Delivering Secrets

by Fiona McArthur

  Luke’s voice was calm. ‘The baby will probably be born with the next contraction. It always seems to take a long time when you’re waiting for it.’ His eyes were kind. ‘Most babies are pretty blue when they’re first born, especially if they sit like this for a couple of minutes. So don’t be surprised if your baby looks pretty ghastly. He or she will cry soon enough.’

  Thankfully Mavis moaned with the onset of the next contraction and Luke gently held the baby’s head between his hands and tipped it down to allow the top shoulder to slip out of the vagina. Then he lifted the baby’s head gently upwards to release the second shoulder. It was quite a tight fit. With a rush the rest of the baby followed in a gush of fluid and within seconds it was lying on its mother’s breast before John could comprehend it was all over. ‘I’ve got a baby boy!’

  ‘We’ve got our boy!’ Mavis whispered. She tentatively slid her hands up to hold her baby and Ellie tucked a warmed bunny rug around them both.

  Luke attached a plastic clamp around the pulsating cord about two centimetres from the newborn’s tummy and then applied the artery forceps another inch down the cord.

  ‘Come on, John. Anyone who can moan like Ellie says you can should be able to cut the cord.’

  Dazed, John stood up and took the scissors from Luke. Luke pointed out the spot to cut and John gritted his teeth and did the deed. It was harder than he’d expected and he had to chomp at it with the scissors a few times to sever the link.

  ‘I do not believe that.’ Mavis’s voice took everyone by surprise. She was staring at her husband who sheepishly handed the scissors back to Luke. ‘You cut the cord!’

  He moved to the head of the bed and laid his head down beside the now normal coloured face of his son for a moment. Then he kissed his wife.

  ‘You are the most incredible woman in the world and I will love you for ever. Thank you for my son.’

  Ellie bit her lip and turned away. A tear splashed on her hand and she dipped her head to hide the emotion that had soared up her throat at John’s words. It was moments like these that made her appreciate she had the best job in the world.

  ‘Well done, everyone,’ Luke said. The placenta wasn’t ready to come and Luke left it for the moment. He pulled off his gloves and came to stand behind Ellie, and then she felt his hand on her shoulder. It was firm and comforting and warmed her heart. She blinked the remnants of her tears away and nodded, but she still couldn’t look at him or she might have broken into the happy sobs that at least would have released the last of her tension from the birth.

  Luke lifted his hand and she missed his contact as he moved away towards the couple on the bed. ‘Let me listen to baby’s chest and then I’ll leave you to enjoy your son.’ His slid the stethoscope under the bunny rug without moving the baby. Several seconds later he took the stethoscope away. ‘He sounds fine. I’ll check him properly later when he’s in the nursery.’

  Anthea poked her head around the door and made eye contact with Luke. She didn’t say anything but Luke nodded and soon after that he left the room. It took another fifteen minutes for the placenta to come away and Ellie made the Donahues look at it to appreciate how clever the organ was.

  ‘It’s a miniature heart-lung machine. The best man-made one can’t even do what this does.’ She pointed out the membrane sac that the baby had floated in and raved about the cord.

  ‘OK, Ellie,’ John said. ‘Enough about that thing.’

  Ellie stopped and smiled ruefully. ‘Sorry. I love placentas.’

  She tidied mother and baby and then left them to some private family time. Ellie believed the first hour with a baby’s parents was vitally important and shouldn’t be disturbed unless medically necessary, and she needed a few minutes to regroup as well. She slipped into the sluice room to remove her gown and gloves, washed her hands and then wandered up to the tearoom to put the kettle on.

  To her surprise, Luke was still on the ward.

  ‘Tea sounds good.’ He came into the room and leaned against the bench as she waited for the kettle to boil. ‘Well, that was a great outcome.’

  ‘That was exhausting,’ Ellie said. ‘I just hope no one else comes in because I can’t face having another baby tonight.’ She grinned as she replayed the words in her mind. ‘And I didn’t even have to push it out.’

  Luke smiled back at her. ‘Mavis will be thrilled and I can’t believe how good John was.’ He shook his head in disbelief. ‘He even cut the cord.’ Their eyes met and they both started to laugh. It was light relief after all the angst she seemed to be accumulating about Luke, and she savoured it.

  Ellie couldn’t stop giggling. ‘I loved Mavis’s response to your comment as you came in the door.’

  Luke looked sheepish. ‘I can’t quite remember what I said but I really wasn’t talking about an attractive vagina.’

  Ellie bit her lip and tried to control herself. ‘I think I love Mavis.’ When she looked up Luke’s face was serious and the whole mood in the room changed.

  He took a step towards her and her breath stuck in her throat. ‘Don’t, Luke,’ she whispered, but he just kept coming.

  ‘Stop running, Ellie,’ he said quietly. This kiss was gentle but searching and a celebration of the birth they’d shared. And it brought the tears to Ellie’s eyes again. She could feel her heart splintering inside her and the fear of being lost in him was very real. She stepped back and pushed the back of her hand against her lips.

  Luke didn’t say anything and with one last look at her turned around and left. She heard the outside door open a few seconds later. Then it closed.

  ‘Where’s Luke?’ Anthea appeared at the kitchen doorway and searched the room with a glance as if Ellie was hiding him somewhere.

  ‘I think he’s gone,’ Ellie said, and she turned back to the kettle, which had finally switched itself off.

  ‘He said he was having a cup of tea.’ Anthea’s voice bordered on accusation and suddenly Ellie couldn’t stand it any more. She said the first thing that came into her mind that would get rid of Anthea.

  ‘Maybe he’s in birthing again. I’ll make my tea and have a look.’

  ‘I’ll go.’

  Ellie tried to look surprised that Anthea offered. It was a poor effort at subterfuge but Anthea didn’t notice as she hurried away.

  Ellie considered hiding in the toilet until she had her sense of humour back but that was too much of a cop-out. She took her tea and slowly followed Anthea down the hall. It was going to be a long night and she hoped nobody came in—this time because she couldn’t face Luke again.

  * * *

  When Ellie went to pick up Josh from the neighbours early Friday morning, Lil pulled her aside. ‘I think this boy is coming down with something.’

  Ellie felt her stomach drop. Lil, too! ‘Dr Farrell is going to refer Josh to the paediatrician for a check-up next Friday and he’s ordering some blood tests on Wednesday.’

  ‘That’s good.’ The older woman saw the concern in Ellie’s face. ‘Now, don’t you think he was any bother because he wasn’t. He’s just not his usual self.’

  ‘Thank you, Lil. I’m so lucky to have you and Clem.’

  Lil blushed, pleased with the compliment but awkward at the praise. She nudged Ellie away. ‘Off you go. I’ll see both of you tonight.’

  * * *

  By eight o’clock that night Ellie had settled Josh over at the Judds’ house. She’d planned to catch an hour or two’s sleep before work. The doorbell rang and Ellie glared in the general direction of the door.

  She’d really been counting on that extra rest. She sighed and padded across to look through the glass. Judging by the shape on the other side, June had decided she couldn’t wait any longer to talk.

  Ellie opened the door. ‘Hello, June. Come in.’ She could see the receptionist was nervous and she stepped back so that June could enter. She smiled at the older woman. ‘I’ve no visitors and even my son is next door for the night. I have to leave for work just after ten but un
til then I’m free.’

  June darted a distressed look at Ellie’s face. ‘Were you going to have a sleep before work?’

  Ellie smiled. ‘I slept this morning. Now, come into the kitchen and I can make us tea or coffee while we talk. Would you like something now?’

  ‘Nothing, thanks.’ June perched on the chair at the end of the kitchen table. ‘I’m sorry for intruding, Ellie, but I have to tell someone or I will go stark staring mad. And you were kind to me and I see how the women like you.’ June’s face was strained. ‘My nerves are getting so bad, I’m jumping at shadows. I just need someone who can listen.’

  ‘I’m listening, June, and there’s no hurry. Take your time.’

  Ellie fixed herself a coffee because she didn’t want to yawn in the middle of June’s revelations. It also gave the older woman time to settle before starting her story.

  Ellie sat down at the other end of the table. ‘When you’re ready, June.’

  ‘You won’t tell anyone what I’m going to tell you, will you?’

  Ellie sighed and thought how many things she seemed to be accumulating that she couldn’t tell anyone about. She shook her head. ‘I promise.’

  June stared at her for a moment and then started. ‘I suppose I should start twenty-three years ago.’ She drew a deep breath. ‘I used to work for old Dr Farrell, Luke’s father, so I’ve known Luke and his brother since they were children. He was kind man, just like Luke, and he often invited me to the dinner parties Mrs Farrell used to have.’ She looked up. ‘I think the doctor invited me because he didn’t like a lot of the people Mrs Farrell used to invite.’

  She looked down at the table. ‘Anyway, I was young and impressionable and fell in love with one of the frequent guests—but he was married.’ She looked at Ellie. ‘I never planned to be the other woman. But somehow I did become just that for a little while.’ She didn’t see Ellie’s sympathy and went on. ‘He told me he was unhappy in his marriage and that he would leave his wife.’ She shrugged off a disillusion that had hurt for many years. ‘I should have known better.’

  She gave a harsh laugh. ‘To be even more stupid, I fell pregnant and, of course, this man denied the child was his.’ She looked up. ‘Twenty-three years ago, it was harder to be a single mother and I didn’t know what to do. Mrs Farrell found out and told me to keep my pregnancy a secret. She arranged for my baby to be adopted.’

  June wiped the corner of one eye with her finger before going on. ‘I didn’t want to do that but she said because the man was married the baby would be better off with proper parents.’ She looked at Ellie as if for reassurance. ‘I wanted what was best for my baby even though it broke my heart. You do understand?’

  Ellie shifted her chair so that she was beside June and she laid her hand over June’s. ‘It must have been terrible for you and I think you were very brave to think of your baby before yourself.’

  June blew her nose on a crumpled hanky then went on. ‘Anyway, Mrs Farrell arranged for my baby to be born in another town. My baby was a girl and I came back here to live.

  ‘At first I thought Mrs Farrell really wanted to help me, but later on I found out why she didn’t want me to have my daughter. She’d been involved with my baby’s father, too, you see. He was an irresistible charmer who had a way of making you feel the most important person in the world.’

  She shrugged. ‘But that doesn’t excuse me for falling for him either.’ She brushed that aside and didn’t notice the wide-eyed look of incredulity that Ellie was giving her.

  ‘Anyway, Dr Farrell gave me my job back when I finally returned. I don’t think he knew about my baby, but I was never invited to any more parties—not that I wanted to go!’ She shuddered. ‘I just wanted to die. But unfortunately I just kept waking up ever morning.’

  For Ellie, the sadness that surrounded June had become clear, and she felt guilty for not trying to be more understanding of June’s moods in the past.

  ‘Anyway,’ June said, ‘Mrs Farrell always had that knowledge and she used to ask me things about people, and her husband and her sons, and I had this feeling that if I didn’t tell her everything she wanted to know, then she would tell people my secret. Or somehow make something bad happen to my baby.’ She looked at Ellie. ‘I had to tell her. She’s not a nice person, you know.’

  ‘I know.’ Ellie nodded. June had stopped for a moment and was gazing down at the table. Ellie ventured a gentle question. ‘Did you ever try and contact the adoption agency and find your baby?’

  June shook her head. ‘Mrs Farrell arranged the adoption and I never knew who took my daughter, so I couldn’t. Then one day last year my daughter must have tried to find me and I got a letter from the authorities. I finally knew her name.’ She stopped and her voice dropped. ‘I couldn’t believe it. It was like a circle. She wrote that she was married and she’d married Mrs Farrell’s son, Travis!’

  Ellie sighed. ‘Belinda.’ June nodded. ‘So you sent the layette?’

  Tears formed at the corners of June’s eyes as she nodded.

  ‘It was beautiful,’ Ellie said. ‘And she loved it.’

  June gave a watery smile. ‘Thank you for telling me that.’ She blew her nose. ‘I started crocheting as soon as I found out Belinda was pregnant.’ She bowed her head for a moment and then she looked back at Ellie.

  ‘At first, I tried to think of the best way to tell Belinda, but then I started to get frightened again. Elsa Farrell wouldn’t be pleased when she realised my daughter had married her son, and I didn’t want her to take it out on Belinda. I’m not much of a mother for anyone. But I can help Belinda without her knowing.’

  Ellie frowned. ‘It doesn’t have to be that way, June. You’ll be a wonderful mother and grandmother. I think you should tell Belinda.’

  June shuddered. ‘But what if I’m not what she expected? What if she’s disappointed in me?’

  ‘Did you know that both her adopted parents are dead?’

  June nodded. ‘I know a lot about her. I get so worried when she doesn’t turn up for her antenatal appointments. I keep ringing her and suggesting another day until she comes in.’

  One of the other secrets she wasn’t supposed to share surfaced, and Ellie sighed. Belinda’s state of mind was a real concern to her. June was Belinda’s mother—who better to ask help from?

  Ellie took a deep breath. ‘I’m going to tell you something that Belinda told me, and while I feel awkward at breaking a confidence, you are her mother and might have some way you can help her through this.’ She paused and hoped she was doing the right thing.

  ‘Belinda doesn’t believe her husband is dead!’ June didn’t say anything and Ellie frowned. ‘She expects him to turn up for the birth of her baby!’

  Ellie waited for June’s expression of disbelief but it didn’t come. Ellie rubbed her forehead.

  Maybe it was an inherited trait to believe that people came back from the dead. First Belinda, and now her mother.

  In fact, June looked happier than she had before Ellie had told her, and Ellie’s stomach sank down to her toes. Surely there wasn’t any truth in the whole concept?

  June composed her face and her voice was matter-of-fact. ‘Does she, now? Well, that makes me feel a lot better,’ she half mumbled to herself.

  This was getting worse and worse. ‘June?’ Ellie could see enormous problems coming up when she couldn’t share any of this with Luke. ‘What do you know about Travis and the fact that they didn’t find his body?’

  June’s face was innocent. Too innocent. ‘Nothing, of course. I went to the memorial service. I’m just looking out for Belinda.’

  Ellie sighed. She believed that part of it. A dull ache had started behind her eyes and she avoided the questions that were forming. She was too tired to cope with the Travis question at the moment. She’d deal with one problem at a time. She glanced at the clock and saw there was still half an hour before she had to get ready.

  ‘I believe you should tell Belinda you’re her moth
er. And you should do it before she has the baby.’

  June twisted her head away from that thought. ‘I’ll think about it.’

  Ellie had to bring out the big guns. ‘Did you know that Mrs Farrell told Belinda that she’s coming into the labour room when she has the baby?’

  June’s face reflected the horror of her worst fear.

  Ellie hammered her point home. ‘Belinda said she doesn’t know how to stop her but she certainly doesn’t want her there. But she could have her real mother to stand up for her and together you should be able to keep Elsa Farrell out.’

  June bit her lip and Ellie felt really mean, pressuring the older woman, but they’d created such a coil. The euphoria of a birth was a wonderful chance to start fresh and new.

  ‘Think about it, June. Belinda needs you to stand up beside her and give her strength.’ She laid her hand on the other woman’s fingers again. ‘You must have been frightened when you had your baby, you would have liked to have your mother there. You can be there when Belinda most needs you.’

  June’s voice was whisper quiet and Ellie had to lean forward to catch the words. ‘That woman was there when I had Belinda. She sat in the corner like a vulture and I can still remember seeing her cold face as I screamed with the pain.’ She shuddered.

  Ellie shivered at the trickle of ice that had run down her spine. Elsa Farrell was a bad person.

  Poor June. The midwife in Ellie wanted to strangle Luke’s mother. But all she said was, ‘Then I’m sure you understand why Belinda doesn’t want her there.’

  June nodded.

  Ellie took her hand away and finished dryly, ‘And if by some miracle Belinda’s husband appears…’ June looked away and Ellie just shook her head ‘…then you can run interference between them and the explosion that’s going to hit like a nuclear blast from Elsa Farrell.’ Let alone Luke, Ellie thought, and hoped she wouldn’t get the blame because she was unwillingly privy to a part of the whole confusing fog.

  June looked up and met Ellie’s eyes. ‘I’m sorry to drag you into all this, Ellie. But I had to tell someone and I will think about what you’ve said.’ She stood up. ‘I’d better go. You have to go to work and I’ve taken up too much of your time already.’ She handed Ellie a scrap of paper. ‘If you need to contact me, this is my address and phone number.’