Cocksure

by K. I. Lynn

  She blinks at me, clearly stunned. “I thought you’d be happy,” she says in barely more than a whisper.

  “Why the fuck would I be happy about not being in my child’s life?”

  Her eyes narrow on me. “You think my brother didn’t tell me about all your escapades together? All the girls you went home with, together or alone, and the girls chasing you. You’ve been spreading yourself around since you were a teen, Niko. The only thing that’s changed is your age and the fact that the ones that chase you now are women. You’re just a manwhore, always have been, always will be.”

  “Wow! Just wow, Everly. You don’t know anything about me. Which was fucking obvious when you left a Post-it note with the word ‘Thanks’ to my dick. Who does that?”

  “He did show me a good time. It would be rude not to.”

  I ignore her bullshit comment. “I’ll tell you who does that, a girl. An immature girl who’s been hurt by someone and takes it out on unknowing men. The real kicker is who you ended up being, and leaving without even telling me your real name? That was cool? Cut the shit, Everly.”

  “First, that’s a horrible expression,” she says, and I scowl at her even more than I was. God, this woman is infuriating. “Second, love ‘em and leave ‘em, isn’t that your motto?”

  “No.”

  “Oh, so all the women that line up on a regular basis to inspect your ‘fire hose’ is just an exaggeration?”

  “It didn’t use to be, but it is now. Has been for a while, but you refuse to see me.”

  “How is now different?”

  “You,” I admit. It’s now or never. I’ve been giving her some space, waiting for her to see that I’m into her for more than just a quick and dirty fuck here and there. I don’t want to hide this shit anymore. I’ve wanted her right from the start. I just didn’t want to admit it because of the fucked-up way we started, and because of Cameron. Now that there is a kid involved, though, I’m not waiting for her to figure out what I already know.

  She rolls her eyes, arms tightly locked in front of her. “Oh, please. You aren’t going to charm me like all the others.”

  “Charm you? I’m fucking serious, Everly.”

  “Not going to happen,” she says with a shake of her head.

  God, this fucking stubborn woman. “Why not?”

  “Because I know this will never work, and it’s better to be rid of you in my life.”

  A growl rips from me, and I charge forward. Her eyes widen, and I stop inches from her. I press my hand against her abdomen, and she lets out a gasp. “I’m part of you now. There’s no getting rid of me. Ever!”

  Our eyes lock, and I drop my forehead to hers.

  “Why would you want to stick around?” she asks, and I hear the defeat crawling in.

  “Because I want this. I want you, us, Ev. I want it all with you.”

  “Because I’m pregnant.”

  “No! Because I like you, Everly. Shit, that’s such a dumb word. I more than like you, but I don’t know a fucking word to describe it right now. Even with all your bullshit, with all the shit you’ve got going on in that crazy head of yours, I want you. I want you to be mine. You and me, exclusive. I think I knew, even after that first night with you, that you were different. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I would have asked you to stay the next morning if you hadn’t disappeared on me. You being pregnant now with my kid, well, that’s just a bonus. But this thing between us was there before the baby, and I have the text messages to prove it.”

  “Then why come to me now saying all this?”

  “You fucking lied to me, remember? You played me and left me, which created a whole other situation thanks to your Dear John. And I’ve tried. Don’t you dare try to say I haven’t. I also tried to give you some space with you turning me down left and right. Next time I won’t because obviously you can’t get out of that head of yours.”

  “Do you have any idea what it’s like to be the one that always does all the right things? Always the one with the good grades, who’s praised daily by parents and a brother who think you can do no wrong? The baby of the family?” she says with anger, but there is also a tremor filling her words. “I’m twenty-five years old, Niko, and I’m still being treated like that little girl my family always had up on a pedestal.”

  “You want me to call you Princess now?”

  Her eyes narrow on me, and she ignores my comment. “I had no life experience when I met Tate, and I fell. Then I fell flat on my face. Of course, that was two years after I walked around thinking that I had the best boyfriend in the world, only to find out he’s been screwing every chick within a four-mile radius.”

  I look away but quickly flip my gaze back to her. I can feel my nostrils flaring, but I say nothing. I know I’ve been with a lot of women, but I never lied to one of them about what was happening between us. Never made a promise to commit to more than I knew I was ready for. She’s placing blame on me that doesn’t qualify in my case.

  “That’s right. You know exactly what I’m talking about because you’re just the same as he is, aren’t you, Nikolas?”

  “I’m nothing like him!” I growl at her, and for a minute I take a step back. When I realize what I’ve done, I square my shoulders and look her directly in her eyes. I don’t want to scare her, but she needs to know. She needs to understand that I’m not him, but she’s determined to vilify me because of this guy.

  This isn’t going anywhere. I’m so pissed right now, and I know there is no way to get through her thick skull right now.

  “Even if you’re not the same, Niko, I’m not sure I can trust that.”

  “Trust me, you mean.” I make it a statement, not a question because that’s the root of the problem here. She doesn’t trust me even though I’ve never done anything to cause her not to. “That’s the root of the issue between us. I don’t think it’s fair, Everly, that you place the blame of another man’s sins on my shoulders. I’ve never once lied to a woman I’ve been with, and I haven’t lied to you.”

  She doesn’t say anything and just shrugs like she did that first night that I found out who she was after she lied to me.

  “Maybe you should think about who the liar is in this situation and evaluate your issues instead of putting them on me. Unlike you, I started off with nothing but the truth. So far it’s looking like Tate’s bad habits have rubbed off on you, and now you’re saying I’m the one you don’t think you can trust? I don’t fucking think so, Ev. It’s me that shouldn’t trust you, but I’ve laid out my feelings as bluntly as any man can, and you still keep pulling the same bullshit card! You want to place blame on someone? I suggest you start by looking in the goddamn mirror!” I yell at her, my temper rising to the point that I’m ready to punch the wall.

  She stares for a moment, stunned by my statement. Good. Maybe she should fucking marinate on that for a while, but not with me standing here.

  “I need to get out of here before we both say something we can’t take back later.” I grab my bike helmet that I’d placed on her entryway table when I walked in and stop at the door. Without turning to look at her again, I take a deep breath before speaking. “Don’t do anything without letting me know, Everly. I should have a say in this. I have a right to know. Stop being selfish, and think about the fact that this is more than about you and your past. It’s more than me. There is a baby now. Our baby, and I’m not fucking going anywhere as long as you’re carrying my kid. So grow up, little girl. Things are about to change regardless of whether you like it or not.”

  I don’t wait. I don’t look at her. I close the door and walk to my bike, start her up, and get the hell away from Everly fucking Hayes. For now.

  I WAIT A MINUTE or two knowing Niko is home after seeing his bike parked out back. I knock again, louder this time. I know it’s stupid, but after our talk the other day, I keep having these thoughts of Niko with other women, and as much as I try not to, I get upset. I heard what he said. I believe that he believed what he s
aid, but I just can’t get past my issues. It’s too hard, especially after everything with Tate.

  He said I was selfish. Maybe I am, but only about certain things. The thought of Niko being with someone else causes actual pain in my chest. I keep ignoring it. Pushing him away only to pull him back when it gets to be too much alone. As much as I’d like to believe what he said, I’m just not ready. I’m still trying to come to terms with the fact that I’m going to have a baby. He just needs to let me deal with one thing at a time.

  I need him to know that I’m not saying no, but maybe, and only maybe after I’ve adjusted to what will be my new life as a mother. He should understand that. I mean, he should be freaked out too and trying to adjust to the fact that he’s going to be a father. I think about that for a moment, and the last time we saw one another at my place. He was mad, sure, but he didn’t seem that freaked over my being pregnant. Unless . . .

  Maybe he decided after all that my issues aren’t worth the aggravation. Perhaps my days of silence has him thinking that he made a mistake by telling me he wanted more. Maybe he changed his mind, and he’s already moved on to someone else?

  Oh, God! What if he’s in there now, sharing that body of his with some other woman? Shit, I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t have come without calling, but there is no way in hell I’m leaving now. God, I can’t take these hormones! I feel like I’m three different people sometimes. These pregnancy mood swings I keep having are ruling everything in my life right now, and I hate it. If I’m not throwing up, then the people around me, specifically Alyson, are asking me if I need a priest to perform an exorcism.

  Screw it. He’s just going to have to prove me right.

  I raise my hand and bang again. Harder this time, determination now strengthening my pounding, but as I let my fist fly again toward his door, Niko opens it. And oh God, I’m struck stupid by his near nakedness.

  “Oh, God. Holy Christmas. Fucking hell just froze over and took me.” I think I just said that out loud because Niko is giving me a look that says he thinks I’m out of my mind, but holy shit!

  Niko is standing in front of me, soap in his hair, towel barely wrapped around his slim waist, showing off that gorgeous, lickable V he has below the towel and the happy trail that my mouth just literally salivated to, remembering all the memories of its taste.

  I watch and follow with my eyes as beads of water slowly roll down his rock-hard-abs, and I’m pretty sure I just licked my lips with a smacking sound that could be heard out on the street.

  Niko clears his throat, drawing my eyes back up to his face and that cocksure smirk he always wears. God, he’s beautiful. I’m speechless . . . I. Am. So. Screwed!

  “Everly,” Niko says, but it’s the stern, business-like way that he says it that gets my back up. Like he’s my boss and I’m late for the first day on the job. Whatever. He’s the one opening the door with no clothes on.

  “Jesus Christ, Niko! Go put some clothes on for crying out loud!” I’m a flustered mess, caught between wanting to sink to my knees in front of him or slam my lips against his. The temptation needs to go.

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  “Well, no! You’re freaking naked! Do you usually answer your door soaking wet and naked? What if some of your bits and pieces were hanging out? Jesus.”

  I try to pull myself together, but Niko without clothes is a sin. Niko without clothes and wet . . . I swallow hard and look away.

  One side of his lips draw up into a smirk. He’s having way too much fun at my expense.

  “Some of my bits and pieces? Did you just call my cock and balls bits and pieces, Everly?”

  “No!”

  “Could have sworn I just heard you say just that.”

  “Well, you heard wrong.” I stare him in his eyes because there is no other safe place for me to look right now that doesn’t involve looking at his naked, wet skin.

  “For your information, I only answered my door, naked, but with all of my bits and pieces covered, because some nut job was pounding on my door, and I thought someone was dying.”

  “Did you just call me a nut job?”

  “Yup. I sure did, but you don’t seem to be bleeding or anything, so I’m going to ask you—are you dying, Ev?” His voice is calm and even, a hint of amusement in his tone.

  My eyes dart around, trying to look anywhere but at him. “No, I’m not dying! Don’t be ridiculous. And I’m not a nut job! I’m not the one streaking my poor unsuspecting neighbors at my front door, Niko.”

  “You just stomped on my front door like a swat team about to bust it down looking for drugs or some most-wanted convict, Ev.”

  “I did no such thing! I knocked.” He quirks one of his brows up at me, and holy hell is he sexy.

  “You knocked, huh?”

  “Yes. I knocked. Loudly.” He smirks at me and then pulls the door all the way open, waiting.

  “Well, then, are you going to stand there all day, or do you want me to traumatize my neighbors with my bits and pieces, formerly known as the beast?”

  I snort at the mention of the beast. Not too long ago we were having fun flirting back and forth via text messages and phone sex. Look what that did. That fucking monster knocked me up, and I’m mad at it, so for now, it’s bits and pieces to me.

  “Make yourself comfortable. I need to rinse the soap out of my hair.”

  “You’re not going to put some clothes on first?”

  “Ummm, not before I rinse the soap out of my hair, Ev. I usually do that before I get out of the shower, but well . . . You know why I had to cut my shower short, now, don’t you. What’s wrong with you? It’s not like you haven’t seen everything before. Or, you know, worshipped it.”

  I swallow hard, trying to ignore his comment, and walk in when Niko moves to the side, opening his door wider to let me in. I hear the door close, and then Niko walks past me toward the bathroom where I can hear the shower still running. It’s then I get to finally see the tattoo that moves across the back of his shoulders. A large, flying black bird, maybe a crow, is drawn onto his skin, but I can’t make it out in the quick glance.

  “Well, obviously I’ve seen all . . .” I wave my hand up and down his body without going near him. “. . . that, but that doesn’t mean that I want to talk to you and view all of your anatomical refinements.”

  “Anatomical refinements?”

  “Yes! Anatomical refinements! I came here to talk, Niko. To you, not Mr. Happy there.”

  “Mr. Happy?”

  “Yes! What the hell are you now, a parrot? Jesus! Just finish your shower please, and then put some clothes on. I’ll just wait here.”

  “Ah, yeah, okay then.” He eyes me strangely, but then it appears he’s holding back a smile. Whatever. I’m here to talk about my future. Our future, and I can’t do that with skin showing. “As I said, make yourself comfortable. I’ll be out in a sec.” He pulls the towel from his waist as he gets to the door; his cock is half-mast and jumps, causing me to gasp. Just as he turns to close the half-opened door, he winks at me and instead pushes it all the way open so that I can see him through the transparent shower curtain.

  “Holy Christ!”

  I’m in hormonal overload; my eyes are stuck on the blurred profile of the beast that pumped a baby in me. I swear that it’s getting bigger and that the room has turned into an oven.

  My tongue swipes across my lips, gaze locked on him. I haven’t even sat down, still standing in the same spot, trapped.

  I thought I’d known lust in my life, but the feelings I remember are a smoldering ember compared to the inferno created by Niko. He hasn’t even touched me, and I’m burning.

  And he wants me.

  And I want him.

  I don’t even notice I’ve stripped out of my T-shirt until I’m unbuttoning my shorts, letting them slide to the ground, flip-flops off with each step toward the man I so desperately need right now. My bra and panties are the final casualties to this lust that’s driving my actions
.

  My brain has stopped and lets my body take over, seeking the only one that can fill every part of my mind, body, and soul.

  I pull the curtain to the side, making Niko snap his head toward me. His eyes darken as they trail down my naked body.

  “I’m sorry,” I say as I step into the shower with him. The water is hot against my skin, and I arch toward him.

  “Is this your way of apology?” he asks, his eyes wandering down and back up.

  “This is me admitting how much I want you.”

  He steps forward, hands on my hips as he draws me in, his cock hard and trapped between us. “About fucking time.”

  His fingers tangle in my hair, fisting it to pull me closer as he presses his lips to mine. There’s no asking for permission, his tongue slipping into my mouth. Just his kiss, his tongue against mine, makes me wet.

  One of his hands slides between us, then trails down until he’s slipping between my legs, his fingers running across my clit. I draw in a sharp breath, my eyes wide as I arch into him.

  “I want to take you into the bedroom, throw you on the bed, and hate fuck the shit out of this pussy.” His voice is all gravel and sex, his touch possessive and hard.

  I blink at him, confused and aroused by what he just said. He moves his hand down further and finds my slick slit. A sharp breath leaves me as he pushes two fingers into me, eyes locked on mine. I wrap my arms around his neck, holding on. He knows what he’s doing, where to touch, how to have me struggle for breath in seconds.

  “Is this what you want, Everly? Do you want me to make you come? Is that all I’m fucking good for?”

  “N-no,” I whimper.

  “Then what are you apologizing for.”

  “For being a bitch. For being scared. For thinking you wouldn’t want this baby.” Tears fill my eyes and his movements slow, his eyes softening.

  The hand in my hair lets go and moves across to my face, his thumb wiping away the fallen tears. I’m crying, something I blame on the hormones, and he still has me on the verge of coming.