Delivering Secrets

by Fiona McArthur

  ‘Thank you for thinking I can be trusted with your confidences.’ She took the paper, folded it and slipped it in her purse. ‘I’m sure you’ll do the right thing. But Belinda needs you now, not later.’

  June nodded and moved towards the door. ‘I do feel better and I hope you have a good night at work.’

  Ellie gave a strangled laugh. How on earth would she keep her mind on the job with all this running around inside her brain? ‘Thank you. Goodnight, June.’

  Ellie shut the door after her visitor and leaned back against it. She wished she could ring Luke and talk to him about it. June might feel better but Ellie certainly felt burdened with the knowledge that she was keeping Luke in the dark about Belinda’s suspicions and June’s strange reaction to the possibility that his brother, Travis, might be alive.

  She pushed herself off the door and went to shower before work. Oh, goody. Another shift with Anthea could only add to her misery.

  * * *

  Friday night in the maternity ward was quiet. Ellie locked the door after the evening staff left and went into the nursery. Anthea wasn’t talking to her, which wasn’t too different but Ellie had too much on her mind to let it affect her tonight.

  Summer Brown and her twins had gone home, as had Sue Carter and Harley, and Mavis Donahue was rooming in with her baby and didn’t need any help.

  That left Jackie Deverill’s baby, Peter, in the nursery as he was still having occasional slowing of his heart rate. To further complicate his first few days of life, he was now on nasogastric feeds because his jaundice had made him too sleepy to feed at the breast.

  He was under the lights for forty-eight hours so Ellie at least had something to do in the nursery.

  Anthea had disappeared into the office to attend to paperwork and Ellie was happy pottering around doing Peter’s observations and making up milk mixtures to cover his extra fluid quota.

  When a baby like Peter had to go under the phototherapy lights, his sweating from the radiant heat was initially more than he would usually drink. Extra formula was added to the colostrum his mother expressed three-hourly and which was put down the tube into his stomach.

  Jackie would have to wait for her full milk to come in and for Peter to wake up enough to drink from the breast again. It would take two days or more probably before they could establish breastfeeding again when the baby’s jaundice was resolved.

  Ellie had finished the tube feed and because Peter was settled, Jackie had returned to bed. The monitor beeped constantly in time with Peter’s heart rate and the nursery was peaceful. Unlike Ellie’s thoughts.

  Maybe she was going crazy, but June had practically confirmed that Travis could turn up for Belinda’s baby’s birth, or at least she knew more than she was letting on.

  Ellie worried at her dilemma with Luke like a dog with a bone. She didn’t think she could ever forgive Travis, if he were indeed found to be alive, for not including his brother in the deception—no matter what the reason. But, then, if Luke had been included, he would never have countenanced such an elaborate manipulation of people’s emotions.

  She heard the phone ringing in the office and a few minutes later Anthea came in and spoke to a spot over Ellie’s left shoulder.

  ‘Dr Farrell is sending his sister-in-law for admission via ambulance with a frontal headache and blurred vision. I’ve set up birthing because it’s the room with the most emergency equipment, but I might need a hand if she fits.’

  Ellie felt her throat go dry. ‘She has had some oedema and slight hypertension. Hopefully Luke will be able to control her blood pressure with medication.’

  ‘We’ll see.’ Anthea softened at Ellie’s genuine distress. ‘The poor girl had a hard time losing her husband like that, and now this.’ She met Ellie’s eyes. ‘Because you know her better, would you prefer to look after her yourself and I can finish in the nursery?’

  Ellie’s jaw felt slack with shock and she tried to hide her surprise. ‘That’s very nice of you, I’d like that. Thank you, Anthea!’

  ‘Yes, well,’ Anthea drawled, ‘you seem to be the flavour of the month.’ And with that cryptic comment she went across to the office to shut the computer down and bring her things into the nursery.

  Ellie didn’t have time to dwell on Anthea’s abrupt about-face—she just took advantage of it.

  Ellie collected the most used drugs for hypertensive crisis, hydralazine and magnesium sulphate injections, an IV set-up and an adult heart monitor.

  Belinda must have rung Luke. She might even have tried Ellie’s place, too, but of course no one had been home there.

  When the ambulance arrived, Anthea let them in and Luke followed before Belinda had even been wheeled into the birthing suite.

  Belinda smiled wanly up at Ellie as she lay on the trolley. ‘I did ring when the bad headache came, like you said.’

  Ellie stroked Belinda’s cheek. ‘Clever girl. Now, just relax and we’ll have you feeling better soon.’ Belinda closed her eyes and Ellie met Luke’s look over the top of the trolley.

  For once his hair was mussed and his tie was crooked, which was testimony to how serious he considered Belinda’s condition.

  They moved Belinda onto the labour bed and Ellie started a chart for Belinda’s observations.

  ‘What’s her blood pressure?’ Luke didn’t look up as he inserted the intravenous cannula into Belinda’s other arm.

  ‘One-ninety over one twenty-five,’ Ellie replied, with a worried look at the sphygmomanometer. Belinda’s diastolic blood pressure was dangerously high for a pregnant mum and her baby.

  ‘We’d better get it down, then.’ He looked at the drugs Ellie had laid out on the trolley and selected the hydralazine. ‘She’s not too hyper-reflexive but we’ll start the magnesium sulphate anyway. Hopefully, she won’t need it.’

  With pre-eclampsia the general rules for treatment were admission to hospital, bed rest and careful monitoring. Luke’s aims were to prevent Belinda from having a seizure, lower her blood pressure, as the risk of stroke for the mother was real with very high blood pressure, and decide when to deliver the baby. By the time Ellie’s shift was over, Belinda’s condition was stable.

  Ellie made the day staff promise to call her if Belinda’s condition worsened. She needed to see June to tell her that her daughter had been admitted during the night.

  Luckily she’d put June’s address in her purse and she didn’t have to go home first to find it. When she pulled up outside the house number June had given her, the blinds were drawn and nobody seemed to be about.

  It was a small, wooden house with a white picket fence that needed a coat of paint. A few straggly roses bloomed against the house wall and a dog barked behind the fence when Ellie knocked at the front door. An air of loneliness prevailed.

  After a few moments Ellie could hear footsteps, and then June opened the door in her dressing-gown. Her face looked pale behind her black-rimmed glasses.

  ‘Ellie? What’s wrong?’ She clutched the gown around herself tightly.

  Ellie held her hands up helplessly. ‘Can I come in, June?’

  June stepped forward. ‘Oh, of course.’ She pushed open the screen door to allow Ellie past into the room. ‘Sit down. Do you want a cup of tea?’

  ‘No, thanks.’ Ellie moved towards the lounge, sat down and patted the seat beside her. ‘Sit for a minute, June.’

  June’s eyes widened. ‘What’s happened? Is Belinda all right?’

  ‘That’s why I’m here. But, yes, she’s all right. Now.’

  June started to ask what had happened and Ellie put up her hand. ‘It might be easier if you let me give you the facts and you can ask questions when I’m finished. Is that OK?’

  June bit her lip and nodded.

  ‘Belinda has had a rise in her blood pressure over the last few weeks and last night her condition became worse.’

  June gasped and Ellie patted her hand. ‘She’s OK. She rang Luke and he arranged for her to come into the hospital by ambu
lance. Her blood pressure has been controlled quite strongly by medications and she’s stable now, but she won’t be leaving hospital until after her baby is born.’

  ‘Pre-eclampsia! I had pre-eclampsia but it didn’t get too bad.’ June took her glasses off and rubbed the lenses with her hanky as if unable to keep still.

  ‘Belinda’s hypertension was quite dangerous when she first came in but Luke seems to have it sorted now. Ideally he’d like to ensure Belinda is more stable before bringing on the baby’s birth. But that will depend on how much the tablets can control it.

  ‘If the medication can’t settle her blood pressure, or if it goes up as high as it was last night, then Luke might consider a Caesarean section. Sometimes it’s safer for mother and baby in a crisis. Do you understand?’

  June’s eyes were huge and she nodded. ‘So we don’t know when she’s going to have the baby, or how it’s going to be born yet?’

  ‘That’s right. But I would guess it won’t be any longer than the next couple of days. The thing with this condition is that it doesn’t really get any better until after the baby is born. There comes a time when the baby, even if it’s a few weeks early, is safer out of his mum’s tummy than in. And the mother is also at risk as long as the pregnancy continues.’

  June bit her finger. ‘So if her husband were alive, he’d better get back here pronto.’ She met Ellie’s eyes and her voice was resolute. ‘I have to ring Travis.’

  Ellie felt like putting her hands over her ears, now she had finally discovered the truth about Travis’s ‘death’. She didn’t want to hear this. ‘I wouldn’t know about that, June, but if I was her mother, I’d be sitting quietly with her at the hospital, being her friend.’ The warning in Ellie’s voice was unmistakable. ‘And I’d be really careful of surprises while she’s so unwell.’

  ‘And keeping unwelcome people, like Elsa Farrell, away, too.’ The resolution in June’s voice was a new sound to Ellie.

  ‘Perhaps,’ Ellie said. ‘The main thing is she’s in a safe place, and people are looking out for her. But I think she’s in need of a special, motherly friend.’ They smiled at each other in perfect understanding.

  ‘Thank you for coming to tell me, Ellie, otherwise I might not have found out until Monday morning.’

  Ellie stood up. ‘You’re welcome.’ But she was thinking that now June had stated she would ring Travis, Ellie had no excuse not to tell Luke the truth. She rubbed her forehead to ease the ache. ‘I have to go home now to pick up my son. I’ll probably see you at the hospital when I come up to visit Belinda.’

  June followed her to the door. ‘But she will be all right, won’t she?’

  ‘Luke will be watching her very closely. Don’t worry.’ Ellie kissed the woman’s cheek. ‘Bye, June.’ To her surprise, June hugged her before opening the door.

  Ellie shook her head as she walked down the path. ‘Oh, what tangled webs we weave’, she thought. Luke was never going to forgive her for not telling him about Travis, but she just couldn’t. It wasn’t her place to—it was Travis’s.

  CHAPTER TEN

  JOSH seemed almost energetic and Ellie lay around the house and watched him play with his cars. At eleven o’clock he came to Ellie as she dozed on the lounge and poked her. ‘That man’s outside the door.’

  Ellie blinked and sat up. ‘Thank you, darling.’ She was sure she’d locked the screen door. She ran her fingers though her hair and the longer locks reminded her that her hair was growing.

  It was indeed Luke. He looked great and for a moment Ellie just wanted to pour out all the information she had in her head and hear him say he’d sort it all out. But she couldn’t, and she couldn’t quite meet his eyes as guilt and confusion about her options warred with her undeniable pleasure in seeing him.

  ‘Hello, Luke,’ was all she said.

  ‘Hello, Ellie. I hope I didn’t wake you.’

  Ellie unlocked the door so that he could come in. ‘I’ve been doing that gross half-asleep-lie-around-in-a-stupor thing that happens after night duty if you don’t go to bed. So a visit is fine.’

  He stopped at the lounge-room door and smiled at Josh. ‘Hello, Josh. Remember me?’

  Josh nodded. ‘Thank you for my cars. I have a picture for you.’ He picked himself off the floor and went off to his bedroom.

  ‘He loves the cars.’ Ellie slid past Luke, careful not to touch him, and sat down on one end of the lounge.

  Luke sat on the chair opposite and drank in the sight of her. She looked weary and even a little stressed, which was something he didn’t associate with Ellie.

  ‘Everything all right with you, Ellie?’

  She avoided his eyes and he could have sworn she’d jumped when he’d asked that.

  ‘Fine. I’m just tired. I probably need some exercise. What can I do for you, Luke?’

  Except for a puckered frown on her forehead, her face was expressionless and he felt like he was standing on the other side of a glass window and couldn’t reach her. It drove him crazy that she wouldn’t let him in. Something was going on and he wanted to smooth the worry from her brow.

  ‘Don’t shut me out, Ellie. I want to be here for you. I want to be here for both you and Josh.’

  This time she did jump. ‘I’m not your responsibility and neither is my son.’

  That hurt. It was painfully true that Josh wasn’t his son and Luke had to force back the urge to shout that he wished he was Josh’s father. That he should have been, in fact.

  She wouldn’t meet his eyes and Luke could tell that now wasn’t a good time to go down that road and start another row. He relaxed his shoulders and breathed out slowly.

  Josh walked back into the room and Luke was glad of the diversion. The boy handed Luke a stick picture of himself with big muscles, playing with a car. The drawing made Luke smile, which helped. ‘Thank you, Josh. It’s a great picture.’ He pointed to the car. ‘Is that one of your new cars?’

  Josh nodded and climbed up onto the lounge to lean on his mother. His thin little legs were tucked up under him and Luke wanted to take them both in his arms and protect them from the world. But he knew he’d have to be patient.

  ‘I came to ask if you would both like to come to the beach with me. I’ve got a picnic.’ He watched Josh’s face light up. ‘I’m going to the cove and I even found an old bucket and spade for Josh, if he doesn’t have one, for building sandcastles.’

  Ellie closed her eyes. This was exactly what she didn’t want—the cove and all its memories. The two of them, on the beach together, with Luke offering to share her concerns. It would be so easy to give in and let him take over her life—but what would be left of her soul if she gave up her independence and then lost him?

  Uncomfortably, she squirmed under the nagging guilt about all those secrets between them.

  Ellie started to say, ‘I don’t think—’

  In his excitement, Josh cut her off. ‘Please, Mummy. Can we go to the beach? We haven’t been for ages.’

  More guilt! Ellie knew that was true. When they’d moved up here she’d promised Josh they’d go the beach nearly every day, and since she’d started work there just hadn’t been the time. Plus, she was worried about Josh’s health. Maybe he needed more sunshine and exercise. She sighed and dropped a kiss on his hair. ‘OK, sweetheart. If that’s what you’d like to do.’

  She narrowed her eyes at Luke. He wasn’t playing fair to offer a treat like that in front of Josh. ‘Let’s go and eat Dr Farrell’s food and Mummy can sleep on the beach while you and Dr Farrell build sandcastles.’ Serve him right. Luke just grinned back.

  Ellie dragged herself to her feet, slightly exaggerating her tiredness in the scant hope that Luke would feel guilty for making her do something she didn’t want to do. But he didn’t look repentant. She gave up and searched out some towels, a bottle of juice and sunscreen. She even grabbed a pillow and a hat for putting over her eyes as she slept in case he thought she was joking.

  Luke eyed the large pile of e
xtras that mounted by the front door. ‘You might have to help me put these in the car, Josh. I think your mother wants to spend the night at the beach.’

  Josh shouted with joy. ‘Can we, Mum? Can we?’

  ‘Dr Farrell was joking.’ Josh’s mouth turned down and Ellie was pleased to see that Luke looked crestfallen that he’d built up the boy’s hopes. She bit her lip to stop smiling. Perfect.

  As Luke carried the last of the stuff out to the car with Josh, Ellie tilted her head. ‘What about Belinda?’

  Luke patted his pocket. ‘I’ve just come from the hospital. She’s resting quietly and I have my mobile phone if they need me. But I think we have the situation under control for the moment.’

  Ellie nodded. She did have faith in Luke’s diagnostics, but, then, she had faith in Luke’s everything. Even his mother was predictably horrible.

  When they arrived at the cove, there was no one else there. A rock pool had filled with seawater from the last tide and Josh happily played in the ankle-deep water while Ellie set her towel down on a patch of sand near him.

  Luke had produced a bucket and spade and even a couple of plastic boats. They looked suspiciously new to Ellie but she didn’t say anything as he put them down beside Josh.

  Ellie plumped up her pillow and pulled her hat down over her eyes. ‘Well, enjoy the water, gentlemen. I’m having a doze and Dr Farrell is in charge of public safety.’ She lay down under the umbrella that Luke had brought and smiled. This wasn’t so bad after all.

  When she woke later, Ellie was stiff and she noticed that the umbrella angle had been changed to protect her as the sun had moved. Josh and Luke were walking along the edge of the waves, facing away from her.

  She stood up to stretch the kinks out of her back, and although she’d decided not to visit the cave, the pull was too strong. She’d be back before Luke and Josh returned. She just wanted to see what she remembered about it.