Lost Paradise

by Tara Fox Hall

  “Things were going well,” I said coldly. “The word is ‘were’, Dev.”

  “I should have just told you the choker was fixed. I shouldn’t have forced you to put it on. I am sorry I scared you.”

  “No, you aren’t!” I said bluntly. “You have said that many times, and it’s simply not true, Dev! You like my fear. And I don’t like to be afraid of the people I love.”

  “Then you still do love me.” Devlin’s tone was relieved.

  “Not enough to live with you,” I said bluntly. “I’m staying here with Danial and Theo.”

  “Lash will be sad to hear that,” Devlin teased. “He missed eating dinner with you last night.”

  I felt a pang then, because I did miss Lash. But not enough to come back to Dev. “He’ll understand,” I said firmly. “He saw how upset I was yesterday morning.”

  “I want you to come on Monday morning, and stay until Thursday afternoon. Danial talked to me last night about this. I am amenable to the idea, especially as you are safe at his house, and I won’t worry about you so much when you are not here—”

  This was probably the best deal I was going to get, but I wasn’t agreeing just yet.

  “—I’ll send Lash to get you,” Devlin continued. “Say about ten, or maybe a little later?”

  “I’ll agree to that for next week, on one condition,” I said finally. “You and I need to talk, Dev.”

  “About what?” he said curiously. “I’ve always encouraged you to ask me anything.”

  “I need to understand your business better. What do you do with these cases I send you, for starters?”

  “You should know that well,” Devlin said, bemused. “You’ve sorted through a ton of my files.”

  “And found only employee records, tax stuff, lots of documents, and love notes enough to drown in—”

  “There were not that many, Sar,” Devlin said, laughing. “I went through them today. That file is cleared out for you now. I kept only a few important mementos. The rest I had Titus incinerate.”

  Not good enough. “Dev, you are talking around my question.”

  “Sarelle, haven’t you gone through any of the white boxes? I was sure you had.”

  “What are you talking about—?”

  “The white boxes are cases and other business records,” Devlin said patiently. “The other boxes had everything else.”

  I hadn’t known what the different colors meant. “I started doing the brown ones, because I thought they were all from the same period of time,” I said. “I’ll go through a white one next time I come.”

  “Monday. You can do it Monday. And if you have any questions, just ask me.”

  “Okay.”

  “Do you forgive me?” Devlin asked, very serious. “I didn’t mean what I said, about Theo.”

  I took a deep breath. “Yes, you did. You’ll threaten me again with it, probably.”

  “No,” Devlin said tiredly. “I will not. There is no point. You know I won’t do it. I’m too afraid of you hating me.”

  “You’re right, I would.”

  “For all I wanted to be under your skin, it is you who have gotten under mine,” Devlin whispered longingly. “I desire you more than anything. I lose my temper far too easily with you.”

  “No shit!” I said flatly. “It’s not any fun to be on the receiving end of your anger, Dev, no matter that you don’t actually hit me.”

  “I know,” Devlin said reluctantly. “I have asked Titus to look into making something for me that would make me more…mellow, I guess is the word. At least for the time you and I spend together.”

  “Vampire Valium?” I asked, disbelieving.

  “Something like that,” Devlin said with a chuckle. “I keep apologizing, but even I can see that I’m not controlling my jealousy and possessiveness enough. I need to do something before I drive you away from me.”

  Had Lash been talking to him about this when I had been in the bathroom showering yesterday? Or had Titus or Danial said something to him? “That’s a good step.”

  “I need to go,” Devlin said suddenly. “But I’ll call you later.”

  “When?” I said, looking at the clock. “It’s six now. We’ll be going to bed about eleven or so, probably.”

  “I heard you three were sleeping together,” Dev said longingly. “I wish I could join you one night. Ask Danial, when you have a chance.”

  Was he kidding? “I’ll ask him,” I replied, knowing I would not.

  “Good-bye for now, Sar. I’ll call about ten-thirty. I love you.”

  Well, he was trying. “I love you, too,” I said softly, then hung up the phone and got back to work.

  I said to hell with work at eight. There was more to do, but I was exhausted. Besides, I wanted to see the kids before everyone went to bed. It was time for a little normalcy.

  I walked downstairs. Theo was in the kitchen, making dinner. He looked very tired as he stirred the vat of Campbell’s tomato soup, and flipped some grilled cheese sandwiches. Elle was talking to him, Danial and Theoron absent.

  As I came into the kitchen, and took over from a relieved Theo, it occurred to me suddenly that this was how Theo had wanted our life to be; the three of us together, preparing a meal as a family. Then Elle asked me a question and the moment passed.

  Danial and Theoron came in a few moments later, as I was serving dinner. After gulping her dinner, Elle asked, “Does anyone want to go for a walk?”

  Theo promptly downed the rest of his. “Sure.”

  It had been a while since he had changed form. I declined, both to avoid the cold and give him the time to bond with Elle. Danial did also, saying he had to put Theoron to bed. Theoron protested, so Danial picked him up and carried him off, loudly protesting.

  As I cleared the plates and loaded the dishwasher, Elle changed in her room. Theo let her outside in her lion form, then a moment later he was pawing at the door, looking at me expectantly. I let him outside, with a quick stroke of my hand over his fur. He gave me a throaty purr, and then bounded away. There was a roar, followed by an answering one in the darkness. I smiled and shut the door, locking it.

  I went into tuck Theoron in and found Danial beginning a game of Peanut Butter and Jelly, Theoron’s favorite, which my son quickly persuaded me to join. Theoron won over Danial, but only because Danial lost a turn on an unlucky role of the dice. I was way behind, Lion having eaten all my bread several times.

  As Danial and I tucked Theoron in, I again had the odd thought that this was what Danial had probably imagined long ago for us: being with our son, spending time playing together, putting him to bed, and kissing him goodnight. Because this is what families did when they loved each other. This is what parents did, when they loved each other and their children.

  Moved suddenly, I decided it was best to stay here until I gave birth, at least. I hadn’t planted a garden yet back at my house. I would plant one, but it would be here at Danial’s home. At the end of the summer, maybe Theo and I would stay here with Danial. We were safe here. Theoron and Elle were growing fast; I was missing their childhood, being anywhere else but here. I would never get this night back. If not for Robert, I’d have been home with Theo. Neither of us would be with our children here, only with each other. I had to take this opportunity and so did he, before it was gone.

  After we said goodnight, I walked with Danial out to the great room. “Would you like me to read to you?” he asked. “We haven’t done that in a long time.”

  I made a face, then went down into the basement. “If you want to follow me as I do laundry.” I walked to the machine, then began loading clothes. “How’s Mary?”

  “She’s very sad,” Danial said solemnly. “She’s been taking her daughter to chemotherapy all week. There isn’t much hope now.”

  Mary had been gone a lot in the last few months, as doctors tried many last-ditch efforts to save her daughter. Danial’s house showed it. Though Cia was managing to keep the were compound clean somehow. I kne
w Janice was helping her when she could, but she was busy herself with the plans for her mating ceremony that was later in the summer.

  “So you’re going to turn her daughter?” I asked. “I know Mary talked to you about retiring before all this happened.”

  Danial nodded. “I’ve delayed hiring another housekeeper, being worried about security with Robert and Karl’s threats. But if things go where they seemed to be heading, we’ll have a new vampire housekeeper soon enough.”

  I nodded. Until this played out, I could certainly pitch in a little to help. It would probably be only a month or two, horrible and cold as that sounded.

  As Danial helped me fold the dry clothes, I suddenly felt a kick. “One of the babies kicked,” I said excitedly. “Danial, feel me.”

  Danial put down the shirt and came over to me, putting his hand on my abdomen. We waited a few minutes expectantly and nothing happened. The longer we waited, the surer I became that it had been a fluke. The baby was not supposed to be kicking this early.

  Out of the blue I felt it again, a tiny flutter within me. Danial felt it, too, his face breaking into a wide smile. “I feel him, Sar,” he said excitedly. “It’s always so amazing, to feel that little kick.”

  As much as I was grumpy about it, there was one other who needed to share this news. Devlin wouldn’t want to miss this. “Danial, do you mind if I teleport quick to Devlin’s house to see if he’s home yet?”

  Danial looked at me carefully. “So long as you aren’t going to be angry at what you might encounter there.”

  “Dev said that he was going out tonight,” I said, very careful with my words. “He was probably seeing someone, I know. But he said he’d call me at ten-thirty. It’s almost that now.”

  Danial nodded. “He’s likely home then. Go ahead, Sar. Just call me if he’s not there, and you are going to wait more than a few minutes.”

  “I’ll be right back,” I said, giving him a wide smile. “I’m too tired for a long talk, or anything else.”

  I teleported and ended up in the hallway before Devlin’s bedroom. As I raised my hand to knock, Devlin cried out in pleasure from within.

  “I know how much you like that, Dev,” a woman said sexily.

  Devlin spoke harshly, lust heavy in each word. “Get over here.”

  There was the sound of bodies moving, sliding across fabric. Then Devlin began to cry out repeatedly, in rhythm, a woman’s voice joining him.

  I knew what he was doing in there with her. But I had to see it for myself, to see with my own eyes how he’d lied to me, because even now I wanted to believe there was a reason. There had to be something more important than he’d just wanted sex, and didn’t care about what he’d promised me so ardently.

  I took hold of the knob, and twisted it slowly, opening the door inches at a time.

  The room was dark, but the glow from the fire illuminated their bodies on his bed. Devlin was on top of the woman, her back to him, her long blond hair that was so like mine spread across the pillows. She was bracing herself on the bed, the whole thing rocking slightly with Devlin’s vigorous movements.

  He was thrusting hard into her, crying out with each thrust, holding her hips to his. Just like he had held mine, many times before.

  I moved into the room slowly, shutting the door behind me. Leaning heavily against the wall, I watched them copulate, wanting to remember this, to hold onto my anger through the image, and never forget it. I wished then for a poisoned dagger to stab him in the back with, like he’d been stabbed so many years before. That woman had just been doing it for money. I had a better reason: he’d broken my heart.

  Devlin thrust faster into her, and then came with a loud cry, jerking on top of her. She came, too, screaming his name in her passion.

  “Dev! Oh Dev!”

  Obviously, she knew him well. Or perhaps he asked all his lovers to call him that, so he could remember who he had fucked, and who was still on the “to do” list.

  There was the sound of links sliding, and my choker with the bear emblem fell off my neck to land on my crossed arms. I looked at it in shock, and then back up at them, my fury building.

  This was why it had fallen off. The excuse he had given me to explain it was bullshit.

  “Was it good for you?” the woman said huskily.

  He laughed low, and kissed her. “It’s always good for me with you,” he said, each words heavy with satisfaction. “Though I wish you would relent, and let us meet elsewhere.”

  “I want you here in the bed you turned me in, all those centuries ago,” she whispered. “I want to pretend it’s that night all over again. I loved you then, and I still love you, D—”

  “Ah, Catherine, you’re such a sentimental soul,” Dev said with sarcasm. He chuckled, then made to move off her.

  “I’m not done yet, lover,” Catherine said, turning beneath him to face him. She saw me watching, but her eyes flicked over me without pause, giving Devlin no warning.

  Her face had a resemblance to mine, though she was more buxom. She was also a vampire. That together bothered me. Had he been attracted to me because of her and their past?

  Catherine reached down and squeezed his penis.

  Devlin groaned. “Again, so soon?” he said, immediately aroused. “We have all night—”

  “Do we? Doesn’t your Oathed One expect you soon?” Catherine countered teasingly. “I wouldn’t want her to be denied her fair share.”

  The bitch was playing some game, but for whose benefit?

  “Not tonight,” Dev said softly, then sighed. “I’ll need to leave to call her in a few minutes. She’s with Racklan.”

  “No, she’s not,” Catherine said with a grin. “She’s over there, watching us.” She cut her eyes to me, grinned, and then went down on Devlin.

  Devlin froze, then looked over and saw me. His mouth fell open.

  “There is nothing to say, so don’t!” I yelled furiously, opening his bedroom door. “You won’t be seeing me again, Devlin. Get your cock sucked as much as you want!”

  “Sar, wait—”

  I went to slam the door in his face, but he moved too fast, wedging his foot in the crack. I let the door go to teleport home and he grabbed my arm.

  I couldn’t teleport with him hanging onto me, unless I wanted to take him with me. That was the last thing I wanted. “Get your hand off me!” I hissed. “I can see how much sleeping beside me means to you. We’ve slept together all week, and you’ve only been content because you’ve been fucking someone else—!”

  “You let her sleep with you?” Catherine said, shocked and hurt. “You’ve never let—!”

  “I couldn’t understand why it kept falling off!” I screamed, tears running down my face. “This is why! You broke your promise to me!”

  “Sar, you weren’t supposed to find out—”

  “I found out, Devlin. We’re done. Goodbye—”

  “We will never be done!” he shouted harshly. “I love you. You’re having my child—!”

  “What are you talking about, girl?” Catherine said, coming towards us. “Dev took no oath of fidelity to you—!”

  She was wearing my robe! Bitch! “Yes, he did!” I screamed, pulling the shreds of my pride together. “He promised to be with only me here. No other lover was supposed to share his bed here, you cunt!”

  “Dev, is this true?” Catherine said coolly. “No wonder you came to me at my hotel all this week and wanted to take me to a hotel tonight instead of here—”

  I headed for the stairs. “I don't need to be here for this!”

  Devlin tightened his grip on my arm. “You are going nowhere!” he hissed. Then he turned to Catherine. “But you are. Get your clothes on and leave. Don’t ever come back, Catherine. I never want to see you again.”

  “Bastard!” Catherine hissed, baring her delicate fangs.

  Devlin tried to pull me back inside his bedroom. “Sar, come back inside, please—”

  I held onto the doorframe with all my
strength. “No. I don’t want to see you ever again—”

  “You never have to, girl,” Catherine said with a smirk.

  Chapter Eleven

  Catherine’s eyes flashed. “Dev promised to only be with you, to not have other women here in his bed. Is this true?”

  “Yes,” I grunted, still gripping the doorframe hard. “Yes.”

  “Shut your mouth, Catherine,” Devlin growled, his eyes red tinged. He let go of me and started towards her. “I’ll warn you just once.”

  “He broke his Oath to you, child,” Catherine said gleefully as she backed away, her eyes glaring furiously at Devlin. “You’re free of him. If the choker fell off, it recognized what he had done, that the Oath was irreparably broken—”

  “Get her out of here, Lash!” Devlin yelled.

  Catherine was yanked backward, snarling and struggling. Lash grabbed her hands, knotted them together in one of his, and began dragging her down the stairs. She was swearing at Devlin, and fighting, but Lash was stronger than she was.

  I turned back to Devlin. “Let me go!” I demanded.

  “No,” he said, drawing me into his arms. “I love you, Sar. I just needed—”

  “You don’t love me, and you never did,” I said slowly, deeply hurt. “I was a fool to think you could, that I meant anything to you.”

  “Don’t say that,” Devlin said raggedly, tears welling in his eyes. “You mean everything to me.”

  “Stop lying!” I screamed, and threw his choker at him. He caught it in his hand, snatching it out of the air.

  “I want you to know something,” I said hatefully. “You won’t ever see this child, not ever. It’s clear you aren’t fit to be a father. Danial can help me raise him—”

  “You can’t keep me from my child!” Devlin roared, his eyes glowing red. “You have no right, Sar! How dare you even speak those words!”

  “I have every right!” I screamed back at him. “You lie about everything, Dev. All you know is seduction and sadism, and how to manipulate people! Nothing and nobody truly means anything to you, except maybe Lash.”

  Devlin glared at me, his face contorted and terrible in his anger. For a split second, I thought he might strike me. Instead he took his hand off my arm.