Forbidden Passion

by Ruth Gogoll

  “Kim?” Sonja had quickly come up the stairway. She was probably peering through the crack that the apartment door left standing open, and wondering at it.

  “Here,” Kim called loudly. “In the living room.”

  A second later Sonja stepped through the door. “Here you are,” she said with a smile.

  “Yes.” Kim looked at her, and her heart wanted to go to her. She held on tight to the sides of her armchair.

  “Did I disturb you? Were you reading?”

  The book Kim had been reading some time ago still lay open next to her.

  “No.” Kim shook her head. “You didn’t disturb me. I was waiting for you.”

  “I couldn’t come earlier,” Sonja said apologetically. “The project just has too many rough edges, and I keep tripping over all of them.”

  “You’re not late. I just got here myself. I was playing miniature golf with Jennifer and Jo.”

  “Miniature golf.” Sonja chuckled. “I haven’t done that in a long time.” She approached Kim and stood in front of her. “Maybe I ought to.”

  “Maybe.” Kim laid her head back and looked at Sonja. Now, with her standing so close, she could smell her, and it was almost impossible not to desire her. Not almost – it was impossible.

  Sonja suddenly sat down on Kim’s lap.

  Kim gasped for air. Sonja’s nearness took her breath away.

  “What are you waiting for?” Sonja asked quietly, stroking one finger across Kim’s lips. “I’m here.” She bent down and kissed Kim with gentle grace, not passionately, but with the promise of seduction.

  Kim closed her eyes; she felt very warm, and Sonja’s scent made her dizzy. “Sonja,” she whispered. “I have to . . .”

  “Shh.” Sonja placed a finger on her lips, not to caress them this time, but to shut them. “You don’t have to say anything. Talk is superfluous.” She kissed Kim again. This time her tongue entered Kim’s mouth and caressed her lips from the inside.

  Kim felt the tickling spread down to her nipples. She couldn’t help herself. It was simply too good . . . and Sonja was too near . . . and everything else was unimportant.

  “Come.” Sonja jumped up. “Today, I’d like something more comfortable than the shower!” She laughed and pulled off her jacket. “How about a bed?” She leaned down to Kim. “Your bed . . .” she breathed seductively. Her eyes flashed.

  She planted one more quick kiss on Kim’s lips, then straightened up again and left the room.

  It was as though Kim were in a trance. She stood up and followed Sonja. As she stepped into the bedroom, she saw Sonja unbuttoning the cuffs of her blouse – she’d already unfastened the other buttons – and slipping the blouse off.

  Her lace-trimmed bra was a different one than yesterday’s. Everything she wore was different from yesterday. She never wore the same things to the office two days in a row, not the same suit, not the same jacket. She was very particular about such things.

  She gazed at Kim and her eyes flickered. “Undress me,” she whispered. “I want you to undress me.”

  Kim, as if in a trance, approached her. She stopped and considered Sonja’s face, her eyes. She felt magically drawn to her. She unhooked Sonja’s bra, slid her hands underneath, and pulled it off.

  Sonja’s breasts bobbed slightly when they were no longer contained. Kim ran her hands over them, caressing them. Sonja leaned her head back and sighed.

  Kim sought the nipples. They were already hard. She leaned down and took one in her mouth, caressing it with her tongue.

  “Mmm . . .” Sonja’s sighs grew louder.

  Kim switched to the other nipple, caressing it, and at the same time let her hands slide down to the waistband of Sonja’s skirt. She opened the zipper and slid her hands under the fabric, then slipped the skirt over Sonja’s hips.

  It fell to the floor. Kim caressed Sonja’s hips, then glided farther around to her bottom.

  “Wait!” Sonja breathed heavily. She reached for Kim’s chest and unbuttoned her shirt. “I want to see you.” She pushed the shirt quickly off of Kim’s shoulders and pulled her T-shirt up over her head. “Oh, God,” she whispered. “Oh my God . . .” She took Kim’s breasts in her hands and looked at them as though she’d never seen such wonders before.

  Kim caressed her bottom, and Sonja closed her eyes, caressing Kim’s breasts just as Kim caressed her bottom. Her hips slowly began to move. She inhaled deeply.

  Kim slid her hands inside the lacy underpants that matched Sonja’s bra, and slowly pushed that tiny bit of fabric down over her hips.

  Sonja opened her eyes and groped for Kim’s waistband, unbuttoning her pants and pulling down the zipper. Her hand slipped inside and underneath Kim’s panties.

  Kim felt Sonja touch her and bit her lip. She pushed Sonja’s panties farther down and slid one hand between her legs.

  Sonja was already wet. She must’ve been wet already, before she got there; everything about her was engorged and open.

  “What were you doing at the office today?” Kim laughed softly.

  “Thinking about you,” Sonja whispered hoarsely. “The whole time.”

  Kim began to caress Sonja, running her finger back and forth over Sonja’s pearl, and at the same time, Sonja slid over hers. Their breathing seemed to take on the same rhythm as the pace of their fingers. Kim felt the first signs approaching. “Sonja . . .” she moaned.

  They went faster, each helping the other.

  “Come . . . yes . . .” Sonja moaned as well.

  Both climaxed together. Thoroughly out of breath, they fell onto the bed and laid for a while side by side.

  Sonja stirred first. “That was silly. We could’ve just been lying down from the start.”

  Kim laughed. “Yes, but we didn’t do that.” She freed herself from her pants. “But now we’re lying down.” She pushed herself on top of Sonja. Sonja’s eyes were dark and wide, their golden shimmer almost gone. She sought Sonja’s lips with her own and kissed her tenderly. “Hi,” she said with a smile. “It’s nice that you’re here.”

  Sonja smiled back. “I’m glad, too. I’ve been looking forward to it all day.”

  “I noticed!” Kim laughed once more.

  “Was I that bad?” Sonja asked, suddenly unsettled. “I mean, don’t you like it when –?”

  “Oh, sure, I like it.” Kim kissed her gently on the mouth. “I like it very much when a woman is excited. So much that she can hardly wait. That’s nice. And afterwards, there’s always plenty of time left, too.”

  Sonja considered Kim’s face, hovering above her, smiling. “You don’t think it’s . . . well . . . depraved?”

  “Depraved?” Kim shook her head, still smiling. “Where would you ever get that idea? What could possibly be depraved about your arousal?”

  “I . . . well . . . I just wanted to know.”

  “Do you feel depraved?” Kim asked, chuckling. “Is that what you’d like me to think? In that case, I find you very depraved, quite dreadfully depraved, Madam Department Manager.” She poked Sonja on the nose.

  “Oh, leave the title in the office.” Sonja made a disconcerted grimace. “That really doesn’t belong here.”

  “I’m just practicing. If we’re going to start working together on Monday, I have to make sure to address you professionally and respectfully.”

  “Yes, but you don’t have to call me Madam Department Manager,” Sonja said. “First names are fine. I do that with some of the other managers, too, after all.”

  “Including the ones you’ve slept with?” Kim teased.

  “Oh, please . . .” Sonja gave her a chastising look. “I call Rolf by his first name!”

  “Yes, that’s true. Rolf’s certainly in the clear.”

  “But I might not be?” Sonja asked, indignant.

  Kim grabbed Sonja’s wrists and pushed them up high. She held them there, above her head, and looked into her eyes. “You are under suspicion of being the most seductive woman in the world,” she said softly.
“No one can resist you when you set out to get them.” She leaned down and kissed Sonja full on the mouth.

  Sonja tried to evade Kim, who kept holding her firmly. “I never set out to get anybody. Never.”

  Kim thought about the looks she’d given Klaus, as far back as their first encounter. “Hmm.”

  “If that’s what you think, then did I set out to seduce you, too?” Sonja asked. “Even though I didn’t know it was a possibility?”

  “Well, maybe not,” Kim admitted. “Or was that intentional, when you walked past me stark naked?” She brushed a kiss across Sonja’s nose.

  “Of course not. Among women . . . I mean, women like . . . me . . .” Sonja fell silent.

  “Straight women.” Kim let herself slide off to Sonja’s side. “Straight women think nothing of it when a woman dances around naked right underneath their nose. It doesn’t turn them on. That’s perfectly obvious.” She was sobered.

  “I . . . back then . . .” Sonja propped herself up on her elbows and looked down at her. “Back then, I truly didn’t think anything of it. It never crossed my mind. Now . . . things are different.”

  “Really?” Kim looked up at her, and that gorgeous face was simply everything that she wanted. She couldn’t imagine anything nicer.

  “Things . . . things have changed a lot since then. A whole lot.”

  “What are you talking about, for instance?” Kim asked. “Have you stopped sleeping with your husband?”

  Sonja stared at her. “What does that have to do with it?” she asked, irritated.

  “Well, if you’re no longer attracted to men . . . that would tend to have consequences for him, don’t you think? Is that why you fight so much?”

  Sonja lay back and scooted a little distance away from Kim. “My marriage is not up for discussion between us,” she remarked coolly. “I’ve told you that before.”

  “But maybe it should be.” Kim sat up in the bed. “What is this that we’re doing here, Sonja? What do you call an affair? Does it mean I can’t ask you any questions? That your life has nothing to do with mine, except when we’re actually together for a couple of hours in bed?”

  Sonja’s jaws clenched. “I . . . It would be good if we could limit it to that.”

  “Would it?” Kim spun herself around with a furious jolt that shook the whole bed. “It would be good?” She stared at the ceiling. “Have I ever told you that I don’t care for restrictions?”

  They fell silent for a time.

  “It . . . it isn’t easy for me, Kim,” Sonja said, suddenly quiet. “Don’t demand too much of me . . . please.”

  Kim turned her head toward Sonja. “I’m not asking you for anything more than you’re asking me for. And that’s a lot.”

  “I know.” Sonja took a deep breath. “I know that.” She turned toward Kim. “Kim . . . I . . . give me a little time, please.” Her eyes surveyed Kim’s face. “It’s not always so obvious to me what I’m asking of you. You’re . . . I’m not familiar with this. It’s different.”

  Kim looked at her seriously. “Will you sleep here tonight?”

  Sonja closed her eyes, as if tormented. “No,” she said when she opened them again. “I’m not going to sleep here, ever.”

  Ever, Kim repeated in her mind. She clenched her teeth. “Because your husband is waiting for you,” she forced out between them. “And you –” She stood up. “Then you better go to him now. So he doesn’t have to lie there all alone in your marriage bed.”

  Sonja shut her eyes again and only opened them again after quite a while. “Yeah.” She stood up as well. “I need to take a shower.” She looked at Kim. “May I?”

  Kim nodded. But as Sonja walked by her, Kim’s arm suddenly shot out as if of its own accord and held her firmly. “So he doesn’t smell me on you? Is that it? You have to wash off anything that smells of me? Or can’t you stand it yourself?”

  Sonja stared at her and said nothing.

  “Do you sleep with him?” The tension in Kim’s body grew. Her fingers dug into Sonja’s arm. Sonja grimaced with pain, but remained silent. “Are you going to sleep with him right now, when you go home?” Kim repeated.

  “He’s my husband. That’s none of your business.”

  “It’s none of my business.” Kim’s jaws were clenched so firmly that her cheekbones stood out sharply. “Your marriage is none of my business. Good thing you keep emphasizing that; otherwise, I might forget completely.” She reached for Sonja’s second arm with her other hand and turned her to face her. “But I can’t forget it. I see pictures in my mind . . . how he touches you . . . and what he does to you.” She took a deep breath. “What does he do to you, Sonja?”

  “We’re married,” Sonja replied forbiddingly.

  “So you sleep together, right?” Kim could no longer control herself. The tension inside her was becoming unbearable. She shoved Sonja onto the bed and lay on top of her. “This is what he does to you, right?” She stared down from above into Sonja’s tight-lipped face. “He lies on top of you, he penetrates you, he ejaculates into you. And what do you do then? Do you go . . . take a shower?” Kim’s voice was trembling with tension just as much as her hands were, which held Sonja still.

  Sonja didn’t stir, but lay there, unmoving. “Let me go.” Her voice was cold as ice. “Immediately.”

  “Sonja . . .” Kim leaned down and pressed a kiss onto Sonja’s cold, closed lips. “I yearn for you so much. I want so much . . .”

  “To rape me?” Sonja asked coldly. “That’s what you’re doing right now.”

  Kim gaped at her as though she were only just coming to her senses. She rolled down off of Sonja and laid a hand on her forehead. “Forgive me,” she whispered. “Please, forgive me.”

  Sonja stood up without a word and went into the bathroom. Kim heard the water running, then heard it shut off. Sonja came back into the bedroom, a towel wrapped tightly around herself.

  Kim sat up. “I’m sorry,” she said, ashamed. “That’s not what I wanted.”

  Sonja picked up her belongings and left the room again, as wordlessly as she had the first time.

  Kim grabbed her bathrobe and threw it on. Sonja was standing in the bathroom, getting dressed. Kim stood in the doorway.

  “Sonja . . . please . . .” She raised her hands helplessly. “It will never happen again, I swear. And I’ll never ask again. I promise.”

  “And how have you kept the promises you made so far?” Sonja countered disparagingly, with only a brief glance at Kim as she continued to get dressed.

  “I know it was wrong. I was so . . .”

  “Jealous,” Sonja said. “We’ve been there before. In the parking garage. Almost the same situation. You’ll never learn. You can’t control yourself.”

  Kim considered her for a while, then turned away. “Maybe I really can’t. Not with you.”

  “What’s so special about me?” Sonja had finished dressing and stepped out of the bathroom. “You’ve been with plenty of women before, if I understand correctly. Did you treat all of them this way?”

  “No.” Kim turned around and surveyed Sonja’s face. Tenderness welled up in her.

  “Oh, so then I alone have that pleasure,” Sonja said sarcastically. “What an honor. The only woman you constantly feel obliged to rape. What luck.” She let out a hollow sound.

  “You’re right. You have every right to berate me.”

  “It does me no good to berate you.” Sonja went into the living room to retrieve her jacket.

  Kim remained standing and waited for her to come back.

  “The only thing that’ll do any good,” Sonja continued, “is simply to cut off any contact between us. I never should’ve started it up again.”

  “Maybe that would’ve been better,” Kim said.

  “Yes, maybe it would’ve.” Sonja gave Kim a grave look. “But I thought . . . when you let me sleep here . . . well.” She cut herself off. “It was nothing. I made a mistake just as much as you did.”

  �
�What did you think?”

  “It’s not important anymore.” Sonja went into the bedroom and looked around to see if she’d forgotten anything.

  “But for me . . . for me, it is important,” Kim said softly. “Please, tell me. I . . .” She raised a hand, helplessly. “It can’t do any more harm.”

  “Harm?” Sonja grimaced. “No, the harm is already done, you’re right about that. A confession won’t change anything.” She went to the apartment door. “I thought . . . well . . . that it was very nice of you. I expected something else, that’s all.” She opened the door.

  “Expected something else?” Kim frowned. “What did you expect?”

  “I’m sure you can imagine what,” Sonja replied, annoyed. “Don’t ask stupid questions.”

  “You thought I was just luring you to my apartment for sex, was that it?” Kim asked. “Even though I told you it wasn’t like that.”

  “Obviously, what you say isn’t always a hundred percent reliable. And yes, of course I thought that, what else?”

  “Yeah, what else.” Kim looked at her. “And it wasn’t entirely off-base. I really had to control myself.”

  “Then at least you managed it once. Congratulations.”

  “Sonja . . . I . . .” Kim took a step toward Sonja and stood in front of her. “Now that I’ve broken so many promises, I don’t have to keep this one, either.” She took a deep breath. “I love you, Sonja. I don’t know whether you can still believe that, but I truly love you. I love you like I’ve never loved another woman in my entire life. I know that won’t do any good anymore, but I hope you’ll believe me. Maybe I showed my love for you in the wrong way – I’m quite sure that’s true – but that doesn’t change the fact that I’ll never love another woman the way I love you.” Kim swallowed. “You’re my absolute dream woman. The one and only.”

  “Kim.” Sonja sighed. “What was the point of all that?” She sounded bored. “Don’t overdo it.”

  “I know . . .” Kim ran a hand through her hair. “You don’t want to hear anything about love, and perhaps . . . perhaps you’re right, if that’s supposed to be love, what –”

  “Love is just a word that is carelessly used and doesn’t mean anything. So don’t give me that. I don’t believe in it, and it’s a good thing, too, because then the disappointment would be even worse – every time.”