Forbidden Passion

by Ruth Gogoll

  “I had imagined it,” Kim said.

  “And was that a pleasant imagination for you?” Sonja asked.

  “Oh, yes.” Kim laughed. “Very pleasant.”

  “And then, when it happened . . . was it . . . just as pleasant?” Her voice went very soft toward the end.

  “No!” Kim laughed. “It was very, very different from what I had imagined.” She shook her head in fond recollection. “But nice . . . yes, it was nice. Different, but good.”

  “Then you have the advantage over me in that respect. I can’t imagine much before . . . before it happens. And nice . . . no, it wasn’t nice, either.” Sonja gave Kim an almost pleading look. “This time will be . . . nice, won’t it?”

  “Sonja, I –” How could she resist those pleading eyes? Kim wrapped her arms around her. “I just don’t want you to do something that you’ll regret later,” she said softly.

  Sonja began to smile. “I think I’m old enough to decide that for myself.”

  And what about Klaus? You obviously regretted that, and very quickly so, Kim thought, but she didn’t say it out loud.

  “Earlier, you claimed that you’re not what I need,” Sonja went on, “but I think the opposite is the case: I need you. In fact, I need you very much.”

  She leaned toward Kim and offered her lips for a kiss. Apparently, she didn’t want to be entirely responsible for that kiss. She closed her eyes and waited for Kim, who realized that holding back now would be insane. And Kim couldn’t wait any longer, anyway. She wrapped her arms even tighter around Sonja and enjoyed the sensation as she went very soft and sank into her. Kim ran one hand over her neck, caressing her hair and pulling her even closer.

  She kissed Sonja tenderly, opening her lips with her tongue and thrusting cautiously inside. Sonja sighed as Kim explored her mouth, caressing the inside and then tugging at her lips as she withdrew.

  Sonja opened her eyes and looked at her. “What was that?” she asked, astonished.

  “A kiss?” Kim suggested, equally astonished. What kind of question was that?

  “A kiss,” Sonja repeated, still amazed.

  “Pardon me if I didn’t meet with your liking,” Kim added, rather piqued.

  “That . . . that’s not it.” Sonja caressed Kim’s face briefly, almost in passing, still seeming taken aback. She turned around and sat on the edge of the bed.

  “Should I go?” Apparently, Sonja was extremely confused. This couldn’t end well.

  Sonja looked up. “No. No, not at all,” she contradicted firmly. “Please . . . please don’t be annoyed by my behavior. It’s all so new to me. You probably think I’m quite odd.”

  Kim went over and knelt before her. “I understand that this isn’t easy for you.” She looked up at Sonja’s withdrawn expression.

  Sonja’s gaze turned outward once more, sought Kim’s eyes, then considered her entire face as if it were an exotic landscape she was seeing for the first time. She said nothing, but pulled her negligee off, and lay down completely naked.

  Kim held her breath for a moment in the face of this matter-of-factness. Her loins constricted with desire, and she saw Sonja’s abdomen trembling with excitement. Her nipples stood erect and seemed to beckon. Her body was overwhelming to Kim once more, just as it had been the night before, when Sonja walked naked to the bathroom. Still, she was breathing as shallowly as she had the first time Kim tried to touch her. She was afraid.

  Kim sat down next to her on the bed. The sight of Sonja’s body had left her utterly speechless, but now she had to say something. “You’d better cover up,” she remarked lovingly, “or you’ll freeze.” She pulled the blanket up over Sonja’s body and gazed at her.

  Sonja’s expression was becoming increasingly confused. Kim realized that this didn’t seem like a good idea. She should have left.

  Sonja stretched out an arm from beneath the blanket and reached for Kim, wrapping it around her neck and pulling her down. Her lips touched Kim’s, and this time, Kim also felt Sonja’s tongue searching for hers. Kim answered her, and they played a little together, letting their tongues slide in and out, caressing one another’s lips.

  Sonja began to sigh and pulled Kim even closer, until Kim let one hand slip beneath the blanket to touch her. Only her belly, but still, Sonja froze. Then Kim felt her slowly open her thighs.

  Kim swallowed. “Sonja . . .”

  Kim quickly took off her shirt, but she got no farther than that, because Sonja had reached for her breast. With an expression of amazement, she observed and stroked it. Then she cradled both of Kim’s breasts in her hands. Her fingers caressed the skin until they reached the nipples, which stood erect, and Kim moaned.

  Sonja paused.

  “Oh, please, keep going,” Kim begged her. Her voice sounded raw in her own ears. “That feels so good.”

  “I don’t know what to do,” Sonja replied, quiet and ashamed.

  Kim bent down over her. “Take me in your mouth,” she asked, with an even huskier voice. “Please.” She laughed a little. “And then, try to remember what you did with your mother when you were a little baby.” She would surely have been an adorable baby, Kim thought to herself, and a sweet little girl.

  “I can’t remember that.” Sonja laughed, too. “I already told you that.” But nonetheless, she took one of Kim’s nipples in her mouth and sucked on it, as if she might remember.

  Kim moaned even deeper. Although she wasn’t completely undressed yet, she pushed herself all the way on top of Sonja. She couldn’t help it.

  Sonja pampered her breasts with tongue and lips as though she’d always known how. She seemed to like increasing Kim’s arousal, and she enjoyed letting it recede again as well. She drove Kim so crazy that Kim could hardly stand it. Gasping, she let herself fall onto her back next to Sonja.

  “Will you undress me?” Kim asked, still fighting for breath. “I don’t think I can manage this by myself anymore.”

  Sonja bent over her for a moment and looked into her eyes. She smiled softly. “That bad?”

  “Oh, yes!” Kim gave her a mischievous grin. “Just you wait! You’re up next. Then you’ll see what I mean.”

  A shudder ran through Sonja’s body. Her smile vanished. She placed a hand on Kim’s pants and stroked gently while she stared at Kim’s breasts. After some time, she tore herself away from that view and let her eyes sink lower, onto Kim’s belly. Her hands began to unfasten Kim’s pants. Then they slipped inside. “Oh, my God . . .”

  Kim clenched her jaw. Sonja’s fingers lay precisely on top of her center, and it had felt like an electric shock when she’d touched her. Her hand still lay on the same spot, motionless. Then she began to caress Kim between her legs, with the fabric of her panties as a delicate barrier.

  Kim could’ve screamed. “Weren’t you going to undress me?” she asked her voice very tight. Her loins were blazing at just that gentle touch.

  “Oh – yeah.” Sonja laughed softly. “I’d almost forgotten. It was so surprising –”

  “It’s fine.” Kim undressed herself quickly.

  “Are you mad?” Sonja asked cautiously, because Kim had pushed her aside a bit roughly in the process.

  “No.” Kim turned back to her. “I’m not mad. I’m wild for you, and I want you now – right now.” She turned Sonja onto her back and, in one rapid movement, lay on top of her. Sonja immediately spread her legs and wrapped them around her hips. “You’re expecting the wrong thing.” Kim laughed a little. “But we can start that way, if you want.”

  Sonja turned her head to the side. Kim bent forward and kissed her on the throat. Sonja trembled beneath her lips. “I’m sorry,” Kim whispered. “I shouldn’t have said that. It just slipped out.”

  Kim ran her lips along Sonja’s neck until she could feel Sonja’s skin prickling there in tiny goosebumps. Sonja’s breathing became heavier.

  Kim let herself sink down onto Sonja until their breasts touched. Sonja held her breath and lay completely still. After a while, a
deep sigh erupted from her throat. “That’s wonderful,” she whispered.

  Kim felt a tingling everywhere on her body. She let her lips caress the length of Sonja’s throat once more; the softness of Sonja’s skin overcame her anew. She felt the nipples jutting hard into her flesh, and at the same time, she felt her own equally stiff nipples sinking into Sonja’s softness. It was such a heavenly feeling. This alone would’ve made it all worthwhile. But Kim wanted more.

  Her lips glided down from Sonja’s neck; she could see the blood pulsing wildly in her veins. It already looked a bit frantic, although Kim could see little evidence of Sonja’s untamed arousal elsewhere. Kim sought her averted mouth, and as she neared it, Sonja turned toward her longingly and sighed once more. Her lips were already partially open, and Kim thrust inside and kissed her, carefully at first, until she could no longer control herself. Kim took possession of Sonja’s mouth entirely. It was so sweet, so soft, so inviting. Wildly, Kim thrust into her, and moaned aloud as she felt lightning strike her loins.

  Sonja raised her hands to the nape of Kim’s neck and buried them in her hair. She caressed Kim’s hairline with tender fingers, then suddenly, she moaned as she lifted her hips up, shoving them against Kim’s belly, trying to thrust upwards again and again.

  Her arousal grew, and Kim thrust back until Sonja moaned again, almost desperate. Her movements became faster, stronger; she clutched at Kim’s back until the pain bored through Kim and she almost had to cry out from that, too. Her fingernails weren’t that short, after all . . . Then Sonja let go and fell back onto the sheets, tossing and turning, her head rolling from one side to the other.

  Kim slid down a little and took one of Sonja’s nipples into her mouth, flicking across it with her tongue.

  “Oh, no, no!” Sonja cried out sharply, although aware of her location and the proximity of the other hotel guests, she remembered to try to muffle her cries. But this time, she didn’t really mean no, as she had earlier. Once more, she thrust upward with her hips, but Kim held her down on the mattress, with another plan in mind.

  Sonja’s legs let go of Kim’s hips when Kim increased the pressure and she could no longer hold them. Kim teased her breasts some more, first one, then the other, then back to the first again. Sonja moaned. She sighed. She writhed. She was losing control. She was beautiful to watch. Kim was thrilled to sense Sonja’s arousal as it continued to mount.

  Kim abandoned Sonja’s breasts with a final caress – they were so wonderful, it was hard to part from them – then slid deeper, kissing Sonja’s warm, supple skin, enjoying the pulsing beneath it, the thumping heartbeat that was transmitted to Kim’s lips.

  Slowly Kim arrived at Sonja’s navel and flicked her tongue inside; Sonja jumped, moaned, and sighed. Kim glided lower, touching the edge of her groin; Sonja cried out anew, quietly, stifled, tormented. Once again, Kim ran her tongue across the silky skin just above the junction of Sonja’s thighs.

  “What are you doing . . . what are you doing . . .?” Sonja murmured, still rolling her head from one side to the other without interruption. Her hips jerked as though they wanted to escape from Kim, as though they could no longer stand this.

  “Don’t you like it?” Kim teased her gently.

  Sonja let out a deep sigh as Kim left her in peace for a moment, sparing her from the stimulation. Kim ran a very leisurely hand up over Sonja’s hips, touching her belly, but not her breasts or her groin, where she was so sensitive.

  Sonja’s breathing subsided a little, became more even. “It’s wonderful,” she whispered, “so . . . gentle.”

  Kim pulled herself up to eye level once more and looked at Sonja. Her face, beautiful as it was, but also so expressive, touched her deeply. Kim felt herself wanting more from Sonja than just this night, than just sex. She wanted Sonja – she wanted the woman, all of her, she wanted to fall asleep and wake up with her, to hear her affectionate laugh as they lay in bed together and cuddled or told each other stories, to sit in front of the television and snack on nuts as they’d already done. Kim wanted to hold her in her arms and feel her, soak up her warmth, appreciate her closeness, not just today, not just here in this hotel where they’d forgotten time and space and their professional relationship.

  Kim sighed. Delicately, she lowered her lips to Sonja’s and touched them with the merest breath of a kiss, just a loving gesture, not meant to arouse, but to touch her in a different way.

  “What is it?” Sonja stroked her hair just as lovingly and tenderly as Kim had just kissed her. She caressed her, and Kim sighed anew.

  “Nothing,” Kim said. “It’s nothing.” She was about to slide back down Sonja’s body and continue where she’d left off, but Sonja stopped her.

  Intent, she considered Kim’s face. “Yes, something’s up with you.”

  “No, nothing in particular,” Kim assured her. She smiled down at Sonja. “I just want to make you happy; I want you to enjoy this, to not be afraid anymore, to never forget this night.”

  Sonja was still caressing Kim’s hair gently, watching her. “I won’t,” she said softly. “Ever.”

  Kim let her hand glide down onto Sonja’s belly, and then lower, between her thighs. Sonja gasped when Kim reached her wetness at last, brushing across it without diving in.

  “Yes,” Sonja breathed softly, even quieter than before. She shut her eyes, and when Kim increased the pressure of her fingers, Sonja pressed her head into the pillow, tensed her body, and arched her back slightly upward. “Mhm,” she sighed through closed lips, as if she didn’t want to reveal too much of her feelings.

  Kim was torn. She wanted to go down between Sonja’s legs, but at the same time, she wanted to watch her – to watch the first time that Sonja came in the arms of a woman. She wanted to know how she looked doing that. She decided to do both, one after the other.

  She caressed Sonja some more, and she could feel Sonja’s tension increase as Kim spread her wetness around with her fingers, still gently, without too much pressure. Kim avoided touching her inner labia, although she could feel how swollen they had become, but instead just ran along the outside, then along her inner thighs, until Sonja sighed with increasing arousal and began again to move, to press her hips toward Kim, trying to catch her hand in order to get satisfaction at last.

  But Kim wouldn’t let her get too close. Again and again, she dodged. Sonja’s sighs grew more hectic, less patient. “Come,” she murmured, “come on . . .”

  Kim wrapped her free arm around Sonja’s shoulders so that she could lie directly on top of her. She slid just one finger between the swollen, wet lips, entering only briefly, then withdrawing.

  Sonja moaned deeply, aroused at first, but soon disappointed. “Please . . .” she breathed, “please . . .”

  The next time, Kim entered her with two fingers, and Sonja moaned even more deeply. “Yes!”

  Kim sought the sensitive spot just inside the entrance and rubbed a little as she continued to slip her fingers gently in and out, still only a short distance. Sonja could no longer hold her hips still, but shifted back and forth, thrust upward. When Kim increased the pressure slightly, Sonja almost wrenched herself away, her motions were so intense.

  “Oh . . . oh . . . oh . . .” Sonja sighed and moaned without pause. When Kim touched her thumb to Sonja’s pearl, the last “Oh . . .!” turned into an “Oh, God!” Sonja cried out, louder than before; she’d forgotten her surroundings and was now simply giving herself over to her lust. And to Kim.

  Suddenly, she whispered her name. At last. “Kim . . . Kim . . . oh, Kim, what are you doing to me?” It seemed she could hardly speak.

  Kim took a deep breath to curb her own excitement for a bit longer; this moment belonged to Sonja alone. Kim had heard what she had wanted to hear. She pressed her thumb on the top of Sonja’s pearl, and on the inside she pressed her fingers against it, then moved both together, faster and faster, rubbing, gliding, until Sonja could barely breathe between moans, until her breath caught and her hips thrus
t wildly and uncontrollably into the air; she pressed higher and higher, her back arched, her body feverishly tensed in anticipation of that moment of ultimate release.

  She froze. “Aaaah!” she burst out at length, then once more, softer and longer, “Ohhhh, yeah . . .” as she sank back onto Kim’s arm, falling against her and burying her face in her breast as she had once before; not crying this time, but instead fully awake, and intentionally.

  She gasped, struggled for breath, and calmed herself only slowly. Kim brushed a kiss on Sonja’s hair and caressed her softly, her back, her side, her thigh, her bottom, very gently. When Kim noticed Sonja returning to reality, she allowed herself to sink back down a little, and smiled at her.

  Sonja opened her eyes. “Oh, my God.”

  “That intense?” Kim asked, smiling.

  Sonja nodded, said nothing, and rolled onto her back, away from Kim; her ribcage was still heaving to meet her demand for oxygen.

  Kim took the opportunity to slide down her body, between her legs, pressing them apart and lifting them up –

  “Oh, no!” Sonja cried out in apparently genuine horror. “No, no, please don’t . . .!”

  “Why not?” Kim asked, astonished. Sonja had been enjoying herself a moment ago. What was wrong all of a sudden?

  “I . . . I . . . don’t, please . . .” was all Sonja could repeat, still not quite mistress of her own lung capacity, and now also agitated by something that Kim didn’t understand.

  Kim let go of Sonja’s legs and straightened up between them, kneeling. “It feels good,” she said convincingly and slightly confused, “you’ll see. Even better than what I just did. And you liked that, didn’t you?”

  Sonja took a deep breath. “Yes, I liked it,” she affirmed softly. “But that . . . I can’t do that.”

  “Why not?” Kim lay down next to her so she could see her face, which wore a slightly fearful expression, as it had earlier.

  Sonja turned her head away. She didn’t want Kim to read her emotions. “I . . . I just can’t do that,” she explained in an even softer voice. “Not . . . not now, not the first time. I never do that the first time.” She hesitated. “Let’s just go to sleep,” she said then. “That was enough.” She turned her whole body away from Kim, her back like the insurmountable Great Wall of China.