Diana in Search of Herself
Page 55
75 Diana claimed that she considered: B-AM1, p. 35
76 “had suggested … that she seek”: B-MR, pp. 40–41
77 “She would automatically sort of”: Fox Files interview with Charles Spencer, 7/16/98
78 “really pretty”: Interview with Felicity Clark
79 “strung up in general”: Ibid.
80 “100-mile dash”: SuMi, 11/16/80
81 she emphatically insisted: B-PJ1, p. 126
82 “I was feeling frail and hungover”: B-JW, p. 28
83 “had some supper”: ES, 11/28/80
84 “The trouble is, people do believe”: DM, 11/24/80
85 “With the exception of the”: SuMi, 11/23/80
86 “a blond woman was hurried”: B-JW, p. 32
87 “that a call had been made”: Ibid.
88 “rang me from the train”: DEx, 7/26/91
89 “There was no foundation”: Interview with Michael Colborne
90 “I myself was on the train”: B-SB, p. 194
91 “there was somebody else around”: B-AM1, p. 33
92 “inexcusable” lies: B-PJ1, p. 130
93 “Things have been getting very”: DS, 1/12/81
94 “I’d like to marry soon”: ES, 11/28/80
95 “Lady Diana Spencer last night asked”: DEx, 11/29/80
96 After checking Tavener’s: B-DK, p. 83
97 “never lied to me”: B-JW, p. 158
98 “The whole thing was”: Interview with James Whitaker
99 even offering advice: Time, 2/28/83
100 “Diana was very aware that”: Interview with James Whitaker
101 “I can assure you”: DS, 11/10/80
102 “horrified”: B-JW, p. 154
103 “a background of leaping in”: DM, 11/24/80
104 “I will simply die”: B-MR, p. 47
105 “If I were to ask”: B-PJ1, p. 133
106 “I rang up and spoke”: Interview with Elsa Bowker
107 “He’d been saying for some time”: B-SB, p. 197
108 “He counseled his son”: B-JD, p. 341
109 “sensed the absence of intensity”: Ibid.
110 “such a terrible mismatch”: B-JD, p. 342
111 “confused and anxious state”: Ibid. (PC letter 1/28/81 to unnamed recipient)
112 “support helped to steel”: Ibid.
113 “There was never anything tactile”: B-AM1, pp. 33–34
114 “a voice said to me inside”: Ibid., p. 34
115 “From day one, I always knew”: Ibid., p. 62
116 “As for becoming Queen”: Pano, p. 2
117 “After everything I’ve been through”: Sun, 5/21/91
118 “whatever love means”: B-AM1, p. 34
119 “complete disaster”: Ibid.
120 “spoke constantly but guardedly”: B-SB, p. 199
121 “We’re not taking any”: B-PJ1, p. 136
122 “Can you find the”: ITV-Doc
123 “shocked.… She told me it”: Sun, 1/11/98
124 “He was very good at hiding”: B-SB, p. 174
125 “Wherever he went”: Interview with Anthony Holden
126 “I am very lucky that someone”: B-JD, p. 343 (PC letter 3/5/81 to unnamed recipient)
127 “unrequited love”: B-PT, pp. 54–55
128 “What really hurt”: Sun, 1/12/98
129 “nobody with insincere motives”: B-AM1, p. 117
130 “I couldn’t handle [them]”: B-AM1, p. 34
CHAPTER 8
1 “It’s a relief”: DM, 2/25/81
2 That night Diana dined: B-PJ2, p. 67
3 “nobody … there to welcome”: B-AM1, p. 35
4 Diana had a suite: B-SB, p. 205
5 “What shall I do? Lady Diana never”: Ibid., p. 206
6 she bristled when: B-DK, p. 225
7 “quite ruined the music room”: B-SB, p. 206
8 “The Prince of Wales has made”: DEx, 7/27/81
9 She said they treated her coldly, and she complained: B-AM1, p. 37
10 In her first official appearance: Ibid.
11 “Diana told me … she’d received”: B-MR, p. 141
12 “Few people voice criticism”: B-SB, p. 116
13 “less training in her new job”: B-AM1, p. 120
14 “to instruct her in the ways”: B-JD, p. 357
15 “I don’t think any of them”: Interview with Michael Colborne
16 “two hundred percent behind”: Ibid.
17 Although Diana later said she admired: B-AM1, p. 47
18 They instructed Diana on: Interview with Michael Colborne
19 “I was not the usual type”: Ibid.
20 “I was Uncle Michael”: Ibid.
21 “Diana was terrified”: Humphrey Carpenter, Robert Runcie: The Reluctant Archbishop (1996), p. 225
22 “I hope to see her every”: Mi, 1/20/99 (letter from the Queen 3/5/81 to unnamed recipient)
23 “like screwing a lightbulb”: B-SF, p. 83
24 The Queen Mother offered: DS, 1/27/82; Mi, 7/22/84; B-DK, p. 226
25 The Queen and Prince: B-DK, p. 181; Harper’s & Queen, 4/90
26 “You don’t get training”: McCall’s, 10/84
27 “I was terrified, really”: B-AM1, p. 37
28 “For Diana, royal life”: Interview with Roberto Devorik
29 “It was as though”: SuPe, 6/30/91
30 “I missed my girls”: B-AM1, p. 37
31 He taught her to: DS, 1/27/82; B-DK, p. 227
32 “the care with which he nurtured”: B-JD, p. 493
33 “The Prince of Wales was”: Interview with Michael Colborne
34 he grew impatient with those: B-SB, p. 105
35 “I always feel that unless”: B-JD, p. 492 (PC letter 3/31/87 to unnamed recipient)
36 he could be short-tempered: Ibid., p. 493
37 “When you don’t read”: Interview with Michael Colborne
38 Years later she told: Interview with Roberto Devorik
39 She sometimes threw temper: B-JD, pp. 343, 345
40 “She went to live at Buckingham”: B-AM1, p. 119
41 “I didn’t know about jealousy”: Ibid., p. 38
42 When he had to leave: Interview with Michael Colborne
43 “much regretted”: B-JD, p. 343 (PC letter 3/29/81 to unnamed recipient)
44 Charles tried to reassure: B-PJ1, p. 149
45 “I was told one thing”: B-AM1, p. 37
46 “I can’t understand why”: B-SB, p. 184
47 She told Colborne and Cornish: B-JD, p. 346
48 She later claimed: B-AM1, p. 116
49 “nothing to do with him going”: Ibid., p. 39
50 Their time together was cordial: B-PJ2, p. 78
51 “very tricky indeed”: B-AM1, p. 38
52 “one of his most intimate”: B-JD, p. 346
53 “worked it all out”: B-AM1, p. 33
54 “she didn’t know about Charles”: Interview with Elsa Bowker
55 When asked about Diana’s: Interview with Michael Colborne
56 Instead, Diana alienated: DT, 10/20/98
57 “flowers when she had meningitis”: B-AM1, p. 37
58 “a bit muddled”: Interview with Michael Colborne
59 “her other side”: B-JD, p. 345
60 “Whenever the Prince came”: B-SB, p. 208
61 Charles saw that he was trapped: DT, 10/20/98; B-JD, p. 343
62 “I was used to temper”: Interview with Michael Colborne
63 “He was obsessed”: B-AM1, p. 38
64 “a very observant man”: Carpenter, p. 223
65 “He’s very deep, Charles”: Ibid., p. 225
66 No one, not even Charles: B-JD, p. 345
67 “It was all very strange”: B-AM1, p. 56
68 “comments like that can set”: Interview with Kent Ravenscroft
69 According to former Vogue editor Felicity: Interview with Felicity Clark
70 “It is what happens”: Ibid.
72 DI’S DARING DEBUT: DEx, 3/10/81
73 DI TAKES THE PLUNGE: Mi, 3/10/81
74 “ounce or two of puppy fat”: DEx, 3/10/81
75 “Oh, God, I look awful”: B-PJ1, p. 141
76 “my escape mechanism”: Pano, p. 10
77 “[she] was so thrilled because”: B-AM1, p. 56
78 “a secret disease”: Pano, p. 9
79 “when you have bulimia”: Pano, p. 10
80 Diana’s weight dropped: Interview with Felicity Clark; NOTW, 1/23/83
81 “I had shrunk to nothing”: B-AM1, p. 56
82 Both anorexia and bulimia: Handbook of Treatment for Eating Disorders, pp. 9–11, 14, 19
83 “psychologically different”: Ibid., p. 23
84 “I am ashamed”: Mi, 1/18/99 (Diana letter 12/81 to unnamed recipient)
85 “It’s a good antidepressant”: Interview with Kent Ravenscroft
86 “she loved eating sweets”: B-SB, p. 195
87 “Lady Diana never ate properly”: Ibid., p. 207
88 Most tellingly, Diana ate copious: B-AM1, p. 127; Handbook of Treatment for Eating Disorders, p. 28; B-JD, p. 398
89 “recognized all the symptoms”: I-FSK
90 By some accounts there was: Ti, 9/4/97; Majesty, 4/95
91 “She never breaks down”: Ti, 2/25/81
92 “If she had been in a united”: Interview with Michael Colborne
93 “Gosh, I’m becoming a very rich lady”: B-SB, p. 211
94 “At the beginning”: Interview with Roberto Devorik
95 “Diana seemed to enjoy”: Interview with Felicity Clark
96 LADY DI-ET!: Sun, 6/13/81
97 James Whitaker noted: DS, 6/20/81
98 “He can never sit still”: DS, 7/4/81
99 “I tend to lead a sort of”: Harper’s & Queen, 4/90
100 “requested rock numbers”: Mi, 6/22/81
101 Charles had asked Michael: Interview with Michael Colborne
102 he insisted that Diana had found: Ibid.
103 “I was devastated”: B-AM1, p. 38
104 “rage, rage, rage”: Ibid.
105 Diana confronted Charles: B-JD, p. 347
106 “he cut me absolutely dead”: B-AM1, p. 38
107 “It was easy to see”: B-SB, p. 212
108 “just a bit too much”: Observer, 7/26/81
109 “radiant best”: DS, 7/27/81
110 “kept her composure”: DM, 7/27/81
111 “The radiance for television”: Mi, 7/27/81
112 and later recalled telling her sisters: B-AM1, p. 39
113 “The tension had suddenly hit”: Ibid., pp. 40–41
114 “eyes were swollen”: NOTW, 6/19/88
115 At a grand ball: Interview with Felicity Clark
116 “in the hours leading up to”: B-JW, pp. 19–21
117 “Buckingham Palace was totally”: B-SB, p. 169
118 “didn’t happen, that is for”: Interview with Michael Colborne
119 who later denied to Nigel: Interview with Nigel Dempster
120 What’s more, Diana and Charles: B-PJ2, p. 84
121 The following night: B-SB, p. 213; B-AM1, p. 125
122 Charles stayed up late: B-PJ2, p. 85
123 “in a contemplative mood”: B-JD, p. 348
124 “It really was remarkable”: Alastair Burnet, In Person: The Prince and Princess of Wales (1985), p. 26
125 “spent the night before”: B-PT, p. 25
126 She had a severe bulimic attack, eating “everything”: B-AM1, p. 41
127 “I don’t think I was.… girl in the world”: Ibid., pp. 40–41
128 “pale gray, veiled”: Ibid., p. 42
129 “The day I walked”: B-AM2, p. 83
130 “very composed”: B-AM1, p. 125
131 “incredibly calm and unfazed”: I-FSK
132 Diana paused on the platform: B-PJ1, pp. 177, 181
CHAPTER 9
1 “I adore being married”: B-RK, p. 4
2 “she was almost in tears”: Mi, 8/3/81
3 “spent most of their evenings”: B-SB, pp. 217–21
4 When she and Charles were alone together: B-JD, p. 355
5 “appalling … rife”: B-AM1, p. 42
6 he had brought a stack: Ibid.
7 as with his sporting pursuits: B-JD, pp. 354–55
8 “worst moment”… every day at lunch: B-AM1, p. 42
9 he would read aloud from Laurens: Ibid., p. 43
10 “the idealized bride”: B-JD, p. 478
11 “When you began on abstract”: Carpenter, p. 222
12 “She didn’t understand him”: Interview with Michael Colborne
13 Diana had tried joining: B-PJ1, p. 186
14 “Diana dashes about”: B-JD, p. 354 (PC letter 8/3/81 to unnamed recipient)
15 “Anything I could find”: B-AM1, p. 43
16 When Diana asked if Camilla: Ibid., p. 39
17 “This was going to be”: Interview with Michael Colborne
18 “obsessed by Camilla totally”: B-AM1, p. 43
19 “convinced that [he] was still”: B-JD, p. 356
20 Since February she had lost: NOTW, 1/23/83
21 “Everybody saw I was getting”: B-AM1, p. 43
22 She slept poorly and wept: B-JD, p. 360
23 At one point in the fall: Interview with Michael Colborne
24 they arose from Diana’s: ITV-Doc
25 “He was totally unaware”: Interview with Michael Colborne
26 When she wept, he would knead: B-WB, p. 53
27 capitulating to her demands: B-JD, p. 361
28 Occasionally Charles rebuked: Ibid., p. 399
29 Charles’s fondness for Diana: Ibid., p. 400
30 He invited Laurens: B-AM1, p. 43
31 Charles arranged for Diana’s: B-PJ1, p. 186
32 “The princess was happier”: B-SB, p. 225
33 “The royals are spoiled”: Interview with Mark Lloyd
34 “From the day I joined”: DT, 8/27/97
35 “It’s a strange family”: Carpenter, p. 225
36 She later told friends: Sun, 1/12/98
37 “silly” inside jokes: B-AM1, p. 51
38 “generosity…. it was all laughter”: Mi, 1/18/99 (Diana letter 12/27/81 to unnamed recipient)
39 Diana felt the Queen viewed her: B-AM1, p. 52
40 “Fine, no problem”: Ibid., p. 43
41 Nor could Diana abide: B-PJ1, p. 186
42 “The Queen is always surrounded”: NOTW, 5/4/86
43 “Her willfulness was a direct”: Interview with Michael Colborne
44 “Suddenly people were hanging”: SuTel, 9/7/97
45 “stared at [her] the whole time”: B-AM1, p. 43
46 She later explained: ST, 9/23/90
47 “undercurrents”: B-AM1, p. 64
48 “the toughness of Whig”: Interview with Paul Johnson
49 “Because her family looks”: Interview with Andrew Roberts
50 “[The family] had witnessed symptoms”: B-JD, p. 588
51 “ostriching”: DM, 10/21/98
52 “Maybe I was the first”: Pano, p. 7
53 “She told me, ‘I am unwanted’ ”: Interview with Elsa Bowker
54 “about to cut my wrists”: B-AM1, p. 44
55 “all the analysts and psychiatrists”: Ibid.
56 “The Diana that was still”: Ibid.
57 “She was brought down”: Interview with Michael Colborne
58 “godsend”: B-AM1, p. 43
59 because he thought it would: DT, 10/21/98
60 “We want Diana”: DT, 10/31/81
61 “Poor Charles”: WO, 11/12/81
62 “sick as a parrot”: B-AM1, p. 44
63 Between engagements she wept: B-JD, p. 356
64 “never got any praise”: B-AM1, p. 44
65 “The response of the people”: DEx, 11/6/81
66 the mere thought gave her tremors: B-AM1, p. 47
67 “I was shit-scared”: Ibid., p. 48
68 “like a young colt”: Roy Strong, The Roy Strong Diaries: 1967–1987 (1997), pp. 291–92
69 In the first two weeks: DS, 11/16/81
70 “People tried to put me.… all over the shop”: B-AM1, pp. 44–45
71 “showed a confident new face”: DEx, 8/20/81
72 Diana had suddenly: SuEx, 9/7/97
73 “Highly recommend it”: ITV-Doc
74 “The Sun has often paid”: R&R-Doc, Part II, p. 22
75 “Diana has been laughing”: DS, 9/10/81
76 “goes for lonely walks”: NOTW, 9/13/81
77 “has reached a personal crisis”: Sun, 9/18/81
78 “all that [was] expected”: Ibid.
79 Still, the Queen was evidently: B-DK, p. 55; Harold Evans, Good Times, Bad Times (1983), pp. 314–15
80 “I spend most of my time”: Mi, 1/18/91 (Diana letter 12/27/81 to unnamed recipient)
81 “We’ve had such a lovely”: B-JD, p. 360 (PC letter 12/26/81 to unnamed recipient)
82 “Diana felt desperate”: DS, 1/27/82
83 yet at other moments she appeared: B-JD, p. 358
84 “I was a fat, chubby”: Pano, p. 3
85 “they wanted a fairy princess”: B-AM1, p. 57
86 “She spent long hours”: B-JD, p. 357
87 But once she was settled: Ibid., p. 358
88 One night she left home: Ibid., p. 365
89 “blazing public row”: Sun, 2/2/82
90 “clearly worried”: Sun, DM, 2/8/82
91 “get [her] husband’s attention”: B-AM1, p. 56
92 “just dismissal, total dismissal”: Ibid., p. 45
93 Diana’s account, which Morton reported: Ibid., p. 132
94 “She said that this is why”: Interview with Elsa Bowker
95 a “smudge”: Time, 2/28/83
96 “her sensational figure”: DS, 2/18/82
97 “Carefree Di threw royal”: Sun, 2/18/82
98 “unprecedented … breach of privacy”: Gua, 3/4/82
99 “I’ve never done anything”: Time, 2/28/83
100 “blissfully happy”: B-JW, p. 173
101 “Charles led Diana”: DS, 2/18/82
102 Even in the presence of the Romseys: B-JD, p. 366
103 “fired a series of questions”: Sun, 3/19/82
104 “Why Di Keeps Throwing”: Sun, 4/2/82
105 Labor was induced: B-AM1, p. 45
106 “an astonishing experience”: B-JD, p. 368 (PC letter 7/2/82 to Patricia Brabourne)
107 “Charles could get off”: B-AM1, p. 46
108 “It was a great relief”: Pano, p. 6