Delivering Secrets

by Fiona McArthur

  She had to see her son but when she went into his room, Josh was curled up in a ball, snoring softly into his pillow.

  ‘He’s been asleep the whole time.’ Luke’s voice came from behind her shoulder and she shivered as his breath crossed her neck.

  She turned to face him. ‘I’d like you to go home now, Luke.’

  She couldn’t read his expression in the dim light of the hallway. He sighed. ‘Stop beating yourself up. You’re a wonderful mother. But you’re also a woman. I’m asking that you give us a chance.’

  She met his eyes and enunciated clearly. ‘No, Luke. I don’t want to give us a chance.’

  ‘Then why did you come back?’ His shirt was in his hand and he had his shoes on.

  He touched her shoulder until she turned fully to face him. ‘And why do we drive each other wild? Because that’s what it is. What we have is the real thing.’ She didn’t answer and he just stared at her. ‘I’ll see myself out.’

  Ellie watched him go and the pain of loss was a timely reminder of just how bad it could get if she let it. The door shut behind him and she sighed and said in a small voice, ‘I was a fool to come back.’

  * * *

  When she woke next morning, Josh was beside her. She remembered picking him out of his bed and bringing him into her double bed. Ostensibly, it had been because she’d had some wine and might not hear him if he called out. More likely it was because she wanted the comfort of his small body next to hers.

  It was still early and Ellie dozed off again. When she woke at eight, Josh was sitting on the floor, playing with the case of cars that Luke had brought.

  ‘Hello, my love. Have you been awake long?’

  Josh shook his head. ‘Where did the cars come from?’

  Ellie’s throat closed over for a moment and she had to force herself to swallow to be able to talk. ‘Dr Farrell brought them for you. They were his when he was a little boy and he thought you might like them.’

  ‘That was very nice of him.’ The careful wording of the sentence caused a lump in Ellie’s throat. She loved Josh so much.

  ‘You could draw a picture of you playing with them as a thank-you. I’ll give it to him next week.’

  Josh nodded and drove an old station wagon up the side of the bed and onto the covers. Ellie watched Josh park the car next to her hand and then climb down to get another one. When he’d finished, she’d get up and get breakfast.

  Ellie stared at the ceiling. She had to get through Thursday and Friday nights and hope that none of Luke’s clients went into labour. She had no idea how she would get through the clinic hours when she would be forced to see Luke. She would stay until Belinda’s baby was born and then she and Josh were out of here.

  * * *

  That night, Ellie was pleased to see her new friend Sam on evening shift again.

  ‘Hello, Sam. Usual Thursday night for you? How’s the ward?’ she said as Sam opened the door into the ward.

  ‘Busy. We’ve an established labour and a prem in the nursery plus the twins.’

  Ellie could hear the beeping of the foetal heart monitor from the birthing unit and another higher-pitched beep from the nursery. ‘Who’s on with me tonight?’

  ‘Anthea.’ Ellie grimaced and they smiled at each other.

  Ellie crossed her fingers. ‘The lady in labour—is it Mavis Donahue?’

  ‘You’ve got it in one. I keep forgetting you meet these ladies in Luke’s rooms.’

  Ellie was thrilled for Mavis that she’d come into labour by herself. But that meant Ellie had to see Luke if Mavis’s baby arrived during the night. She couldn’t decide what was worse—missing out on being with Mavis in labour or having to deal with Luke again.

  The night bell rang and someone let Anthea in. Sam waited until the other sister sat down and then dived into report as she was on the quick shift and would have to return in the morning.

  ‘Four patients in this evening. Summer Brown is in room five with the twins. She’s doing really well and is looking at going home either tomorrow or Saturday. Both girls are feeding well and gaining weight, although twin one is a little slower than her sister.’

  ‘In room two, Jackie Deverill is yesterday’s normal delivery at five weeks early. She’s comfortable and getting used to the shock that babies can come at the most inconvenient time. Her boy, at 2400 grams, is doing well enough and we’re monitoring him at night because he has a tendency to run some bradycardias. The good news is that he’s self-stimulating when his heart rate drops below ninety. He’s a tinge jaundiced so we’ll have to watch his feeding. If he gets too sleepy he’s for an SBR and tube feeds.’

  ‘Baby Carter, now officially Harley, is also going home tomorrow with Mum. Both are doing well. He’s almost regained his birth weight and is demand feeding now.’

  ‘In birthing, we have Mavis Donahue. Mavis is term plus two days, has had one previous Caesarean section for failure to progress and has decided she would like to try one more time for a natural birth.’

  Anthea made a disgusted noise. Sam stopped and looked in her direction. ‘Did you say something, Anthea?’

  ‘Ellie can look after her. She’ll be a Caesar. Why on earth would she expect it to work this time?’

  Ellie weighed up the energy required to convince Anthea otherwise then decided that Mavis would do it for her. She held her peace.

  ‘As I was saying,’ Sam went on, ‘Mavis came in at eight o’clock this evening with ruptured membranes.’ She turned to Ellie. ‘Mavis dilated to five centimetres last time and stayed there until the baby became distressed and needed to be delivered by Caesarean section. Tonight, she coped well until I had to put the CTG monitor on her and she had to lie down.’ Again Ellie held her peace. The ward protocol was for a labouring woman to have a foetal heart monitor trace at least twice a shift. Hopefully it would be finished by the time Ellie went in and they could get Mavis up again.

  ‘I’ve offered her some pethidine but she said she wanted to wait for you, Ellie.’ Sam grinned and Anthea turned a basilisk-like stare towards her.

  Lucky Anthea had already allocated patients or Ellie had the feeling it would have gone differently.

  ‘So that’s the happy family, and if you’d like to come down with me, Ellie, I’ll say goodbye to Mavis and hand her over to you.’

  Anthea walked stiffly into the nursery and Ellie sighed. Another fun night with Cleopatra.

  When Ellie entered the birthing unit Mavis groaned with the strength of her contraction and her husband looked like he was trapped in a nightmare. The foetal heart trace was at least half an hour long and showed the baby was coping well with the labour. It also showed a line of regular contraction hills that were shooting over the graph lines. Sam wished them both luck and left.

  Ellie waited for the current pain to subside before she spoke. ‘Hi, Mavis. Hard at it, I see.’

  ‘Lord, yes.’ Mavis wiped her face with a damp washcloth and sighed into the bed.

  ‘Let’s get this off you first,’ Ellie said, and her hands busily undid straps and wiped the conducting gel off Mavis’s stomach as fast as she could. ‘The trace looks great, baby is having a ball and that labour you were hanging out for looks like it arrived with a vengeance.’

  ‘You’re telling me. I can’t believe I wanted this to happen. Once it started I clearly remembered how rotten it was going to get.’

  ‘Funny, that,’ Ellie said. ‘Can I just have a quick feel of your tummy and then we’ll get you up and into the shower again? See if we can get rid of that tension and extra pain you always end up with when you have to lie on the bed.’

  Ellie gently palpated Mavis’s stomach and explained the position the baby was lying in. ‘Head first, on his side and curled up ready to come out. Everything looks great for baby. Let’s get Mum organised.’

  Another pain hit before Mavis could sit up and she fixed her eyes on Ellie as she breathed through it. When she started to moan, her husband whitened and Ellie could see there could b
e more of a problem with him coping with Mavis’s pains than with Mavis herself.

  ‘Can’t she have an epidural?’ He wiped his face and his voice rose. ‘Luke said she didn’t have to go through this again.’

  Ellie smiled gently at him. ‘If you can just hang on until this pain is finished, we’ll have a talk about it.’

  John’s eyes were darting all over the room as if the answer to Mavis’s distress was hiding somewhere in the room. ‘I don’t want to talk about it. I want my wife pain-free. Now!’ His face was flushed and Ellie hoped he didn’t suffer from blood pressure because he looked like he was going to have a stroke. She needed to get through to him before he panicked Mavis.

  ‘For you or for her?’ Ellie’s voice was quiet but it dampened his hysteria like a cold washcloth. ‘Give her a chance to get into her stride. When she asks for it she can have it. But don’t force it on her because you can’t stand the noise.’

  The shock on his face would have been laughable if there had been anything to be amused about. Mavis completed his day by saying, ‘Shut up, John. I can moan if I want to.’

  To Ellie’s surprise he did laugh then and most of the tension in the room dissolved. ‘I’m sorry, love.’ He kissed his wife’s cheek. ‘I lost it for a minute there.’

  Mavis didn’t have time to waste. ‘Get me off this bed, Ellie.’ They all heaved until she was upright and leaning on the bedside table. ‘Phew,’ she said.

  ‘OK.’ Ellie was feeling better, too. ‘Things are improving. How about the shower, Mavis? Can you handle that until you relax a bit more and then we’ll discuss how the pain is hitting you?’

  ‘Let’s go before the next one, then.’ They nearly made it but Mavis had to stop at the door to lean on John. When she started to moan, Ellie could feel John’s eyes on her. ‘Think of it as twice the noise, half the pain, and you get to like the moaning.’ He gave her a weak smile and when the contraction was over they continued the shuffle into the bathroom.

  Mavis looked up. ‘I don’t know that I’d go so far as half the pain but it does help.’ They all smiled at each other and Mavis sat on the big blue ball in the shower recess. The hand shower could be aimed onto her lower stomach and Ellie watched Mavis’s shoulders droop as soon as the hot water hit her. ‘Ah-h. That is good.’

  Ellie thought John was going to pass out with relief.

  After a few minutes, when Mavis had regathered her reserves, it was time for tactics.

  ‘So how am I going, Ellie? And don’t give me any bull.’

  Ellie wanted to hug Mavis for her down-to-earth approach. She wouldn’t lie to her either. ‘You’re doing brilliantly. They said you were four centimetres dilated at eight o’clock so I would expect you’d be at least five or six now.’

  Mavis snorted without humour. ‘That’s what they said last time and it never budged off the five. How can we tell if it’s working or whether I’m just going through this agony for nothing and will still end up with a Caesarean?’

  Ellie crouched down beside Mavis and ignored the splashes of water on her legs. That was the good thing about not wearing stockings—they didn’t get wet. ‘Mavis, we talked about this. Five centimetres is your watershed—you have to believe in your body and “see” it opening all the way to allow your baby to come down. Don’t let your mind trick you into defeat.’ Ellie included John in her pep talk. ‘Your contractions are strong, you’re as relaxed as anyone could wish for and your baby is pointing in the right direction. Go with the flow and visualise your cervix opening. As the pain gets stronger, see the baby’s head pushing you open. And moan. Moaning is a great opening noise.’

  ‘Oh, hell.’ John slid down the bathroom wall and put his head in his hands.

  Ellie tapped him on the shoulder. ‘And you believe it, too, buster, because there’s no room for negatives in this bathroom.’

  Mavis started to giggle and John gave a rueful grin. Ellie pushed the shower chair over behind Mavis and gave John a tube of back cream. ‘Sit. Rub when she moans and use the same rhythm that she has. Your hands will give her strength and I want you positive-vibing this baby out, too.’

  It took a couple of contractions to coach John away from a car-wash type of rub to the rhythmic knead that Mavis liked. And then there was no stopping him. He started to chant, when his wife moaned, ‘Opening, opening,’ until the pain was gone. Then his hands stopped and all was quiet until the next contraction.

  Ellie couldn’t believe the turnaround. The phone rang in the birthing unit and she edged backwards out the door without them even noticing she was gone.

  It was Luke. ‘Hello, Sister Diamond. I understand you’re looking after Mavis Donahue. How is she going?’ Ellie started to giggle with the relief of it all and Luke’s response was unamused. ‘What on earth could be funny? John was a mess when he rang me to say they were coming in.’

  ‘He’s rubbing her back in the bathroom and chanting at the moment.’ Ellie’s voice was still unsteady. ‘And Mavis is doing well.’

  ‘Has she had anything for pain and how is her CTG?’

  Ellie drew a breath and dug for her professionalism. ‘No pain relief required as yet and I’ve only just taken her off the foetal monitor.’ Ellie looked at her watch and realised it was almost an hour since Mavis had gone into the shower. She needed Mavis off the bed if she was going to dilate. ‘I’d really like to keep her in the shower for a while yet. Is it all right if we keep doing half-hourly intermittent monitoring instead of the cardiotocograph for the time being?’ Ellie crossed her fingers.

  ‘If she needs pain relief I want her back on the monitor. I’ll ring again in a couple of hours, unless you ring me first.’ Then he hung up.

  Ellie sighed with relief. The next hour went slowly but they were all in a rhythm. Towards one a.m. Mavis was getting louder but she was dozing between the contractions as her natural endorphins kicked in to dull her senses.

  Ellie whispered to John what was happening and he just nodded and rubbed when required. At one-thirty things changed.

  Mavis moaned once, very loudly. John jumped and then Mavis stood up and kicked the ball away. She leaned into the shower rail and yelled at the top of her lungs. Ellie’s eyes brightened and she stood up from the stool she’d been sitting on.

  ‘OK, Mavis. Sounds like transition. We talked about this panicky feeling and that it only lasts a short time.’

  ‘I want to go home.’ She spoke through clenched teeth and Ellie’s smile grew. Excellent. John was looking from one to the other and then the next pain hit.

  ‘I can’t do this any more,’ Mavis wailed, and then her breathing changed. Ellie moved the ball and replaced it with the birthing stool—a fibreglass toilet-like seat with handles on the side and an open front.

  ‘I want to sit down and push.’ And Mavis did. She settled on the new seat and hung on for dear life. Ellie quickly checked that Mavis was fully dilated and then sat back.

  ‘She’s OK now, John. She’s ready to push.’ Ellie refilled the cup with ice and put it in front of Mavis. She wet two washcloths with the icy water and offered one to her and the other to John. The cold water made Mavis gasp but then she opened her eyes. ‘That was pretty wild. Thanks for the washcloth. All this hot water was giving me a head spin.’

  Ellie smiled as John wiped his brow. ‘You can’t faint now, John, we’re getting to the exciting bit.’

  He groaned. ‘I don’t know how much more of this I can stand.’

  Ellie looked at him with sympathy. ‘I’m afraid you’ll have to take as much as it needs. So hang in there and you can all sleep later.’

  Within half an hour a small bulge of baby’s head was visible between Mavis’s legs and Ellie slipped out to ring Luke.

  When he answered she was brief. ‘Ellie here. Head on view.’ And hung up.

  She returned to the bathroom and crouched down beside the birth stool. ‘Mavis? Do you want to move to the bed now or after your baby is born?’

  It took a few seconds for the
words to sink in and then Mavis started to get up. ‘Let’s go now because I doubt I’ll want to move when this is over.’

  Ellie grinned and helped John move his wife out of the bathroom and across to the bed. She manoeuvred the electric controls until the bed sat upright like a chair. Then she removed the foot of the bed so that Mavis could sit as if she were on a seat. Her feet rested in two footrests near the ground. ‘How’s that?’

  Mavis nodded but didn’t speak. She was too busy. Ellie opened the drape on the delivery trolley and hoped Luke would come before she had to ring for Anthea instead. As if conjured up by her thoughts, the door opened and Luke came in. Ellie was glad to see him.

  CHAPTER NINE

  ‘WHAT a wonderful sight,’ Luke said as he saw that a vaginal delivery was now a certainty for his patient.

  ‘Yeah, right. I must look a treat! Now get it out of me,’ Mavis muttered.

  Ellie bit her lip to hide her smile and Luke’s eyes met hers in brief appreciation of the moment. This wasn’t the place for personal problems.

  John was pole-axed. He couldn’t believe he was going to see his child born. Ellie kicked a chair over to him before he fell down, and he subsided without tearing his glazed expression away from his baby’s head.

  Ellie’s gloves were on but she stepped back out of the way for Luke to take over the delivery.

  ‘Slowly now, Mavis,’ he said. ‘I know Ellie would have said how good your pushing has been, but can you just puff the baby out gently for this last bit?’

  Baby’s head seemed bigger by the second and Ellie was quietly pleased that Luke was the one to help the baby out as it looked to be larger than they’d expected. Finally the last of the baby’s head was born and Luke slipped his fingers in beside the baby’s neck to feel for the cord. He didn’t find any and stood back to wait for the next contraction.

  ‘What are you waiting for?’ John was staring at the blueness of his baby’s face and it seemed to be turning darker as he watched.