In His Eyes

by Nicole Hart

  “So, um...yeah, Jack is my uncle. He and Kate took me in when I was a kid and adopted me. I had a rough childhood before they came along, and I’m really thankful for them. They gave me a shot at life, when I might not have had one otherwise. It was definitely a God-thing.”

  “A God-thing?” I tilted my head in question.

  “Yeah, you know, when you know that God definitely had his hand in a situation.”

  “I see.” I nodded, realizing that maybe I did understand what he meant after all.

  “I’M NOT READY for this. I can’t do it.” My voice shook, fear coursing through my veins as I applied a light lip gloss with shaky hands. I stared at my reflection in the mirror and then at Alana, who was standing over my shoulder.

  “You can. You fight him. You fight for her.” I wish I had her grit.

  I’d been dreading this day since my lawyer called me. I knew it was inevitable. But I wasn’t ready.

  “I’ll be right there with you, Ryan.” Vicky popped into my tiny bathroom, joining Alana and me.

  “Thank you, guys, for being there for me.” I turned on my heel, so I could see them face-to-face, instead of a reflection.

  “That’s what family does.” Vicky reached out and put her arms around me. Tears welled up in my eyes at that single word.

  Family.

  I heard the patter of tiny feet coming closer and noticed Gracie making her appearance, placing her hand on the doorframe for balance, although she really didn’t need assistance anymore. Just a week shy of her first birthday, and my girl was walking like a pro.

  The sight of her gave me the shot of courage that I needed. I knew I had to do this. I didn’t have a choice. I could only pray that things went in my favor.

  Praying. I had done so much of it lately. I was still new at it, but it gave me hope. And hope was all I had at this point. I just needed God to hear me. I couldn’t really grasp the fact that he could hear my cries, especially when I knew so many other people were praying to Him at the same time. But Vicky told me that was when I had to trust Him. Trust His power. That’s all I had at this point.

  Hope.

  Trust.

  Prayer.

  “We better go. I don’t want to be late.” I scooped Gracie in my arms and gave her a kiss on the forehead before handing her off to Alana.

  “Thanks again for watching her.” I let out a nervous sigh.

  “Are you kidding? I love this little munchkin.” She began to tickle Gracie under the chin, who responded with a boisterous giggle.

  We made our way into the living room, where Alana’s boys had a makeshift race track set up with their random toys. They were completely oblivious to everything around them, until Gracie squirmed out of Alana’s arms, determined to join them. They welcomed her with smiles.

  The sound of a text message startled me, causing my already nervous body to jump.

  “Geez,” I muttered to myself as Vicky gave me a sympathetic look.

  I saw Joshua’s name flash across the screen and guilt hit me straight in the gut. I hadn’t seen him since our date a few days ago, but we’d exchanged texts frequently. Obviously, I hadn’t mentioned my court date but I hated that I felt like I needed to. I knew the details of my life would drive him away, and I liked the company that he gave me. He gave me a sense of comfort I hadn’t felt in years. I knew it would flee soon enough, but I wasn’t ready just yet.

  Joshua: Good morning, beautiful.

  My heart began to pound even harder, but for different reasons. I didn’t deserve the attention he gave me or the sweet words he used. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it.

  Me: Morning. You’re too sweet. :)

  I tried not to let my nerves show through in a text message. Now wasn’t the time to be upfront with him.

  Joshua: I just have to head to the shop for a few hours today. Do you two want to have dinner with me tonight?

  I wanted to. Desperately.

  Me: I’m sorry. I have plans.

  Joshua: Oh, okay. Another time?

  Me: Soon, I promise.

  Joshua: I’m counting on it.

  I stared at the screen watching the bubbles float until another message came through.

  Joshua: Can I call you later?

  Me: Sure

  I wanted to sound casual and not give any inclination that it was possible my entire world I worked so hard to build, could very well shatter in an instant. My entire life depended on what some judge, who didn’t even know the evil that Aaron was capable of, decided.

  I turned my phone on silent and slid it back inside my purse. I had to put any distractions aside and focus on the task at hand.

  “Let’s go,” I sighed as we headed into the brisk morning air.

  “Love you, Gracie!” I yelled over my shoulder before closing the door behind me.

  “It’s going to be okay. I just know it.” Vicky patted my shoulder as we walked to our cars.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to ride together?” she asked, giving me a worried look.

  “No, it’s fine. I’ll probably have to speak to my lawyer afterwards, regardless of the outcome.”

  “But I don’t mind waiting,” she assured me.

  “I know. But it’s okay. I’ll see you there.” I nodded my head and she did the same before we each retreated to our own vehicles.

  I drove to the courthouse in complete silence, the radio off, swimming in my own thoughts.

  We pulled into the crowded parking lot. I found a spot and watched from my rearview mirror as Vicky drove the aisles searching for her own.

  “Please, God. Help me. Please let the judge see the situation for what it is. See Aaron for who he is. Please don’t let him take my baby.” I tilted my head back, determined to keep the tears from sliding down my cheeks. “Amen,” I mumbled with a shaky voice, before opening my door. I walked to the front entrance and waited for Vicky who was a few steps behind me.

  “Do you want to pray before we go in?” she asked.

  “I just did.” I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to distract the tears that were threatening to make an appearance, again.

  “Me too.” She smiled and opened the heavy glass door. We stood in the short line, waiting to get scanned with a metal detector before proceeding to the third floor.

  Here we go.

  I TURNED AROUND just enough to lock eyes with Vicky who was sitting in one of the rows behind me, before glancing at the two empty seats across from me. She gave me a hopeful smile before I faced forward once more.

  “We seem to be missing the other party, but we will go ahead and proceed with this case.”

  “Yes, Your Honor.” William, my lawyer, stood to his feet, latching the single button on his dark pin-stripe suit. My teeth began to chatter, my nerves taking front and center.

  I hadn’t seen Aaron or his attorney yet, and I was trying to convince myself that it was a good sign. I had to hold on to the hope that God had heard my pleas.

  But just as I started to convince myself that things might work in my favor, the sound of the heavy wooden door behind me creaked open. My heart began to slam into my chest, and my fear wouldn’t allow me to turn my head.

  Please, no. Please, no. Please, no, I plead silently.

  I heard footsteps coming closer, shuffling loudly on the hard floor. My breathing became shallow and I pressed my hands together, trying to control the trembling.

  “I apologize, Your Honor,” an unfamiliar, deep voice spoke beside me before he came into view. He was a tall, older man, probably in his late fifties, with silver hair and an expensive suit.

  The judge glared at the man in annoyance over his glasses.

  “Will your client be joining us today?” the judge asked, sliding his glasses higher on his nose.

  “He will not.” He cleared his throat before continuing. “May I speak with you and Ms. Frost’s attorney for just a moment, please?”

  “Proceed,” the judge groaned and waved both attorneys in his dir
ection and then pressed his fingertips over his nose, obviously frustrated or in a bad mood. I only hoped that I didn’t get the brunt of his annoyance.

  I glanced back at Vicky once again, and she gave me a quick thumbs-up before I turned around, trying to focus and make out some of the quiet chatter that was taking place a few feet in front of me.

  “Thank you, counselors.” The judge’s deep voice caused me to jump as the two lawyers turned around and made their way closer to me. Jack gave me a sly grin before taking a seat next to me.

  “Ms. Frost, will you please stand?” He gave me a tiny smile, one that was almost gone as fast as I’d seen it. So fast that I almost thought I’d imagined it. I stood to my feet with shaky legs and let out a long breath.

  “Yes, sir, Your Honor,” I mumbled, stumbling over my words, my nerves getting the best of me.

  “As you can see, Mr. Frost decided not to make an appearance today.” I simply nodded my head and gripped my hands together in front of me.

  “I’d like to tell you that I commend you for the steps you’ve taken. I’ve read over your file, and I see that you’ve worked hard to build a new life.”

  “Yes, sir,” I repeated, a nervous smile crossing my lips but not without my cheeks shaking.

  “I’m ruling in your favor, Ms. Frost. Your divorce is granted, and Mr. Frost has surrendered all of his parental rights of the child, pending all of the final paperwork on your end, of course.” His frame blurred as the tears began to roll down my cheeks.

  “Thank you.” My lips quivered as William patted my shoulder gently.

  “There’s just one more thing.” He cleared his throat and glanced down at the file he held in his hand. I didn’t respond, I just waited for whatever he was about to say.

  “Your soon-to-be ex-husband has plenty of assets that you have rights to. You don’t have to leave this room empty handed.” He glanced over at Aaron’s attorney, who folded his arms across his chest.

  “I don’t want anything from him. I just want my daughter safe and away from him.” A boldness rose up inside of me as I spoke.

  “Very well, then. This case is closed. Good luck to you, Ms. Frost.” The gavel slammed down, making a loud thud, before standing to his feet and marching through the door behind him.

  “Thank you, sir,” I mumbled, sliding down into my chair, my knees refusing to hold me up one second longer.

  “Cowards always show their true colors eventually.” William began to gather the files that were scattered in front of him with a smile on his face.

  “I told you everything would be okay!” Vicky’s voice squealed behind me, and I lunged to my feet, embracing her in a tight hug.

  “Did this really just happen?” The tears of joy streamed down my cheeks, and I was in shock.

  “It did, Ryan. I knew it would work out.” She squeezed me tighter before pulling away.

  “Thank God,” I muttered, swiping the salty tears from my face.

  “Exactly.” She gave me a wink.

  That moment of clarity hit me like a ton of bricks. There was no other explanation.

  “Ryan, I just need to go over the final paperwork with you and then you’re a free woman.” He chuckled, tapping the large stack of papers he held in his hand.

  “Okay.” I glanced up at William before turning my attention back to Vicky. “Thank you so much for coming with me, but you can go ahead and go.” I smiled a genuine smile, a smile of relief.

  “Are you sure? I don’t mind.” I knew she honestly didn’t, but I also knew that Lee had the day off today and she wanted to spend time with him since he’d been putting in such long hours at work.

  “Go, I’m totally fine. This might take a while. Go home to your husband,” I suggested, wiggling my eyebrows at her.

  “Okay, well, call me if you need anything.” She gave me another hug before making her way out of the courtroom.

  “There’s another case getting ready to start.” William glanced over his shoulder at the strangers filing into the courtroom. “There’s a conference room across the hall, we can get all this signed so I can get it filed by the end of the day, before everything slows down for the holiday.

  “Sounds good.” I smiled and pushed the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday from my mind.

  ***

  Almost an hour later, I walked out of the elevator, gripping my copy of my life-changing papers against my chest and braced myself for the bitter cold wind I was about to face on the other side of the glass doors. A cold front apparently came blasting into town during our hearing. And from the looks of everyone who came into the door, it was intense. According to Vicky, that’s how autumn worked in Texas.

  I gave the security officer a quick smile before opening the door. The wind whipped me in the face, causing a shiver up my spine. You’d think after spending my whole life up north, I’d be used to the cold weather. But I didn’t like it, I never had. I liked the heat. Vicky told me that meant Texas was the perfect place for me. As the days went by, I had to agree. But it didn’t have anything to do with the weather.

  I set my sights on my car on the other side of the parking lot and shuffled my feet quickly, anxious to get out of the wind.

  Another shiver ran up my spine as I maneuvered my way around a large truck, but this time it had nothing to do with the weather.

  He was leaning against a white luxury car wearing his typical expensive suit, and the sight of him almost caused me to vomit right in the parking lot. He had a cigarette hanging from him lips, and he wore that familiar smirk.

  “No, no, no,” I mumbled to myself, knowing I needed to get to my car before he saw me.

  But the next moment, his eyes locked on mine and I knew it was too late.

  Aaron began to stalk in my direction and fear caused my legs to stiffen, preventing me from running the opposite way.

  WITH MY KNEES locked and my flats planted on the concrete parking lot, I waited for my demise, for whatever Aaron was about to dish out. I didn’t know if he would hit me right here in the middle of a crowded parking lot, but I wouldn’t put it past him. I could smell the stench of liquor wafting in the brisk air as he drew closer to me.

  “Don’t come any closer to me!” I spat, holding my left hand in front of my body, while clutching my file against my chest with the other. He didn’t waiver as he continued to draw closer to me, with a deep chuckle escaping his lips, his Adam’s apple vibrating.

  “You think just because you took off, you’re suddenly in control?” He let out another hearty laugh as his designer shoes pressed on top of my thin flats. His dark eyes stared into mine, his hatred for me was apparent. I refused to wince, or even make a move. I knew he fed on my fear and my pain, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Not anymore.

  My open palm pressed against his hard chest for just a moment before I dropped it to my side, not wanting to touch him for even a second. I placed my hand down at my side and made a fist, just in case.

  “I am, actually. You don’t get to control me anymore.” My boldness surprised me, and I stood a little taller, preparing myself for the repercussions that were sure to unfold. He squinted his eyes and puffed his chest out before speaking.

  “You’re pathetic, you know that?” Saliva pooled around the corner of his mouth and his teeth clenched as he spoke.

  “I’m leaving.” I tried to brush past him, but he caught me by the forearm and dug his large hands into my skin and then chuckled.

  “Those arms are getting a little chubby there, Ryan.” He stared at my arm in disgust and squeezed a little tighter. My own teeth clenched.

  “Let. Me. Go,” I demanded, staring up at him.

  “Gladly,” he agreed, but didn’t let go, only gripped me tighter. “But only because you’re so pathetic, Ryan.”

  I lifted my chin, taking the punishment he was determined to give me.

  “I’ll gladly throw you out, like the trash that you are.” He pulled me closer to him and spit his venom in my ear.

  I w
anted to fight.

  Finally.

  I finally had the courage to stand up to him. But I wouldn’t. Because what I wanted more than a fight, was distance.

  “But let’s just be clear. If I wanted you, I’d have you. If I wanted anything to do with that whiney little brat, I’d have her too.” The mere mention of Gracie made my body tremble with anger. My breathing began to quicken, and my jaw started to flinch. On the inside, I was enraged. But on the outside, I remained silent as he continued.

  “You’re way more trouble than your worth. No one will want someone like you, Ryan,” he continued, spewing his wrath, as the foul liquor stench coated my cheeks.

  I stood my ground, refusing to give him the satisfaction of getting a response out of me.

  “You were trash when I took you in, and that’s all you’ll ever be.” His voice quivered in my ear. I suppressed my urge to shutter, disgusted by the smell of liquor hammering against me. “You can go spread your legs for that attorney of yours, and whoever else will have you, but no one will ever put up with you the way I did. You’ll die old and alone, just like that mother of yours did.” His words were meant to shatter me, but he wouldn’t. I couldn’t allow him to have that kind of power over me. That was the first thing I learned at my group meetings for battered women.

  He wanted control, even in the form of my own emotions.

  But I wasn’t giving it to him.

  Not now.

  Not ever again.

  Lord, please get me out of here. Get me away from him.

  I let my silent plea roll around my mind for a mere few seconds.

  “Ma’am, are you okay?” I heard a deep voice close behind my back and felt Aaron loosen his grip on my arm.

  I wrestled with my answer, unsure how to handle this situation. But when I glanced at Aaron, I saw something on his face. Something I’d never seen before.

  Fear.

  I pulled my arm out of Aaron’s grasp and backed further away from him, refusing to look down at my arm, which was sure to be bruised.

  “I just need to get away from him.” I backed away from Aaron. The voice I’d heard a few seconds ago was now in front of me, creating a barrier between myself and my now ex-husband.