Learning to Live

by R Cole

  “Is that mine? I am so thirsty.” Jazz comes up and takes her drink off the counter and downs it really fast before she once again dances her way to the dance floor. I’m definitely going to have my hands full tonight at this rate. I give Mason a look that tells him to keep his eyes on her. He nods his head in acknowledgment, so I turn my attention once again to Trudy while drinking my beer. After some small talk with some people from school, Jazz comes back up to the bar and grabs my beer.

  “Hold up. I don’t need you sick because I won’t be there to hold your hair back.” I take the drink from her and turn around to order water, but one is already in front of me, and Trudy is standing there.

  “I live next to her and don’t want to hold her hair either,” she says over the music with a smile, and I smile back. Then she’s off again to the next customer.

  As the night goes on, I turn down several offers to dance as I watch Jazz dance with Mason. She seems to be having fun and not trying to flirt with other guys. I’m extremely happy about that because I don’t want to see my sister make out with anyone. I’ve always told her that she’s unable to date until she’s married, which always caused her to whine to Mom. I like to think it helped keep a majority of the dickheads in school to stay away from her, but I know that wasn’t the case.

  I’m about to order another drink when I feel a hand slide up my arm. I look over and Ashton is sitting beside me with the same annoying look she always gives me. I politely smile and try not to roll my eyes as I remove my arm from her hand. “Hey, Ashton.” I turn my attention back to Trudy, who’s still running around taking orders and getting drinks. I watch as she smiles at a few guys, and then Benji says something in her ear that earns a laugh. Dick!

  “So, Jax, Why are you sitting here by yourself? You know I could keep you company.” She reaches to play with my ear, but I turn my head and face her. She’s really getting on my nerves, and I don’t have time for her bullshit.

  “Ashton, stop it. You need to realize that this...” I point between the two of us “...will never happen again.” I take my beer and go back to the table with David, who’s still sitting with a girl on his lap, but at least he’s not cleaning her teeth. “Hey, man. Sorry to interrupt.”

  He shrugs his shoulders and takes a swig from his beer. “No problem, man. This is?” He pauses and waits for the girl to answer but she’s too busy checking his pulse with her tongue. He shakes her and she comes up with a drunken giggle. “What’s your name again?”

  You would think she’d get angry about him not remembering her name, but she doesn’t. “I don’t think I gave it to you yet, but it’s Lauren.” She adjusts herself in his lap. “What’s yours, handsome?” she asks while playing with David’s hair.

  Of course David ignores the question and looks my way. “This is Lauren.” Then acts as though she doesn’t exist and continues, “I see Ashton found you. I tried to act like you weren’t here, man.”

  “It’s cool. I just told her that it’s not going to happen between us again, and I hope she gets the fucking hint this time.” Looking at my phone, I realize how late it’s getting and know final call will be here soon, so I stand to leave. “I need to find Jazz and Mason so we can load up while we wait for Tru to get off. You heading home tonight?” I might as well be talking to the wall because his tongue is once again stuck down this girl’s throat. I’ll take that as a no then.

  After I find Jazz and Mason, we walk toward the bar area to wait on Tru and close my tab. Ashton’s nowhere in sight and people are starting to clear out. I sit there after the last call is announced and watch Tru as she works. Man, she’s graceful with her movements as she turns and tries to not bump into that Benji dude. She must sense my stare because she looks my way but quickly goes back to what she’s doing.

  “Truuuuudy?” Jazz says in a high pitched voice, evidence of how wasted she is. She smiles at Tru and uses her finger to tell her to come over. “I’m soooo happy right now, but I miss you, friend.” I go to catch her before she collapses on the bar, but Mason is already there holding her up. “I can’t wait until next weekend and we can be happy together.” She giggles and starts singing Toy Story’s Friend song or whatever it’s called. I finally realize what she’s talking about. Next weekend is Labor Day weekend and Cohen’s birthday, so that means Trudy will be at the beach house with us. Hell fucking yeah! I need to start making plans.

  “Jazz, maybe you shouldn’t be this happy next weekend,” Tru says as she laughs at Jazz. She then turns and faces me. “You should probably take her home now. She looks like she might fall over, and I still have to clean before I can leave.

  I really don’t want to leave her, but when I look at Jazz, she’s about to fall asleep on Mason’s shoulder. I don’t want her to get sick so I give in. “You’re right. I’m going to take her home, and she can stay in my room. I’ll head back and pick you up, okay?” I ask, hoping she’ll say yes.

  I see her eyes go wide and she shakes her head. Before she can answer, the waitress, Blaire, comes up and says, “She’s staying the night with me, so she’ll ride with us.”

  What? I need to know who’s us, even though I’m almost positive of who she’s referring to. “Us?”

  “Yeah, Benji and me. We live in some apartments down the road, and since we’ll be working late, Trudy is crashing there,” Blaire clarifies as she walks off to pick up more trash.

  Watching Trudy for confirmation, I get a glimpse of her pink tongue as it comes out and licks her lips. My jeans instantly feel tighter as my dick strains against them. “See, Jaxon, I’m good. Go ahead and get her home and in bed, but make sure she’s on her side so she doesn’t choke if she throws up.” She turns and comes out from behind the bar and hugs my sister.

  I look toward Mason and tell him to carry Jazz to the car. After he scoops her up and walks out, I put my attention back on Trudy. “Are you sure?” I need to trust her judgment because Blaire seems really nice, but it’s Benji I am worried about. I’ve seen the way he watches Tru, and I don’t like it. However, I remember what Jazz told me...that he isn’t her type, so I just have to let her make her own decisions and hope they’ll be in my favor.

  “Yeah, I promise I’ll be fine.” I start to turn away but her soft hand stops me, and my heart beat picks up from that simple touch. I turn and look at her. I want to taste her again, but I don’t want to make the next move. I want her to. “Please take care of Jazz and watch out for her. Okay?” I can tell she cares for my sister, and that makes me like her even more.

  “I’m just going to let her crash at my place so I can listen for her tonight. I promise she’ll be back to her loud self by tomorrow.” I place my hand over hers as it rests on my arm, and I rub my thumb over her knuckles before she pulls it away. I look over her shoulder at Benji, who’s watching us as he wipes down the bar. I tell him with my eyes to keep his distance. He just gives me an asshole smirk and shrugs his shoulders as he continues to clean. “Night, Tru.” I walk away and hate leaving her.

  I appreciate Blaire’s offer, but it’s been a long day, and I just want to be by myself. I tell her this after everyone is gone from the bar. I’m sitting there about to call a cab for the ride home when Janet comes up and sits across from me with two beers in hand.

  “Hey, girly. This is on the house for a job well done this past week.” She slides the beer to me, and even though I really don’t drink beer, I take a sip.

  “Thanks, Mrs. Janet.” I spin it on the table and take another sip while trying not to gag. I hear Janet’s laugh and look at her wrinkled face surrounded by cigarette smoke while she exhales.

  “You don’t drink much, do you?” she asks and takes a long pull of her beer.

  I shake my head. “No, ma’am. I just don’t like being unable to control my thoughts or actions.” I don’t want to tell her the real reason is when Brad drank, he liked to use his fist on me. I don’t want to be like that, and I’m sure everyone is different, but still better safe than sorry.

&nb
sp; “Well, I do drink, but I’m sure you already figured that out with me running this bar.” She looks at me for a few minutes and says softly, “It helps me not to miss him so damn much.” She finishes her beer and lights another cigarette.

  I sit there because I don’t want to pry, but I’m pretty sure she’s talking about her deceased husband James. Blaire told me he had a heart attack shortly after she and Benji started working there two years ago.

  After a few awkward minutes, she finally continues. “I could beat his ass for leaving me with this bar and its debt. I probably need to close shop and sell it, but I can’t bring myself to do it. He loved this place, even though it killed him, and since we never had kids, this place is our baby.” She breathes out and looks at me with tear-filled eyes.

  I know that look of anguish I see in her tired eyes; I look at it every day in the mirror. I get up and hug her, even though I’m sure she’ll push me away, but she doesn’t. She clings to me instead. I gently rub her back in silence as she lets the tears fall, and I show her I understand to an extent. Her loss might be different than mine, but it’s a loss nonetheless.

  She finally releases me, and I hand her a napkin so she can dry her eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get so emotional, especially with you. We really don’t know each other.” She clears her throat before she continues, and I sit back in my chair. “You seem like you’ve got a story too. Today was the anniversary of our opening, twenty years ago. I just lost it.”

  “It’s okay. I lost somebody I loved a few months ago, and I don’t mind at all.” I won’t elaborate but I want her to know I’ve walked in similar shoes. I stand and take our empty bottles to the trash. I hear her light another cigarette as I start to tie off the last trash load to take out to the dumpster.

  “Why don’t you take tomorrow night off so you can hang out with your friends?”

  Smiling from the offer I decline,“I really need the money for my trip next weekend, but I appreciate it. Besides, since I don’t drink I would rather be behind the bar. Blaire and Benji will be onstage, so you’ll need the help.” I go to take out the trash, and when I come back, she’s locking up her office and turning off the lights.

  “Okay, but let me at least drive you back to your dorm.” Since I don’t want to waste money on a cab, I nod my head and we walk out the door.

  I sleep in the next day and Jazz strolls in around one in the afternoon and immediately goes back to sleep beside me on my bed. She’s become a major part of my life in the short time I’ve known her. Maybe this is what having a sister is like and maybe I will eventually have a family to provide this feeling of being wanted. I love that feeling.

  Later that night, just as I’m about to head out the door, she says she has plans to work on her project from Professor Wallace’s class, so she won’t be there tonight. Not wanting to be nosy, I head to work and have Chris behind the bar with me. He’s quiet but nice, so I don’t mind working with him.

  Blaire and Benji approach the stage around ten-thirty, and I am so eager to see them perform, I feel my excitement build up. A permanent smile is plastered on my face. Blaire sits at the black grand piano with her beautiful red hair pulled up and her back ramrod-straight, and Benji sits on the stool with his guitar and hooks it to an amp. They call themselves “The Silver BB” and it fits their indie rock sound. They start off with Blaire singing Skinny Love, and it sounds like Birdy’s version. Her voice is soulful and carries far, even though it’s soft. She gives me chills with the emotion she pours into every verse.

  Next, Blaire stands in front of a keyboard so she can add drums as well as the piano sound. This time Benji sings, and I get flushed hearing his voice because it’s smooth, sexy, and mysterious all at once. He adds so much personality to every lyric from anger to something purely sexual. The females eat it up like candy, and I can’t help but laugh while I think of him wearing glasses just to get girls. I think it’s just him that causes girls to go crazy. He catches me staring and winks, so I turn around and continue to work. After a few well known songs they do a few of their own, and I have to admit they are really good. I even notice people singing along in the crowd. I finally recognize their next song is Crystallized by the XX, and I can’t help but dance to the beat with its upbeat lyrics and catchy rhythm.

  I don’t notice Jax watching until I turn around and see his smile. I smile back because I’m in a great mood, and I tell myself it’s not because of his beautiful smile or that cute dimple. “They’re good, huh?” I yell over the music.

  Jax nods his head and continues to smile. “What?” I ask, feeling stupid because he has yet to speak. “Why are you smiling like that?”

  “I just like seeing you smile and happy. It’s beautiful to watch.”

  I’m speechless as my face falls. Until recently, no one cared about me enough to make me happy, besides Ms. Freeman, and it catches me off guard. Plus, he called my smile beautiful, and that stupid flutter is back in full force. I quickly change the subject. “What can I get you to drink?”

  “Nothing. Jazz sent me to get you because she said she was busy and couldn’t make it.” He holds up his hand when I’m about to decline the offer. “Look, I won’t do anything or kiss you again. I promise.” He sees the uncertainty on my face and continues with fierce honestly dripping from his voice.“You can trust me, Trudy.”

  He doesn’t understand though. I don’t trust myself. If it was anyone other than him I’d be fine, but for some reason he has captivated all my thoughts since we’ve met. After an internal debate, I give in. Because with that last thought, I realize I do trust him, more than anybody else I’ve met. “Okay. I still have a few hours before my shift ends.”

  “I don’t mind waiting for you, Trudy. Take all the time you need.” He says those words with command in his voice and softness in his brown eyes, I feel the bricks of the walls I’d built shift. However, instead of straightening them, I allow a few to fall.

  After a few hours of constantly being reminded of beautiful brown and gold eyes on me throughout the night, I am finally cut. I tell Benji and Blaire how awesome they were as I hug them goodbye. I grab my bag and tips for the night then walk over to Jax, who is laughing with some guys I don’t recognize. I see the way is face lights up, and I feel my breath hitch and heart beat rapidly against my chest. He’s so handsome.

  “Hey, Tru. These are some guys from my team.” He introduces me and I wave in their direction.

  “Oh shit,” one guy with auburn hair says. “You’re the girl Ashton threw her drink all over yesterday.”

  My face turns red and I can feel the heat rising. This guy just told Jax about that embarrassing moment that I wanted to forget.

  “What?” Jax looks at me with a questioning stare and I can tell he’s pissed as his jaw clenches together. “Did she do that, Tru?” He holds my stare while waiting for my answer.

  I don’t need him thinking he has to rescue me all the time. He needs to learn that I can fight my own battles, so I shrug my shoulder and swallow down my embarrassment. “It’s no big deal. If she wants to act childish, let her. I’m not worried about it, so you shouldn’t be either.” I turn to the guys. “It was nice meeting you, but I have to get up early tomorrow.” I turn to Jax and ask if he is ready.

  “Yeah,” he says curtly as he waves to the guys and leads me out of the building, placing his hand on the small of my back. I have a feeling this conversation is far from over, but when we get into his Jeep, he doesn’t say anything to me about it. Instead, he asks, “Are you excited about this weekend?”

  Thankful for the subject change, I answer, “Yes.” The thought of seeing and feeling the ocean for the first time has me excited so I smile. “I’ve only seen the ocean on TV or magazines. Hearing the way Jazz describes Pensacola makes me wish we were leaving tomorrow.”

  “It’s beautiful and there are tons of things to do. Plus you get to meet the best man around town,” he says, smiling while we’re stopped at a red light.

  “R
eally? Who’s that?” I give him a confused look since I’m not sure who he’s talking about.

  “My brother, Cohen, of course.” I can hear the love when he says his brother’s name. All children should be loved like that no matter who they are.

  I smile at him because his is so infectious. “He’s about to be four. I hardly think he can be considered a man yet.”

  “Don’t tell him that because he truly believes he’s going to be able to get his license after his party so he can drive. He’s always wanted to be older than he really is. In fact, one time last year my whole family came to my game and Cohen wanted to check out the locker rooms, so I take him back there and he meets the team. After a few minutes I notice that he’s looking around by all the lockers, so I ask him what he’s looking for. You know what he tells me?”

  “What?” I ask. I can just picture this little boy that I have only seen a picture of doing what he’s saying.

  “He looks at me then at David and says that he’s looking for his glove so he can teach us how to play the right way.” He bursts into laughter and I follow suit.

  I wipe the moisture from my eyes and we fall silent. After a few minutes he asks me, “What do you want to do while at the beach?”

  It only takes me a second to answer because I already know. “Build a sand castle.” I sit and wait for him to laugh. When he doesn’t, I continue. “I know it sounds stupid, but for someone who’s never done it before it seems so cool. To create something beautiful out of nothing like that.”

  “Well, you’re in luck because you are looking at the best sand castle builder to ever live.” There’s that dimple again.

  “No way! You’ve got to be joking.”

  “Well, it’s a hidden talent that only special people can witness. For someone like you, I’m willing to show the world.”

  “I don’t know if I believe you, but if you say so, I guess we’ll find out next week.” I notice we’re outside my dorm and the flutter is back. I should just jump out of this Jeep and run inside. That seems rude though, and I need to tell him thanks for bringing me home.