A Broken Forever

by Megan Noelle

  I couldn’t help but notice the way his jaw tensed the way it did every time he tried to hold something back. Stefan always had a hard time speaking freely about his emotions, but when I began taking notice of what he did to hold it back, I begged for him to let it out. I was terribly tempted to ask what was wrong, but I was even more afraid to hear the answer.

  I didn’t need to ask though; suddenly his hand reached out as he took hold of my chin and finally met my gaze. The deep shade of blue his eyes were right now only occurred when something intense or passionate followed. This had to be my favorite shade of blue, because it was when they looked like this that he had declared the depths of his heart to me. When he first said he loved me, when we made up after a fight and when he kissed me after hearing the beautiful cry of our newborn baby girl.

  It was impossible to handle the silence while I waited to hear what he had to say, but I knew I needed to keep quiet. Whatever he had to say, I wanted to hear it, and if I rushed him I knew I wouldn’t.

  A deep, chest falling breath escaped him. “I can’t remember the last time I had a day that I never wanted to forget. Anytime you’re around I feel like a different person, and I like the way I am when I’m with you.”

  A knot formed in my throat, preventing me from responding.

  “Greyson Rose, please promise me this won’t be the last time I see you.”

  I opened my mouth, but nothing came out as my head still tried to process those words. “I will personally screw up your car so we end up right back here if I have to.”

  I couldn’t hold back my laugh, which was just what I needed to loosen the knots in my throat and stomach.

  “I promise this will not be the last time I see you, Stefan Harrison.” The ear-to-ear grin that I watched form nearly took my breath away as his fingers left my chin to brush away strands of hair from my forehead.

  “I’m going to hold you to that.” Before I could respond he leaned down and I felt my entire body stop. My heart stopped beating, my lungs stopped breathing and I refused to blink. His lips lowered closer to mine, but just as I thought he was going in for a kiss, he repositioned himself to press a kiss to my forehead.

  “Until next time.”

  With that I got in my car, waved and drove away. I knew I should stay away, but whenever he was near I couldn’t think straight and everything in my soul told me I needed to be there. It was wrong to like it, but it became even more natural to accept the way I felt with him near. But as I approached my neighborhood I forced Stefan from my mind as I thought of the fiancé I had waiting for me in the home we shared.

  I parked the car in front of my house, flipped down the visor mirror and did a quick check of my reflection. Besides the obnoxious smile growing on my face the rest of me looked fine. You couldn’t read from my expressions that I had just spent the day with my ex-husband. So to me I looked great. I grabbed my purse and ran inside. I couldn’t stop feeling that if I didn’t hurry Richard would somehow be suspicious of me. It didn’t make sense; I did nothing wrong, so there was nothing to be worried about!

  I yanked open the door and let my smile brighten the room as I scanned my eyes to see where Richard was. My mood, my demeanor and the smile on my face that I thought wasn’t going anywhere quickly deflated as I looked at the person sitting on my sofa. With his legs kicked up on the table and a beer in hand he gave a cursory wave; having my brother here was in no way a good thing.

  “Hey Jayden…what are you doing here?” I tried to keep the accusations from my voice, but the last thing I wanted today was to see him. It wasn’t because I didn’t love him or didn’t want to see him. It was solely because the only person beside Stefan that could read me well was Jayden. And right now I felt as if my face was holding a sign that said I just spent the day with Stefan Harrison—the guy that left me when I needed him most.

  Worst of all Jayden used to consider Stefan one of his best friends, but now he hated everything about him. There was no way Jayden would think of Stefan around again as a good thing. Not to mention, he has never agreed with my choice to not tell Richard about my past, but now with my past—not so much in the past—he would demand relentlessly that I spill everything. Which I planned to, just not yet. Just not right now.

  “What’s up, Grey? Where have you been?” I was a little taken aback when his voice showed concern and not anger for what I had been doing. Maybe it wasn’t written all over my face as I originally expected.

  “Getting my car fixed, why?”

  He cocked an eyebrow and rose from the couch. “Just asking because you weren’t here when your boy was off of work and he said you weren’t at the salon.”

  “Oh, yeah.” Cue awkward pause. “What are you doing here?”

  I dropped my purse onto the floor and tried to avoid Jayden’s eyes. “Well, I got a pretty distraught phone call from my baby sister and I figured I’d drop by to make sure she was okay. Richard told me you weren’t here and let me in while I waited for you and then invited me to stay for dinner.”

  Shit, I had almost completely forgotten about my dramatic phone call to Jay. I should have known that something like that would make my very protective brother come around to check in.

  “Well, you’re always welcome here.” I cast him my best sincere smile, completely ignoring half of what he said.

  He raised an eyebrow at me as he took another swig of beer. I could feel the suspicions growing within him.

  “Where are Cara and Lily tonight?” I asked, hoping my attempts to change the subject weren’t totally transparent.

  “They’re at home. I didn’t think I’d be here for dinner or else I would have brought them over too.”

  I smiled again. “Next time.”

  “What’s going on, Grey?” Jayden leaned in, dropping his voice so my fiancé would be unable to hear from wherever he was in the house.

  “Nothing,” I said shaking my head. “I just miss you guys.”

  Jayden opened his mouth to reply, but at that moment Richard walked in and saved me from this uncomfortable conversation.

  “Darling, I didn’t hear you come in!” Richard announced, and when I looked his way he bore a beautiful smile. Immediately guilt took over, and I wished Richard knew exactly where I was today and who I was with. Because right now all I felt were the secrets piling up more and more and it was becoming far too much on my conscience.

  “I just got here and I was saying hi to my brother.” I walked into his arms and pressed a kiss to his lips. He wrapped me into his embrace as a soft contended sigh blew past my ear. My body relaxed against his chest, and my eyes squeezed shut.

  Richard pressed a kiss against my temple and slowly released me. “I’m glad you’re home. Did you get everything squared away with your car?”

  “Yeah, I did. What smells so good?” I asked, noticing the sudden delicious smells coming from the kitchen.

  “That, my dear, is spaghetti and garlic bread.”

  “I can’t wait to dig in, I’m starving.”

  “Well, it’s ready now.”

  Jayden stood from the couch and took that as his invitation to help set the table. The three of us readied the table and enjoyed the meal, laughing and talking. To any onlooker it would seem like a great evening, but every now and then I’d catch Jayden’s eye and I knew the subject wasn’t dropped. Richard never seemed to suspect anything was wrong, and that was how I wanted it. There was no reason to bring about unnecessary pain for something that was in the past. We finished eating and carried all the dishes into the kitchen, and as I began to soak the pans in the sink Jayden spoke up.

  “Well, this dinner was fantastic, thank you Richard. I should probably head home to see the Missus. Grey, do you want to walk me outside?” My body froze up, instantly excuses began to spin through my mind. There was nothing that would get me out of this. I just had to hope that Richard would suddenly become a tyrant and refuse to let me leave until the dishes were done. Of course, he wasn’t like that at all; instead R
ichard pressed his hands into my shoulders and kissed the top of my head.

  “Of course, I’ll clean up here. It was great having you over. You’re welcome anytime, and next time be sure to bring your ladies along.”

  “Will do, take care,” Jayden said, giving Richard a wave. A forced smile touched my lips as I looked toward my brother.

  “I’m coming, Jay.”

  “I’ll meet you by the door,” he said, turning to give us a moment of privacy.

  “I’ll be right back, sweetie.” I pressed a kiss to Richard’s cheek and he smiled brightly.

  “I know you will be, darling. Go talk to your brother, it’s okay.” He kissed my forehead, and begrudgingly I shuffled my feet out of the kitchen to meet Jayden by the door.

  He stood with his arms crossed over his chest, eyeing me down as if I was a criminal on trial.

  “Let’s go,” he said in a stern whisper.

  I didn’t respond, but slipped my feet into my sandals and followed Jayden out, preparing myself for the undeniable battle that awaited me. Neither of us spoke as we walked down the steps and out the front door; it wasn’t until we were standing near my car that Jay said a thing.

  “What are you thinking, Grey?” he snapped, taking hold of my arm in almost the same place Stefan’s hand had been earlier.

  Before I could respond, he spun me around until I had an up close view of the boiling rage beneath the surface.

  “What are you talking about?” I snapped back. Of course I had a pretty good idea of what he was referring to, but I wasn’t about to open the floodgates of confessions just yet.

  “Where were you today?”

  “Getting my car fixed.”

  Jayden nodded as he leaned his body against my car. “So, why didn’t you let Richard pick you up? He’s always working, so on his day off why wouldn’t you want to be with him?”

  My mouth gaped open at his accusation. “Of course I wanted to be with him! I just had errands to run.”

  “But why wouldn’t you invite him along? I’m not understanding your thought process here, Greyson. Cara and I are both busy, and if I don’t get to spend time with her for a while I miss her so fucking much. I want to be with her every minute of the day. If we have a day off together I drag her everywhere I go, just to have her with me.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest, suddenly not liking the way my heart twisted at his words. Was it wrong that I didn’t even think to do things like that with Richard? Even before Stefan came around I did little things like errands by myself.

  “Okay fine, what’s the point, Jay? Do you want me to go apologize to Richard? Do you want me to admit that you’re the better person in a relationship? I’m not sure what you want from me.”

  Instantly he pushed himself off my car and got right in my face. “I want you to be fucking honest with me. Something isn’t right here, Greyson.”

  I opened my mouth to talk, but Jayden didn’t miss a beat. “You called me, distressed as hell, and when I got here I expected to find you broken down or something. Instead, you walk in with a huge fucking smile and a fiancé that knew nothing about your unhappiness. Don’t play around with me, Grey. Who were you with?”

  Blood rushed to my cheeks and the back of my neck. How did Jayden know??

  “What are you…talking about?” I asked again, with not as much conviction.

  “Don’t pussyfoot around, Greyson. You tell me everything! I know you better than almost everyone knows you. Everyone but one. If you are keeping something from me, there can only be one reason why.”

  “That isn’t true, Jay.”

  “Don’t fucking lie to me, Grey. I know right now that you are being dishonest and you’re trying to get away with something. Well, I’m telling you right now that it isn’t working.”

  “Are you high, Jay? You have lost your mind! I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

  With frustration he rubbed his hand on top of his short dark hair. “You know exactly what I’m talking about, Grey. There is only one person that would make you act this way; it is also the same person that left you when you needed him the most.”

  “Stop it,” I warned. This was not his business.

  “You stop it! You have the best guy upstairs. Richard would never abandon you, and you would never have to wonder where he might be. Stefan was a fool, Grey. Yes, I liked him back in the day, but that time passed. He was a child when you married him, and as soon as a real life situation arose he fucking ran. So whatever is going on in your head right now, just remember that little bit.”

  How Jayden knew everything was something I would never understand, but it was frightening. He always knew what was going on and I hated it. I had been silently basking in the memories of today and the good from the past. Part of me hated Jayden for splashing water over my bubble of serenity and washing away the good feelings that were filling me. The other part wanted to sink into my shell of self-pity and hide from all of this.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I finally said.

  “Yeah, whatever, Grey. By the way, looks like you forgot your leftovers in the backseat.” Jayden pointed into my car. As my neck craned to see what he was pointing at I immediately realized my mistake. The second half of my burger from the Boston Burger Company was in a bag with their logo in plain view. This wouldn’t have been such a big deal if Jayden didn’t know that I hadn’t been to that restaurant since Stefan and I split up. My cheeks flushed while my eyes averted to the sidewalk. I knew I couldn’t simply play dumb anymore. My tongue was tied and none of my excuses would work in this instant.

  “Who’d you go get lunch with, huh? I’m sure you didn’t go alone, and the last time I checked you absolutely refused to go there. So, what changed, Grey?”

  I said nothing.

  “Tell me, Grey—tell me who you went with.”

  “Why does it matter??” I threw my hands up in frustration.

  “Because I want to hear you say it. You need to hear it too, Grey. I want you to tell me that you spent the day away from your fiancé to hang out with a man who doesn’t even deserve your passing glance.”

  I bit down on my lip and tried to hold back the nauseous feeling of tears that were taking over. “Fine Jay, I spent the day with Stefan. Are you happy now??”

  Such a small confession took such a large toll on my heart. In his eyes I could see he knew this; he knew all too well the way this was going to tear me apart and that was exactly what he wanted.

  Jayden’s hands wrapped around my shoulders as he stared deep into the secrets of my soul. “No, I want you to remember the bad, Grey. I want you to stop seeing Stefan. I don’t care if you ran into him today by pure coincidence. If I know him, he’s not going to leave you alone, and you need to remember why you asked for a divorce. And why you are engaged to Richard. Knock this shit off. Focus on the relationship you have, not the one you had.”

  He released me and turned to walk back toward his car. “Oh, and you need to tell Richard about your past with Stefan and with Allie. I’ve done as you asked and stayed quiet about it while you healed, but he has every right to know your past before vowing forever. He’ll understand, he loves you. This is what you need, Grey, don’t screw it up.” With that he left.

  I stood out there staring after him; it was as if I could see the tension still hanging in the air. Never had my brother been so coldhearted when it came to dealing with me. He was well aware of how hard it was for me to say Stefan’s name aloud and especially Allie’s. Maybe I didn’t speak it out loud because every time I did it was just another reminder how that time of my life had come and gone.

  I was a prisoner to my past and I couldn’t just let it go like Jayden wanted. Something was pulling me to Stefan’s side, and it wasn’t something I could just shy away from. I loved Richard so incredibly much, but there was always a piece of my heart that would never be Richard’s. Someone already owned that part of me and nothing was going to change that.

 
After a few minutes of breathing in the fresh air and getting a hold of myself I left the silence of the street and returned to Richard. He was just finishing wiping down the counter when I entered the kitchen. He looked to me with a smile as he huffed a peaceful sigh.

  “How was the talk with Jay?”

  I shrugged and Richard chuckled. “You two are so cute.” He closed the space between us and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Is everything okay, sweetie?”

  “Yeah, why?” I asked, trying to hold back the intense emotions bubbling just below the surface.

  “You called Jayden because you were upset, but I had no idea that anything was even wrong. I know I’ve been working a lot and I haven’t been around, but is something else going on?”

  I shook my head letting my finger trail along his hairline. “No baby, everything’s alright. I’ve just been stressed with work and tired and I just really miss you.”

  “Oh honey, I miss you too, Grey. What do you say we go watch a movie and then call it an early night?”

  I nodded against his neck. “I think that sounds wonderful.” Richard’s arm twisted me around as he walked us to the couch for a much needed night in.

  Another night alone.

  Nothing but the sound of my breathing filled the tiny apartment that used to be home. Now it was a prison cell. Stefan was never home, and when he was I hardly knew who he was. Liquor was his best friend now; I was just the woman he lived with. Ninety-percent of the time he ended up passed out on the couch anyway. Sometimes I wondered why I still stayed awake until I knew he was at least home safe. I was sure he didn’t know I did this—sat alone in bed until I heard him stumble in. Just knowing he was here made me sleep better at night.