eating certain foods, and whether any foods cause uncomfortable symptoms. To put this into practical terms, here’s what Robert noticed.

  I had been up late the night before working on a project and had a snack around midnight, so I wasn’t hungry when I woke up in the morning. I skipped breakfast and just had coffee. I noticed I was hungry around 9. Since I was going out for lunch, I didn’t have any food with me. I wandered into the break room and grabbed a donut. I can eat what I want, right? An hour later, my hunger pangs were back, so I returned to the break room and had another donut. By eleven, I noticed that I was irritated; physically uncomfortable, and couldn’t concentrate. What was going on?

  Throughout the morning Robert had eaten low-fiber foods high in sugar and fat with an insignificant amount of protein. As a result, his blood sugars were spiking and dropping. If Robert continued this pattern of eating, it would go on all day. So he began to experiment with his breakfast and snacks.

  Now even if I’m not hungry when I wake up, I bring my breakfast with me so I’ll have it when I’m ready to eat. I’ve also learned that rather than just having crackers or fruit—or donuts—for snacks, I feel much better and stay satisfied longer if I eat cheese with wheat crackers or have peanut butter on an apple.

  A little knowledge about the effects of fiber and protein, combined with the wisdom that comes from experience, put Robert in charge of managing his health, energy, mood, and hunger.

  MINDFUL MOMENT: You are in charge of having food available to eat when you are hungry.

  Resist restrictive diets. Without a doubt, you’ll continue to hear about many wonder diets that promise amazing results. You may even be tempted to try one. Before you do, carefully examine the premise and science behind it. Remember this rule of thumb: If it sounds too good to be true, it is! Robert shared this lesson.

  I finally felt like I was in charge of my eating and I was feeling so much better. When our family started planning a vacation to Hawaii, I figured I could drop about 15 pounds on a medical fast that was advertised in the paper, then go back to mindful eating on vacation. About two weeks into the liquid diet, my eating disorder was back with a vengeance. I’m back to mindful eating again and we signed up for a family membership at the Y when we got back from Hawaii.

  Be open to dietary guidance and more structure if needed. There’s nothing wrong with making a decision to follow a specific dietary plan—after all, you’re in charge. It’s sensible to explore new ways of eating that are sound and make sense, as long as your thoughts don’t become restrictive.

  You may have a medical reason for following a specific dietary plan or find that you prefer more structure. Just be sure to let hunger, satisfaction, and common sense guide you. Another good rule of thumb is this: If you can’t imagine eating a certain way for the rest of your life, don’t bother doing it for even a day. Robert used the structure of mindful eating to help him manage his prediabetes.

  I knew I’d never go on such a restrictive diet again. But I wasn’t going to ignore my health issues. I decided to try using the Mindful Eating Cycle to guide me instead. What a difference! I learned a lot more about carbohydrates and realized that they weren’t the enemy. I can still enjoy my carbs when I really want them, but since I have prediabetes, I need to limit the total amount of carbohydrate I eat at each snack or meal. I’m eating lean protein, lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains—and French fries or chips occasionally when I really want them. My doctor said all my numbers have started to improve so we’re going to recheck them in three months.

  (To learn more about mindful eating with prediabetes or diabetes, read Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat with Diabetes: A Mindful Eating Program for Thriving with Prediabetes or Diabetes.)

  When it comes to eating for health, being in charge means taking personal responsibility for your food choices. Combine your knowledge of nutrition with your personal lifestyle and preferences to choose food that works best for you and your overall well-being.

  WHAT DO I HAVE?

  This step can be summarized with one word: planning. Having a variety of foods available is essential if you’re going to learn to use hunger to guide your eating. If you feel hungry and the only food available is from a vending machine, you’re likely to choose a snack that may not be very healthy, may not taste very good, and may not really be what you were hungry for anyway.

  Be Prepared

  The key is to keep a variety of foods available.

  •Stock your home, workplace, and even your car, purse, or briefcase with different types of foods that meet the types of cravings you get.

  •Focus on healthful options that you enjoy when you’re hungry but that won’t be calling out to you from their storage place saying, “I’m in here! Come eat me!”

  •Keep nutritious ready-to-eat options on hand such as fresh fruit and precut vegetables, dried fruit, whole grain crackers, popcorn, packages of oatmeal, yogurt, string cheese, nuts, hard-boiled eggs, and cans of tuna or slices of turkey or roast beef.

  •Buy or separate food into convenient, single-serving portions. Small snack bags work great for this.

  •Designate a day each week to experiment with new foods and new recipes to expand your repertoire.

  •Plan a day once a month to cook and freeze some extra meals.

  •You may also decide to keep small amounts of chocolate or other favorite treats around when you’re ready. Practice the “The Grey Area: Fearless Eating” outlined previously. If certain foods are too challenging for you to stop eating even when you’re comfortably satisfied, introduce them more slowly. Just because you can eat whatever you love, doesn’t mean you have to!

  •You’re not always in charge of what is available, but you’re still in charge of what and how much you choose. When you’re eating from a menu or buffet, decide what you want and need first and then survey your options to see what will fit best.

  Robert had a great way to be prepared at work.

  At first, I thought I’d feel out of the loop if I didn’t go out with my buddies for lunch every day. But it turns out that I wasn’t the only one who was concerned about the way I was eating—or the money I was spending—because a couple of the guys started bringing their lunch to work too. I’ve also learned to keep an extra meal or two stashed in my office in case I don’t have time to make lunch. Sometimes a few of us go to
the gym to play racquetball at noon or after work so that gives us time to socialize.

  If you’re not used to choosing food mindfully and fearlessly, you may find it challenging at first. Just remember to ask yourself, “What do I want?”, “What do I need?”, and “What do I have?” With practice, these strategies allow you to make choices that satisfy your body and your mind. Eating food you love while taking good care of yourself is the best way to feel fully nourished.

  CHAPTER 7

  MINDFUL EATING

  Britney has struggled with mindless eating and bingeing again since she went away to college.

  I opened the half-pound bag of Peanut M&Ms® my mom sent in a care package. I ate a few of them while I was gathering all my stuff—books, laptop, class notes—then I climbed onto my upper bunk to study for my first college mid-term. I was glad my annoying roommate was out with her boyfriend; she usually wakes me up in the middle of the night when she comes in at 2 a.m., but I figured I’d probably still be up anyway.

  I texted my mom and a couple of my friends back home, then checked Facebook, before I finally started studying. About an hour went by and I decided to go down the hall to get a Diet Coke®. I set my laptop down on my bed and heard a crinkling sound. I picked it up and there was the empty bag of M&Ms. If I didn’t feel so gross, I wouldn’t have believed that I had eaten the whole bag! I swear, I don’t even remember eating them after those first few. I can’t believe I did it again!

  You’re now more aware of the decisions you make as to why, when, and what you eat. Now it’s time to decide how you’ll eat.

  HOW DO I EAT?

  Ironically, many people who struggle with food say they love to eat, but don’t really act like it. Do you eat quickly, barely tasting what you’re eating? Do you eat too fast to notice how full you’re getting? Do you eat while you’re watching TV, reading the newspaper, driving, or working? How often do you feel stuffed when you’re finished eating? Do you ever finish something and wish you could have just one more bite? Have you ever eaten something and not even remembered it?