Love Out of Order (Indigo Love Spectrum)

by Green, Nicole

  “Astoria, no. Denise wouldn’t want us—” Suse started.

  Astoria shushed her impatiently. “No. He needs to hear this. And he will.”

  “Hear what?” John spoke up.

  Astoria flopped down on the bed next to the phone. “Joe was Denise’s boyfriend in college. Her first and only boyfriend before your lame—”

  “Astoria! What did we talk about?”

  “Okay, Suse. Calm down. Anyway, she met Joe in her last year of undergrad at a party. She was really in love with this guy. And he treated her right and said all the right things for a while. Then, one day, somebody new caught his eye and he was gone. Just like that. No explanation. Just a text message saying he didn’t want to see her anymore. He wouldn’t answer her calls, emails, texts, anything.

  “Denise thought she would never be able to love anyone again. She had gotten it in her head in those few months they were together that he was the only one for her. He told her some stupid lie about wanting to marry her and she believed it. She just knew that they would get married after graduation and she had already started planning her life around him.

  “When he left her, it destroyed her. I mean, completely destroyed her. It even broke her body down. She was so sick that the doctor almost misdiagnosed her with mono. She lay in bed for weeks, missing most of her classes. Her GPA plummeted. She shut everyone out. She lost most of her friends from undergrad that year because of it. And after that, she convinced herself that if he could say all those things and not mean them—if he could seem that sincere and be lying the whole time—that it was impossible to find true love.

  “Just thought you should know all of that. Since you’re so ready to blame her for everything,” Astoria said.

  I was furious when I first heard that Astoria had told him about Joe, but ironically, Joe probably helped bring us back together. Joe was a part of the darkest days of my past. Losing your first love is never easy. But when you’re stressed out anyway in your last year of school and not knowing where your life is headed, and you’re emotionally fragile to begin with, it can be devastating.

  “You shouldn’t have done that. Denise wouldn’t have wanted him to find out like that,” Suse hissed.

  “He needed to hear it,” Astoria said firmly.

  Unable to argue with that, Suse turned her attention back to the phone. “John?”

  Suse thought he’d hung up when he said, “Suse?” “Yeah?”

  “I know. I know we both messed up. And I do want to try to make this work. I want that more than anything. What I’m really afraid of is she won’t give me another chance. I’ve already screwed up so much with her,” John’s voice cracked. “Especially considering what Astoria just said.”

  “John, she ran away from home over you. This thing between you two is not beyond repair. You still have her heart. You just have to be more careful with it. Really. If you break it again, I’ll break your neck,” Suse said.

  John laughed. “Suse . . . I really hope you’re not wrong about this.”

  “I’m not.”

  “I’m going to buy my ticket tonight. Don’t tell her I’m coming, okay?”

  “Are you kidding? So she can run away again?” “I thought you said this is what she wants.”

  “Yeah, but she doesn’t know that yet,” Suse said with a sly grin. John laughed again. Suse heard the clicking of a keyboard in the background from John’s end. He asked for the hotel’s address and she gave it to him.

  “Okay, I’m looking up flights right now. See you tomorrow, Suse.”

  “All right. Bye.” Suse hit the “end” button on her phone, feeling pretty pleased with herself.

  “So you talked him into it.” Astoria looked shocked out of her mind.

  Suse shrugged. “Yeah, with your help. As unbelievable as that is. Denise may kill you for what you just did.”

  “Whatever. He’s coming. That’s the important thing.”

  “Just don’t break them up again. I can’t keep going through this.” Suse stood up and pulled her travel bag onto the bed.

  “I didn’t break them up before. Stop saying that.”

  “Just kidding,” Suse said, walking toward the bathroom with her bag. “Sort of,” she muttered under her breath.

  “I heard that!” Astoria called after her.

  Suse laughed as a flip-flop went sailing past her head, way to her left.

  Chapter 23

  JOHN ARCHER

  I think I had a small heart attack when I opened the door and John was standing on the other side.

  “You’re being really stupid. How could you blow off your job like that?” Not the greeting I had expected. And it automatically put me on the defensive, of course.

  “You’re engaged to someone you don’t love. I’m stupid?” I snapped.

  “You gonna let me in?”

  “I’m thinking about it,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. Inside, I’d never been happier to see someone in my life. But I didn’t move. Because inside, I was also furious.

  “Why did you do this?” John asked.

  “That’s not any of your business,” I said shortly. I started to close the door. He pushed it open and pushed me backward into the room. He shut the door behind him and went into the living area of my suite. He sat on the sofa and looked up at me as if he was waiting for me to come over and sit. I stayed exactly where I was. He’d already pushed his way into the room. He wasn’t going to command me around it, too.

  I stared at him angrily, at a loss for words. Where did he get off? Where had he even come from?

  “How’d you know I was here?” I asked, still making no moves.

  “How do you think?” he asked in a tone matching mine in nastiness. “How many people know you’re here, Denise?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Astoria and Suse.”

  “You have some nosy friends. But that’s a good thing this time.”

  “So I guess they talked you into coming here to talk me out of dropping out of school and talk me into coming back. Which is pointless,” I said, biting my lip, tears threatening to fall. So many emotions were flooding through me for him at that moment. And almost all of them involved running over to him and jumping into his arms and pretending none of the last few months had happened. But there was just so much hurt inside of me.

  “I’m not here to save the day,” he said quietly. I couldn’t look into those eyes. I looked over the top of his head. I hated him. I loved him. I never wanted to see him again, but I’d die if he ever left that suite. “I’m here for you and only you. I love you. And I’m not leaving without you.”

  “What are you talking about? You stop it right now. Your mom and Sasha are picking out china patterns. I’ve been down this road with you too many times, and I’m sick of it. You’re not doing this to me again. I refuse to let you.” I pounded my thigh with my fist for emphasis. “You told me love wasn’t enough. Remember?” And I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. My whole body shook. I turned away from him. I was sobbing so hard I could barely breathe. But when I could catch my breath between sobs, all I could do was scream.

  “I was wrong,” he said quietly. I could hear him walking toward me. I ran out onto the balcony. But before I could get the door shut, he was out there, too. And blocking my way back inside. Nowhere to hide. “Love is enough. It’s all that matters.”

  I sank down to the cement floor of the balcony and hugged my knees to my chest. I rested my head against my knees. I was still sobbing—only a little quieter.

  “Do you—know how much it hurt—to hear you were marrying her? Do you— know how much it hurt— to lose you? Do you know—how much it hurt—to try to hate you? Do you know how much it hurt to think I would never see you again?” I said, almost over my sobs. I burst into fresh tears after I got my last word out.

  “I’m never going to hurt you again,” he said solemnly. I shrank from his touch, forcing myself as far into the corner I was sitting in as I could manage.

 
“You’re right. Because you’re not going to get the chance,” I said.

  John sighed, lowering himself to the floor of the balcony and sitting right in front of me.

  I put my head back down on my knees.

  “I messed up big time. Huge. I could make a lot of excuses you don’t want to hear. But they’re all true. I was scared. Okay, I’m a punk. But this is hard for me. It’s taken a lot of adjusting. And trying to figure out what I really wanted. And I mean, you just made it so easy for me. When you picked that fight, I took the loser’s way out. But I’m not taking it out again,” John said softly.

  I still wouldn’t look at him. “I bet you didn’t even call the engagement off yet.”

  “I just got here. I’ll do it right now. Right here in front of you if you want,” John said.

  I looked up. He had his phone in his hand.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” I asked. “I’m tired of being hurt. Please stop,” I said.

  “Denise, all I want is you.”

  “You’re engaged.”

  “I want you. Whatever you want. I’d get engaged to you today. I’d marry you right now. This is Vegas. There’s probably a wedding chapel in the lobby,” John said.

  I laughed reluctantly.

  John smiled, looking a little relieved. “Can I at least hug you?” John asked. I didn’t say anything. John stood up. He took my hands in his and pulled me to my feet.

  It was all over. His touch. Those perfectly green eyes. I couldn’t stop him from pulling me to him and I didn’t want to. I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed his shoulders. He felt like John. He smelled like John.

  It all came rushing back in on me so quickly that I would have lost my footing if he hadn’t been holding me so tightly. He was really holding me. I felt his phone vibrate against his thigh. He took it out with one hand, still holding me with the other arm. He groaned. I knew he was rolling his eyes even though I kept my face tightly pressed into his T-shirt.

  “It’s Sasha, isn’t it?” I mumbled into his shirt.

  “Yeah,” John sighed.

  “Answer it. Tell her,” I said suddenly, looking up. He smiled. He took my hand in his and led me back inside as he answered his phone. He put it on speaker.

  “Hey Sasha,” he said, setting the phone on the coffee table and sitting on the sofa. He pulled me onto his lap. I smiled, burying my head in his shirt again. I’d missed his smell so much. I’d missed his everything so much.

  “Where have you been? You haven’t returned any of my messages. I called you like, five times,” she snapped.

  John put his arm around me, squeezing my shoulder. “Sorry. I’ve had a busy morning.”

  “What? Where are you? You’re supposed to be on your way to Boston. We have our engagement pictures tomorrow.”

  “I’m in Vegas,” John said.

  “Vegas? What the hell are you doing in Vegas?”

  “I’m with Denise. It’s over, Sasha. For real this time.”

  Sasha let out a shrill, piercing sound I can only describe as a howl. “Enough of this nonsense, John. I have your grandmother’s ring. And I’ve booked the cathedral. You know how hard it is to get that reservation? And you just can’t do this. I’m coming to get you right now!”

  “Good luck finding me,” John said. “This is Vegas. There are a lot of places I could be.”

  “I’m calling your mother right now. I’m going to put her on three-way right now!”

  “Go ahead. She needs to hear this, too. Thanks,” John said.

  I looked up at him. He kissed my forehead. I rested my head on his shoulder, smiling. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so happy.

  “Archer residence,” John’s mom’s shrill voice came through.

  “Liz! He’s in Vegas! With Denise!” Sasha roared. “John! John!” Elizabeth sounded hysterical.

  “Hi, Mom. Say hi, Denise,” John said, grinning. “Hi,” I said.

  “Denise and I wanted you to be the first two to know. We’re engaged,” John said. I stared at him wordlessly. He whispered to me, “If you’ll have my stupid ass.”

  “You can’t be engaged to her. You’re engaged to me!” Sasha screamed at the same time John’s mother screamed something similar.

  “Not anymore,” John said. “Mom, it’s between you and Sasha how you’re getting Grandma’s ring back. It’s not my concern anymore. I wouldn’t want to give it to Denise even if you’d let me. And I’m sure she wouldn’t want it, anyway,” John said.

  I turned around to face him, my knees straddled on either side of him. I pulled him to me in a fierce kiss.

  “John. We have discussed this,” his mom said.

  “No, John! You get your butt back here right now!”

  I couldn’t tell you how long they screamed into that phone or anything else they said. John and I had stopped paying attention to them. He was my world and I was his. And we also had a lot of kissing to catch up on.

  Later that evening, John and I were still on the sofa. Suse and Astoria had insisted on getting their own room, at least for that night. We were just lying there together. I had never been happier to do anything than to just lie in his arms. The only thing we’d done since breaking the news to Sasha and Elizabeth was take a nap. We hadn’t even moved from that spot. That evening was delicious.

  I watched the sun sink lower in the sky, so satisfied with everything.

  “I got you something for Valentine’s Day. Obviously, I never got to give it to you. I brought it with me,” John said.

  “What is it?” I asked, pulling his arms tighter around me.

  “First, you never answered my question earlier.” “You never asked properly,” I said, knowing exactly what he was referring to.

  John smiled, getting up from behind me. “Fair enough.” He went over to his bag and pulled out a small, black box. He turned back to me. My eyes went wide. My mouth went dry. “You’re the one I really wanted to ask.”

  “Huh?” I said weakly.

  “Now, I wanted a romantic dinner. I had rented a tux. I was going to go all out. And I want you to remember that when you tell people about this. But I can’t wait anymore.”

  “Huh?” I stared down at the black velvet.

  John dropped to one knee in front of me. He opened the box. Even in the dim light of the room, that thing was sparkling. It was the biggest rock I’d ever seen in real life. I couldn’t take my eyes off it. John gently lifted my chin, bringing my eyes back to his.

  “So. I already gave you my huge speech on why you make my life worthwhile earlier today. And you do. You really do. And I want you to keep doing that forever. Will you marry me?” John was grinning.

  I thought my face would crack with the smile spreading over it as I nodded vigorously. I couldn’t make words come out. I didn’t even try. He took the ring out of the box. My heart was pounded as he took my left hand in his.

  As he slid the ring onto my finger, I finally found my voice again. “So you were going to ask me then?” “Yeah.”

  “But you barely knew me.”

  “I knew that I couldn’t get enough of you.”

  “And you asked Sasha instead,” I said, my anger flaring a little; I forced myself to not give into it. That was the past.

  “I know. It wasn’t smart. I was a moron.”

  “Yep.”

  “All I can say is I’m sorry. I mean, I can’t go back in time. I wish I could. There’s so much time I wouldn’t waste not being with you if I could,” John said quietly, earnestly. I just sat there, staring at him, trying to take it all in. “So?”

  “I think I deserve another big speech,” I finally responded.

  “I think you do, too. I think you deserve anything you want that I can possibly give to you,” John said, kissing my hand gently. I held it up to my face, inches from it. Wow. Was that really mine?

  “Okay, so big speech,” I grinned, admiring my hand.

  He took my hand down from my face, kissing it again. He nod
ded. “Denise, I can’t believe how lucky I am. I thought my dumb ass had ruined everything between us. It killed me to see you with Erich at Barrister’s. It killed me to see you and not be with you. I hated to see Donnovan near you. I wanted to kill Tyler when he touched you. I think I tried to.

  “I thought I had ruined everything. And I almost did. But then, this miracle happened today. You decided to give me a second chance. Not that I deserve it. And I don’t know what I can ever do to make things up to you. But I’m going to try my hardest to do that.

  “I was so stupid. I had the most wonderful thing I’d ever seen or known in my life. And I did worse than let it go. I pushed it away. And I would have hated myself for that for the rest of my life, but you rescued me from myself yet again by forgiving me. You are a beautiful person. I’m better because you love me. My life has worth—meaning—because you want to be in it. And all I could think of from the moment I was stupid enough to drive off and leave you standing there that day was how all the light was gone from my life because I was dumb enough to let it go. No. To make it go.

  “And all this time, it seemed like the more I tried to tell myself I was doing the right thing, the more I realized just how wrong I was. I was crazy to do what I did. And I drove myself even crazier after I did it. I was hurting, Denise. I know I hurt you and it kills me that I did. But I was hurting, too. And knowing what I was doing to you made it even worse.

  “But tonight, you healed me. Tonight, you changed everything. For the better. I’m never going to be the same John again. And I don’t want to be. I want to be better. I want to be the man you deserve. And I want us to have a great life together. I want to marry you. And for us to have a family. And I want us to raise our kids to be just like you. Because you are the best, most golden person I know in this world.

  “And I don’t care what my parents or anyone else thinks. Our life—our love has nothing to do with them. They don’t have anything I need. Because all I need is you. And if they can’t accept you, then they can’t accept me. You’re a part of me. You always will be. The very best part of me. I love them, but they’re stupid. And if I never talk to them again, it won’t be because of anything I did wrong, and definitely not because of anything you did wrong. And so I’m okay with that. They either accept all of me, which includes you, or they accept none of me.