Forbidden Passion

by Ruth Gogoll

  “Maybe the rest of her family really doesn’t exist,” Kim supposed. “Maybe it’s just her and her brother. Orphans.”

  “Could be,” Jennifer said. “But like I said, I don’t quite believe that. Sometimes I get the feeling . . . she wants to tell me something about it, but then she doesn’t.”

  “Maybe she just needs more time.”

  “Yeah.” Jennifer sank into reflective silence. “I’m like Doris Day,” she said then, suddenly.

  “What?” Kim gave her a dumbfounded look. If there was anyone Jennifer didn’t remotely resemble, it was Doris Day.

  “I want to know before the wedding. That’s what I mean. I think people should say everything before getting married. They shouldn’t keep any secrets from each other.”

  “That’s reasonable.” Kim thought of Sonja. Her secrets didn’t exactly seem to be good for their relationship, either. “When people get married, they should know everything about each other. Otherwise they really do wind up in a Doris Day kind of comedy afterwards.”

  “If it’s even a comedy,” Jennifer said. “It could be a tragedy, instead.”

  “That, too.” Kim never would’ve assumed that she’d be thinking such things in connection with Jo. Jo had always seemed so certain, so self-assured, so bold and playful. But perhaps that was more illusion than reality. Perhaps she kept herself laughing to keep from crying. “You don’t think there’s any point in trying again to talk to her about it?”

  “Why won’t you talk to me for once?”

  Jennifer’s and Kim’s heads shot up simultaneously. They both expected to see Jo, but it wasn’t Jo.

  “You’re avoiding me on purpose, aren’t you?” The blonde glaring at Jennifer looked very young, not even eighteen.

  “Um . . . I . . . I haven’t had time. I haven’t been to the women’s café much lately,” Jennifer stammered, taken by surprise.

  Kim watched the two of them with amusement. If she was interpreting it correctly, this girl was one of Jennifer’s virgins, whom she’d initiated into the joys of love. And as young as she looked, that couldn’t have been terribly long ago. Perhaps right before Jennifer met Jo. Because after that, she’d lost interest in that sort of thing.

  “I wanted to see you again, but you never gave me a chance,” the blonde complained.

  “I’m sorry.” Jennifer had apparently recovered again. “But I really didn’t have time –”

  “Didn’t have time or didn’t want to?” the other woman interrupted her. “You have the time for her.” She was pointing at Kim.

  “Kim is an old friend. We’ve known each other forever,” Jennifer defended herself, wondering at the same time why she was bothering. Did this woman have any claims on her whatsoever?

  “Do you sleep with her, too?” The woman’s blue eyes flashed behind the retort.

  “Hold on there . . .” Jennifer looked up at her, indignant. “What business is that of yours?”

  “What business is it of mine?” The girl gaped at Jennifer as though she’d just hit her. “We slept together!”

  Jennifer’s brow furrowed. She seemed to be having some trouble recalling that. “Um . . . yeah.”

  “That’s all you have to say for yourself?” The young woman was working herself into a frenzy; her face was covered in red splotches.

  “I . . .” Jennifer raised her hands in apology. “I am really sorry . . .”

  “You’re sorry you slept with me?” The blonde looked like she was about to burst into tears.

  “No, I –” Jennifer seemed overwhelmed.

  “Calm down for a minute.” Kim stood up and tried to place an arm around the shoulders of the blonde woman.

  The blonde shook her off forcefully. “Don’t touch me! I don’t need your sympathy!” She raised one arm and pointed her finger at Jennifer. “I want her to remember me. She should say what it meant to her!”

  Oh, God, Kim thought.

  Jennifer looked pretty confused.

  “It meant nothing to you! Nothing!” Now the tears the outraged girl had been suppressing were flowing freely. They coursed down her cheeks in long, wet streams. “You don’t even remember my name, do you?”

  Jennifer arched her eyebrows apologetically. Apparently, that was true. She did not, in fact, remember.

  “Felicity!” the blonde girl sobbed. “You said . . . you said it was the prettiest name in the world!”

  “Felicity.” Jennifer repeated the name quickly. “Of course, Felicity.”

  Felicity wailed. “You . . . you . . . you’re . . . a monster!”

  Despite her protests, Kim grasped Felicity firmly by the shoulders. “Calm down, Felicity,” she repeated urgently. “You need to calm down. This won’t do you any good.”

  Felicity suddenly seemed to respond to Kim’s voice. “What good is it supposed to do?” she whispered exhausted, still broken by sobs. “Nothing does any good.” She tore herself from Kim’s grip and ran away, out of the café.

  “Phew!” Kim watched her go, then sat down again. “That was intense.”

  Jennifer took a deep breath. “Wait ‘til one of your exes shows up.”

  “Nothing like that has ever happened to me, thank God,” Kim said. “But I haven’t specialized in virgins quite the way you have.”

  “That’s not true at all. They’re attracted to me, somehow,” Jennifer defended herself. “But until now, they’ve always understood that I wasn’t intending to get involved. They got that, and they went looking for someone else. I’ve had no quarrel with any of them.” She cast another glance at the spot where Felicity had just been standing. “Definitely nothing like that.”

  “She’s just so young. You were her first. And you know what they say . . .”

  “You never forget your first, yeah, yeah.” Jennifer shook her head. “It’s all baloney. Do you still remember the first woman you slept with?”

  “Well, yes, I do. It’s been quite a while, true, but still . . .”

  “Okay, sure, I remember, too.” Jennifer sighed. “But I don’t blame her for anything because of it.”

  “That girl is in love with you,” Kim pointed out, “that’s probably the difference.”

  “I was . . . in love, too,” Jennifer said. “At least I thought so. At that age, you don’t have any idea what that means yet.”

  “From the height of your hundred years of wisdom, of course it looks different.” Kim laughed. “You’re exactly the same age I am. And I think we’re still pretty young.”

  “Of course we are, but a couple of years’ experience makes a big difference. Don’t you think?”

  Kim nodded. “She’ll calm down, she’ll find a girl her own age, and everything will be fine again.”

  “Let’s hope so. Otherwise I really will feel like I’m in a Doris Day movie.”

  “‘The prettiest name in the world?’” Kim chuckled.

  “Tcha . . .” Jennifer shrugged, embarrassed. “I’m not exactly the most original when it comes to compliments.”

  “It doesn’t matter that much with virgins.” Kim grinned. “They’re hearing it all for the first time.”

  “Maybe that’s why it was always so easy with them,” Jennifer pondered. “You may be right about that.”

  “I’m not questioning your powers of seduction.” Kim lifted her hands. “That’s not how I meant it.” She gazed into space. “We were all like that once. That naïve, I mean. We had no experience, we thought the first time would be true love . . . Time puts things in a different perspective.”

  “Does it?” Jennifer looked at Kim. “I think true love comes when you least expect it. By surprise.” She hesitated. “Do you love Sonja? I mean really. Completely and utterly.”

  Kim smiled. “You and Jo, you love each other completely and utterly. Anyone can notice that. I never would’ve thought I’d ever see that look in your eyes.” She leaned back. “Yes, I love Sonja,” she confessed. “But it’s difficult. If I could be with her . . . like you and Jo . . .”
r />   “She’d have to be free, for that.”

  “Free. Yeah.” Kim stared into space. “True love comes by surprise, you’re right. And it pays no attention to little details like that.”

  ~*~*~*~

  “Oh-ho, so you’re getting promoted again already?” A woman’s murmur snaked its way into Kim’s ear from behind.

  Kim rolled her eyes before turning around with a friendly smile. “Only because Mr. Winkelmann is retiring unexpectedly, due to his medical condition.”

  “Who knows what caused that condition.” This face with the hard eyes didn’t fit at all with the murmuring voice, which suggested meekness. Helmke Grotenauer-Albrecht’s dyed red hair was carefully coiffed and cemented in place with hairspray.

  Kim arched her eyebrows. “What do you mean to imply by that?”

  “Oh, everybody knows.” Helmke had long been responsible for all the company’s gossip and intrigue. “Older man . . . young woman . . . who works under . . . I mean, for him.”

  “I’m warning you, Helmke. If you keep spreading rumors like that, one of them might come back to bite you.”

  “I have nothing to hide,” Helmke said confidently. “No one can do anything to me.”

  Yes, the skeletons in your closet are all still alive, Kim thought. Or at least most of them. “It isn’t even definite that I’ll be Mr. Winkelmann’s replacement,” she said.

  “Oh, no? I have other information about that.” Kim’s words bounced off Helmke as if she were a rubber wall.

  Where did she get her information? Kim wondered. Helmke seemed to know what was going on with everything and everyone, even though everyone hated her and supposedly, no one told her anything. She had her methods. Whoever hired her hadn’t done the company any favors.

  “If and when it’s definite, it will be officially announced,” Kim said calmly. “Until then, nothing’s certain.”

  “Won’t you miss him, your . . . boss?” Helmke stretched out the pause so long that Kim could’ve practically sued her for slander.

  “He’ll be a great loss to the company,” Kim replied, composed. “His valuable experience is irreplaceable.”

  “You seem to possess astounding abilities,” Helmke went on. “You’d never know it to look at you. But your bosses can hardly contain their enthusiasm. Even Mrs. Kantner –”

  Kim’s self-control was about to run out. “Promotions are never decided by just one person. Upper management makes those decisions as a group.”

  “Based on a recommendation.” Helmke needled her some more. “Always based on a recommendation. Which is usually made by your boss. If you have a good relationship with him. You seem to have that with all your bosses.”

  “I was with the company for years without being promoted once.”

  “Maybe you hadn’t let your true talents show yet,” Helmke surmised spitefully.

  “Where your true talents lie, at least, is clear. Not in your work.” Kim wondered why Helmke hadn’t been fired long ago, but her special methods probably helped her in that respect.

  “How can you possibly claim to have any basis for judging that?” Helmke asked. “We’ve never worked together.”

  Thank heaven, Kim thought. “You can request a transfer to my department, if that’s so important to you,” she remarked with a sweet smile. “When I finally am the department head, I’d be glad to consider it.”

  She turned around and continued on her way out of the cafeteria, where Helmke had intercepted her. Kim had eaten lunch with Rolf. Rolf had already left for home – since his heart attack, he no longer stretched out the meal by drinking coffee. Kim had remained to drain her coffee cup in peace.

  Had she not done that, Helmke probably wouldn’t have caught her. But you couldn’t have everything.

  When she reached the street, she stopped short. Hadn’t Sonja said that her off-site appointments today would keep her away until well into the evening? And now she was crossing the street in front of the main building? She was heading away from Kim, who ran to catch up with her.

  She tapped Sonja on the shoulder. “Got you!” she said, laughing.

  Sonja turned around. “How dare you?” Her eyes flashed at Kim as though she wanted to strike her.

  “Sonja.” Was she mistaken again, like the last time, from the window? Kim looked at the face, so well-known to her. Sonja. Yes, it was definitely she. She couldn’t be mistaken from so close. “What’s the matter?”

  “I would ask you the same thing, madam.” Sonja frowned in her own unique manner. She was wearing a dress that Kim hadn’t seen on her before, but she bought new clothes often enough. “What do you want from me?”

  “What . . . what’s wrong, Sonja? What did I do?”

  “You’re assaulting me in the middle of the day in the middle of the street. I don’t know what you mean by your question, but I won’t tolerate your assault.” Sonja’s voice hissed furiously.

  Like back when, Kim thought. At the very beginning. She was always refusing to tolerate things then, too. Have we gone back to that? She was irritated and confused. Apologetically, she raised her hands. “If you don’t want me to touch you, okay. I’ll be good. I was just having lunch with Rolf,” she added. “If you’d said you were going to be back sooner . . . I’ll see you this evening, then.”

  Sonja’s mood seemed to waver between fury and amusement. The corners of her lips twitched. “Is there something more you want from me?”

  “So I won’t see you?”

  Sonja shook her head, turned around, and walked away.

  Kim stayed behind, confused, and watched her go. Sonja sometimes went through phases when she couldn’t stand having Kim touch her in public, even when it happened completely innocently. But she didn’t normally become so cold and distant. She simply moved away, or asked Kim not to touch her.

  That evening Kim was at home sitting in an armchair reading when the doorbell rang. She looked up. Hadn’t Sonja said she wasn’t coming? It could hardly be anyone else at this hour.

  She stood up and pressed the buzzer to unlock the door. Right away she heard rapid footsteps coming up the stairs. Sonja never walked slowly; it wasn’t in her nature.

  Sonja’s glossy mane appeared above the landing as she ran up the last few steps. She laughed in Kim’s direction. “Sorry I’m so late. I’m sure you were expecting me earlier.” She brushed a kiss onto Kim’s cheek, then breezed past its bewildered owner into the apartment.

  “I wasn’t expecting you at all, actually.” Kim shut the door behind her. “I thought you weren’t coming.”

  “But . . .” Sonja turned to face Kim and frowned. “Didn’t we have a date?”

  “Yes. This morning, you said we’d see each other, but then at lunchtime, you’d changed your mind.”

  “Lunchtime?” Sonja looked at Kim as though she doubted her sanity. “Who told you that?”

  “You did.” Kim’s confusion grew. “When we ran into each other outside the cafeteria . . .”

  “Outside what cafeteria?” Sonja shook her head. “I wasn’t in any cafeteria. I was out and about all day long.”

  Kim looked more closely at Sonja. She was wearing one of her suits, not the dress from this afternoon. There was something bizarre about the whole thing. When Sonja was supposedly out and about all day, was she, then, really out? Kim was slowly starting to doubt it.

  “Would you rather I left, Kim? If I’m bothering you . . .”

  “No, you’re not bothering me.” Kim smiled at Sonja. “I’m glad you came.” She didn’t dare to touch Sonja, because she was remembering the blazing eyes of this afternoon.

  Sonja approached her. “If you don’t kiss me immediately, I’m going to smack you.” The little crinkles of a grin were forming in the corners of her eyes.

  Kim drew Sonja into her arms and sought her lips. They were so soft and sweet; nothing had changed about that. Every time was a new, intoxicating experience.

  Sonja pressed up against Kim while, at the same time, taking off
her own jacket. “Sometimes I think these off-site meetings are going to kill me,” she whispered. “Not a single word from you, not a look . . . I can’t touch you . . . I need you a hundred percent of the time, not just ten.” While Kim continued kissing her, Sonja pulled down the zipper on her skirt and let it drop. “Come . . .” She pulled Kim down onto the floor with her.

  Kim lay on top of her and smiled down at her. “I really ought to think about putting a bed here, right next to the door. As often as we –”

  “I don’t need a bed.” Sonja’s lips reached hungrily for Kim’s.

  Obviously, she’s fundamentally changed her mind since this afternoon, Kim thought. Whatever had been up with her then. Sonja’s tongue probed Kim’s mouth as though she were trying to suck sweet honey from it.

  Kim moaned and forgot everything that had happened before this intoxicating moment. “Sonja . . .”

  Sonja’s fingers caressed Kim’s breasts, and even though she was still fully dressed, Kim felt her touch as if on naked skin. She unbuttoned Sonja’s blouse and sank into her breasts.

  Sonja sighed and writhed beneath her. “Yes,” she breathed. “Please . . . come . . .”

  By now, Kim knew precisely what Sonja expected of her, and she was expecting the same in return. She slid her fingers into Sonja’s panties, opened her steaming center, and brought her quickly to a climax.

  Sonja stiffened only briefly and remained where she lay; her hands tugged Kim’s shirt out of her pants and wandered first up her back, then down again. Her fingers felt their way under the tight waistband and massaged Kim’s bottom. “I love caressing you there,” she whispered hoarsely. “You’re so solid and strong.”

  Kim bit her lip. Sonja knew what her touch unleashed in Kim – that’s why she did it, after all – but Kim wanted to draw things out a little longer.

  Sonja’s hands pressed Kim against her, and she thrust one leg upwards. “Come . . .” Her voice was husky. “I want to have you.”

  “I wish I could get undressed first, for once,” Kim squeaked out laboriously. Her hips were moving of their own volition, in answer to Sonja’s pressure.