Delivering Secrets

by Fiona McArthur

  She scrambled up past the coarse grass that protected the overhang from curious eyes on the beach below. To call it a cave was glorifying it, but the overhanging rock did shelter the sandy floor from the weather. Ellie stepped inside and the air seemed cooler in the dimness. The distant memories flooded back.

  They’d been so young and idealistic. So sure they could just set a date for five years’ time and nothing would go wrong before they met again to take up their lives together. She gave a half-laugh.

  She felt an echo of that bubbling excitement she’d had when she’d decided to ask Luke to make love to her before she left, so that she could take a part of him with her. Not a baby, but an imprint on her heart and soul that she would never lose. But he’d refused.

  How life changed people. She’d been a wife and a mother since that time, and she’d thought it would never be the same between them. But the magic was still there—she couldn’t deny that, no matter how frightened she was.

  ‘I thought I’d find you here,’ Luke said. A gull screamed overhead and the breeze billowed open his shirt as she swung around.

  He was alone, and for a mad moment it was as if she were seventeen again and he’d come to sweep her into his arms and she could be his. But in the same moment Ellie remembered Josh on the beach, unsupervised. He saw her eyes widen and forestalled her question.

  ‘There’s another family down there now. I know them well and Josh is with their children. I’d make sure he was safe, Ellie.’ There was some censure in his voice for her thoughts and she nodded. Of course he would.

  She looked around the cave to avoid his eyes. ‘Have you been back here much in the last ten years?’

  He looked up at the ceiling of the overhang and the heart he’d scaped out was still there. They could still read the letters inside the heart. ‘Not once.’

  Suddenly it was too hard to stay apart. She stepped into his arms and he just held her against his body. The scent of her filled his nostrils and she fitted into his body like no one else ever had. He stood there silently, thinking about that day all those years ago and what had happened in between.

  Ellie McGuire had blown into his life during that Christmas break, as unexpected as she’d been miraculous. After only a month she’d felt so heart breakingly right for him. A free-spirited sea nymph with a joy of life the like of which he’d never seen before, certainly not in his parents’ emotionally sterile house.

  He’d wanted to carry his Ellie off to a tower and keep her there until he could provide for them both. But she’d been right. They’d both been too young and they’d both had dreams.

  It had been as if she had been twenty-two and he the seventeen-year-old.

  He could remember saying, ‘Promise you’ll come back and marry me. I’ll wait five years for you. You should be able to finish your nursing, do your midwifery and what ever else you want by then, and we’ll set up practice together.’ He’d worked it out.

  He remembered when she’d reached up and kissed his lips. ‘I won’t promise I’ll marry you, but I will contact you in five years.’ But she hadn’t come back.

  Ellie lifted her gaze to the heart Luke had engraved on the ceiling and then her lashes came down to shield her eyes. He heard her sigh. ‘It was a lovely teen romance,’ she said, and he could hear the finality in her voice. But he wasn’t giving up.

  He shook his head. ‘It had potential. Still has enormous potential—now more than ever as we’re both fully grown up. If one of the people involved would stop being so stubborn.’

  Not stubborn, deathly frightened, Ellie thought. But she didn’t say it. ‘We’ve both changed.’

  ‘As we should.’ Luke’s voice was firm. ‘Ten years is a long time and I find the mature woman even more fascinating than the girl I fell in love with. I will always love you, Ellie.’

  She shook her head in denial. ‘Always is a long time—especially if one of us is gone.’ Her fear showed in her eyes and it was as if a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Finally he realised why she wouldn’t let him closer.

  Luke tried to control the surge of excitement his understanding had brought. He had to be careful. ‘I’m not going to leave you like Steve did.’ He felt her shudder at the thought and his arms tightened. His head came down to hers and he tasted the salt from her tears. He had to convince her.

  He crouched a little so that his eyes were level with hers. ‘You’re safe with me, Ellie.’ He could see himself reflected in her eyes but she still shook her head.

  He squeezed her against him gently and then loosened his hold.

  ‘Can’t you give us a chance? You could even live with me if you didn’t want to get married again.’ He smiled into her eyes. ‘Of course I’d prefer the legal option but I’ve waited too long for you to risk it all for something you might never be ready for.’

  She looked at this man who could give her everything she needed. He offered her stability for Josh, a feeling that she belonged somewhere and most of all a love that was strong and true.

  Maybe if she lived with him she wouldn’t feel so insecure about being good enough for him. Helped by Elsa Farrell’s contempt, that feeling she had that socially she was unacceptable was just another barrier she was using to keep him at arm’s length. She knew deep in herself that Luke couldn’t have cared less for society’s comment on the woman he wanted as his partner.

  If she lived with him and it didn’t work out, then he wouldn’t be saddled with a wife that didn’t fit in. The concept was too big so she concentrated on the trivia. ‘That’s a pretty brave offer for a conservative guy in a small town.’

  ‘See the lengths I’d go to to keep you.’ Luke kissed her hair and she smelt like herbal shampoo and sea salt and a whiff of acquiescence that he hoped he hadn’t misread. A serpent of desire coiled deep in his gut and he stared at her as he fought the urge to take her, as she’d wanted him to do all those years ago—and he hadn’t.

  Fool. He should have branded her his when he’d the chance. He’d lusted after her from the first moment he’d seen her frolic in the waves in his deserted cove but his fear of consequences had won when she’d offered herself that last night before she’d left.

  She stood in front of him now, like an oasis to drink from, and in his desert of a life he’d never wanted to sip more.

  He brushed her shoulders, and her skin felt like gold satin under his fingers, then down and across the hollow of her stomach, and she shuddered beneath his touch. Her eyes seemed to shimmer like phosphorus in the ocean in the muted light of the sandstone overhang, and he felt as though he was falling down a swirling whirlpool, with Ellie the siren beckoning him deeper.

  He kissed her hair and then her cheeks and the tip of her nose. ‘Kiss me, for all the years that we lost between, Ellie.’

  His lips hovered a breath away from hers and Ellie closed her eyes. She wanted to feel his mouth on hers so badly, and if she kissed him it didn’t mean she’d agreed. In the end, nothing could have prevented her final sway to meet him.

  Ephemeral at first, she touched his mouth with hers and then they were joined—soft and gentle rubbings and murmurs—and then a more definite staking of his claim by Luke that took their journey into a more potent realm.

  For a moment she sensed him hover on the edge of control before he leashed himself and gentled his mouth. A wanton, wicked part of her wanted to drive him over the edge to see what lay below the surface of that restraint. She suspected that was a side of him that only she could release. But she didn’t and he groaned as he pulled away. She couldn’t deny that this was where she belonged. Nothing had ever felt as right as this. Nothing ever would.

  Ellie wrapped her arms across her chest to quell the tiny tremors that still reverberated and she stepped away. She couldn’t do this now. There were too many secrets between them. But soon she would have to decide. If only she could have stood before him with a clean slate—with no secrets. And she had to think about her son in this equation, for she wasn’t
the only vulnerable one in this situation. ‘I want to go back to Josh.’

  He gave her a thoughtful look and then sighed. He brushed her cheek with his finger and took her hand. ‘I won’t be patient for ever. But for the moment I’ll wait. Let’s go.’

  They tore Josh away from his new friends and repacked the car. Both Ellie and Luke were quiet—which was lucky as Josh was chatting away about his exciting afternoon. Luke didn’t stay when he dropped them off at Ellie’s house but she knew he considered the unfinished business between them untenable. The clock was ticking until he’d had enough.

  * * *

  Ellie didn’t hear from Luke on Sunday or even see him at the hospital when she visited Belinda on Sunday evening.

  Belinda’s eyes were shining and impatiently she urged Ellie to sit down beside the bed.

  ‘Did you know that June has been visiting me a couple of times a day since I was admitted?’

  Ellie nodded, guessing what was to come.

  Belinda leant across and whispered in Ellie’s ear, ‘I said I wished she was my mum and suddenly she told me.’ Belinda sat back and hugged herself. ‘She said, “I hope you’re not too disappointed?”’ Belinda shook her head incredulously at the concept of being disappointed.

  ‘June is my natural mother,’ she said again.

  Ellie felt the tears prickle at the pure joy in Belinda’s face. Thank goodness June had finally beaten her demons.

  ‘That’s wonderful news, Belinda.’

  ‘Isn’t it? I have my own mother. And my baby will have a real grandmother—not just that horrible Mrs Farrell.’ Belinda sighed back against her pillows. ‘And she’s promised she won’t let Travis’s mum into the room when I’m having my baby.’

  ‘That’s great,’ Ellie said, but privately she wondered how June would be able to stop the woman.

  ‘She’s spoiling me but I just feel so comfortable with her. I want her with me when I go into labour. Now I’ll have two people with me. I’m thinking of telling her about that other matter I discussed with you.’ Her eyes darted around the room as if someone might be listening. ‘What do you think?’

  Ellie didn’t quite meet Belinda’s eyes. ‘I think June could be a good person to have on your side. I’m sure anything you tell her won’t go any further.’

  Belinda nodded, satisfied. ‘That’s what I thought.’

  Ellie gathered her bag and keys. ‘Have you told Luke about June being your mother?’

  Belinda shook her head. ‘I haven’t told anybody else yet. I just want to hug it to myself for a while. But I will.’

  Ellie sighed. Soon that would be one less secret between her and Luke. She didn’t think she could stand the suspense much longer. ‘I have to go. I dropped Josh at the Judds’ while I came in here. I’ll come up to visit you after work tomorrow.’

  ‘When do you think I’ll have my baby, Ellie?’

  Ellie spread her hands. ‘That really depends on how your blood pressure goes and the blood tests that Luke is ordering for you every second day.’

  She smiled and jiggled her keys. ‘You might even go into labour naturally because if your body thinks it’s time for your baby to be born then that’s what happens.’ She dropped a kiss on Belinda’s cheek and stood up. ‘But at a guess, because you’ve settled down so well, Luke would be looking at inducing your labour late in the week.’

  ‘So by next weekend I’ll be a mother.’

  ‘That’s my guess. See you tomorrow.’ Belinda nodded but there was a dreamy look on her face as she contemplated finally holding her baby in her arms. Ellie prayed that all would go well.

  * * *

  During Monday and Tuesday a strained truce existed between Ellie and Luke at the surgery.

  On Wednesday, Ellie took Josh for his blood tests at lunchtime and she marvelled at the little boy’s stoicism when the pathology technician took his blood. A sudden, horrible thought crossed her mind but it was too terrible to contemplate. Steve had had that same stoicism during his treatment for leukaemia. Ellie shuddered and banished the comparison as far from her mind as possible. She refused to think like that or she’d be a basket case by Friday. Her son was tired and had probably picked up some viral illness.

  Back at work, the afternoon became a steady stream of clients and minor procedures for Ellie, and she was glad to be occupied with work.

  At the end of the day, Luke leaned on the doorframe of Ellie’s room and dropped his suggestion as if it were a fait accompli.

  ‘What time do you want me to pick you up to go to the Hollowses’ dinner party tonight?’

  Ellie’s eyes widened. She’d forgotten about that, although she’d arranged babysitting with Lil last week. She rubbed her forehead and considered cancelling. Then she realised what Luke had said. ‘Since when was I going to the Hollow’s with you?’

  ‘Louise rang me and asked if I could pick you up. I thought you knew.’ He shrugged. ‘If you want to take your car, that’s fine, but as we’re both going I thought it seemed a sensible idea.’

  ‘I don’t think I’ll be going.’ There, she’d said it. So why did she feel so depressed?

  Luke stared at her. ‘Why don’t you want to go? I thought you liked Louise?’

  Ellie licked her lips at the accusing tone, and her voice wasn’t as confident as she would have liked it to be.

  ‘I’m worried about Josh and I don’t think I should leave him with Mrs Judd when he’s not well.’

  Luke’s voice softened. ‘I’m sorry. I should have realised.’ He stepped into the room and tucked his finger under Ellie’s chin until she couldn’t avoid his eyes. ‘Isn’t Josh asleep by seven-thirty?’

  Ellie nodded. ‘But it still doesn’t feel right.’

  ‘You should get out more, Ellie, and think about your own happiness for a change. Besides, I’d like you to come with me. How about we go for a short time? You can leave the Hollow’s phone number with Mrs Judd, and if she has any concerns with Josh then she can ring and I’ll bring you straight home.’

  Ellie wavered, and against her instincts she nodded.

  ‘Why would Louise think you’d want to take me?’ Ellie was going to have a few words to say to Louise.

  He stroked her cheek and his voice dropped. ‘Since I told her that I had decided to pursue an old flame with a view to long-term commitment.’

  Ellie held her ground but couldn’t help the warmth in her stomach his words created. ‘Old flame, eh?’ She tilted her head. ‘How old would this flame be?’

  His eyes narrowed dangerously. ‘Old enough to know better than to flirt with danger in an empty building. I would suggest you shut down your computer and go home to change. I’ll pick you up at seven-thirty once you’ve settled Josh.’ He spun on his heel and returned to his room. His tone had bite in it. Luke was as churned up as she was. Ellie hugged that thought to herself. He’d always been so controlled.

  Ellie’s heart thumped and, despite her uneasiness about leaving Josh, she couldn’t help acknowledge an excitement about the coming evening. Ellie stared at the empty space where he’d been. She must have stood there for a couple of minutes because Luke’s voice echoed down the hallway.

  ‘Ellie? If you don’t leave now I’ll have to demonstrate how tired I’m getting of all this procrastination.’

  Ellie jumped and switched off her computer. She grabbed her bag and moved to the door of her room. To her own disgust she peered up the hallway to see that Luke was nowhere in sight before slipping out the door.

  ‘See you at seven-thirty,’ she said as she pulled the outside door shut behind her.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  LOUISE HOLLOWS’S house was set on five acres of cliff-top that fell away to the sea. The fact that Louise had a gardener was very apparent. To maintain the shrubbery and flower-beds would be a full-time job, and the scent from the red roses lining the long driveway drifted into the car as Luke drove Ellie up to the front portico. ‘It’s beautiful,’ Ellie gulped.

  ‘Hop out and
I’ll park the car,’ he said.

  Ellie reluctantly opened her door. ‘I’ll wait here for you. This is all a lot grander than I had imagined.’ She glanced down at her simple black dress.

  Luke must have picked up her reservations because before he drove off he took the time to reassure her. ‘You look wonderful.’

  She saw his teeth flash as he grinned. ‘And Louise and her husband are the same sexually frustrated people you told to “get stuck into it”.’

  Very funny, Ellie felt like saying, but she was just too nervous. She hoped that piece of antenatal advice didn’t come up over the dinner table talk.

  Luke drove up the drive a little further and into a square that held several other expensive-looking cars. Some little dinner party, Ellie thought morosely. This was partly why she couldn’t marry Luke. She’d never fit into the social scene. Luke should have a polished wife like Anthea, not a drifter like Ellie.

  The crash and tumble of the waves floated up from the cliffs below and the sea breeze tickled Ellie’s neck. As the last of the sunlight faded, Ellie walked very slowly towards the imposing front steps and waited at the bottom for Luke to catch her up.

  When Luke appeared beside her, it was comforting to feel his hand on her elbow. He looked fabulous in black trousers and jacket with a round-necked black shirt underneath. He seemed so different tonight and that was adding to Ellie’s nervousness.

  Then Louise was at the door. She greeted Ellie like her long-lost sister, and for a heavily pregnant woman she still managed to practically drag Ellie in to meet the rest of the couples. Ellie turned her head back towards Luke as if to ask for help, but he was watching her with a half-smile on his face.

  ‘Everyone.’ She gestured grandly. ‘This is Ellie Diamond. Ellie’s been back in town only a month, and she’s working three days a week for Luke.’

  Louise’s husband came up and shook Ellie’s hand and passed her a champagne flute. ‘I’m Ben.’ He grinned wickedly and Ellie blushed. ‘Welcome, Ellie.’

  An older couple came up and the woman’s face was filled with warmth. ‘So you’re Ellie. My son and daughter-in-law haven’t stopped raving about you since they had their baby and you looked after them—Mavis and John Donahue.’