Something Precious

by M. Clarke

  Yesterday, I had stopped by her office and placed a letter on Judy’s desk. I had slipped it between a couple of files. Had she read the letter? Was that the reason she was here? A little bit of hope sparked within me. I didn’t know what to do so I waited to see what she would do next. Turning her gaze away from me, she spotted Becky, but Becky was looking at Addy. She gave a half smile and turned in the opposite direction. She was leaving? NO! NO! NO!

  Rachel

  All day yesterday I had contemplated whether to attend the party. After promising Jace that I would try, I gave it a lot of thought, but the more I thought about it, the more confused I became. Pride and hurt were what caused me to stay away. Though I knew I would eventually have to face Chloe and Jax, I didn’t want to do it in front of everyone—everyone who knew what she’d tried to do. And, in an unfair way, I blamed Jax. And the uncertainty of Chloe being pregnant added more reasons why I shouldn’t be there.

  Holding my head high, I decided to show up toward the end of the party so at least I could show my face to Jace and give him his birthday present. I knew they were done with the gym part, so I took a peek in the party window. What I saw before me tore my already wounded heart to pieces. Jace was squashed between Chloe and Jax, and they wore happy smiles on their faces. They looked like a happy family. This was what Jace needed, and maybe Jax too.

  The flash caused me to blink my eyes, and that’s when Jax’s eyes met mine. He stared at me, surprised to see me. I couldn’t tell if he was glad to see me, not that it mattered. I had heard his messages on my phone that he missed me, but I never replied because I was still uncertain about us. And I wasn’t sure if that had pissed him off or he’d decided to move on. I glanced around farther and spotted Becky and Addy. Seeing them made me smile, but I backed away from the window when I realized the guests could tell who I was. When Jax didn’t smile or give me any gestures that I was welcomed, I grabbed hold of the bike handles and headed back to my car.

  “Rachel,” I heard Jax’s voice. “You’re here.” He sounded relieved.

  I halted, feeling like a little schoolgirl who had gotten her heart crushed. Why did it have to hurt so badly to hear his voice? When I’d heard his voice on the phone, I could dismiss it as if it were a stranger calling me. But here, right at this moment, when we were able to be face to face for the first time since I took off, there were no words to describe my ache.

  My back was still to him and I didn’t turn. I just stood frozen, unable to say a word. Jax came around in front of me, blocking me from going anywhere.

  “Rachel. Look at me,”he demanded softly.“Please.”

  I looked up, but I couldn’t hold his gaze. Even when I was furious with him, he gave me pleasant shivers. I wanted to jump into his arms, but I had to control my urge that was mixed with missing and lusting for him.“I wanted to give this bike to Jace. Can you give it to him?”

  To my surprise, he said,“No. You give it to him yourself. You don’t answer my calls. You act like we don’t matter. So, no—you go in there and give the bike to him. He loves you. And you’re hurting all of us.”

  My lips started to tremble, and my eyes burned with tears I was trying to keep at bay.“You hurt us the second you let her back into our lives.”

  Jax placed his hand on my hand that was tightly gripping the handle.“That’s not fair. I swear I didn’t cheat on you. I would never do that to you. I’m not that kind of a man. You know me.”

  I yanked my hand back as if his touch could burn me.“Do I? I bet you wanted to. The reason you let her stay in our house. You know how she is and how manipulative she can be, but you let her. You picked her over me. Maybe your brain is saying one thing, but your heart is saying something else. You can’t have us both.”

  “I let her in for Jace. I swear, Rachel. You’ve got to believe me.”His tone was desperate, and no matter how much I wanted to believe him, I couldn’t. My heart was too broken—and so were my trust, my pride, and us.

  “So what do you say?”he asked hesitantly.

  I parted my lips to speak, but I had to stop when I heard that innocent little voice.

  “Rachel?”

  I whipped around to see Jace by the door.

  “Rachel! Rachel is here! Rachel is here!”

  His excitement made me smile. This was just great. I couldn’t leave if I wanted too.“Jace. I’m here as promised.”I wiped the tears before they fell and tried to sound as happy as he was.

  “Is that for me?” he asked with wide eyes.

  “Yes, it is.”

  I entered with him, wheeling the bike inside.

  “This is Rachel, everyone,”Jace said with enthusiasm to the room of people, especially to his friends.

  “Hi.”I waved to his friends.

  When I turned to greet the adults, the unavoidable happened—the first person I had to make eye contact with was Chloe. She scowled at me and slowly took a step back. She must have come out from the party room to see what the commotion was all about.

  My sister, Jenna, Matthew, Max, and few others I knew gave me a hug. I also noticed that Shane wasn’t there. He had texted me the night before, saying that he wasn’t sure if he could make it. He also apologized for what had happened recently in my life and added that if I needed anything, I could turn to him. Not wanting to give him the wrong signals, I didn’t call him back.

  “That’s a cool Ninja Turtle bike, Jace,”Jacob, one of his friends, said.

  Jace grinned at me, awarding me with his cute dimples.“I know. Rachel gave it to me. She’s the best.”

  I could see fire blazing out of Chloe’s head, if that was possible.

  “I’m glad you showed up.”Becky snaked around me from behind with Addy.“I was going to commit homicide. The B was driving me insane. I can’t stand to be in the same room with her.”Her cheeks turned red from anger.

  “Same here,”Jenna agreed, leaning closer to us. She’d been eavesdropping. I didn’t mind though. As petty as it sounded, I needed others to talk shit about her so I could release my tension over being there.

  “I know it’s been a week, but have you decided? Don’t be stubborn like me, Rachel,”Becky warned with an arch of her brows.“Only I get to be stubborn.”

  Matthew wrapped his arm around her waist from behind and kissed her cheek.“We all know you are, babe,”he chuckled.

  “Talk about being stubborn….”Max appeared beside Jenna.“Matthew might win the trophy. I almost killed him when we were in high school.”

  “Well, I wanted to kill Becky,”I said, giggling. I couldn’t believe I let out a laugh. It felt good to laugh and it felt good to have family support. They surrounded me like a protective shield.

  Chapter 23

  Rachel

  I snuck out of there with Becky and Jenna’s help. I didn’t want Jax to corner me, and I didn’t want to cause a scene. It felt so awkward to see Chloe, especially after what she’d tried to do, but I still didn’t know what the whole truth was. It would have to come from Chloe—like that would ever happen. Not that I didn’t believe Jax, but I knew he would say whatever he could to get me back. I just couldn’t shake the thought of their naked bodies touching in our bed.

  I had to admit, seeing Jax hurt me so much, more than I had thought it would. I loved him, that I knew for sure, but my heart was so wounded I couldn’t deal with it. Becky and Matthew had been wonderful, taking me in, but I couldn’t stay there any longer. So I decided to check into a hotel near work. Becky was mad at me for doing it, but I didn’t want to trouble her. If the roles were reversed, I would have been mad at her too, but I guess sometimes I was more stubborn than she was.

  Melissa contacted me to let me know she was in town and wanted to meet up. We set the date for Thursday after work. As I sat at my office desk, looking over the schedule and the calendar, I realized two things: One, it had only been a week and a half, yet it seemed like months had passed since I’d moved out. And two, I was more than a week late.

  Jax and I hadn
’t needed to use protection because I was on the birth control pill; however, I had recently come off of them. It was recommended that I stop taking them months before we would start trying to have a baby. I had wanted to surprise him when the time was right.

  I had made sure when we had sex that I was not ovulating. There were occasions when I was late from stress, and being under extreme distress recently, I thought perhaps my hormones were acting crazy as well. Regardless, I needed to be sure, just in case. I would get a pregnancy test after work.

  Jonah was messaging nonstop and kept sending flowers to me at work. My text back to him stating that I wouldn’t see him was ignored. He was starting to become stalkish. I had to put an end to this once and for all.

  It had been extremely slow at work today. The anxiety brought on by the possibility that I might be pregnant was a huge distraction and I couldn’t focus. Thank God I didn’t have any photo shoots today. I mostly looked at samples, choosing the best ones to send off to Matthew’s department.

  After stopping by CVS, I went back to the hotel and ripped open the pregnancy test with my trembling hands. As I was reading the instructions, my heart pounded against my chest. Blood rushed through me so fast and I felt scorching hot. Taking off my sweater, I finished reading and then took the test.

  It was the longest minute of my life. Pacing, I had no idea how I would feel. If I was pregnant, would I be happy about it? If I wasn’t, would I be disappointed? A part of me felt giddy, and a tingling sensation coursed through me. Then, unable to control my pulse, my whole body palpitated like a heartbeat then tightened. Looking at my watch, I noticed only thirty seconds had gone by. Ugh!Why did time go by so slow when you didn’t want it to?

  I unclenched my jaw when I felt pain in my bottom lip. It was time to read the test, but I couldn’t turn my head to the counter. It will be fine. I can do this. After a few long deep breaths, I slowly looked down. Positive? Positive! I was pregnant! I stared...and stared...and stared. Maybe I was reading it wrong? I checked the instructions again, and then continued to stare blankly, unsure of how I felt.

  I gently caressed my stomach as if I could somehow touch the miracle inside me. Oh my God!I was carrying Jax’s baby. As I let the news settle and came to a realization of the result, I suddenly felt a rush of joy that was indescribable. Sure, I had expressed not wanting a child anytime soon, but it didn’t mean I didn’t want one. I wanted to have one when I thought I was ready, when life settled down, after we got married. But now, I’d come to believe that there would never be a right time. Life would never be still. We would always be busy, and something would always come up. That was life.

  I had to tell Jax, but not over the phone. Somehow, all that anger had subsided. Although I was still hurt, I knew in time it would mend as long as Jax and I could work things out. Rubbing my stomach again I asked,“Are you a boy or a girl?”Laughing at myself, I couldn’t believe my lips curled into a smile and an unexpected feeling of joy and warmth filled my heart. Until...my stupid brain busted my bubble, reminding me that Chloe might be pregnant.

  What the hell do I do? What would Jax do? My little glimpse of happiness had turned into anxiousness and pain again. What had I done? What had my body done? I needed answers, and I needed to get to the bottom of this. No more running away, no more sulking. It was time to end this misery and fix the problem. Somehow this little life inside me had made me stronger, determined, and protective.

  We need to talk. Can we meet? I texted Jax.

  I’m out of town until Thursday night. Can we talk on the phone?

  No, I’d rather meet face to face.

  Can we meet Friday? If this is important, I’ll fly back tomorrow. I need to talk to you too.

  It can wait. See you Friday.

  See you Friday. I’m glad you want to talk. I miss you.

  I didn’t text back. Instead, I texted Becky: Are you home?

  Yes.

  I’m coming over. It’s urgent.

  Becky opened the door. “Rachel, is everything okay?”

  I glanced around as I entered. “Where are Matthew and Addy?”

  “Matthew is tucking Addy into bed.”

  Without another second to lose, I said softly, “I’m pregnant.”

  Becky stared at me; not a muscle twitched. Finally, she blinked and led me to the sofa. “Did you tell Jax?”

  “I just found out.”

  Becky studied my face. “How do you feel about it?”

  I sobbed. I’d never been this emotional before, and I’d never been in this situation before. It must have been from the increased hormones. “I don’t know,” I gasped.

  “Oh, Rachel.”She embraced me and then let go when I pulled away.

  After I wiped my tears, I looked up at her.“I feel like I want to throw up.”

  Becky brushed the strand of hair away from my eyes.“I can understand how you feel. You need to talk to Jax. This has gone on far too long. It isn’t good for you or the baby. Did you take a pregnancy test?”

  I nodded.“It’s confirmed. But what if Chloe is pregnant? Oh, God!I want to throw up.”

  Becky’s brows pinched at the center and her lips pursed. She looked so pissed off.“I bet she’s making it up. You really think Jax cheated on you? You’ve got to stand back and look at the whole picture. The only picture you can see is the one you saw when you found Chloe in your bed. The only thing Jax did wrong was to believe someone like her could change. He wanted to believe that Chloe had changed, not for him, but for Jace. Not to say your thoughts and feelings don’t count, but people without children have no idea what it’s like to be a parent. They have no business giving their two cents on how to raise a child. You reallydon’t know what it’s like unless you’re a parent.”

  Maybe Becky was right. Come to think of it, I knew deep down that Becky was right. But there was no way of knowing if Chloe was pregnant. And it was up to me to end this. But oh God! What if she was?Feeling unpleasant bubbles raise from my stomach to my throat, a bitter taste filled my mouth. I had told Becky that I wanted to throw up, but she didn’t know I meant it literally.

  “You’re right.”I stood up.

  Becky looked shocked.“You’ve finally come to your senses. Don’t let pride and anger get in the way of your happiness. I know what that’s like. I’ve been there. I know you’re not that experienced with relationships, but no relationship is ever perfect.”

  I nodded and covered my mouth when the feeling of wanting to vomit took over me.“I know—hold that thought. Oh—”I ran to the nearest bathroom.

  Thursday

  Thursday couldn’t have come fast enough. I stopped by to see Jace. He would ask me the same question he asked me every time I saw him: when would I come home? I didn’t want to give him false hope, but at the same time, knowing I was going to talk to Jax tomorrow, trying to work things out, I told him that I would try soon. He was satisfied with that answer. Apparently, Jax had hired one of Jace’s previous babysitters for when he was out of town. For some reason, I felt terrible. But knowing Jace liked her, it lessened the guilt.

  I didn’t throw up that morning, but I felt sick to my stomach and had no appetite. The only thing I could eat was yogurt and an apple, but I couldn’t finish them. The day went by quickly and I couldn’t wait to meet Melissa. She had texted, asking me to meet her at the Four Seasons and let me know that Jonah would also be joining us. Somehow, I knew this would happen, but I was glad it did. I wanted to talk to Jonah. I also didn’t want to meet him alone and make it look like a date, so this worked out just fine.

  I was just about to leave my office when Judy knocked on the door.

  “Come in, Judy.” I sat up straight. “What can I do for you?”

  She approached and placed a white envelope addressed to me on my desk. I recognized that handwriting. I stiffened, knowing it was from Jax.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know I had this on my desk. It was in between stacks of files I had taken from your desk.”

 
I gave her a smile. “It’s okay, Judy. You didn’t know it was there.”

  Judy dipped her head down then looked back at me. “Is everything all right?”

  Could she tell I was pregnant? My pulse escalated from her question, but settled when I reminded myself that Judy had no idea that I was. But was she referring to rumors? Rumors could have spread around the office that I had moved out of the house.“Everything is fine, Judy.” I tried to give her a bigger smile, but I thought it came out a little fake. I felt my lips twitch in the most uncomfortable way.

  She studied me for a second. Then with a genuinely sweet smile, she left.

  Not wanting to be late since the traffic would be horrendous, I picked up Jax’s letter and headed to the Four Seasons.

  Chapter 24

  Jackson

  Jessica, one of Jace’s previous babysitters whom I trusted with my own life, had been watching over Jace while I was out of town. It hurt me deeply that I had to ask her instead of Rachel, but since Jace was fine with it, then I had to be.

  Chloe had called me the day before I arrived back home, asking if she could spend the day with Jace. Since Jace seemed to be happy with that plan, I went along with it, but it meant I had to give Jessica the day off. I had agreed to pick up Jace on my way home from the airport. It would be after dinner, so we had arranged to meet at the Four Seasons.

  I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Chloe, but I waslooking forward to finally having some time with Rachel. I didn’t know what the outcome from our meeting would be, or if she’d read my letter and that had triggered her wanting to meet. But whatever the reason was, I would be glad to get some closure and move ahead—hopefully together. Being apart was affecting my work, my sleep, and my health.

  I missed her. I missed her like crazy. And I missed her loving me back. The days dragged, and I walked around with a faint smile for Jace, but I was dying inside. My heart was shattered and the only person that could fix it was Rachel. She was the other half of my soul. And I couldn’t live and breathe without her.