Constellation

by Jennifer Locklear

  “You would, huh?” Jack’s tone was quiet, but still playful.

  “Yes.”

  “Now I really want that dinner date.”

  I laughed for a few seconds before I said, “Soon.”

  “I’m glad you’re happy.”

  “Me, too.”

  “I’m going to let you rest now, Kathleen. I want you to take this feeling and go to sleep with it.”

  It was the most romantic thing any man had ever said to me. My eyes filled with tears and my heart began to pound. I was euphoric. “Is it odd that I’d rather fall asleep with you still on the phone?”

  “I think it’s nice. Thank you for saying that.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Are you all right?” While this wasn’t the first time Jack had asked this question, it was the first time he wasn’t asking out of deep concern.

  The thought of him checking on my current level of happiness was another new and welcome form of realism.

  “I am,” I said with confidence. “I’ll let you go. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Good night, Kathleen,” Jack said in a voice so soft that I envisioned him kissing my forehead as he spoke the words.

  Tonight I would sleep well. “Good night, Jack.”

  THREE WEEKS after the awkward conference room meeting, Robert had left me alone, much to my surprise. There were no demands made on me at the office, and there were no awkward phone calls in the evenings or during the weekends. For the most part, he ignored me and I was fine with that. I was even tempted to relax.

  I entertained theories about his change in behavior and even considered his unexpected retreat was because he had taken my offense to heart. In the end, however, my instincts and experience with Robert convinced me that I was in the midst of a deadly calm. This was the eye of the storm, and it would be wise to prepare myself for the inevitable backlash.

  I speculated that Robert was offended by me and laying low while calculating his next move. Our argument in the conference room differed from others because I had dared to challenge him. The last time I had done so, I had been a child. The whys were fuzzy now, but I’d learned an important lesson. My father reacted to such tests with searing anger. My challenge had not been perceived as the natural progression of growth and independence for a child. He saw it as an act of betrayal, a declaration of disrespect. Perhaps now that I was an adult and could no longer be punished like a child had emboldened me to push back, but there was no way of predicting how Robert would respond.

  The unknown should have kept me awake at night, but the soothing presence of Jack Evans shielded me from stress. We were still finding our way, but the tension we’d experienced after spending the night together had receded.

  Jack often brought Heide to the office after she finished her day at school, and I found myself fascinated by his interactions with her. His daughter was blossoming despite the divorce, and this was in large part because of him. Jack was supportive and nurturing and not at all like Robert.

  He even extended his protection and kindness toward me by following through on his pledge to make sure I wasn’t alone with Robert. With care and expertise, Jack kept close to me without raising eyebrows at the office. He arrived at work most mornings with two coffees, one for me from Dutch Bros. and one for him from Starbucks, and throughout the ensuing days, we’d focus our energies on the upcoming luncheon.

  I was beginning to realize that there was a precious intimacy forming between us. Jack Evans was becoming a good friend. He was patient and bided his time before asking me on another date. A week before the Portland event, I received an invitation to spend time with Jack and Heide at their home for dinner. I accepted with enthusiasm.

  We hadn’t slept together or engaged in phone sex again, yet I was certain I would be spending the night with him. We made plans for Wednesday evening so we could take advantage of the Farmer’s Market, which had just opened for the season. He encouraged me to find a way to leave the office in the afternoon so we could shop at the market without being rushed, and we began to refer to the upcoming Wednesday with a tone of unmistakable anticipation and excitement.

  When the day arrived, I drove home during the noon hour and exchanged my work clothes for a loose gray blouse paired with dark skinny jeans. On a whim, I rolled up the cuffs and completed the outfit with a white pair of Converse low top sneakers. I also prepared a discreet overnight bag, opting not to include a pair of pajamas.

  Jack and Heide arrived at my condo after he picked her up from school, and together we rode into the heart of the city during that warm and sunny late afternoon. After parking the car, we made our way to the Brooks Street Alleyway and meandered through the small crowd of shoppers and vendors. As we strolled through the market, Heide asked me about the mountains surrounding Bend.

  “Have you been to the top of all four of them?” she asked, her eyes full of excitement.

  “No, I haven’t. I did climb one of the Sisters though.”

  “You did?” Jack and Heide spoke in unison, impressed.

  “It was a long time ago. I did it for a fundraising drive. I don’t think I could do it again. I was lucky I made it back.”

  “I’m going to climb all four of them,” Heide declared with a great deal of enthusiasm. “All Three Sisters and Mount Bachelor.”

  “Well, you know there are more than four mountains around here,” I teased. “You should add those to your list, too.”

  “Like what?”

  “Mount Washington is nearby. Mount Jefferson and Mount Hood aren’t all that far away from here either.” I paused as the name of another local peak flashed in my mind. “There’s even Three Fingered Jack.” I couldn’t help but waggle an eyebrow at Jack when I said it. He blushed, and the color of his cheeks contrasted beautifully with his dark shirt.

  “What?” Heide stared in disbelief. “Is that mountain named after you, Dad?”

  Jack shook his head, while trying to suppress a grin.

  “It used to be called Mount Marion, but someone changed the name,” I explained.

  “Why?”

  “Some say it was renamed after a beaver trapper.” I smirked once again in Jack’s direction. “But it’s probably because of the three big peaks on top of it. It’s one of the oldest volcanoes around here.”

  “Maybe I should climb that one first.”

  “I’d save it for last. I hear it’s kind of hard.”

  Jack coughed, and this time I couldn’t keep myself from laughing. Heide was clueless to my innuendos, and was distracted by a booth offering an exotic variety of jellies.

  When we returned to the Evans house, Heide led me inside while Jack gathered our purchases from the trunk of his car.

  As we opened the front door, the home’s sentry, the family cat, greeted us. The fluffy gray feline with a flat Persian face and suspicious blue eyes wasn’t animated, but since she didn’t hiss and run away as soon as I walked inside, I considered this a success. The cat didn’t block my way into the living room as much as she forced me to step around her.

  “I just realized I don’t know your cat’s name,” I whispered to Heide, while sidestepping the animal.

  “Kitty Hawk,” she said in a casual tone.

  That didn’t make much sense to me. “You mean like the place the Wright Brothers took off from?”

  Heide looked as confused as I felt when she shook her head. “I don’t know. She’s just a good bird hunter.”

  “Yes, I see.”

  When Jack entered the house, I offered to help him unload the groceries, but he steered me away.

  “Kathleen! Come here! I’ll show you Minecraft,” Heide said, seizing the opportunity to continue our conversation from several weeks ago.

  I followed her to the living room and joined her on the sofa. She grabbed her tablet and gave me a brief tutorial of the game until Jack reminded her to get her homework done before dinner. Heide frowned at the interruption in her duties as hostess.

  “W
hat kind of assignments do you have to work on?” I asked, deciding to back up her father’s suggestion.

  She pushed her hair away from her face as she answered. “Just math.”

  “Maybe I could help. Then we can we come back to Minecraft later.”

  She looked at me with skeptical eyes. “Did you go to college?”

  Somehow I managed to keep a straight face, even though I wanted to bust out laughing. “I did. I even graduated.”

  “Where’d you go?” It felt like she was taking my offer of help with a fair amount of skepticism.

  “I went to the University of Oregon. In Eugene.”

  “So you’re a Duck?” Jack asked from his station in the kitchen. The distinct sound of a wine cork popping followed his comment.

  I raised my voice enough so he could hear my reply. “I guess. I would have preferred to go to school in Portland. I’m more of a platypus.”

  “What does that mean?” he asked, appearing from the kitchen with an amused smile and carrying a glass of white wine.

  As he offered me the glass, I responded, “It just means that I can cheer for either the Beavers or the Ducks. I don’t have a strong loyalty one way or the other.”

  “Given what I know about the Civil War, that sounds dangerous,” he commented.

  “It can be, so you’d better never share that with anyone. I’ll deny it.” I was somewhat joking.

  Jack looked back at his daughter. “Will you need our help with your homework, Heide?”

  Jack’s use of the word “our” caused an exhilarated shiver to surge through me.

  “Nah. I know what to do.”

  “That’s good. Why don’t you go finish up and get it over with for the evening.”

  “What about Kathleen?” she asked.

  “Kathleen can keep me company while I make dinner.”

  “Okay.” Heide bounded off the sofa, grabbed her backpack from the floor and flew off in the direction of her bedroom.

  I followed Jack as he returned to the kitchen, but declined a proffered seat. Instead I leaned against the breakfast bar, more than ready to watch him prepare another meal with a graceful expertise I could never replicate, even on my best cooking day.

  As he prepared our meal, I sipped my wine and allowed the alcohol to relax my body and my mind. We established a playful banter, and I was grateful when Jack avoided office and family politics. With dinner well underway and a small lull in his culinary duties, Jack washed his hands before closing the distance between us.

  I watched in silent anticipation as he took the wine glass from my hand and set it down on the counter.

  “Don’t you want a taste?” I asked him, my voice husky.

  “Absolutely,” he confirmed before covering my lips with his own.

  As I opened to him, he caressed my neck. Having just washed his hands, their touch was cool and soothing on my heated skin. When he touched my tongue with his after far too long, I gripped his hips and pulled his body closer. This was our first kiss since I’d last left his home, and in that time so much had taken place. I wanted to possess him and tightened my grasp. I was now holding a man I wasn’t worthy of.

  Jack had been easygoing and tender with me when I wasn’t capable of treating him with the same consideration. He alone had brought me through a challenging time as my relationship with Robert hit a new low. Somehow, despite my frustrations and flare-ups, he still found something appealing about me.

  Kissing this man in his kitchen, I found it was impossible to deny our emotional bond had strengthened. My connection to Jack was closer than ever before, and I was so happy to express this to him physically. I hummed my abundant appreciation and Jack deepened our kiss in instantaneous response.

  He pressed against me even more, and I rejoiced as my breasts made contact with his chest. I answered by tightening my hold on his lower body, pulling him flush against me and was pleased to discover he was as aroused as I was. This insight was all it took for me to forget all sense of self and propriety. Our first night together had been incredible with its spontaneity, and now I was determined to show him just how grateful I was to have him.

  Over the previous few weeks, I’d had plenty of time to myself, at night, in my bed. Often, I’d imagined what it would be like to kiss Jack again. Even though I’d already known his touch and his taste, this moment exceeded all expectation. Having him back in my arms with our bodies responding to one another meant more to me than my most detailed fantasies.

  I lost myself in his kiss and the worry I carried with me disappeared in an instant. I couldn’t care less about dinner; he was all I needed. All I yearned for was the opportunity to undress one another and fall back into his bed. I moved my hand down and slid it over the front of his trousers, communicating my truest desires. When Jack pushed his erection into my palm, I felt triumphant. I would make him mine again tonight.

  The shrill noise of the phone on the kitchen counter jarred us both from the kiss. Jack rested his forehead against mine, and I closed my eyes while I attempted to regain my senses. When I attempted to match my shallow breaths with his, I realized he was holding his own. His body was tense, but not with desire. I opened my eyes. His were also open, but he wasn’t looking at me.

  He was listening for something, and my first thought was Heide discovering us in the middle of a heated embrace. The theory was confirmed when I heard his daughter’s voice travel from the hallway into the living room.

  “He’s cooking dinner, Mom. And Kathleen is keeping him company.”

  Jack retreated to the stove without a word or a single reassuring gesture.

  As Heide entered the kitchen, chatting away on the phone to her mother, I was in the throes of a different kind of shock and recovery.

  I was frozen in place, not just because Jack’s daughter had returned, but also because the emotional shift in the room was seismic. I gripped the countertop until my fingernails weakened under the pressure.

  Heide held out the phone to her father as he glanced at her over his shoulder. “Mom wants to talk to you.”

  Jack smiled at Heide and reached for the phone. As soon as his fingers made contact, he began strolling from the kitchen with Heide following.

  “How are you doing?” he asked. I bristled. It was the same greeting he used with me on the phone. Jack made his way through the living room and proceeded down the hallway. Even though I realized he was heading for his bedroom, I flinched when I heard the door close behind him.

  I was alone in the kitchen. Not even the cat was around to stare at me. I heard a bird chirping from the yard and, after several moments, I stepped toward the living room with a touch of caution. It was empty, and I surmised that Heide had followed her father into his room. It was a perfect reminder I was an outsider and I had forgotten my place.

  Unsure of when they would rejoin me in the kitchen, I wandered back to the counter and resumed my spot. I helped myself to another glass of wine until my mutinous hand began to shake mid-pour.

  The few minutes until Jack returned to check on the dinner’s progress were torturous. He made his way to the stove with just a passing grin in my direction.

  I waited a few agonizing seconds for him to say something, but found myself unable to keep the awful silence. “Where’s Heide?”

  Jack answered without turning around. “She’s just finishing up her phone call. She’ll be along in a minute.” His voice was quiet and controlled.

  I recognized the tone from his conference room interaction with Robert. Was he attempting to disguise his strain?

  “Is everything all right with Allison?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking even though I feared broaching the subject of his ex-wife.

  “She’s fine,” he supplied.

  I took a big sip of wine as I pondered how to move forward with the evening. An unnerving silence dragged on until Heide reappeared for dinner.

  “Do you want me to set the table?” she asked.

  Jack nodded and told her that w
ould be great, so I offered to help. I needed something to distract me from the awkwardness. Leave it to the seven-year-old to provide the perfect solution.

  During dinner, the easiest thing to do would have been to yield to my personal insecurities and be angry with Jack. It was a real temptation.

  Rather than focus on my own disappointment with the unpredictable turn in the evening, I put all my effort into easing Jack into contentment. There was something new in his eyes as we sat down to the table, something I interpreted as a mixture of worry and sadness. Something had upset him to the point of distraction, and it was this more than anything else that compelled me to make the meal as enjoyable as possible.

  I turned most of my attention to Heide and picked up our earlier conversation about mountain climbing, a subject she was more than eager to discuss and one that allowed Jack time to process whatever was on his mind.

  Talking with Heide was effortless and I enjoyed listening to her. As dinner wound down and we began clearing the table, Jack’s posture loosened. He even hazarded a smile or two in my direction, but I was also no fool. Whatever hopes there had been for this night were off the table along with the dishes.

  When Heide made herself scarce just as the cleanup was about to begin, I followed her direction.

  “I could use some fresh air,” I admitted. “Do you mind if I step outside for a minute?”

  Jack looked surprised, but nodded. “Sure.”

  I smiled with what I hoped was a welcoming expression. “Join me when you’re ready?”

  He nodded again before looking down to inspect the impending workload.

  I opened the door off Jack’s kitchen and stepped onto a courtyard. Pulling the door shut behind me, I observed that the space was an outdoor seating area, complete with padded seating and a fire pit. I chose a spot on a swinging bench seat, closed my eyes and took a deep breath, hoping my plan would fall into place without a great deal of manipulation.

  When we had made plans for this evening, there had been no talk of my going home. Now, in the wake of Jack’s emotional detachment, I had to extract myself from the situation. I didn’t want to argue with Jack. I was prepared to call a taxi if need be, but I’d prefer Jack to drive me home. I tried to clear my mind by listening to the evening breeze blow through a nearby tree line, a pleasant sound that kept me company until Jack opened the door.