Fearing Regret

by Barbara Speak

  "You didn't have anything on under that?"

  "You told me no underwear."

  "God you are the fucking sexiest woman on the planet. Stand up."

  "What? Why?"

  "Just do it."

  He sounded forceful and as much as I wanted to see what he would do to me if I didn't comply, I needed to feel him inside of me that much more.

  I stood up, letting the dress fall to my ankles and then stepped out of it, kicking it at his head. He caught it midair and then tossed it to the ground.

  "Turn around slowly."

  He continued to strip off his clothes, while I spun in a slow circle on my bed with just my shoes on. By the time I made it back to facing him, he was naked as the day he was born and leaping at me, taking my legs with him, falling backward onto my pillows.

  "I love you so much, but I can't promise you I'm going to show it right now."

  "Give me your best, Big Man."

  "That's what I needed to hear."

  He put my nipple into his mouth and used his teeth to grab and pull on it. The pain sent pleasure straight through me. He let go to move onto to the other one, doing the same thing, only harder. I moaned loud, making him only bite down more aggressively.

  "Oh my God!"

  He let go, looking up at me.

  "You like that? I'm just getting started on you, woman."

  His tongue dragged down my stomach, as he grabbed my legs and pulled them open. The lower his tongue went, the harder my breathing became, until he took me in his mouth and sucked as hard as he could. My ass flew up off of the mattress, but he never let go. His hands caught and held me, suspending me in the air, as he licked and sucked me until I came. He never stopped as my muscles convulsed. When he was sure I was done, he pulled me into his mouth and kissed me one last time.

  "You are so damn sexy, do you know that?"

  He licked his lips, those lips!

  "Tony, I need you."

  He picked me up to turn me onto my stomach and said, "Say it again."

  "I need you."

  "Yes." He placed himself next to me."You." He inserted his head."Do!" He plunged into me harder than he ever has, only to pull back and slam into me again. He grabbed ahold of my hair and yanked my head straight back.

  My ass cheeks were sore from the way he was hammering into me, but with every plunge I fell further into bliss. I was seeing stars but not ready for it to end. When he slowed his pace, he let go of my hair, taking my ass in both of his hands and squeezed them together, creating more friction for him and me. I could feel him every time he would connect with my hood, sending me down the path to euphoria.

  "Tony, I'm going to come."

  "No you're not. Not until I tell you to."

  He squeezed my ass even harder, only increasing my need to release.

  "Don't you dare."

  Even harder his fingers dug into me to the point I was on the edge and ready to fall, whether I wanted to or not. My breathing quickened and then... He pulled out!

  "What are you doing?" I spun around to face him just in time to see his hand connect with my ass cheek. The burn I felt had me crying for more.

  "You want more? I will give you more."

  He pulled me back, slamming into me again. Each stroke grew faster and faster, until I knew he was losing his control as well.

  "Are you ready baby?"

  "God, yes!"

  His hand came down on me one last time before he screamed, "Now."

  Both of us fell to the bed. There we were, with me gripping onto him, while he throbbed into me. Sweat covered both of us yet we lay there for what felt like hours. He never left me, until we fell asleep in each other's arms.

  CHAPTER 19

  The day of the gala came and all of the hard work it took was becoming worth it. Tony had been with me at my house as I got ready, well when he would let me that is. It isn't the easiest thing to do when someone is there, taking everything you put on back off.

  "I will cut you off indefinitely if you don't stop. I have to get ready."

  "Why can't I go with you again? I seem to forget."

  "That's not funny and you know it. We decided this months ago together. I can't just change everything last minute."

  "How would me going screw anything up?"

  "I don't even have a place for you to sit. It's one night, Big Man, you can handle it without me."

  "I know I can, I just don't want to."

  I grabbed my dress from my closet door and laid it out on the bed.

  "Will you help me get into this please?"

  "You know how I feel about adding things to cover up this body."

  "You also know I'm threatening to cut you off."

  "Tell me what you need me to do."

  He was adorable. His pouty lip made me want to say screw it and not even go. To think, the whole idea of tonight came from me trying to occupy my time because he was never around and now I have to forgo time I could be spending with him. Life isn't fair sometimes.

  "Just hold it open so I can step into it."

  He did as I asked, allowing me to pull it up from the floor and rest it over my breasts.

  "Now I just need help with the zipper, if you don't mind."

  "Oh, I mind. I'm just not willing to risk abstinence because of it."

  "I love you, you know that right."

  "Yes woman and I'm so thankful for it."

  Once the zipper was in place, I finished with my shoes and walked to stand in front of the full length mirror I had resting against the adjacent wall.

  My hair was up and pulled into a side knot over my left shoulder. I went a little darker with my eye makeup, trying to go for dramatic instead of the natural look like I typically wear. My dress was black satin, cut with a sweetheart neckline that hugged me through the bodice and then fell in layers to the floor. It was elegancy at its finest and I was proud to be wearing it. I glanced over my shoulder through the mirror and found Tony. He was stock still, staring at me with an open mouth. I grabbed my dress, lifting it slightly to pull it from the floor, allowing me to make the turn necessary so I could come to face him directly.

  "Marry me."

  Now it was my mouth that was dropped open.

  "What?"

  "Marry me."

  "No."

  "Did you just say no?"

  "Yes I said no, you're crazy."

  "Crazy in love with you, I tell you that all the time."

  "You are definitely more crazy than just that. Why would you ask me right now?"

  "Because I have never seen anything so beautiful in my life and I want you to be mine forever."

  "Well you're going to have to wait on that one, Big Man."

  "Why?"

  "Because."

  "That's not an answer."

  "It is for me."

  "One of these days you're going to say yes to me."

  "One of these days you might be right but it's not this one."

  I walked over and pecked those gorgeous lips. He opened his mouth, ready to go deeper but I pulled back quickly.

  "What's that about?"

  "I don't want to ruin my makeup and I need to get going."

  "Have I told you I want to marry you yet?"

  "Yes you have. Many, many times."

  "Just making sure you knew."

  I smiled, walked over and grabbed my clutch, then turned to him one last time.

  "I love you enough to marry you over and over again. Have I told you that?"

  "Many, many times, but actions speak louder than words, you know."

  "Yes, I know that too. I will call you when I get done and maybe I could come by?"

  "No maybe about that, Firecracker. I will see you later."

  I smiled at him again and turned to walk out of the room. As much as I hate that name, between you and me, it was growing on me a little.

  "Hey Kate, did you remember to take your medicine?"

  "Crap, no I didn't. My ear hasn't hurt in over a wee
k, why do I still even have to take it?"

  He walked into the family room behind me and said, "Because the doctor said ten days. If you want to make sure the infection is gone, you have to take the antibiotic. It's pretty simple logic."

  "Yes, Sir."

  He had gone to my kitchen, grabbed the pill and a glass of water, bringing it back over to hand to me.

  "Are you going to watch me take it too?"

  "Sure am. I don't want anything to happen to you."

  "It’s an ear infection, Tony."

  "Don't patronize me woman, just take the damn pill."

  I took it from him, threw it in my mouth, drank a sip of the water and said, "Are you happy now?"

  "Could not be happier, now go. I want you back as soon as possible."

  One last kiss from him and I was out the door.

  My drive to the country club was filled with thoughts of a beautiful wedding where our families joined us in the celebration. I never thought I was going to find the man of my dreams, yet he found me. I wasn't sure how they would all feel about our choice for secrecy, but I knew their ultimate goal was for us was to be happy and we were definitely that. It was strange to think I would even be considering marriage to a man I knew so little about. I mean, I know everything there is about him but he has a whole world around him that I have yet to be introduced to. To think I would be adding his family to mine made me realize we had a long road ahead of us, but God I loved him something fierce and I was willing to do whatever we needed to do.

  I arrived early to ensure everything was going as it should. Walking into the grand ball room, I found all the tables set and the decor was perfection. The color theme was metallic. Silver, gold and bronze took on their own life, dispersed cleanly throughout the space. The centerpieces were multiple color variations of hyacinths and couldn't have looked better next to the tablecloths. All was set to make one hell of a profitable night.

  When the guests started to arrive, I made sure that the wait staff was on their A-game. Trays of champagne along with hors d'oeuvres were being circled around the room. When it was time to be seated, I made sure Chad, Kara, Chris and Reed got their preferred seating in the front, along with my parents. Having them all there made it that much more comfortable. I needed their support. The charity needed their money. All in all, we had over two hundred and seventy five potential contributors.

  The lights went low, dimming the room, leaving a spotlight on the stage area when it came time for me to make my speech. I walked up, took the microphone in hand and turned to the room full of people. I hated the attention more than anything, if I could just blend in with the crowd, I would have been much more content.

  "Good evening, everyone. I couldn't be happier with the turnout we have received tonight. We all know that this cause is one dear to my heart and also all of yours or you wouldn't be here..."

  How is he here? My hands started to shake as I continued with the speech I had rehearsed. Thank God I memorized it or I would have lost my shit. My eyes never left his. There he was, sitting at one of the back tables in the room. How did he get a ticket without it passing through me?

  I thanked everyone as they stood to applaud, handed the microphone back over and rushed off the stage. I went straight to the bathroom, attempting to collect myself, looking under all the stall doors first to ensure I was alone and then screamed, "Shit!"

  Kara came busting through the door two seconds later.

  "What's wrong?"

  "Nothing, why?"

  "Don't play stupid with me. I know you hate public speaking but you were doing just fine up there until something caught your attention. What happened?"

  "He's here!"

  "Jarrett?"

  "No, why would you think of that asshole?"

  "Who else would freak you out like this?"

  "Tony."

  "Shut up!"

  "I'm serious. He's sitting in the back."

  "Why are you two hiding again? I never did understand that."

  "I don't get it. He was at my house when I left asking me..."

  "What?"

  "Why he couldn't come. That son of a bitch knew."

  "Why is this such a big deal?"

  "My parents are here, Kara!"

  "So? Don't makeout with him and you will be fine."

  "Why would he not tell me?"

  "Probably because you didn't want him here."

  "I did. Do! But, with my family?"

  "It will be fine. Chill out. Come on, you can't hide in here all night.

  You're throwing the damn thing. People will be looking for you. Besides, you need to quit hiding from him in bathrooms. It's becoming a habit of yours."

  "Whatever, this isn't funny."

  "Yes, it is."

  She was laughing so hard it became contagious. At least I wasn't freaking out anymore. I could do this. It was going to be all right.

  "Let’s go."

  "That's my girl."

  We walked back into the ballroom and I intended on treating him like any other contributor. That is, until I saw him standing next to my parents having a conversation. Fumes filled me. How dare him! My pace quickened as I approached the table, never slowing down to allow Kara to catch up.

  "Katie Cat, you are absolutely a sight for sore eyes. I just can't imagine anything being more beautiful than you."

  "Dad stop, you're embarrassing me."

  "Your father is right. Perfect choice on the dress also, sweetheart. You have done an amazing job with all of this as well as your speech. We are so proud of you."

  "That really was a great speech."

  All three of our heads turned simultaneously into Tony’s direction.

  "I am so sorry, Tony. Kate, look who we ran into. Did you know he would be attending?" My mother looked at him like he walked on water.

  "Honestly I had no idea, which is strange, being I handled the guest list personally."

  She shot me a dirty look and said, "Well obviously you overlooked one and I couldn't be happier for it. Tony, have you seen Sadie lately?"

  "Actually, I just had lunch with her the other day."

  "Can you believe they're having twins? We are elated."

  "I was shocked but she did get big really fast." Tony watched me the whole time he was speaking and I couldn't take it. Small talk right now was not working for me.

  "Excuse me guys, I'm needed elsewhere."

  I smiled as would be expected of me, lifted my dress and walked as far away as I could before I flipped out.

  What did he think would come from my parents seeing us together and not telling them? When we do, they will know this night was a full out lie. It was as if we were rubbing it in their faces. I wanted no part in this only I couldn't escape.

  Chris and Reed were at the bar when I attempted to fly by it with no such luck.

  "Hey there speedy, what's the hurry?"

  "Kate, are you okay?"

  "No, I'm not. Tony is here."

  "Yes, I am. Can I have a word with you please?"

  My back went stiff, while both Chris and Reed wore a smirk I wanted to slap off. Did no one care about repercussions? I looked over my shoulder and said, "Go ahead, talk. Why ask now, you didn't seem to care if I minded before?"

  "Kate, please."

  "Please what, Tony?'

  My attitude was obvious.

  "Watch it, Firecracker. Don't push me."

  "Don't push you? Are you kidding me?"

  "That's it."

  He grabbed me by the arm. What looked gentlemanly from an outsider’s perspective was far more forceful than he's ever held me before as he guided me into the hall. When we were finally out of sight from onlookers, he spun me to face him.

  "What is wrong with you?"

  "Are you kidding me, you feel the need to ask?"

  "I did this to surprise you. Do you really think I would have worked this hard to keep a secret, only to piss you off, seriously?"

  "I don't understand you at all. How w
as putting it in my parents face that we ‘supposedly’ barely know each other going to help us, in what, a couple of weeks when we were supposed to be telling everyone? Now we are obviously lying and I hate it. I hate it!"

  "Then let’s go tell them right now. I don't give a shit anymore if they know, if everyone knows. I'm in love with you, Kate."

  "No! I can't just drop it on them two minutes after we just acted like strangers.

  "That's it right there."

  "What's it?"

  "The truth! You say you love me but you are the one hiding us now, hiding me. I don't care what anyone thinks while you care more about what they MIGHT think. Tonight was supposed to be romantic, something special. Fuck Kate, this is a big night for you and I wanted to be here to share in it. What is wrong with that?" When I didn't say anything he continued. "You know what? Don't answer that, I don't even want to hear it. Have a great time for the rest of the night pretending to be something else you aren't right now. Happy?"

  He turned away from me and walked straight to the doors that lead outside, shoving both wide open with his pouting grand exit.

  I was so angry that I didn't even think about running after him. I composed myself the best that I could and then reentered the ballroom. It was then I noticed that I had to put on a fake smile, and it hit me: I was pretending once again just like he said.

  Kara was at the bar with everyone when she noticed me. Knowing me better than anyone, she was at my side in two seconds.

  "What just happened?"

  "He left."

  "Kate please tell me you're joking and you didn't just let him leave."

  "Why would that be a joke? He shouldn't have been here to begin with."

  "Oh honey, I wish you all the luck in the world because you're going to need it after this night is through."

  "Are you serious? How is it no-one is seeing this for what it is?"

  "I think everyone is but you."

  "I have things to do, enjoy yourself."

  I walked away from Kara and headed into the kitchen. The head chef met me at the door, going over the timing and assured me the food would be out on the tables as scheduled.

  Coming out of the door, still in a mood, I flung it open managing to smack someone attending my gala. Mortified, I immediately began to apologize.