Darkness of Light

by Gina Kincade

  She froze on the sidewalk, staring coming from several directions at once. Adolescents, children, and mothers fixed their gazes on her and Rev remembered she wasn’t wearing pants. The shirt was long enough, covering the tops of her thighs, but her panties peeked out in places. She had to pack, but looking over her shoulder she knew she couldn’t go in the house right now.

  After bearing those stares for a while, she felt something familiar in it. It wasn’t the jealous hatred like Kristen bore her, it was bigger than that. Worst of all, it was coming from young and old alike.

  “Ben,” she murmured, remembering some of the conversation she’d caught before admitting she was awake. He’d had to pay a price for her rescue. It would make sense that his people blamed her for that.

  “Rev? Are you okay?”

  She spun, eager to find someone friendly to her. Lucius approached slowly. The line between his brows struck her as concern.

  “Yeah. Lucius? Can I go home?”

  He came closer but didn’t reach out to her. Did he hate her, too? “You are home, Rev.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut, tears leaking between her lashes. Had she ever cried so much? “No. This place is feral, and beastly, and—” She closed the space between them and put her head on his shoulder. His hands didn’t come up immediately, but the stiffness in his spine and chest eased when they did. His embrace made her feel safe in a way she hadn’t since getting out of that basement.

  “Don’t you want someone else?” His voice was thick and gruff, nothing like the smiling, laughing tone she remembered. She backed up enough to look up at him. The line between his brows remained.

  “No, why would I?”

  He sighed and dropped his head. “You’ve been so much more comfortable with Kerwin lately. I thought he’d finally beat me out.”

  “Beat you out? Wait, is this about some animal mating thing?” She pushed back, betrayal making her blood boil. The buzzing from her heroin withdrawal might be only in her head, but it was loud. “I’m not a mate. I’m not a female to be claimed.” She nudged past him and headed to the trees.

  She regretted her decision as soon as she entered the greenery. It was too wild, too much like what she was running from. Worst of all, she discovered what the women had been trying to tell her. The deer called to hear. It wanted to drink at the brook, to graze and nibble the fresh flower buds. Shuddering, Rev ambled back toward the sidewalk, stumbling.

  Kerwin caught her. He didn’t say anything, just held her close, his chin soft with longer than usual facial hair. Her body further betrayed her as a sob ripped through her chest. She buried her face into his throat and shook her head repeatedly.

  Warm hands combed through her hair and rubbed her back. He made soothing sounds, the vibrations from his Adam's apple caressing over her lips, but he didn’t say anything about deer, badgers, or mates. In control of herself again, she backed up to look into his dark eyes.

  “Thank you.” Her voice rasped from the tears that had torn it. Out of the trees, people could see and stare at her. She edged around to hide behind Kerwin. “What do they want?”

  “They want the bear.”

  Anger flared again. “I didn’t ask him to do anything.”

  “I know.” He wrapped an arm around her waist and led her back to Grandma’s house.

  “No, no. I don’t want to go in there.”

  “You don’t have to stay, but you should dress.”

  She looked down at her bare legs, her breasts and beaded nipples that pressed against the thin fabric of the shirt. Nothing left to imagination. She couldn’t be sure, but Rev thought Kerwin had a bulge in his jeans.

  “I’m not staying.” Bolstered, she opened the front door. She sighed in relief when the only shoes at the door were hers and Grandma’s. Kerwin came in behind her and closed the door, shutting out the stares.

  “Rev? Is that you?”

  Rev trotted to the source of the voice, stopping Grandma from having to get up. “Yes, it’s me, Grandma.”

  She relaxed back into her chair. “Good. Don’t run off anymore. You’ve gotten into enough trouble doing that.”

  Reverie’s face burned with shame. Grandma was right. None of this would have happened if the deer hadn’t bolted, if she’d been in control of her new shape.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? I was so confused and scared.” Her legs trembled and she dropped into another chair. Kerwin pulled out a third.

  “You wouldn’t have believed.”

  “Maybe not, but when it happened I would have understood. I mean, I had some weird dreams.” She looked up and met Kerwin’s dark eyes. “You and Lucius were in them.”

  He smiled, but didn’t interrupt her.

  “And your mom and Flo flew in here squabbling.” She chuckled, remembering the morning and picturing the birds as a pair of women.

  “That was careless of them,” Grandma muttered. “Unusual, too. They get along most of the time.”

  “Like you and Lucius.” Reverie watched Kerwin for his reaction.

  “We still get along. We’re just competing with one another now.”

  That brought the whole mate thing back to the front of her mind. “What if I don’t choose either of you?” she asked, her lip curling into a sneer.

  “I’ll be disappointed, but I won’t stop loving you. That can’t be changed.”

  Her sneer melted and so did her resolve. She put her head down to rest on the table. “How am I supposed fight against that?”

  Grandma answered the rhetorical question. “By making up your own damn mind, girl. Just because fate dealt you a hand, doesn’t mean you can’t choose how to play it.”

  That didn’t make Rev feel better. “I can’t go home.”

  Grandma reached across the table and curled one of Rev’s pale locks around her finger. “You are home. I didn’t imagine after Robert passed and I moved here that I’d ever want to share my house again, but I was wrong.”

  Rev’s lifted her head, surprised. Grandma had just said she wrong? The world that had been turned upside down several times in the last few days, apparently, could be revolved again.

  “I don’t regret your choice to stay here with me.”

  “I’ll leave.”

  Kerwin rose and Rev was torn between jumping up to stop him and feeling relief that she would be alone with Grandma. In the end, she didn’t rise but turned toward the entry to say goodbye.

  “You know where to find us,” he reminded her before pulling the door shut behind him.

  “He is a good boy. They both are.”

  Reverie covered her face, wondering if she’d ever feel like herself again. “I know. Did he really just say he loves me?”

  “He did. What does that mean to you?”

  “That I’m in bigger trouble than ever. It wasn’t enough for every woman in town to hate me for stealing them both, now everyone hates me for what happened to Ben. What did happen to him?” She pulled her hands away from her eyes to look at Grandma.

  “He gave up his talisman.” She pushed Rev’s pendant toward her. “He can’t shift anymore. Any extra health it gave him will fade.”

  Rev’s fingers itched to take the little deer back. Her head screamed at her to throw it away. “I think I’m starting to understand what that means.” She gave into instinct and pulled the necklace toward her. “You didn’t wear it to the surgery.”

  “Of course not. They would have made me remove it and that just seemed like more hassle than necessary. When you’re as old as me, or Ben, you’ve made peace with the animal inside. You can separate yourself from it more easily. It doesn’t mean the doe doesn’t kick me in the teeth from time to time. You can’t turn your back on her entirely.”

  “I’m getting that.” She let her forehead fall forward, moving back to rest it on the table. “What am I going to do now?”

  “That is up to you, but I’d like it if you ran me a bath, a cool one.”

  The mundane was deeply satisfying. “I’ll do
that right now. Then I’ll make us something to eat.”

  “That’s my girl.” Grandma rubbed a bony hand over Rev’s arm. “One foot in front of the other.”

  Rev nodded. Right now, she needed to find a way to cope, then she could look at how she could repair the damage she’d done.

  Chapter Eight

  REV STOOD NEXT TO GRANDMA, supporting her with an arm. They looked into the trees and spotted some of the denizens of Littleton on wings or four legs. Kerwin, in his badger form, huddled under a nearby bush, his dark eyes watching, waiting. Lucius wouldn’t be out there. It was Saturday, which meant work. Rev couldn’t decide if she liked that or not.

  “Go on. I’ll wait here.” Grandma took two steps toward a fallen tree on the edge of the path. The base of the trunk was whittled away as though by a beaver, but the nearest river was at the bottom of the ravine. No doubt another shifter. The placement was too precise. It was meant to be a bench.

  She rubbed the toes of her right foot on the back of her left leg. She crossed her arms, procrastinating as reluctance and dread hung like weights from her neck.

  “Well? Take your clothes off at least.” Grandma shook her head. “Unless you think you can’t do it.”

  Rev glared at Grandma. “That’s not going to work on me. I have no desire to prove myself this way.” She turned and focused on Kerwin. “How do you do it?” She squatted to be nearer his nose.

  The badger waddled out leisurely. He stood on hind legs and his hair sunk into skin, his stripes separating and morphing into the tattoos on his arms. Rev stared in wonder until she noticed she was still squatting, which left her level with...

  Flames burned in her cheeks and she jumped to her feet. “I’m sorry!”

  Kerwin gave her his lopsided grin. “I’ll try not to stare either.” Then he shrugged. “You get used to it after a while.”

  Rev shook her head. “I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

  Grandma laughed, reminding Rev she was still watching. “You’ll be surprised what you can get used to given enough time.”

  She looked over her shoulder. “Well, maybe I don’t want to get used to it.”

  Kerwin took her hand and brought her attention back to him. “Can you feel the doe now? What does she want?”

  Rev licked her lips. “To run. She always wants to run.”

  “Are you scared?” He moved his hand from her hand to her hip, slipping it under the edge of her tank top and pushing up toward her breasts.

  Goosebumps broke out on her skin, out of step with the humidity around them. Eventually she figured out he was trying to help her take the shirt off. She grasped the bottom and pulled the material over her head in one smooth motion, leaving her bare-chested. “No. Not scared. I’m angry.”

  Kerwin pulled his hand back, his shadowy eyes wide with confusion and concern.

  Rev turned to Grandma, passed her the tank top, and then pushed her shorts and panties down over her thighs, stepping out of them. She’d found her path and the angry buzzing from the heroin withdrawal could do her some good. She turned at right angle, facing neither Grandma nor Kerwin and let that fire fuel a sprint. She’d never been really athletic and she wouldn’t win any track events, but her feet were fast and agile. Just when the undergrowth grew thick enough to trip her, she leapt on four legs and ran though brush a human never could. A raucous barking captured her attention and she turned to face the dog-like beast, a wolfhound.

  Her deer wanted to bolt, to keep running, but Rev wasn’t completely without control. She wanted to fight anything that tried to stop her or get in her way. Lowering her head, as if she had the antlers of a buck, and charged.

  The wolfhound yelped and jumped out of her way, standing on two legs just out of her way. Black hair cascaded over human shoulders and breasts and the woman held up her brown hands. “Wait! I had to stop you. That’s our border. You’re headed into the wolf territory.

  Rev blew out her breath in a huff. She should be grateful to the woman, but she wasn’t. Still fuming, she ran in another direction. Later, she would have to see a map or something.

  Her ears pricked at a rustle moving through the brush and trees that wasn’t her own. Just near enough for her to spot, a wolf ran in the same direction, and she stopped, curious. The wolf prowled a little closer, and she could make out Stang’s scar. He licked his teeth and nose in a canine way, but his eyes flashed a predatory look in an entirely different manner. She could practically hear him thinking, two-point-oh.

  If there was a way for her to communicate as a deer, she hadn’t figured it out. No one else had mentioned it either. Surely, if there had been, the wolfhound would have used it rather than shifting.

  The deer pranced, wanting to run, and her human side felt equally skittish.

  Stang tipped his head back and howled.

  The chill that followed the sound of his creepy baying made her choice for her. She ran back toward town and Grandma, wondering how she was going to change back.

  Kerwin sat beside Grandma, wearing only a pair of shorts. Rev had to move little by little to get closer to them. The doe fought the approach, until the wind shifted and blew Kerwin’s scent. It had to be his—Grandma smelled of roses and lilac, her soap and lotion—the musk was definitely male. To Reverie’s surprise, the doe wanted to move forward even more than the human did.

  In that moment, when they were aligned, Rev found herself rearing onto her hind legs and then walking on two. The doe longed to rub her face on Kerwin, but Rev restrained that urge long enough to pull her clothes back on.

  “Come here,” Grandma held her arms open and hugged Rev when she came near. “That went well, didn’t it?”

  “It would have been better if I’d known where I’m not allowed to go. Some dog-woman had to stop me.”

  “That’ll be Lacey. We’ll get you sorted out, dear. Won’t take any time at all.”

  Unable to hold back any longer, Rev sat beside Kerwin and rested her head on his shoulder, nosing his neck and inhaling his distinct scent.

  “I’d leave you two, but I didn’t bring my walker.”

  “I’ll help you,” Kerwin offered, standing.

  Coldness and a sense of loss caught Rev when he pulled away. Why had he rejected her? She shook her head, watching him offer his arm to Grandma. Something was wrong.

  “Are you coming?” Grandma asked.

  Rev put both hands to her head, gripping her hair. He wasn’t rejecting her. He was helping Grandma. Why wouldn’t this buzzing go away? It made everything difficult.

  Kerwin slipped an arm around her waist and pulled her to standing. “Come.”

  Rev clutched one of his arms while Grandma leaned on the other. She felt stupid doing it. There was nothing wrong with her legs. Something was very wrong with her head, though. Her hands began trembling and a sweat broke over her. It was hot enough to leave her sweating, but this sweat left her cold.

  “Grandma? Did Jiao leave me anything? My head is killing me.”

  Once in the house, Grandma sank into her chair and pointed. “In the cupboard, there. It’s a canister of tea.”

  Kerwin opened the door, but revealed a row of canisters, most with labels. Rev picked out the one that hadn’t been there a few days ago. She popped open the lid and inhaled. It wasn’t a cure, but it did still her nerves. Calmer, she put water on to boil.

  “Don’t go,” she called to Kerwin who had inched his way toward the door. “Please? Stay?” She might still reject this mating nonsense, but there was no denying that his presence made her feel better.

  He smiled and returned to her in the kitchen. “Can I help?”

  “Um, sure. Cups are in there.” She pointed and he pulled down enough for the three of them.

  “None for me. I’m knackered. Rev, wake me in an hour or two. I want to be able to sleep tonight.”

  “Will do, Grandma.” She turned back to Kerwin, flashing him a warm smile. “Just you and me.”

  He pushed her back against
the counter, settling his hands on her hips, his gaze searching out and finally locking with hers.

  “Rev...” Kerwin’s eyes darkened to coal as he spoke, betraying the intense emotions running through him. “I’m glad you asked me to stay. Please tell me I didn’t entirely misinterpret the reason because I want to kiss you, I mean really and truly kiss you, without interruptions this time, and I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings between us.”

  Rev shook her head. “No. I know. It’s still going to take some time to get used to, to accept, but in the meantime... I still can’t promise I will chose you over your cousin, or that I will want either of you.”

  “I understand, ” his voice came out on a gruff sigh, some of the sparkle starting to fade from his gaze.

  “I do need to find out one way or the other, though.” She grinned, pushing her hands up to grasp two handfuls of his charcoal-colored hair.

  “Good,” he whispered. His breathing spiked, and a warm, spicy puff of air traced over her skin mere seconds before he leaned in to capture her lips with his.

  “As much as I'd like to continue this,” Rev pushed Kerwin away, her breaths coming in pants. “I do have to work in the morning. Not to mention the possibility of disturbing Grandma. She needs her rest.”

  “Mmm, yes.” Kerwin groaned, his chest visibly moving with each sucked in breath. “Goodnight, Rev. Sleep well.”

  “G'night.”

  Kerwin walked backward to the door, turned the knob and then, with one more glance at Rev, he shot off into the darkness.

  Rev stood with her back against the door, heart pounding and her thoughts filled with the dark-haired cousins and the new revelations she'd learned about their possible relationship. Mates. Wow, the word sent her mind spinning. She needed to know more about how this whole thing worked as a potential shifter mate.

  “Tomorrow, Rev. Too much to handle tonight.” She pushed off the wall and trotted down the hall to her bedroom.

  THE END

  Turn the page for a taste of Return to the Light, Book 2 in the In The Dream series.