HIS LOVE

by KENYAN, M. O

  There was no rushed need to tear each other's clothes off and act out in desire. His kisses were like a gentle feather, smooth along her skin, but the pull toward him was greater than her thirst for alcohol. She didn't protest when he pulled her wet clothes off and held her against his bare chest. He kissed her as they rocked side to side as if they were dancing. At that moment Rayne knew that he was probably imagining Maria in his arms. She didn't pull away, but that didn't stop her heart from breaking.

  He lowered her on the bed his eyes as gentle as his touch. He didn't rush her to orgasm as he did before. Instead he moved over her, supporting his weight on his arms and made love to her. Rayne felt the earth shutter as they reached their climax, along with it—her heart. Antonio laid his head on her chest and she stroked her fingers through his hair. She knew that was it, with the emotion behind him, she was sure this would be the last time they would lay in each other's arms like this.

  Rayne thought she had experienced all the pain from Antonio that there was...until he said, "I love you."

  Her body stiffened. "What did you say?"

  "I love you," he repeated in one breath.

  Rayne pushed him off and quickly got dressed. She ignored his stunned expression. "Don't look at me like that."

  "I tell you that I love you and you run." Antonio pulled on his jeans. "I don't understand."

  "Neither do I!" she screamed. Rayne took in a deep breath and felt it shudder out through her lips. "I don't get it, because you have only known me a week and you already love me. But that little girl, you were the first one to hold her in your arms, the only parent she has left, but you can't show her an ounce of kindness."

  "I try," he moaned. He combed his fingers through his hair in frustration. "It's not easy."

  "Neither is loving you." Rayne swallowed the lump of emotions that formed in her throat. "I love you just as much as I love that little girl and it breaks my heart that you won't let go of the guilt."

  "What are you talking about?" Rayne saw his defenses go up, when a dark mask of indifference covered his usually handsome face.

  "I know about the choice you made. You don't have to punish yourself or her for it. Maria wouldn't want you to."

  "You never knew Maria." Rayne retreated as he took three angry steps toward her. "Don't talk about her. She was my world."

  "I know. I know that all too well." She gave up trying to wipe her tears away. "I am fighting an eternal battle with a ghost. You love me?" she snickered sadly. "You love her. When you made love to me just then I knew you were thinking of her." She threw the words at him, her tongue as sharp as the knife of betrayal sinking into her heart inch by inch with each passing moment.

  "I was thinking of you."

  "The other nights when we were together, I believe you were thinking of me, but not tonight. You seemed to be searching for something I knew I would never be able to give you. You were looking for Maria, but I'm not her." Rayne pushed her hair back. "You need to take a good look at me because I will never be her."

  "What do you want me to do to prove that I love you," Antonio pleaded, clear desperation in his eyes.

  "You need to love your daughter. You need to show me that you are capable of loving the life you created."

  "You don't understand," he growled.

  "And I wish I could because my heart is breaking, for you, for that little girl, and for myself. You know what Alessandria asked me today? Why does Daddy not like me? Is it because I killed mommy?" She saw his heart break through his eyes, as a piece of his broken soul rolled down his cheeks. "And for the life of me I couldn't give her an answer because my daddy loved me, he did everything he could for me. So, I looked into that little girl's eyes and I lied to her." She marched to him and poked her finger in his chest, wishing she could beat the ice off his heart. "I said, your daddy loves you with all his heart. He is just grumpy because he works too much. She wanted the waves to carry her to her mommy today because she knew the sight of her hurt you."

  "I just..." Antonio stammered and fell silent.

  "She hears everything that you say, every snide remark, every insult and it breaks her heart. It's a big house and she gets around at times, she sits right here at your door or down stairs in your office while you work so that she can be close to her daddy. You need to love her and you need to show her that you love her. You need to do something or you will rob that child of her laughter, her innocence, and love. If you don't want her, give her to someone who will." Rayne controlled her breathing and tried to steady her voice. "Give her to me. I won't be able to give her all this material wealth, but I will love her."

  "Don't you dare try and take her from me." Antonio grabbed her arm.

  "You are hurting me!"

  When her toffee colored skin turn red, he dropped her arm. "I'm sorry."

  "I need you to do me a favor. Don't touch me, don't kiss me, and don't say you love me. You are just doing more harm than good."

  Rayne turned toward the door when she heard a light tap. She was dressed, but Antonio was still half naked. She didn't really care what anyone would say. She wiped the tears off her face and pulled the door open. Alessandria was standing there in her pajamas a worried look on her face.

  "Are you going to tuck me in?" She held out her arms and Rayne picked her up.

  "Of course I am." She placed a kiss on her cheek. "Do you want to give your daddy a goodnight kiss? Since it's your birthday maybe he'll give you one."

  Rayne glared at Antonio. She knew there was the possibility that he would turn away and retreat, but somehow she had to take that chance. There was no way Alessandria would be caused any graver damage.

  Antonio shot her a loaded look, but he still took Alessandria in his arms. "Goodnight and I love you. Even when I look angry, I still love you."

  "I love you too, Daddy." She reached up and wiped a tear. "Even when you are angry at me I still love you."

  "Time for bed." Alessandria climbed into Rayne's arms with excitement. Rayne prayed that Antonio wouldn't take that victory away from her come morning when he was sober. She heard the door close behind them as they headed down the hallway. "You want to read a story tonight? How about Snow White?"

  CHAPTER SIX

  Antonio stared at his little girl with a smile and wondered how he could have been so indifferent to her for so long. He almost missed seeing how her nose scrunched up when she was annoyed. How her eyes drooped like a puppy when she wanted something. Her fierce gaze when she argued her way into ice cream for breakfast, a look that wasn’t so different from his own. Antonio could have missed how much she was like Maria, perfect and how everything that Alessandria got from him were like flaws in comparison.

  For some reason he felt that loving his little girl meant not loving Maria. It was odd that it took falling in love with a complete stranger to show him that there was room for all three of them in his heart. The peaceful calm that settled around his heart was what he believed, Maria’s way of lifting his pain and him letting go of the anger he had against the universe, God even but never Alessandria. He was cautiously optimistic about how happy he was. Now if only Rayne could give him a chance.

  "I can read whole sentences now. Do you want me to show you?" Alessandria beamed as she sat in the midst of Antonio's papers.

  "Please don't touch those, little girl."

  "New guy!" Antonio said sternly—he really needed to learn his name. "She can touch whatever she wants. Just print new ones. Read for me sweetheart, I want to see what Rayne has been teaching you all this while."

  "His name is Martin, Daddy." Alessandria giggled.

  I have got to remember that. Antonio pulled her off the table and into his arms as Martin put the papers back in order. He felt calmer having her here with him. If he hadn't been so pig headed those past years he would have been taking her to the office all this while and his blood pressure wouldn't be so high.

  It had been almost two months since Rayne drilled the truth into his heart. He was hu
rting himself and Alessandria by staying away from her, but that night—her birthday—he had given her pictures of Maria to keep, and told her about their love story. He had made sure to point out that it wasn't her fault that her mother died. It had taken a while, but Alessandria learned to trust him and soon they were spending time together without Rayne there as her source of security.

  "Excuse me, sir, but those documents have very sensitive information." Martin tried to take the paper Alessandria was reading away, but the warning in Antonio's eyes stopped him.

  "She's four years old, a little too young to be committing espionage," Antonio said.

  "Espy—what was that word?"

  "Espionage, sweetheart. Time for lunch." Rayne walked into the office.

  Antonio wished that he could be close to her too, but Rayne had made herself clear, and since then he hadn't made any advances toward her. He loved her though, he was sure of that. There was no one and nothing that could replace Maria in his heart, but there was a small void left and only Rayne's love could fill it. He knew she was in love with him, but it was obvious that she was scared. He couldn't blame her. Antonio stood up with Alessandria still in his arms as she stumbled over words on the paper she was reading. He kissed the back of her neck and was surprised how warm she felt.

  "She feels a bit warm to me." Antonio handed her over to Rayne.

  "Really?" Rayne felt her forehead and a worried frown claimed her lips. "Honey, have you been playing in the sun today?"

  "No, what's this word?" Alessandra asked.

  Rayne glanced at it. "Liquidation."

  "She spent the whole day here with me." Antonio was still concerned, but nothing on Alessandria's appearance gave him the indication that she was sick.

  "I'm sure it’s nothing. I'll watch her more closely today." She began to walk away but paused, "I'm glad to see that you are spending a lot more time with her. Do you want your papers back?"

  "No," Antonio said.

  "Actually yes, it's an important piece." Martin turned his back on Antonio's glare.

  Rayne chuckled in disdain when she realized that Antonio used fear in his everyday life to command respect, or at least make people do what he wanted. She gave Martin a sympathetic look and gave him the papers before turning on his attacker.

  "I'm going to take her..." Rayne's trail of thought was abandoned by a loud shriek. Alessandria jerked in fright and Rayne held her tighter making sure she didn't slip out of her arms.

  "What the he—" Antonio's gaze flickered to Alessandria and when he realized she hadn't picked up on the new word he went on. "Who was that?"

  "It sounded like Jacqueline." Rayne led them out of the office, down the hallway and into the foyer.

  Jacqueline was there, hysterical and barking at both her parents. She opened the door and shouted something before she banged it shut, making the old oak shake in its hinges.

  "Here we go again." Antonio groaned and turned to leave, but Rayne stopped him.

  "What do you mean?"

  "You shouldn’t bother yourself with her."

  ***

  "Many people would have said the same thing about you." Rayne wasn't taking all the credit for his gradual change toward his daughter. Alessandria did all the work by bearing with him those past years and besides she was as cute as a button and that worked in her favor.

  Rayne could see that he didn't appreciate the comment, but she didn't let his elevated brow and the twitch in his jaw to faze her. I'm not Martin, she thought. But that strong jaw does make you look sexy, and those eyes, dear God those hands. The things you can do with them should be illegal. Rayne's fingers gently stroked her neck and under her collar as her flesh heated up. The pool between her thighs was warning enough. She turned around and tried not to look at Antonio, but his body was so close to hers. Every time they were in the same space, all she could think about was his body moving atop hers, with her and inside her.

  "Her new flavor of the month must have been siphoning money from her. Father must have discovered it and cut her allowance. It's nothing new." He shrugged. "She'll get a bit hysterical, lash out and blame everyone for her poor judgment then end up in a drunken stupor, then before we know it we will be at the beginning again."

  "You are her big brother, why don't you talk to her?" Rayne swallowed hard. His hand pressed on the small of her back and she was sure she could feel her knees buckle.

  "That would be hypocritical, wouldn't it?" he began. "Besides, in the past I wasn't in any position to take in anyone else's emotions."

  "But now?" Rayne risked it and turned to look at him. He was staring at her with his big beautiful eyes, an eternal fire of desire burning in them.

  "If you didn't have my daughter in your arms I would show you." Rayne's body responded to his as he leaned down to her, his lips brushing along her ear as he issued his promise, or threat.

  "Sweetheart, go to the kitchen and ask Melody to get you a chocolate cake, some ice cream and three forks. Then make a picnic on the kitchen floor," Rayne said. The little girl leapt out of her arms in excitement.

  "Melody!" she shrieked and ran toward the kitchen.

  A thoughtful look consumed Antonio's face as he watched his daughter.

  "What is it?"

  "Did you buy her new clothes?"

  "Yep, she's four. She shouldn't be under pressure to keep her Gucci clean," Rayne teased.

  "Thank you." He smiled. "I am also grateful you didn't decide to dress her in those insane long sleeved t-shirts you love so much. I don't know how you bear the summer heat."

  "I'm just glad the house is air conditioned." She tugged the sleeves of her t-shirt, holding them between her fingers and her palms. She was terrified they would roll up on their own accord and reveal her secret. However she was glad she had been able to hold onto her demons this long.

  Another ear shuttering shrill from Jacqueline reminded her of the situation at hand.

  "I'm about to do something that could turn out two results, I could get knocked out, or fired, or both." She nervously twisted her fingers into each other.

  "What are you going to do?" The concern in Antonio's voice was obvious.

  Rayne marched toward Jacqueline who was now trying to get out the door as her mother blocked her path. Jacqueline looked like a wild cat intent on clawing her way to freedom. She was hysterical. Without putting too much thought into it, Rayne reached for her, and spun her around. Just as Jacqueline turned she descended her open palm on her cheek. The sound of flesh meeting flesh echoed in the corners of the large house. Everyone was stunned and staring at them, but Rayne kept her eyes focused on one person.

  Jacqueline was gaping at her, with a surprised look of shock on her face. She was silent and didn't make an attempt to retaliate. Rayne put both her arms on her shoulders. "Breathe." And just like that Jacqueline followed her command.

  Rayne physically turned her and they walked toward the kitchen. Rayne could hear the shuffle of footsteps follow them. She didn't dare turn around and chase them. She had Jacqueline's attention and she didn't know for how long. If the girl was anything like her, Rayne knew it wouldn't be for much longer.

  They walked into the kitchen to where Alessandria had made the picnic. Rayne urged Jacqueline down to the kitchen floor and she sat across from her. Rayne lifted her head long enough to see Morrison chase the other staff members out of the kitchen and seal the family in. Antonio was staring at her, a look of curiosity on his face. Rayne smirked, if she had known it would be so easy to get a Burke's attention by using violence she would have slapped Antonio sooner.

  "The world is not over, you know." Rayne handed Jacqueline a fork and they both followed Alessandria's lead. "You are young and this is your wiggle room to make as many mistakes as you want to, but you have got to use your head."

  "I thought he loved me." Jacqueline finally spoke, but her voice was no louder than a whisper.

  "My mother once told me, as much as you think everyone out there loves you; your f
amily loves you even more."

  "I wanted to be with him, I really did. I would have left everything behind if he didn't hurt me. I want to hurt him back," she whimpered.

  Rayne realized that whoever Jacqueline was shouting at must have been the guy who broke her heart. "I don't think he's gotten that far. You could ask your father to tell the guards to stop him, and maybe your big brother could tune him up for you."

  She expected her comment to be met by a laugh or even a giggle, she wasn't asking for much, but the look that Jacqueline shot Antonio and his slight nod told her that they took it seriously. "I'm joking, guys."

  Rayne looked at the little girl, who seemed to be paying more attention to her cake than whatever was unfolding before her, but she was smart; she would pick it all up now and ask her later. "Sweetheart, do you think that maybe you could get your Aunty Jacqueline some flowers to make her smile." The little girl nodded. "Give her a hug first."

  "Fill her full of sunshine?" Alessandria asked before standing up and wrapping her arms around Jacqueline's neck. "Rayne is going to make it better, you'll see."

  Once Alessandria left the room, Morrison gave Rayne a nod that was enough to let her know that she would be looked after.

  "I wanted to show you something that would be too much for a little girl to understand." Rayne pushed her sleeves up as far as she could and heard Jacqueline gasp. It was the normal response to all the track marks she had in her arms. She wasn't sure what Antonio would think, but she expected his parents to have her out on her ass the second she was done with the presentation. "This is how much I loved my boyfriend. I gave up my scholarship to Harvard Business School and followed him and his band on the road. I thought I was his girlfriend, I thought he loved me, because I loved him. But once we had burned through all the money my father had left me when he died and some of my brother's too, he brought me back home and left me."

  "What did your brother do?" Jacqueline looked up at Antonio then turned her gaze back to Rayne.