Forbidden Passion

by Ruth Gogoll

  That question kept coming up, over and over – and Sonja had refused to answer it.

  Kim took a deep breath. “I can’t say anything about that.” She sighed. “And that’s not me keeping a secret. I simply don’t know.”

  “It sounds like he’s up to something bad, and she could turn him in for it, but she doesn’t,” Jo mused. “But then why is she so worn out? If she were protecting him somehow, she’d have him wrapped around her little finger.”

  “That doesn’t matter to her . . . wouldn’t matter to her,” Kim said. “If it were like that.”

  “Most women . . . straight women, I mean . . . really like to have their men wrapped around their little fingers,” Jo pointed out. “We all know that.”

  “But she’s not like that,” Kim flared. “She’s –”

  “Yes?” Jennifer and Jo leaned forward at the same time, interested.

  “She’s exceptionally proper,” Kim finished stiffly. “She wouldn’t want that sort of relationship.” And what is she doing with me, then? What kind of relationship is that? she thought.

  “She could get a divorce.”

  “Damn it again, that’s her business, Jo!” Kim burst out loudly. Some of the other women present in the café turned to look at her. “It’s her business,” Kim repeated more quietly. “It’s none of our concern.”

  Jennifer tilted her head to one side. “Not yours, either?”

  Kim stood up. She looked down at Jennifer and Jo.

  “No, not mine, either.” She left.

  ~*~*~*~

  “Did we have a date?” Jo looked at Kim, astonished. She still held her jacket in her hand, which she had just been about to hang up. “This early on Monday morning?”

  “Ms. Mayrhofer, do you have –” Sonja came out of her office into the anteroom. She hesitated briefly. “Ah, Kim . . .” she said. “You’re here already.”

  “Seven o’clock.” Kim raised her wristwatch in the air with a smile. “On the dot.”

  “Astounding.” The corners of Sonja’s mouth seemed to twitch. “Ms. Mayrhofer,” she turned back to Jo. “Do you have that analysis from Friday?”

  “Sure,” Jo confirmed. “But I’d really like to hang up my jacket first. I just got here.”

  “Ah, yes . . .” Kim chuckled. “Good morning . . .” she turned slightly toward Sonja, “. . . all around.”

  “Good morning.” Sonja seemed confused. “I’m sorry, I’ve been here since five. It almost feels like midday to me now.”

  “Good morning,” Jo joined in the general greetings with a suppressed grin, then hung her jacket up in one closet and walked over to another one. She took out a folder, brought it to the desk, and opened it. She handed the page on top to Sonja. “Here. The analysis.”

  “Thank you.” Sonja was about to disappear back into her office with the paper.

  “Sonja?” Kim held her back.

  Sonja half turned, looking visibly impatient.

  “Are we putting off our departure?” Kim asked. “In that case, I’ll go get some coffee.”

  “Yes . . . yes, do that.” Again, Sonja turned toward her office.

  “Would you like some, too?” Kim asked. “If you’ve been here since five already.”

  “No.” This time, Sonja didn’t turn around. “I’ve had enough.” She went into her office.

  “I want one.” Jo grinned. “I’ll go with you.” They walked in silence until they got to the coffee vending machine. “Had a bad night, you two?” Jo inquired.

  “Don’t you have enough bruises already?” Kim asked in return. She pressed the button for an espresso.

  While the coffee machine droned loudly into action, Jo gave Kim a searching look. “She wasn’t with you last night?”

  “Have I ever answered that kind of question before?” Kim retorted with another counter-question. She took the paper cup with her espresso from the vending machine.

  “No. But I can always try. Maybe I’ll wear you down eventually.” Jo appeared to be in the best of moods. “Tell me, since when are you two on a first name basis in this work environment? Before now, it’s always been Ms. Wolff and Mrs. Kantner.”

  “Sonja . . . Mrs. Kantner doesn’t find that necessary anymore.”

  “So she finds . . .” Jo hadn’t expected this much amusement on a gray Monday morning. She was thrilled with the entertaining start to her week.

  “Jo.” Kim was getting annoyed. “Would you believe me if I promised you that she really wasn’t with me last night?”

  “Oh.” Jo took her coffee cup likewise from the vending machine. “Sounds like it could be true.”

  “It doesn’t just sound that way. And now . . . please . . . let’s drop the subject.”

  “And I would just have loved to know –” Jo broke off. “But no, you’re right. I don’t want to get on your nerves any more.”

  “Thank you. I’m deeply indebted to you for such consideration.”

  “If you keep making fun of me like that, I might change my mind.”

  They had arrived back at the office and went inside. Jo sat down at her desk.

  “It’s still strange.” Kim laughed. “I almost sat down at that same table. For a moment, I forgot this wasn’t my office.”

  “It hasn’t been that long, after all,” Jo said.

  The door to Sonja’s office stood open. Kim peeked inside and saw Sonja sitting at her desk. Like before, she thought. As though nothing had changed.

  Sonja lifted her head. “Come in.” When Kim entered, she added: “Close the door, please.”

  Kim raised her eyebrows and did what Sonja asked. She shut the door behind herself and turned around to face her. “Shall we discuss the project? What kinds of tasks did you have in mind for me?”

  “A lot. Probably more than you can manage with your ten or twenty percent.” Sonja stood up.

  Kim was about to toss her coffee cup into the trashcan when Sonja darted over to her. Her kiss came suddenly and was more than hungry. She pressed Kim against the wall.

  “Since five . . .” she breathed heavily, “I’ve been looking at the clock every minute. Those two hours were endless.”

  “S-sorry.” Kim was stuttering with surprise. “If I’d known, I would’ve come earlier.”

  “We had an appointment for seven, and you were punctual – surprisingly enough.” Sonja grinned. “I think that’s quite a compliment to me.”

  “I’m always punctual. Usually,” Kim qualified. “But actually –”

  “Yes, you’re a dutiful employee.” Sonja laughed softly. “I have no doubt whatsoever about that.” She examined Kim’s face. “It’s awful, but we have to get to work now.” She kissed Kim once again, her tongue promising so much more. Her hand slid down across Kim’s hips to her bottom –

  She tore herself away with a sudden jerk and walked quickly over to her desk. “The project.” Flushed, she brushed a lock of hair away from her cheek.

  “Yes, the project.” Kim took a deep breath. Then she just couldn’t do it anymore. “Sonja, you look wonderful,” she said quietly. She went up to Sonja and took her in her arms. “You’re the most beautiful woman I know.”

  “A woman who has to work,” Sonja replied with an effort. “Besides which, Ms. Mayrhofer could walk in here at any moment.”

  “Jo won’t do that.” Kim laughed softly. “And even if she did see us, it would just make her happy.”

  “You told her –?” Sonja pushed Kim away from her a little.

  “No.” Kim shook her head. “I didn’t. But there are no limits to her imagination. Not even you can do anything about that.”

  Sonja sighed. “I can’t, that’s true.” She looked at Kim. “But she won’t –?”

  “She won’t.” Kim caressed Sonja’s cheek. “Don’t worry. She may be curious, but she’s not a blabbermouth. You can trust her completely.”

  “I had that impression so far, too. But with things like this . . . sometimes you can’t count on continuing discretion.”


  Kim smiled, let go of Sonja, and went to the door. She opened it and stuck her head out. “Jo? Would you please forget everything you’ve heard and seen here today? And whatever you may see or hear in the future?”

  “Heard? Seen? What?” Jo’s patently amused voice asked in return. “I don’t know anything. I’m blind and deaf. They hired me through the program for people with disabilities.”

  Kim shut the door and turned back to Sonja. “Did you hear?” She grinned.

  “Oh my God.” Sonja sat down behind her desk, propping her arms on it and laying her face in her hands. “This is so embarrassing.”

  “Not at all. “ Kim went over to her. “Believe me, you don’t need to worry about anything. I just wanted to prove it to you.”

  Sonja raised her face slightly above her hands and looked at Kim. “Do you always act that way with each other? I mean, is that normal?”

  “If that were normal, the two of us wouldn’t be –” Kim motioned with a finger from her chest to Sonja, and back. “Jo is a good friend. And she’s in a relationship with my best friend of many years, Jennifer. If you can trust anyone, it’s her.” She crouched next to Sonja and caressed her hair. “Is this truly so awful for you? We all know each other. That’s just the way it is.”

  “We . . . you . . .” Sonja cleared her throat. “You mean, all women who . . . women who –” She broke off.

  “– love other women,” Kim finished. She knew Sonja didn’t want to say it out loud. “Yes, all of us, we lesbians.”

  Sonja flinched. “Is it . . . I mean . . . does everyone already know –” She seemed confused.

  “No.” Kim laughed and caressed Sonja’s shoulder. “No one knows. Only Jo and Jennifer. That was unavoidable. They practically witnessed it from the start, after all, when I didn’t even know that you . . . and I . . . you know.”

  “Do you always tell each other everything as soon as it happens?” Sonja straightened up and sat back in her executive chair. She looked reluctantly at Kim. “Was I the topic of conversation among all the regulars at the bar?”

  “No, no.” Kim stood up and looked down at Sonja. “Not at all. Jennifer just happened to grill me back then, when I’d just returned from the seminar. I was . . . well . . . pretty mixed up.”

  “You were mixed up?” Sonja looked astonished. “For you that was completely normal. I mean, I . . . it wasn’t for me, but you’d had some experience already.”

  “There are experiences and then there are experiences.” Kim reached for the arms of Sonja’s chair, turned her toward herself and leaned over her. “I’d had experiences with women, but not with you,” she said softly, holding Sonja’s gaze.

  Sonja moved uneasily in her chair, trying to evade Kim’s eye. “Isn’t it always the same?” She stared over Kim’s shoulder at the opposite wall.

  “Oh, no.” Kim kissed her tenderly on the cheek. “You’re something very special, I’ve told you that before. And I felt that way about you back then, too.”

  “Because I’d never been with another woman before?” Sonja asked, still not turning to face Kim’s gaze.

  Kim shook her head. “You weren’t the first like that. I think I’ve indicated that before.”

  “Yes.” Sonja cleared her throat. “I remember. But –” She gave Kim a sort of evaluating look from the side. “If it wasn’t that, what was it? I still don’t understand.”

  “You, Sonja!” Kim laughed. “It was you! What else?” She leaned down and brushed a kiss onto Sonja’s lips. “You are a wonderful woman, don’t you know that?” She smiled tenderly at Sonja.

  “I’ve had my doubts lately,” Sonja murmured, almost more to herself than to Kim.

  “What’s wrong, love?” Kim became serious. “Tell me. Something is weighing you down – it was weighing you down even then. Otherwise we might never have come together. Only because you cried –”

  “I cried?” Sonja looked up at her, alarmed.

  “Don’t you remember? In the hotel? You had a bad dream – I think.”

  “A bad dream . . . yes.” Sonja stared ahead in silence.

  Kim straightened up. “You don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. I did promise not to ask.”

  Sonja pushed her chair back and stood up. “I . . . Some things aren’t so simple.” She flipped through some files on her desk, although she obviously wasn’t really seeing them.

  “You aren’t exactly happily married, are you?”

  Sonja glanced briefly at Kim. “No. But I am married. And I have to take that into consideration.”

  “Your feelings don’t matter?” Kim raised her eyebrows.

  Sonja laughed dryly. “My feelings? Least of all!”

  “That must be awful for you.” Kim could see the burden in Sonja’s face and felt helpless. “Can’t I do anything? Help you somehow?” She raised her hands.

  “Help?” A faint smile crept over Sonja’s lips. “I can’t be helped. I have only myself to blame.” Her smile became soft and loving. “You’re already helping me enough. With the project, and . . . well, in other ways, too.”

  “Other ways?” Kim smiled, too. She stepped up to Sonja. “What do you mean by that?”

  “You know . . .” Sonja seemed embarrassed.

  Kim pulled her closer and kissed her. “Is this what you mean?” she whispered against her lips.

  Beep! “Mrs. Kantner?” Jo’s voice squawked out of the intercom. “I don’t mean to be pushy, but your meeting is in twenty minutes.”

  “Oh . . . yes.” Sonja twisted out of Kim’s arms and pressed the talk button. “Thank you, Ms. Mayrhofer. I’ll be right out.” She looked down at the desk, on which a great many papers lay. “And I haven’t even told you what you’re supposed to do on the project. You’ll have to find out in the meeting. I called it especially so that we could discuss the new situation. The new concept . . . and the fact that you’re involved now. That’s important, too, after all.”

  “Nice of you to see it that way.” Kim smiled. “The meeting’s in the conference building?”

  “Yes. And I’m not even finished with half of it.” Sonja sighed. “It’s all just too much.”

  “Explain the most critical parts to me on the way.” Kim gathered up the papers. “Is this all?” She held up the packet.

  Sonja nodded. Then she frowned. “One more thing . . .” She went over to one of her filing cabinets and pulled out a file folder. “We should take this with us, too. Then I think we’ve got everything.”

  “Good.” Kim nodded. “Let’s go.”

  Sonja went to the door and opened it. “I’ll be unavailable for the next two hours, Ms. Mayrhofer,” she said to Jo. “After that, I’ll be on my cell. We’ll leave directly from the conference room.”

  “Understood.” Jo nodded in confirmation. “I’ll hold the fort.” She winked at Kim.

  Kim shook her head in reproof. She bent over to Jo as she walked past her.

  “It’s not what you think,” she whispered to her.

  “I don’t get paid to think.” Jo grinned.

  Kim grinned back and followed Sonja out of the room.

  She could still hear when the telephone rang and Jo picked it up.

  “No, Mr. Kantner, your wife isn’t here,” Jo greeted the caller. “She’s in a meeting right now.”

  – 2 –

  “Rolf! Am I ever glad you’re back!” Kim greeted Rolf Winkelmann by embracing him heartily.

  “If you want to bring on my next heart attack, just keep that up.” Rolf laughed. “You’re practically crushing me to death.”

  Kim stepped back in alarm. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know – are you still feeling poorly?”

  “No.” Rolf winked at her. “After everything I went through with the therapists in the rehab facility, I’m as fit as a three hundred dollar gym shoe. But I still have to breathe, Kim!” He glanced over at Kim’s desk. “The work hasn’t let up at all, I see.”

  “I know. I warned you.” Kim sighed. “T
o do this right, I really should have hired some more people, but the budget . . .”

  Rolf waved her away. “I’m very familiar with that argument. Service twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, but you don’t need people for that. The leprechauns will do it.”

  “Yes, more or less.” Kim laughed. “But first, sit down here – this is yours!” She indicated the chair from she’d jumped up from when Rolf entered the office. “I’ll go back to my old office.”

  “It’s not quite that simple.” Rolf furrowed his brow and looked at her. “I’m not coming back to work full-time again, and I’m not going to keep working for much longer, either. I think you’d better just keep this office. After everything you’ve accomplished over the last six months, there can hardly be any doubt that you’ll be my successor.”

  Kim stared at him. “No, Rolf, that’s – I’m just your temporary stand-in, really, that’s all.”

  “You’re much more.” Rolf smiled. “You have been from the beginning. You know I’ve always viewed you as my successor, I just hadn’t thought –” He sighed. “I just hadn’t thought it would happen so soon.”

  Kim frowned. “And if I don’t agree?”

  “Don’t be silly, Kim. Then they’ll hire someone else to replace me, and I don’t want that, for the company or for you. I’m taking early retirement, one way or another. Margit is very happy about it. And actually . . . actually, so am I.” Rolf took an all-encompassing look around the office. “It took my being in rehab to realize that work isn’t everything. I knew that before, too, but living without work for months really made it clear to me for the first time. I didn’t miss it. Not the stress, not the irritated customers, not the overwhelmed employees and clueless superiors demanding I do pointless things. That all seems so unnecessary now.” He gave Kim a fatherly smile. “You’re young. You still have it all in front of you. And I think it’s a lot of fun for you. I enjoyed it, too, and I had a good, long run. But sooner or later, it’s got to stop. Margit and I want to buy a little house in the Camargue, where we’ve always gone on vacation. We want to make a permanent move there.”