Jax (A Bastard Novel)

by J. L. Perry

  ‘We’re heading to my place, so you can shower and change.’

  ‘Oh.’ His brow furrows. ‘Are we going somewhere?’

  ‘Enough questions,’ I say, taking the suit bag out of his hand. ‘It won’t be a surprise if I tell you. Don’t worry, you’ll find out soon enough.’

  ‘Okay.’ He gives me a weak smile. ‘I almost forgot, here’s the change,’ he says, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the envelope. ‘I only spent two hundred and sixty dollars.’

  ‘It’s your money, Brian,’ I reply, pushing his hand away. ‘There’s no way I’m taking it back.’ He goes to protest, so I turn my attention to my new receptionist. ‘I’m heading off now, Ana. Gus has the keys to lock up.’

  She’s the third girl I’ve hired since Candice left. Thankfully, this one seems to be working out. I used Carter as a stand-in for the first few weeks, but in the end I was left with no choice, I had to find a replacement. Even if Candice did return, there’s no way we could continue to work together, and Carter’s talents were being wasted on the front counter.

  ‘Okay. Enjoy the rest of your afternoon.’ She gives me a pleasant smile. I like her. She’s older than the others, and married with two little boys. Let’s face it, I’ve had my fair share of young and glamorous receptionists, and that gets complicated. Ana works hard, she’s nice to my clients, and she gets along with the other staff. That’s what’s important.

  ‘Thank you. Just call if there’re any problems.’

  ‘Will do, boss.’

  I grab a fresh towel out of the linen cupboard when we arrive at my place, handing it to Brian. ‘There’s a new toothbrush, razor and a can of deodorant on the basin in the bathroom.’

  ‘Thank you. I wish I knew what this was all about.’

  ‘You’ll know soon enough.’ I place my hand on his shoulder briefly. ‘It’s good. Stop worrying.’

  I head into the kitchen to grab a beer. In all honesty, I have mixed emotions about tonight. I’m happy, a little sad, and extremely anxious. I hope Brian doesn’t get upset with me when he finds out what I’ve done.

  ‘Wow, look at you,’ I say when he joins me in the kitchen thirty minutes later.

  ‘I’ve never liked wearing a tie,’ he replies, tugging at the one around his neck.

  I chuckle. ‘Me either.’

  ‘Getting to have a long, hot shower makes it worthwhile.’

  I can’t tell you how many times over the past year I’ve offered to let him come here to shower, but he’s always declined. I wish I’d been more persistent now.

  ‘I feel like the person I was before …’ His words drift off, but I know what he was going to say, and I feel sorry for him. He not only lost the love of his life, he lost everything, including his dignity. Hopefully that will all change tonight. A new beginning.

  ‘You don’t have to wear it for long.’

  ‘Are you going to let me in on the surprise now?’

  ‘Soon. Do you want a beer?’ I ask, holding up the one in my hand.

  ‘Please. It might settle my nerves a bit.’

  ‘Sit,’ I say, pointing to the stools at the breakfast bar. I grab a beer from the fridge before taking the seat beside him. I take a deep breath. Expressing my feelings is something I’ve never been comfortable with. I know what I’m doing is the right thing, but I can’t help but feel selfish. I’m not completely prepared for what tonight might bring—losing him.

  ‘Brian, I’m glad you came into my life.’

  ‘Meeting you has been a godsend,’ he says. ‘I’m not sure how much longer I would’ve survived on the streets without your kindness. You have a very giving heart, Jax. Your parents must be extremely proud of you.’

  ‘Huh. My parents are ashamed of me.’ The words are out of my mouth before they even register. I usually don’t talk about my personal life.

  ‘I can’t imagine why. You’re an exceptional young man. You’re compassionate, kind, hardworking … not many youngsters can say they run a successful business at your age. Not to mention what you’ve done for me.’ He pauses briefly and looks down at the bottle of beer in his hand. When his eyes finally meet mine again, I’m surprised to see tears glistening in them. ‘Do you know, in all the years I was on the streets, you were the first person to look past my homelessness and treat me like a human being. That’s a very rare trait. I’m proud of you, and I’d be equally proud to call you my son.’

  ‘Thank you.’ Apart from Candice, he’s the only person to ever say they’re proud of me. ‘I think you’d make a pretty awesome dad.’ I think back to the first day I met him. My heart certainly went out to him that day, but I never expected to care for him as deeply as I do now. ‘You may not realise it, but you’ve given me a lot too.’

  I take a gulp of beer to clear my throat. I want to remember tonight with happiness, because it may be the last time I ever see him. Looking at my watch, I realise it’s just about time. Our guest should be arriving any minute.

  My heart rate accelerates when I hear a knock at the door. Showtime.

  ‘Are you expecting anyone?’ Brian asks as I stand.

  ‘I am. I won’t be a minute.’ I rub my hands together in anticipation as I walk towards the front door. Please let this meeting go as well as I’ve hoped.

  ‘Jax,’ he says, when I open the door.

  ‘Yes,’ I reply, shaking his hand. ‘Come in.’ He’s older than I thought he’d be, and looks nothing like what I pictured in my head when I spoke with him on the phone. He’s dressed casually in a polo shirt and jeans. I don’t know why I expected him to be wearing a suit.

  ‘Thank you. Is he here?’

  ‘He is,’ I answer as he follows me down the hall. ‘He has no idea you’re coming, so don’t be discouraged if he’s surprised to see you.’ Christ, I hope Brian’s not going to be angry at me for interfering. That’s the last thing I want. I did what I thought was right.

  Brian’s gaze is fixed on his beer bottle when we enter the kitchen. I clear my throat, and he looks up at us. The moment he sees our guest, his eyes widen in disbelief.

  ‘James,’ he says breathlessly as he rises from the stool.

  ‘Hi, Dad.’

  They approach each other, meeting in the middle of the room. As soon as he’s close enough, Brian pulls James into a crushing embrace.

  ‘I’ve missed you, son.’

  When I hear his voice crack, a lump rises in my throat. It makes me think of my own father; I know I’d never hear those words leave his mouth. James is lucky to have a father like Brian. I exhale in relief as I watch them cling to each other like their lives depend on it, neither of them daring to let go.

  ‘You should’ve told me you were in trouble, Dad. You know I would’ve helped out.’ James was shocked and devastated when I told him about the life his father had been living since his wife passed away. He had no clue.

  ‘I didn’t want to burden my child with my problems.’

  James pulls back from his father, making eye contact with him. ‘We’re family. That’s what families do. We look out for each other. You and Mum gave me everything growing up. You were always there … always. Now it’s my time to give something back. I’m taking you back to Perth with me. No arguments. I want you with us, Alana does as well. You can help her with Aiden when I’m at work. I want him to know how amazing his grandfather is.’

  When Brian wipes the tears from his eyes, I look away and wipe my own. I must have an allergy that’s making my eyes water, because Jaxson Albright doesn’t cry.

  JAX

  ‘JAX,’ SOPHIA SAYS WITH SURPRISE WHEN SHE OPENS HER front door. I feel bad when I see hope in her eyes. ‘Is everything okay? Do you have news?’

  I was going to call her before heading to Carter’s for the weekend, just to see how she was doing, but after Brian and James left last night, I felt something I hoped I wouldn’t feel again—complete and utter loneliness. I despise that feeling. Sophia is one of the few people I have left, so I felt compelled to come h
ere.

  ‘No news, I’m afraid.’ I can’t bear to see the look of disappointment on her face. ‘I’m heading to Newcastle for the weekend, I just wanted to see you before I left.’

  Her brow furrows as she studies my face. ‘What’s wrong, Jax?’ she asks softly, as she runs her hand down the side of my arm.

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Bullshit. You can’t fool me, I know you better than you think. Come in and have a cuppa before you leave.’

  ‘I’d like that.’

  Now that my girls have gone, I hate being in this house. It holds too many memories. This place seems so big and quiet without them. I don’t know how Sophia can stand it.

  ‘Sit,’ she says when we enter the kitchen. ‘I’ll make the coffee, then we’ll talk.’

  ‘I’m okay, honest.’

  Sophia glances at me over her shoulder, raising an eyebrow. She doesn’t speak a word, but I already know she can see straight through my lie.

  She places a mug of coffee down in front of me before taking the seat opposite. Reaching across the table, she puts her hand on top of mine. ‘Talk to me, Jax.’

  ‘I don’t want to burden you with my problems, you have enough of your own.’

  ‘Jax, I love you like a son. I’m here if you want to talk. Always. No matter what shit I’m dealing with.’

  I exhale audibly before I speak. ‘I just felt lonely,’ I say, shrugging. ‘Carter’s moved away, Brian’s gone to Perth to live with his son, and my girls aren’t here—’

  ‘The girls will be back.’

  ‘How can you be so sure?’

  ‘I know it in my heart. Candice just needed a little space. Letting me raise Maddie wasn’t easy for her.’

  ‘Then why did she do it?’ This is the first chance I’ve had to ask her. When Candice ran off, I was angry and devastated, but not knowing the truth is eating away at me. If only I’d heard her out the night before she left, or at least returned her calls or texts. I’ve been constantly kicking myself for that.

  ‘It’s not my story to tell. When she comes home, she’ll tell you why. Please know I played a huge part in her final decision. I was only nineteen when I gave birth to her. I knew firsthand how hard it was going to be. I didn’t want that for my little girl. I wanted her to experience life. To do all the things I couldn’t. Being a single mum isn’t easy, Jax. Especially at such a young age.’

  ‘I don’t know if I can forgive her for keeping it from me. I had a right to know.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Sophia says, reaching for my hand again. ‘She didn’t do it to hurt you. There’s a lot more to it. We thought we were doing the right thing at the time. You left, remember? You were studying to become a politician.’

  I bring my mug to my lips. I have no response for that. Yes, I left, I get that, but I still think they should’ve told me.

  ‘Listen, why don’t you start coming around for dinner again? Even if it’s only one or two nights a week. I could use the company as well. We have to stick together.’

  ‘Don’t you have a boyfriend now?’

  ‘Kind of.’ She shrugs. ‘We’re taking things slow. Like him, I haven’t been on the dating scene for years. Brendan and his ex-wife divorced a few years ago. This is all new to us, so we don’t want to rush it. Well, I don’t. It’s nice though. It’s been so long since I’ve felt like this about anyone.’ She gives a contented sigh.

  ‘Does he make you happy?’

  ‘Yes—yes, he does. I’ll let you meet him one day. That’s if things work out. We haven’t even had sex yet.’

  I cough and splutter. Why did she tell me that when I had a mouth full of coffee? More to the point, why did she tell me at all? Just the thought of her in that way makes me want to bleach my brain.

  Sophia comes around to my side of the table and taps my back. ‘Shit, Jax. Are you okay?’

  ‘I will be if you stop talking about your sex life,’ I reply, trying not to hack up a lung. She throws back her head and laughs. I’m glad she thinks it’s funny. I must admit, being this carefree suits her. It reminds me of Candice. I hate myself for missing her so much.

  ‘Sorry. You’re the only person I have to talk to … Brendan’s been great anyway. He said he’d wait until I was ready.’

  ‘Again with the TMI.’ This time I put my hands over my ears, just in case she feels the need to elaborate.

  ‘I’m sorry.’ She reaches for my hands, removing them from the side of my head.

  ‘You can talk to me about anything, as long as it doesn’t involve your sex life.’

  ‘Duly noted,’ she says with amusement, picking up my empty mug. ‘Would you like another coffee?’

  ‘No, I’d better hit the road. I have a long drive ahead of me.’

  ••••

  ‘Two pairs,’ Carter says smugly, placing his cards down on the table.

  Two fucking pairs, is he kidding me? ‘Huh. Full house, fucker,’ I retort, equally as smug. ‘Read ’em and weep.’

  ‘Cockhead,’ he snaps, rising from his seat.

  I slide all the money from the centre of the table to my side. ‘Glad you were gonna wipe the table with me tonight,’ I say. ‘You’ve won, like what? One game out of ten.’

  ‘Fuck off,’ he grumbles. ‘Want another beer?’

  ‘Sure.’

  He comes back a minute later and places a bottle in front of me. ‘That’ll be ten bucks.’

  I laugh. ‘Keep dreamin’, dickhead. I’m not paying you ten bucks for a damn beer.’

  ‘It was worth a try,’ he says. ‘Wanna go check out that new club after we drink these?’

  ‘Sure.’ I grab a handful of nuts out of a bowl on the table, and shove them in my mouth. I know exactly why he wants to go, but he’ll be the only one picking up tonight. I’m not interested.

  ••••

  I groan and bury my head further into the pillow when I wake. Opening one eye a fraction, I immediately close it again when I’m almost blinded by the bright light flooding the room. My head hurts like a bitch, and my whole body aches. I feel like I’ve run a damn marathon. I try to swallow in an attempt to ease my parched throat. Carter and his bright ideas. I lost count after our eighth or ninth shot last night. I’m certainly paying for it now.

  My eyes spring open when I hear a soft moan. There’s a naked blonde lying beside me. I raise my head off the pillow. Christ, and a fucking brunette on the other side of her. I scan the room. I’m not even sure where I am, but I’m definitely not at Carter’s house. How did I even get here?

  My brain goes into overdrive as I try to retrace the steps of last night. Nothing. I remember being drunk, that’s about it. Everything is foggy. Carter and I were having fun. There were girls at our table—are these the same girls? Shit. Guilt floods me. Although I haven’t seen or heard from Candice in six months, I can’t help but feel like I’ve just cheated on her.

  We aren’t even together.

  We’ll never be together.

  We’re finished, of that I’m sure.

  Despite my feelings for Candice, I can’t be with someone I don’t trust. Trust is everything in a relationship. Again I’m filled with sadness at the realisation that I’ve lost the love of my life.

  I slowly try to get out of bed—I need to go. Maybe nothing happened. Who am I kidding? There are two hot chicks lying next to me, naked—of course something happened, if only I could remember what. I pause when I realise that my arm is positioned under the blonde’s neck. Fuck. How am I gonna get out of here without waking her?

  The moment I try to slide it out from underneath her, she stirs. Now I know what guys mean when they say they’d chew their arm off to escape, because if it meant getting out of here without any drama, I’d damn well do it. I hate awkward goodbyes. Do you want my number? Can I see you again? Nope and nope.

  It takes a good couple of minutes before I finally free my arm, inch by inch, and slowly climb out of bed. When I see two used condoms on the floor beside the bed, my heart sin
ks. There’s no denying it now. If I was so drunk I can’t remember, I’m surprised I could even perform.

  Gathering my clothes, I make a hasty retreat into the hallway to dress. I don’t want to be anywhere near those girls if they wake. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I exhale a deflated breath as I slide into my jeans. I have no idea what Candice is up to, or who she may or may not be with, but it doesn’t lessen the guilt I’m feeling. She could be shacked up with someone for all I know, playing happy families with my damn kid. Christ, I hope that’s not the case.

  When we finally agreed to make a go of our relationship, I swore she’d be my one and only. She was all I wanted. All I’d ever wanted. That was before she ripped my heart out of my chest and stomped on it.

  ••••

  ‘Look what the cat dragged in,’ Carter says when I enter his apartment. He’s sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a coffee and looking just how I feel. I’d like to say I’ll never drink again, but I know that’s a lie. I will. I always do.

  ‘Fuck off.’

  ‘Where did you end up last night?’ he asks as I grab a mug out of the cupboard.

  ‘Fucked if I know. Some chicks’ house. Well, I hope it was their house.’

  He chuckles.

  ‘Last time I ever drink shots with you, prick.’

  ‘So it’s my fault you got drunk—and laid—last night?’

  ‘You better believe it is.’

  ‘Well, shouldn’t you be thanking me then?’

  ‘Hardly.’

  ‘Wasn’t she any good?’

  ‘They,’ I say. ‘There were two of them. And I have no idea. I can’t remember a damn thing.’

  ‘Impressive,’ he replies. ‘Let’s just hope you weren’t so drunk you couldn’t perform.’

  ‘Huh. I highly doubt it. Maybe you have that problem, but I certainly don’t. I’m pretty sure I could perform even if I was comatose.’

  ‘Whatever, cock.’

  I laugh at his pathetic comeback. He can give it, but he certainly can’t take it. ‘Did you sleep here last night?’ I ask, because again, I can’t remember jackshit.

  ‘I don’t know about sleep,’ he says, ‘but yeah, I stayed here.’