Diana in Search of Herself
Page 56
CHAPTER 10
1 Diana breast-fed for only: B-AM1, pp. 53, 138
2 “You’d wake up in the morning”: Pano, p. 6
3 “Boy, was I troubled”: B-AM1, p. 46
4 “something dreadful had happened”: Ibid.
5 “totally darkness”: Ibid., p. 51
6 “dark ages”: Ibid., p. 61
7 “Her shape … was, to put”: Mi, 7/27/82
8 “Diana fidgeted [and] whispered”: DEx, 7/27/82
9 “a wistfulness about her”: Interview with Felicity Clark
10 “excluded totally”: B-AM1, p. 46
11 “endearingly human”: Mi, 9/20/82
12 “exclusive statement”: SuEx, 8/14/82
13 “rash” choice of words …“refused”: Sun, 8/16/82
14 “very unkind”: NOTW, 8/15/82
15 “cheap publicity”: DM, 8/16/82
16 “deeply distressed”: Sun, 8/16/82
17 at one point she went for three: B-AM1, p. 56
18 “quite amusing”: Ibid., p. 57
19 “she kept the bulimia”: Interview with Michael Colborne
20 “disconcerting propensity”: B-JD, p. 398
21 “continued to grow to the point”: Ibid., p. 399
22 “Whatever happens, I will always”: B-AM1, p. 37
23 Morton wrote that: Ibid., p. 139
24 “had made virtually no contact”: B-JD, p. 480
25 “I talked to her once a week”: Interview with Stuart Higgins
26 Charles was reported to have: NOTW, 8/3/86
27 By Diana’s later description: B-AM1, pp. 55–56, 133; Pano, pp. 7–8
28 “We are now installed”: Mi, 1/18/99 (Diana letter 9/21/82 to unnamed recipient)
29 “no one’s listening.… wanted to get better”: Pano, pp. 7–8
30 “desperate cry for help … in my head”: B-AM1, p. 55
31 “didn’t like … with the pressures”: Pano, p. 8
32 Diana did later say that she had tried: B-AM1, p. 61
33 According to a 1986 survey: A.R. Favazza and K. Conterio, “The Plight of Chronic Self-Mutilators,” Community Mental Health Journal (1988),24, pp. 22–30
34 more often indicates: B-JK, p. 33
35 One 1986 study of self-cutters: Op. Cit., Favazza and Conterio
36 When self-injury occurs: B-JK, pp. 32, 34
37 Diana enacted some of her: Pano, pp. 7–8
38 “indifference pushed her”: B-AM1, p. 133
39 “The trouble is one day”: B-JD, p. 401 (PC letter 10/10/82 to unnamed recipient)
40 After Charles consulted: Ibid.
41 On October 17, a week after: Ibid., p. 400
42 “complaining and sulking … on the hop”: Mi, 10/18/82
43 “bored to tears”: DS, 10/19/82
44 “No one, but no one”: Mi, 11/15/82
45 “out of his way whenever”: Ibid.
46 later revealed by Whitaker: B-JW, p. 176
47 “If … her shoes are cleaned”: Mi, 11/15/82
48 “seriously concerned”: Sun, 11/15/82
49 “fit and well”: Ti, DT, 11/16/82
50 “inevitable stresses”: MOS, 11/21/82
51 “sniper … wide”: DS, 12/1/82
52 “new lease of enthusiasm”: DEx, 12/9/82
53 “fiend.… forced him into this marriage”: DS, Sun, 12/11/82
54 “I got it straight”: Interview with Nigel Dempster
55 “the greatest howler”: NOTW, 12/12/82
56 “near to tears much of the time”: NOTW, 1/23/83
57 “nonsense”: DS, 2/3/83
58 whose pattern of speaking: B-DK, p. 232
59 She was hurt that the press: Interview with Michael Colborne
60 “did take criticism hard”: B-AM1, p. 56
61 “None of my family knew about”: Ibid., p. 54
62 The public squabble between: Sun, 8/16/82
63 “I am a firm believer in maternal”: DM, 6/24/82
64 Johnnie Spencer told: Interview with Robert Spencer
65 “I know the royals can appear”: Ti, 6/14/83
66 “a close member of the Princess’s”: Mi, 11/16/82
67 “She told me then”: Interview with James Whitaker
68 “wonderfully solid”: B-AM1, p. 64
69 “a woman to love and be cared for”: Carpenter, p. 223
70 “had a lot to learn”: Strong, p. 317
71 “Ruth was very distressed”: Carpenter, p. 223
CHAPTER 11
1 “The great problem is”: Mi, 1/18/99 (PC letter 4/13/83 to unnamed recipient)
2 Charles rarely left: DT, 4/2/83; B-JD, p. 401
3 “nobody ever helped”: B-AM1, p. 49
4 But in a letter to a friend: B-JD, pp. 402–3 (Diana letter 4/1/83 to unnamed recipient)
5 Charles quickly intervened: Ti, 4/12/83
6 She moved informally: B-DK, p. 233
7 “She has a wonderful way”: Mi, 1/18/99 (PC letter 4/13/83 to unnamed recipient)
8 “I’ll bet you have fun”: SuEx, 8/14/83
9 “The Princess was plainly”: The Observer, 4/17/83
10 After applauding his: DT, 4/2/83
11 “You can’t tell a woman”: SuPe, 3/27/83
12 “preserve my sanity”: B-JD, p. 402 (PC letter 4/4/83 to unnamed recipient)
13 Sometimes they frightened: Ibid.
14 “The terrifying part”: Ibid.
15 “All you could hear was”: Pano, pp. 3–4
16 In a letter to a friend: B-JD, p. 403 (Diana letter 4/1/83 to unnamed recipient)
17 “jealous”: Pano, p. 4
18 “took it out on [her]”: B-AM1, p. 49
19 “I do feel desperate”: B-JD, p. 402 (PC letter 4/4/83 to unnamed recipient)
20 Diana’s toughest moments: B-AM1, pp. 29, 143
21 In a letter written: B-JD, p. 403 (Diana letter 4/1/83 to unnamed recipient)
22 “We were extremely happy there”: Ibid., p. 401 (PC letter 4/26/83 to the van Cutsems)
23 “his hand resting on hers”: B-DK, p. 241
24 During a tree-planting: DS, 6/30/83
25 “Isn’t she absolutely beautiful?”: DEx, 8/14/83
26 At the end of the tour: B-DK, p. 241
27 “Not a moment to breathe”: Mi, 1/18/99 (Diana letter 6/83 to unnamed recipient)
28 “When trying to drag”: Ibid.
29 “I haven’t missed William as much”: Ibid.
30 “very witty”: Ti, 6/27/83
31 “When they write something horrible”: DEx, 6/16/83
32 “Prince Charles is largely”: Mi, 4/18/83
33 “a big girl now”: DS, 6/30/83
34 “different person”: Pano, p. 3
35 She had been to at least: B-AM1, pp. 140–41
36 She didn’t think her therapists: B-AM1, p. 55
37 “her swings of mood continued”: B-JD, p. 406
38 “hours comforting and reassuring”: NOTW, 10/23/83
39 Diana made her first solo foreign: DEx, 2/2/84; NOTW, 2/12/84
40 She became the patron: Ti, 12/28/83
41 “my husband decided”: Pano, p. 12
42 press reports made clear: DEx, 12/9/82; Mi, 11/7/83
43 “The combination of style”: WO, 1/7/84
44 “She was terribly keen”: Interview with Felicity Clark
45 Early in the marriage: B-JD, pp. 359, 477
46 She could sit for as long: B-WB, p. 24
47 “queen of fashion”: SuPe, 3/4/84
48 “visiting the very young”: Ti, 12/28/83
49 “I think I’ve always been”: Pano, p. 13
50 lasted less than six: DT, 10/20/98
51 “She couldn’t understand”: Interview with Michael Colborne
52 “understandable [Diana] would not”: B-SB, p. 235
53 quite a few were pushed: B-JW, p. 193; DM, 5/27/83
54 “made her feel nervous”: Sun, 3/29/82
55
Diana would draw a staff: B-JD, p. 360
56 he was disheartened: Ibid., p. 406
57 “Certain friends had to go”: McCall’s, 10/84
58 but Diana was equally adamant: B-JD, p. 406; DT, 10/20/98
59 “Pass the port”: VF, 10/85
60 or were simply against: B-JD, p. 399
61 By one account, she turned: B-PJ2, p. 102
62 Because of the awkwardness: B-JD, p. 406
63 When Diana was once portrayed: DM, DS, 9/28/85
64 “I haven’t felt well”: DEx, 3/24/84; SuTel, 12/30/84
65 “It was a good year”: Interview with Michael Colborne
66 Even with a nanny: McCall’s, 10/84
67 “very energetically for about”: Ibid.
68 “The Queen could not be”: Sun, 4/12/84
69 Charles had his own busy: B-JD, pp. 407–13
70 “within the shell of a normal”: Ibid., pp. 405–6
71 Charles was known for: DT, 11/6/98
72 “a lot of tiara functions”: Mi, 1/18/99 (Diana letter 6/83 to unnamed recipient)
73 “occasional spelling”: B-MR, p. 89
74 “What happened after”: B-SB, p. 146
75 “amazing team”: interview with David Puttnam
76 “They had strengths”: Ibid.
77 “lingering look and quick kiss”: DEx, 7/30/84
78 “leads conversations”: Sun, 4/12/84
79 “It was clear the royal couple”: Andrew Neil, Full Disclosure (1997), p. 256
80 “Then she got animated”: Interview with Andrew Neil
81 She was jolted: DM, 8/21/84; DEx, 8/23/84
82 “Can’t stand being away”: Mi, 1/18/99 (Diana letter 8/24/84 to unnamed recipient)
83 Diana later said she and Charles: B-AM1, p. 51
84 but she kept the sex of their child: Ibid.
85 “hoping” for one: DEx, 3/24/84
86 “would be nice”: Ti, 3/28/84
87 never stopped seeing: B-JD, p. 399
88 she actually agreed: Pano, p. 14
89 “By then I knew he had gone”: B-AM1, p. 51
90 “Oh God, it’s a boy”: Ibid.
CHAPTER 12
1 “interludes of happiness”: B-JD, p. 406
2 “Professional Diana-watchers”: SuTel, 12/30/84
3 “in such good form”: SuMi, 2/3/85
4 with Harry she continued: B-AM1, p. 53
5 She rose early, took a daily swim: Ibid., p. 57
6 “she sought to possess him”: B-JD, p. 367
7 during the previous year’s: DS, 3/21/84
8 rough and boring: Sun, 8/13/86
9 antipathy that deepened: Sun, 7/17/84
10 “very important to my physical”: Polo magazine, Jan/Feb 1998, p. 52
11 After Harry’s birth, Diana asked: B-JD, pp. 434, 477
12 Diana later said that Charles: B-AM1, p. 53
13 When Charles came up: B-PJ2, p. 119
14 “peak of royal productivity”: DEx, 1/23/85
15 “are in no doubt that it is”: DEx, 1/10/85
16 “so wet you could shoot”: DS, 1/10/85
17 the resignation was: NYT Magazine, 2/21/88; B-JD, p. 434
18 “I’ll get it in the neck”: DS, 1/25/85
19 “dithering wimp”: DS, 2/24/85
20 “the real ruler”: NOTW, 2/3/85
21 “a thoroughly henpecked”: Sun, 2/4/85
22 “prima donna”: Ibid.
23 “great flights of human spirit”: DM, 4/27/85
24 “more of a companion”: Ibid.
25 Diana, however, was less than enthralled: B-JD, p. 431
26 “Mind your head”: DM, 4/27/85
27 he buried his insecurity: B-JD, p. 431
28 “secondhand Rosa”: Jayne Fincher, Diana: Portrait of a Princess (1998), p. 84
29 “unsophisticated”: DS, 4/23/85
30 “heinous hats”: VF, 10/85
31 indulged in ever-more daring: DS, 3/21/85; Sun, 3/27/85
32 “the wrong way round”: Sun, 12/4/85
33 “Being a princess, even if”: Ti, 4/23/85
34 “She said, ‘Why don’t”: Interview with Roberto Devorik
35 Colborne had been a solid support: B-JD, pp. 296, 435
36 One day, when Charles: Interview with Michael Colborne
37 “stress and disruption”: B-JD, pp. 434–35
38 “To both of them, my”: Interview with Michael Colborne
39 “catastrophe”: Strong, pp. 361–62
40 “iron mouse”: VF, 10/85
41 “nonsense”: Sun, 9/28/85
42 “snobby Vanity Fair”: DS, 9/28/95
43 “astonishing”: DM, 9/27/85
44 “amazing”: Sun, 9/28/85
45 “horrid”: DM, 9/28/85
46 “ratbag of gossip”: Mi, 10/2/85
47 “royal wimp”: NOTW, 9/29/85
48 “ ‘The Mouse That Roared’ had”: Interview with Deidre Fernand
49 “Oh, gosh … well … er”: Newsweek, 10/26/85
50 Attenborough worked with: Mi, 10/17/85; DM, 4/24/89
51 x“Well, obviously. You feel … No, we don’t”: DM, 10/21/85; Mi, 10/21/85
52 “friendly tiff”: DM, 10/21/85
53 “What a smashing”: Mi, 10/21/85
54 “Di and Charles are so”: Sun, 10/21/85
55 “unbelievable cleavage”: B-JD, p. 471 (PC letter 11/13/85 to unnamed recipient)
56 Their four-minute number: Mi, 12/23/85; DS, 12/24/85
57 “provocative and sensuous”: People, “The Diana Years” (1997), p. 115
58 “terrific” dancer: Hello!, 11/29/97
59 “was in sparkling form”: Sun, 6/4/85
60 Charles had also resumed: B-JD, p. 480
61 The rapprochement with Kanga: DM, 10/24/85; SuPe, 6/2/86
62 “blue with jealousy”: Interview with Nicholas Haslam
63 “Camilla had a fallout”: Interview with Stuart Higgins
64 He was an unlikely prospect: B-WB, p. 25
65 “the love of my life”: Anthony Holden, Charles: A Biography (1998), p. 204
66 Mannakee had been warned: B-WB, p. 25
67 Nevertheless, Diana was disheartened: Holden, pp. 198–99
68 “I don’t want to spy”: B-JD, p. 482 (PC letter 2/11/87 to unnamed recipient)
69 “There appeared … to disintegrate”: B-JD, pp. 477–79
70 “started to withdraw”: Ibid., p. 479
71 “bat ears”: Sun, 5/7/86
72 “plastic smile”: Mi, 5/8/86
73 “I didn’t know anything”: B-AM1, p. 45
74 “My husband told me off”: Ibid., pp. 55–56
75 “Even together … they were apart”: B-JD, p. 480
76 they kept different: Descriptions of Charles and Diana’s domestic discord are based on confidential interviews, as well as: Sun, 8/13/86; B-WB, pp. 5, 12, 28, 35, 43, 45, 53
77 “desperation”: B-JD, p. 480 (PC letter 11/18/86 to unnamed recipient)
78 “I never thought it would”: Ibid., p. 481 (PC letter 2/11/87 to unnamed recipient)
79 “the warmth, the understanding”: Ibid.
80 “knowledge … cared about our marriage”: Pano, p. 14
81 other staff understood: B-WB, pp. 12, 57; B-PJ2, p. 103
82 “the change of behavior pattern”: Pano, p. 15
83 “a certain woman”: B-PT, p. 25
84 “It’s agony to know”: B-JD, p. 479 (PC letter 3/11/86 to unnamed recipient)
85 “the whole royal ‘setup,’ ”: B-PT, p. 28
86 “berating Charles for seeing”: Ibid., pp. 29, 33
87 “pretty devastating”: Pano, p. 14
88 “terrified”: B-AP, p. 121
89 “spent my whole time … letting them see it”: B-AM1, pp. 50–51
90 “She was teary and … out of sorts”: B-SF, p. 98
91 Richard Foster had spent: Hello!, 11/22/97
92 “She was tense
down to”: ST, 11/1/98
93 “after five years of being … tell her”: B-AM1, pp. 54–55
94 But she recalled …“he just gave me”: Ibid., p. 56
95 A footman at Balmoral: B-WB, p. 49
96 “Friends on my husband’s side”: Pano, p. 15
97 “matchmaker Diana”: B-SF, p. 69
98 abetted by Diana and Charles: Mi, 12/24/85; B-WB, p. 38
99 She once said that the royal family: B-AM1, pp. 61, 64
100 “tried to lacerate me”: B-AM2, p. 65
101 “[Charles’s] grandmother is always”: Sun, 8/24/92
102 “Diana sometimes said”: Interview with Roberto Devorik
103 “something troubling”: B-AM1, p. 53
104 initially got on well: B-WB, pp. 33, 109
105 “pique”: DM, 1/23/85; DEx, 12/22/84
106 “Her Royal Rudeness”: Time, 2/28/83
107 “rattle her cage”: B-AM1, p. 54
108 “hopping mad and quite”: Mi, 3/24/82
109 “country gentry”: Biographical material on Sarah Ferguson is drawn primarily from her memoir, My Story.
110 “kept rearing her head”: B-AM1, p. 58
111 “set me free”: B-SF, p. 3
112 “I was robust and jolly”: Ibid., pp. 97–98
113 “Why can’t you be more”: Ibid.
114 “It must have been hell”: Ibid., p. 75
115 “Diana felt the Queen”: Interview with Roberto Devorik
116 “our common interests”: B-SF, p. 97
117 After listening … “maybe I ought”: B-AM1, p. 58
118 “flavor of the month”: B-SF, p. 119
119 “a tower of strength”: Mi, 5/15/86
120 “near obsession about how”: DEx, 5/8/86
121 “the cold indifference”: Mi, 5/15/86
122 “I don’t know why there”: Sun 5/10/86
123 “It doesn’t matter what”: DS, 7/3/86
124 “fasts and feasts”: Sun, 5/12/86
125 “weeping self-doubts”: NOTW, 5/11/86
126 “Nothing like a touch of”: NOTW, 8/10/86
127 “Having a wonderful time”: SuPe, 8/10/86
128 “Recent worries about”: To, 8/11/86
129 “for the things she enjoys”: Sun, 8/13/86
130 “Whether that was bad”: Interview with Stuart Higgins
131 “Charles spends long hours”: NOTW, 8/3/86
132 Charles lightly cuffed: NOTW, 8/3/86; Sun, 8/13/86
133 “Diana seemed to be permanently”: DM, 9/24/86
134 “I never got any O levels”: Ibid.
135 “I just come and talk”: NYT Magazine, 2/21/88
CHAPTER 13
1 In November 1986: Descriptions of Diana’s affair with James Hewitt are drawn primarily from his “as told to” memoir, Princess in Love, by Anna Pasternak.