Heart & Soul

by Sienna Grant

  “Cassidy, I know you, I know you’re hiding something, spill it. We may not have had any contact for ten years but don’t forget, I still know you. Inside and out.”

  “Well, I broke off whatever casual thing we were having, and he didn’t like it…”

  “He better not have touched you because I’ll fucking kill him.” Elliott cuts me off angrily.

  A small smile crosses my lips. “It’s fine. Honestly, don’t worry.”

  I love his fierceness and his protectiveness, it’s like the old days; everyone knew not to mess with me because I was Elliott Chase’s girl.

  It gives me a glimmer of hope for the future as long as we can get through the events of the past, we should be good.

  Chapter Twenty

  Elliott

  “Elliott, it’s fine I promise. He’s gone now. I’m not seeing him anymore. It was nothing serious anyway.”

  “Well, he better stay away then.”

  Looking across at her, a ‘V’ appears between her eyes making me realise how stern I sounded. Gripping her hand with mine I try to appease her.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t want you hurt.”

  “You mean more than you hurt me?”

  “Come on Cass, that’s not fair. There was a huge misunderstanding on both sides there.”

  “I know.” She dips her chin in remorse, “I didn’t mean that…”

  “No-one will hurt you again.” I tell her cutting her off as I reach across the table and lift her chin with the tip of my finger, “I mean it, that includes me, but, if that piece of shit comes within an inch of you - I want you to tell me. Okay?”

  Nodding with me as a smile lights up her face, just like it used to.

  I’ve missed this.

  I’ve missed her.

  Now that I’ve had her again there’s no way she’s getting away this time. What I’d give to lean across this table right now and kiss her. The pad of my thumb soothes across her chin, her eyes beholding mine and just for a short few seconds, I see the old Cassidy. The one that would give up her own life for me, but then it’s gone and tears her gaze from mine. Dropping my hand, I place it back on the table and look away.

  “I better get going. It’s getting late I have... some, um... stuff to do.” She stammers nervously. I nod and take my wallet from my pocket. She reaches for her purse in her bag, but I stop her.

  “My shout.”

  “Thanks, Ell.” She smirks and grabs her bag, placing it on her shoulder. She bends and kisses my cheek and stands. “I’ve enjoyed this, maybe we can do it again?”

  “Definitely, try keeping me away!” I tell her smugly as she walks around the table towards the front door… “Cass?” Looking back over her shoulder she waits patiently, “Thanks for letting me see Cam.”

  She smiles wide, not saying anything and leaves. I know it’s going to take a while to wipe this smile off my face. Even knowing that little twat tried to get a little rough with her... but he’ll get his comeuppance.

  I spend the next few days preparing to see my son. I’m still waiting for a time from Cassidy, I’m shitting my pants. What if he doesn’t like me or refuses to see me?! Fuck! I never thought of that. I couldn’t see him this week he had some school activities on and Cass wanted to break him in softly.

  It’s Friday so I’m working tonight that’ll take my mind off it a little bit at least. Grabbing my things, I decide to head out to the pub early, I can at least have a drink before I setup then.

  Pushing through the door with my guitar in hand, I nod to Carson and carry on through to the back. I dump my guitar case on the stage and go back through to the front.

  “Pint when you’re ready, mate.”

  Carson nods back as he serves a customer as I take a seat at the bar and wait.

  He places my lager in front of me on a mat and smirks. “What’s happening then, dude?”

  “Not much. Fancied a pint.”

  “It’s not like you to drink before a set.”

  “I’m not going to get shitfaced, am I?”

  Frowning at his stupid comment. Carson makes a lot of stupid comments if the truth is to be told - it’s part of his appeal. We were a lot alike when we were kids, not now though. It looks like we’re worlds apart, chalk and cheese.

  “I suppose not. So, what do you have lined up for tonight?”

  Taking the top off my beer, I lick my lips before answering…

  “That would be telling wouldn’t it?”

  The place has started to fill up already, I’m not on for another hour yet. My eyes find a familiar blonde standing at the door, smiling at each other she makes her over.

  “Hey, you.”

  “Hey yourself.”

  She carries on into the back room to dump her stuff and slips behind the bar. It suits her being there. I would never have guessed she’d ever be a barmaid - I bet her mother didn’t agree with that.

  “So, are you ready to see Cam on Sunday?”

  “Of course!” I say a bit too over enthusiastically that she sees right through me.

  “It’s okay to be scared you know.” She tells me softly.

  “I know. I’m not scared - just a bit nervous…”

  “What’s this then? Elliott Chase is scared of something? Yeah, what the fuck ever.”

  Cass turns to face Carson with that look on her face, the one she used to give me when she wanted to make a point. Her lips purse and an eyebrow raises as she’s about to go on the attack.

  “If you must know Carson. Elliott is going to meet Cameron on Sunday! So yeah he may be a little frightened.”

  “Wow, that didn’t take long!” Carson answers shocked.

  “Woah,” I cut in, “I’m not frightened…”

  Cass smirks at calling me out. She’s much more comfortable around me these days. Turning from Cass I look at my so-called best friend...

  “What the fuck is your problem Carson. First, you’re telling me not to hurt her and now you’re making sarcastic comments! Well, fuck you, I’m going to set up.”

  “Elliott, man…” Ignoring his pathetic pleas, I walk away. Cass shakes her head at him then walks away from him herself.

  I sit on stage and pull out my guitar, getting the pick from the case and strumming a few notes. I set the height of the mic and stand before it…

  “Testing, testing...one, two.”

  The chords to Keep the Faith by Bon Jovi start to play, my head bopping with the beat, and I sing the first line of the song. My eyes flicker open as the beat changes to find Cass watching me. I carry on singing, taking the song to the chorus, I stop. Cass walks towards me.

  “I used to love watching you all rehearse. It was amazing. You were so good. I felt warm inside when you sang, it felt like I was the only one in the room - like you were just singing to me. I know you weren’t....” she shrugs.

  “How do you know?” I cut her off as I take the guitar from around my neck and stand it against the wall. “How do you know I wasn’t singing to you?”

  “Because you had a whole room to satisfy, not just me.”

  Jumping from the stage, I stand in front of her, as close as I can but so as we’re not touching. She tips her head back slightly to look at me. “I only ever wanted you. You were my inspiration, I only ever saw you, Cassidy Summers.”

  Her breaths are short gasps of air and I know if I put my hand on her chest, her heart will be beating rapidly. My hands shake as I stop myself from touching her... I promised her we wouldn’t do this yet, but I have to tell her.

  “I still see you Cassidy. You’re my girl.” I whisper, my breath catching in my throat.

  “Please don’t, you promised me.” She asks me in a shaky but breathy voice. I take her hand and lift it to my lips and kiss her knuckles tenderly.

  “I can wait, can you?”

  Her mouth drops open slightly, then her teeth sink into her bottom lip.

  “I have to finish up my test.
”

  She nods. I kiss her forehead and walk back to the stage wondering how the hell I’m going to manage to keep her in the friend zone while we sort this out.

  My set tonight consists of some of the old classics. Meatloaf, Whitesnake, Def Leppard. We had a good crowd in that loved the classic rock, so once Carson took his arse out of his hands and stopped sulking, we discussed over a beer on making some theme nights while I wait for Cassidy to finish up. More than once I noticed her stopping what she was doing to listen to me, a soft smile gracing her face - a happy smile.

  I’ll do my best to keep that look there.

  She throws on her coat as she walks around the bar to me.

  “You didn’t have to wait, I have my car…”

  “I know you do.”

  Grabbing my case, I knock back the rest of my pint and follow her out.

  There are a few people hanging about outside the pub. Cass places herself closer to me as we walk past them, they’re harmless I think - just loud and a little rowdy. They shout goodnight, so I lift my hand in reply and carry on to our cars.

  “Cass? Do You need to go home right away?”

  A smirk crosses her face as her gaze meets mine

  “It depends on why you’re asking doesn’t it?”

  I thought we could spend some time together...”

  My hands ball while I wait for her answer.

  “Elliott…” she cuts me off. “We can’t.”

  “You didn’t let me finish,” I smirk.

  “Go on then.”

  Our gazes don’t shift from the other.

  “What I was going to say was, how about you tell me a bit more about Cameron, but if you don’t want to its fine.”

  A grin sneaking on my face as I roll my eyes away from her.

  “Don’t give me a guilt trip.”

  Her hand smacks my shoulder playfully and a small smile plays on her lips.

  “Fine. I have half an hour.”

  She tells me as she looks at her watch checking the time.

  “Get in,” I tell her quickly before she changes her mind. Pressing the key fob of my Audi, she jumps into the passenger seat while I put my guitar in the boot and join her in the front, starting the engine and driving away.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Cassidy

  What was I thinking coming in here? I shouldn’t be in such a close proximity to him because I can’t keep my hands to myself - I’ve tried so hard to stay away and act nonchalant but somehow, he sees right through me.

  I know I have to for Cam’s sake, he needs to know his dad. I have to exercise some willpower.

  He needs his dad. It’s funny, I’ve known that all this time but it’s only now that I can see just how wrong I was in past events.

  “Where are we going?” I asked glancing at Elliott as he drives us. He doesn’t answer just smirks his know all smile.

  “You’re not gonna tell me?”

  He shakes his head in reply and concentrates on the road. Turning the volume button on the car stereo I amp up the music. Living on a prayer by Bon Jovi is playing so I start singing along with the lyrics, Elliott glimpses at me with a smile and carries on driving.

  “Come on.”

  Looking out of the window I can see we’re at the beach, I do as he asks and step out of the car…

  “Why are we here?”

  “I thought we could talk.”

  We walk to the wall and sit down, the tides in so we can’t go any further.

  “I came here a couple of weeks ago just to think. You used to love the beach.”

  His head turns to face me, looking full of remorse, a life lost so to speak.

  “I did love the beach, I spent so long down here after you left. It was the one place where I had so many memories of us... I felt closer to you somehow. I used to bring Cameron down here a lot too when he was a baby.”

  Chancing a glance at him, the frown on his forehead is deep and I feel bad for telling him, but if we’re going to get anywhere then this has to be said… “I used to head to your house to see if by chance you’d come back but you never had, then I’d spend the rest of the day either here or in my room. I missed you so much!”

  His hand holds mine as he looks at me again.

  “I know you think I was living it up, I wasn’t. I just wanted to come back to you. We played the gigs we were contracted to and with our second paycheck I was buying an old banger of a car, I spent everything on it. As soon as I could I was travelling back up to here to see you; only it didn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be. I should never have just taken her word for it and I should’ve made the effort to talk to you, but I was paranoid and young and selfish.”

  He looks out at the turbulent sea, the waves crashing as they come in. I’m feeling about as stormy as the sea right now, seeing the sad look on his face.

  “I guess I wanted a reason to go back and make it work, live the dream.”

  Squeezing his hand, he turns his head back to me and stares into my eyes.

  “I can’t believe I thought you would just let me go like that? I should’ve known. I thought Carson had said something to you - he was very protective. I waited and waited for you to come back, you wouldn’t answer the phone, the letters stopped - I even had one sent back saying, ‘return to sender’, that broke my heart even more.”

  I tilt my head to side until it’s it resting on his shoulder.

  “We’d moved that’s why. We were in Newcastle by then, so all mail wouldn’t reach us anyway. I thought about writing to you a couple of times every time we moved on, but I thought you’d hate me, so I didn’t; I was a coward. Cass. I was too scared to even come back to see Mum because I was frightened to see you again, I didn’t know what I was walking into.” Turning on an angle, his hands cup my face as he faces me. “I’m sorry.”

  “So am I.”

  “I’ve missed out on so much Cass. As much as Dale believes I’m an arsehole, I did want to see mum, it was just so hard, and he didn’t get it, but now I know I missed out on even more. You must have hated me?”

  “No. I could never hate you. Even then I couldn’t hate you - I tried, believe me. I wanted to so badly.”

  You can’t mistake the tremble in my voice as I answer him. Lifting my hand, I attempt to wipe away the stray tear that’s trying to drop but Elliott beats me to it. Leaning into me his eyes ask a question, before I can answer him his full, soft lips are touching mine. My hands rest on his thighs while his move down to my hips as I edge along the wall to get closer to him. Moving my hands up to his chest, my lips part, taking advantage of my open mouth, his tongue slides against mine in a slow, sensuous kiss. All the kisses we’ve shared since he came back have been passionate but angry, tempestuous.

  This is how he used to kiss me.

  Battling the mixed feelings, I have building inside of me, I try to forget them for a minute and just go with the flow. I want him, I need him but it’s still not about me right now. Pressing my palms against his chest to stop him doesn’t work, he just holds me tighter. My lips stop their movement which in turn stops Elliott.

  “What’s wrong?” he breathes.

  “We can’t do this. Damn, Ell, I want to so much but it’s not about me or you.” A deep sigh matching mine leaves his lips.

  “I know.”

  “I’d better go…”

  “Yeah come on.”

  He takes me by the hand as I twist on the wall, so I can jump off onto the path, instead, he stands in front of me with his back to me.

  “Jump on.”

  Smiling at the memory re-living itself, and feeling like a teenager again, I place my hands on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his waist locking my ankles together. His arms grip the backs of my knees while he carries me back to the car.

  The car ride back to the pub car park to pick up my car, is a quiet one, both of us locked in our own memories, our own regrets and what if’s.


  “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  He nods without looking at me.

  “Elliott?”

  His head turns just enough to see me, he gives me a small smile and lifts my hand to his lips kissing my knuckles.

  “One day Cass, we’ll be together again. I’ll make sure of that.”

  I smile and nod.

  “One step at a time,” I tell him, still enjoying the feel of his lips on me before I have to step from the car. I blow him a kiss, take my keys from my bag and unlock the car. Once I’m in, I start the car, throwing my hand up in a small wave before pulling away and heading home.

  The curtain twitches as I pull up on the drive. Grabbing my bag, I get out and fish my house keys from it. On entering the living room, my mother is sat in the chair with a sour look on her face.

  “Hi.”

  Her eyes glance at the clock on the wall before looking fully at me.

  “You’re late tonight?”

  “Yeah, we had some stragglers, they wouldn’t leave.”

  Her head nods slowly but her eyes narrow like she knows I’m lying.

  “This wouldn’t have anything to do with Elliott Chase would it?”

  “What you mean?”

  “The reason why you’re late?!”

  “If I say yes, what are you going to do, ground me for being late? I think I’m a little old for that now.”

  Shaking my head, I drop my bag on the settee and head for the kitchen to put on the kettle. Leaning on the counter my head hangs forward, my memory helping me to tune out my mother’s voice.

  “Cassidy, I’m talking to you.”

  My head sharply turns to look at her, my bitchy daughter mode amping right up.

  “I’m sorry mother, I didn’t realise I was still sixteen, silly me.”

  “I don’t appreciate your sarcasm, Cassidy.”

  “Really? I’m a grown woman!”

  “It’s a pity you don’t act like one?”

  “Excuse me?”

  My mouth drops open, but instead of playing to her I use it against her.

  “What if it did have something to do with Elliott? There’s nothing you can do. You can’t chase him away this time you know and tell him lies.”