My Heart Can't Tell You No

by M. K. Heffner

  “Where is everybody?” Joe asked as he lifted Robby onto his lap.

  “She’s asleep, Dad,” Felicia answered, bringing another chuckle from Lew.

  “Is she sick?” he quietly asked Sarah.

  “Just a little tired. She came back from getting Lew, ate, then went to lie down a while.”

  “Where? Down home?”

  “No. Upstairs. She’s in one room, and Beth is in the other.”

  “Yeah. It looks like both you and John hit the bulls-eye around the same time,” Lew commented.

  “Did we? I hadn’t noticed.”

  “Lew? You want to play something? Gram has a few games. We could play Parcheesi,” Jackie suggested.

  “Eat first,” Joe told him, feeling an angry glare from the boy before Sarah pulled another chair up to the table.

  “Sit here, Jackie. Ollie, you can take the chair next to him.”

  “That means I have to sit across from Lis and eat! That’s gross!” Ollie complained as he moved to the chair and sat down.

  “Not as gross as trying to watch you eat, ya pig!” Felicia countered.

  “You throw that and you’ll find yourself sitting out in the rain to eat your dinner,” Joe warned when he saw Ollie load a fork full of sweet potatoes.

  “Well, she don’t have to sit there. She isn’t eating,” Ollie told him.

  “No—but I helped make it. And I put poison in yours. I’m just sticking around to watch it work.”

  “If you made it, everyone will get sick.”

  “Ya can tell they’re brother and sister, can’t ya?” Lew chuckled as he looked up at Sarah.

  “Are you going to hold him?” Sarah asked Joe. “Or should I set a place for him?”

  “He’ll be okay here,” Joe answered. “Why don’t you sit down and relax a while? I can get us something to eat.”

  “I don’t think she trusts us men at her food,” Lew told him. “She thinks we’ll just make a big mess of everything.”

  “That’s because you will,” Sarah said, preparing plates for Joe and Robby.

  “There goes Mommy,” Robby told Joe as he pointed to the steps, but, by the time he looked, Maddie was disappearing into the living room, giving him only a quick glance as she moved toward the bathroom.

  “Are you sure she isn’t sick? She doesn’t look too good.” Joe glanced at Sarah.

  “Just tired, that’s all.”

  “Tired? It’s past noon.”

  “Well, you tuckered her out.” Lew reached for a small piece of ham to munch on.

  “I haven’t seen her since last week. How could I tire her out?”

  “I think you tired her out about four or five months ago.” Lew’s eyes sparkled. “She came over to get me about eight, so it isn’t as if she’s just getting up.”

  “She stayed up with the turkey and ham until almost four this morning.” Sarah placed two plates of food in front of Robby and Joe.

  “So what do you think about getting a baby brother or sister?” Lew asked Ollie as the boy busily devoured a fork full of filling.

  “I think we’ll need a bigger house pretty soon. One with about two more bedrooms.”

  “You want your own bedroom again, huh?”

  “No. Me and Jackie can share one. And Robby can share his with the baby. And Felicia can share hers with another baby. And then there would be one for Maddie and Dad.”

  “That’s only four. What about the fifth bedroom?” Lew inquired.

  “Oh.” Ollie realized his miscalculation. “Then we can put two more babies in it.”

  “Unless you plan on making me an early grandfather—I’d like to know where all these babies are coming from.” Joe pulled Robby’s plate closer after the boy tried to put corn in his mouth and spilled half of it down Joe’s lap. “And Maddie has her own bedroom, if you remember.”

  His comment turned Ollie’s eyes to Felicia; they smiled sheepishly at one another.

  “I think that means they must know something you don’t,” Lew told Joe.

  “No. That means they think they know something I don’t.” He turned his glance to Maddie as she walked into the kitchen, stopping next to him as she bent to kiss Robby.

  “Hi, baby. Sleep good last night?”

  “Uh-huh.” He lifted his fork to her mouth, allowing her to taste his gravy-covered turkey before she stood up and moved to kiss Jackie next.

  “How about you?”

  “I slept okay.”

  “Hi, Ollie,” she smiled as she stood erect, wiping the gravy that had spilled onto her chin from Jackie’s offering.

  “Does this mean you want some of mine too?” Ollie asked.

  “No.” Maddie chuckled. “I’ve had enough for a while.”

  “Boy, Maddie!” Ollie looked at her again. “You’re getting fat!”

  “Well, thanks a lot!” she laughed again.

  “You know what I mean,” he said with a pink hue to his cheeks. “It looks nice on you.”

  Joe watched as she moved to stand behind Felicia with her hair falling down her back; its blackness contrasting brilliantly against the white of her T-shirt and maternity jumpsuit. The jumpsuit’s form started at the shoulder straps and ballooned softly over her shape down to her bare ankles where the pant-legs closed with a button and gave her a softness; a glow he found more than just attractive.

  “I thank you. I’ll remember that when I’m nine months and ready to burst.”

  “It doesn’t matter—just so long as there’s a baby in there. Why don’t you have another sister for me? You can replace the one I already have,” Ollie mumbled as he looked over at Felicia and stuck his tongue out at her.

  “Replace Lisa? Never,” Maddie said softly.

  “Then just don’t let it have red hair like hers. Red-haired, hot-headed, Irishwoman.”

  “On the contrary.” Maddie’s hands went to the girl’s hair and stroked its thickness. “I’d like a little girl with hair the color of Lisa’s. I think it’s beautiful.”

  “Yeah. Look at her head swelling now,” Ollie commented when Felicia wrinkled her nose at him.

  “I want a baby sister with black hair—like Maddie’s,” Felicia said.

  “Uh-oh, sounds like a conspiracy here. The females against the males,” Lew said. “How about you, Joe? What do you want?”

  “Doesn’t matter.” He looked back to his plate as he went about eating, but he could see Maddie as she turned with her hands shoved in her pockets and went back into the living room.

  The fact was, it didn’t matter to him. He’d gladly take boy or girl—black hair, brown hair or red. But it was a shock for him when he realized that throughout, this pregnancy, he had been envisioning the same tiny child he had held on a pillow twenty-five years before. He put his fork down; his appetite was gone. He was always quick to cut Maddie down, but it didn’t take long for it to backfire on him. One look at the pain he could bring to her eyes and it ricocheted back at him.

  He knew she was having a hard time of it these days. He knew that it should be the way Felicia had said the evening before. He should be happy about the new baby, and the two boys who were his sons. He should forget about the past and look at it as if she had just presented him with two sons, but he couldn’t. Not when he couldn’t understand her reasons for keeping them from him. She had been lying through her teeth for years: Maddie—the woman he had trusted most in the world.

  “Yeah, that sounds good,” Ollie spoke between mouthfuls. “I’ll take a little sister that looks like Maddie.”

  “Well, at least we agree on something,” Felicia said, but when Ollie looked over at her, they stuck their tongues out at each other.

  “Looks as if your kids like Maddie.” Lew’s voice was oddly quiet, but when Joe looked at him, he saw that his eyes sparkled as always.

  “Yeah. I guess so.”

  “Maybe you should take a few pointers from your kids.” Lew looked at Robby as, fork in hand, the youngster tried to tackle a large slice of turkey br
east covered with gravy, then gave up and grabbed it with his fingers. “Only not this one, not on how to eat anyway.”

  As the day wore on, people came and went from the Baker home, picking freely at the food until nearly seven o’clock. At that time, the men and children went to the living room to watch football while the women stayed in the kitchen to clean up. Sarah was in charge of putting the food in storage containers, Maddie washed, Beth dried, and Felicia put away. Joe had to admit, he hadn’t seen Felicia quite as happy as she’d been since associating with Maddie and Sarah, and the extra teasing she and Ollie had taken from Lew today was only adding to her glow. It was almost as if his two oldest children were finally coming home.

  By eight o’clock Lew was back in the kitchen involved in the game of Parcheesi Jackie had promised him; the other two players were Ollie and Sarah. Joe returned back to the kitchen, finding the small crowd around the table. Maddie and Beth watched the game as Beth’s daughter gazed up at Lew. Lew seemed in his glory with all the children around him. Joe had a feeling the man’s heart would never grow old and was big enough for every child in the world.

  “What do ya got there?” Lew asked the little girl.

  “My doll.” She looked from the blonde doll to him.

  “Boy, I don’t have anything like that. Your Gram never got me anything as nice as that. Can I have it?”

  Joe saw the child’s eyes as they doubtfully watched Lew, then looked back down at the doll. It took a moment’s hesitation, but she smiled back up at Lew and handed it to him, then held her hand out to him.

  “Four dollars,” she said, bringing a laugh to Maddie and Beth.

  “Looks like she’s got the same business sense as her aunt,” Lew laughed.

  “That’s doing pretty good considering I only paid a quarter for it at a yard sale last summer,” Beth told him.

  “Well it’s older now. It’s worth more.” Lew reached into his pocket for some change.

  “Lew! Don’t you dare!” Beth told him, but he handed some coins to the little girl anyway.

  “Here. Now, does that mean the doll belongs to me?”

  “No.” She took the doll back and walked away with the change. “Daddy! Look what Lew gave me!”

  “Now that is good business sense,” Sarah laughed.

  “Jenna! You get back here!!” Beth ran after the little girl.

  “Oh, let her keep it,” Lew’s chuckle followed her. “It was worth a few coins.”

  “Now you get back here and say thank you.” Beth escorted Jenna.

  “Thank you.” Her child’s voice giggled as she wrapped her small arms around Lew’s stomach, then ran back in the room to John.

  “Well,” Lew said, for the first time totally flabbergasted. “Maybe I ought to go around giving females a few coins more often.”

  “That’s what I tell John,” Beth said tightly. “A few coins would go a long way.

  “Beth!” Maddie scolded her sister-in-law, only half seriously.

  “What?!” Beth responded with wide eyes, her false innocence beginning to grate on Joe’s nerves.

  “Come on, Blondie.” Lew turned the conversation as his finger moved over to Ollie, sticking it in the boy’s ear and making him squirm away. “Your turn.”

  “Where’s the rest of your family, Lew?” Joe asked as he leaned back against the sink.

  “Up in Middleburg. Everyone went up to have dinner with Janet’s mother.”

  “Janet’s mother? How old is she? It seemed to me she was old when I was a teenager.”

  “Ya better watch it, Joey. I’m almost as old as she was when you were a teenager,” Sarah spoke up, leaning on the table as if she were a girl again; she glowed. It was clear to Joe that this holiday with her baby brother was exactly what she needed.

  “She’s in her eighties,” Lew told him. “She’ll outlive us all.”

  “You don’t usually come out here for Thanksgiving, do ya?”

  “First time in over twenty-five years,” Sarah told Joe.

  “I could have gone along with Jan and the kids—traveled twenty-five miles for some turkey. But I decided yesterday I was only going to travel five miles for better turkey—and some baked ham to boot.”

  “You’re not supposed to be eating ham, are you? Either of you?”

  “Twice a year isn’t going to kill us,” Sarah told him.

  “Yeah, and I think I’ve been getting some of Maddie’s cravings. I’ve been so hungry for a good baked ham lately that I even dreamed about it.” Lew moved his piece on the board. “So, speaking of cravings—you two having any?”

  “Yes,” Sarah complained. “They both call me up at all hours of the night. Mom, do you have any peanut butter? Sarah, do you have any ice cream?”

  “Peanut butter and ice cream?” Lew chuckled. “Well according to the old wive’s tales that I’ve heard—ice cream’s for a boy. I don’t know what peanut butter’s for. I never heard of any girl who craved peanut butter before.”

  “Well, it’s a new one for both of us,” Beth told him. “Maddie craved candy for Jackie and chocolate cupcakes for Robby. And I craved fried green tomatoes for Jenna, which was really tough trying to find, considering I was pregnant mostly through the winter months. So, we’re both waiting to see.”

  Joe looked over at Maddie when she leaned forward on the table, resting her head on her folded arms. She yawned as she watched the game.

  “Jackie,” she said quietly, not disturbing the conversation between Lew and Beth. “Come rub Mommy’s back.”

  “You getting it in the back already too?” Beth asked. “Where? The lower back?”

  “No, not yet. Upper back. Tension I guess.” She watched Jackie pull his chair closer to hers, then start rubbing as he kept his eyes on the game.

  Joe watched the boy’s feeble attempts to soothe his mother’s backache, knowing that, if she were to get any relief, it wouldn’t be from a seven and a half-year-old boy who was preoccupied with a game of Parcheesi.

  “Jackie, run upstairs and get a pillow,” Joe told him as he moved a matching chair close to the one Maddie was sitting on.

  “I’m rubbing Mom’s back.”

  “The pillow’s for your mom. Go get it.” He moved the chair nearer to Maddie’s. “Stand up.”

  “Why?” she asked suspiciously.

  “If you want a backrub, stand up.” He watched as Jackie ran up the stairs so he would be back in time for his turn at the game. When Maddie did as she was told, he turned her chair so its back was against the table. “Okay, sit down, facing the table.”

  Maddie looked up at him strangely then pulled her pant legs up slightly to provide the room needed when she sat with a leg on each side of the chair. He placed the other chair against the one she was sitting on, face-to-face, then sat behind her and took the pillow Jackie returned with. He put it on the back of Maddie’s seat, allowing her to lean on it as she went back to watching the game. At the first contact of his hands on her neck, he could feel the tension. Her moan came swiftly, bringing all eyes back to them.

  “If you’d prefer we leave the room, I’m sure we could move the board,” Lew teased through innocent eyes.

  “No. I’ll try to keep quiet,” Maddie told him lightly.

  “Does this mean you two are making up?” Lew asked.

  “It means tense muscles make difficult deliveries. I’m just taking a little insurance out on my baby,” Joe answered.

  “You going to let him talk like that, Maddie?” Beth almost cooed toward Joe.

  “Right now I don’t care how he talks—or the reasons he’s doing it. Just as long as it gets done,” Maddie sighed.

  “JOHN! Look at this! Look what he does for her! And they’re not even speaking!!” Beth called in the room.

  “Wait ‘til halftime,” John called back.

  “See? I have to wait until halftime before he’ll even look,” Beth complained. “What do ya say, Maddie? You want to hire out his hands?”

  “Not for where
you want massaged.” Maddie said absently as she looked at her sister-in-law. “You already told me where you get your charleyhorses.”

  As they watched the game, Joe could feel the tension eventually leave Maddie’s shoulders and neck, but still he massaged her, working his way down to her upper back. Within the hour her limpness was so complete he knew she had fallen asleep, and, when he glanced at Lew, the man nodded his head in silent agreement. Joe moved back against his seat, then reached out for her shoulders, gently pulling her back with him, but she woke with a start.

  “Shh,” he whispered. “Lie down and rest.”

  She didn’t even look at him as she leaned back against him and pulled her feet up to the edge of her seat. He looked down at her as she quickly fell back to sleep, a tenderness encompassing him, making him reach down and brush her hair back from her face. In her sleep, she reached for his hand to cuddle it against herself.

  “Can’t hardly believe she’s going to have her third baby, can ya?” Lew asked very quietly, the glance he gave Sarah being one of nostalgia that only two people can share who have already shared a lifetime. “She still looks like the little girl I brought home from the hospital with you.”

  Joe looked down at her again. The sight of her small bulge sending waves of emotion through him. She was around five months pregnant. Now he had some idea of what she was talking about when she said he should have known Jackie was his baby. She showed her pregnancies early. Probably how she got away with telling everyone she was a month farther along with Robby than she actually was. But with Jackie—it was a month behind. She was big for a nine-month baby—he realized now. So she most certainly was huge for the eight months she and Bob said she was. She was right—he should have known better. But then—she should have told him. The conflict going on inside him was making his own muscles tense, but he remained still, watching the game being played on the table, until finally it ended and Lew said he’d better leave before his family sent out the National Guard.

  “Looks like you lost your chauffeur,” Sarah smiled.

  “Looks like you’re about to lose two of your players too.” Lew nodded toward Ollie and Jackie, yawning as they leaned on the table.