Withdrawn: Prequel to Reckless Abandonment

by K. Pinson

  “I needed to know why you’ve been so moody lately.” Brynn tries to explain but Ariana cuts her off with a death glare.

  “It is none of your business Brynn. You’re a child. The both of you. Children!” She retorts before storming off, not even a second glance backward.

  “She’s a child, too.” Brynn quietly whispers to nobody. We didn’t know it then but years later we’d find out that she wasn’t a child. Nobody that should have cared gave her that option. The innocence she should have had been stolen.

  Chapter 3

  Age 15

  Brynn got asked to go to the homecoming dance by the football star, Johnny Devon. I can’t stand the guy. He is a grade A dick and all of us know it, but he’s an amazing athlete. Apparently that gets you everything in this town. It is my freshman year in High School, finally. I thought things were much different between her and I. Sadly, Brynn and I are still just friends. My other friends tease me about it mercilessly. But I can’t just abandon her. I’ve known her forever. I’m stuck floating inside her gravity.

  The worst part about the homecoming thing is that I think she wants to go with him. I had asked her, too. Trying to keep some semblance of my pride, I tried to make it seem like a friend type of date. Not wanting to toss my man card away. I talked to Mom about it some and she thinks it is better when you're upfront about your feelings to those you care for but I just couldn’t do that. Brynn doesn’t ever return my feelings when I tell her them. She never has. The more I try to get to her, the more we fall apart.

  Brynn has acted much weirder than normal lately. Her older sister, Ariana just moved out of the house. I guess she is living in town above the tattoo parlor, doing work in the shop. I’m happy for her. I wish that she could take Brynn with her. The two of them seem conjoined at the hip most of the time and I can tell that her not being around is affecting Brynn. She hasn’t even come home since going there. I’ve offered to ride our bikes to town so we can visit but Brynn always declines my offer.

  Sometimes when I can’t sleep at night, I stare out the window and gaze at the stars. The last couple of nights I’ve seen Brynn leaving in the middle of the night, going out with older girls and guys. She hangs out with mostly seniors. I don’t get a good vibe from most of the kids in her friend group. I certainly can’t tell her that, though, or I’d come off as more of a dork than I already do. Sometimes I think the only reason she still even considers me a friend at all is because we’ve had so many years together. We aren’t exactly in the same crowd.

  It won’t be long until I get my driver’s license. I’m hoping that’ll mean Brynn will go back to hanging with me and ditch those people. She’s too good for them. She’s just lost herself. She does this every occasionally, but she always seems to come back to me. The freedom of being able to come and go as you please is appealing to Brynn. So, in turn, it has become appealing to me. I think that if I get a sweet ride and can take her where ever she wants, she won’t need to rely on those other kids anymore.

  It’s a late Saturday night and Mom is working the graveyard shift again so I’m alone. It’s storming outside and I’m enjoying the sound of the rain steadily falling against the window pane in our living room. I’m perched in front of the television, watching South Park reruns. Mom doesn’t usually like me to watch this stuff but I’m practically an adult now. I’ve had to grow up faster than some being the man of the house and all.

  Even though I miss my mom when she’s at work, I’m happy to have some free time to myself to just think. Things have been rocky for me lately. I don’t have many friends and my only close one barely notices me any longer. I have my sketch pad in my lap and am mindlessly doodling. The shape of her face takes form and my hand leads me the same way my mind has been, always back to her. I’ve recently taken a liking to Art and have even enrolled in a summer program. I’ve thought about getting a job instead but Mom freaked out when I mentioned it to her. She says I need to have some fun with my Summers off and that she is the one who the providing should come from. I don’t argue with her on it because I don’t want to cause her more stress than I already do. She doesn’t need it.

  I get up from the couch and walk to my room to grab my colored pencils. I’ve been using just a regular charcoal black but I need something more intense for her eyes. I find them immediately, pick them up and walk back to the living room. I sit down again in my familiar place on the couch. I pick up both a dark blue pencil, as well as an aqua colored one and even a green. No matter the color combinations I try, I can’t seem to find the perfect one to match the unique color of her eyes. It changes depending on her mood but always has shades of blue and green. I pick up the blue and begin to shade it in. When it isn’t exactly how I want, I pick up a white pencil and try to make the blue a lighter shade. Her eyes are an ice blue when she’s sad. They’ve been this color a lot lately. I shake that thought from my mind and frantically grab the green, carefully places flecks of green throughout her Iris. They appear greener when she’s happy. Her eyes are just as hard to describe as they are to draw. They are everything.

  I hear a loud, frantic knocking on the door. I must have been lost in my sketch and thoughts. I set the sketch down and jump up from my spot on the couch. Before I open the door I already know who it is. I seem to sense her when she’s near.

  I hurriedly grab the handle and spring the door open. Lightning strikes at the same moment, illuminating the sky and her face. Water is running steadily down her face and has streaked her mascara, ringing her eyes a crimson shade. She’s wearing a tiny white shirt and blue jean shorts. The rain has soaked it through, showing a white bra underneath. Her figure has filled out in the past year and she’s more attractive than ever. My eyes travel down, quickly, the length of her body. I don’t want to weird her out but I can’t help myself. Her feet are bare, toes painted red but chipped. She is physically shivering and I’m mad at myself for not moving sooner. I open the door wider and welcome her in. She is freezing. I’m such an ass.

  “Come in,” I say softly. She doesn’t respond, but steps into the doorway. When she moves far enough inside, I close the door behind her. I wordlessly walk back to our linen closet and grab a few towels for her to dry off with. I should probably grab her something dry to wear as well. Without thinking, I grab some basketball shorts off my floor and a hoodie that’s lying in a pile on a chair in the corner. I give the shorts a quick sniff, clean enough. I walk back out to the living room and over to where she still stands unmoving.

  “I brought you some dry clothes.” I hand them over to her. She accepts them and nods. She walks away and back to the bathroom. She’s very familiar with my place, as hers looks almost identical. Plus, she’s been here enough.

  I sit back on the couch, grabbing the sketch and hiding it underneath the coffee table. My mind is racing, trying to figure out why she’s here and so late at that. We haven’t spoken much in almost a week. I hear the shower running. I’m fidgeting and can’t seem to sit still so I get up, yet again, and walk into the kitchen to grab a snack. I fill a plate with a few basics. I pull pepperoni, cheese, and grapes from the fridge and place them on the plate. Then I grab some crackers and even a few chocolate snack cakes from the cupboard. I know these are Brynn’s favorite.

  I hear the water turning off so I quickly walk back to the couch, snacks in hand. I set them down on the coffee table and wait for her to come out. The bathroom door opens quickly and my eyes directly veer towards the hallway. She has on my clothes and my heart skips a beat. As she walks towards me, my world turns in slow motion. She’s effortlessly beautiful. Her hair is twisted up in the towel and her face is stitch free from makeup. She’s been wearing makeup a lot more lately. I like this look much better. Reminds me of the Brynn that I used to know. She’s still young but her carefree attitude has gone into hiding.

  When she finally reaches the couch to sit next to me, my world refocuses. It’s as if I’m seeing her clearly for the first time in a long while. She’s broken. Her
face has this dull expression but I can’t figure out the meaning behind it. The redness in her eyes proves that she’s been crying. It takes me a minute to recognize bright red marks on her neck and a bruise beginning to come through on her jawbone.

  “What happened?” I all but shout. I reach out for her but she flinched backward. “Who hurt you, Brynn?” I am trying to calm my voice. Something terrible has happened.

  She subconsciously reaches up and places her hand on her face. She closes her eyes as if she is reminiscing to herself what happened. I wish I could be inside of her mind to witness it for myself so that I don’t have to make her tell me what happened. Johnny Devon. I will kill that asshole.

  “Did he hurt you, Brynn? It’s okay, you can tell me.” She reaches out and grabs my hand, her eyes still closed. I lean my back into the couch, turning away from her. I can’t stand to look anymore.

  Her small voice finds me, “Who?” She whispers.

  “Johnny!” I say a little too harshly, her hand grips mine even harder.

  “No! It wasn’t him, Cohen.” She is beginning to shake and I can’t tell if it is out of fear or anger. I stroke the top of her hand with my thumb as trying to calm her down.

  “Well who then, Brynn? You’re safe here.” I turn back towards her. I can see the tears unshed lying in her dark blue eyes. I’ve never seen them this stormy color.

  “It was…my mom, Cohen. It was…my mom.” Her voice breaks and the floodgates release. She turns towards me and lunges into my arms. I wrap them around her, as she cries on my shoulder. She’s holding on to me like I’m her life-preserver and she’s about to drown. I’m struggling to find the right words and I’m in shock. My mind begins to flit around to all the red flags I’ve seen from her mom but Brynn had always sworn to me she’s never laid a hand on her.

  “Has she ever done this to you before, Brynn?” I try to stay gentle with her. I don’t want to push her so hard that she retreats into her shell.

  “No…not to me.” She’s crying harder now and her body is shaking violently.

  I squeeze her to me tighter. I want to take her pain away. Another face pops into my mind while I’m holding her, Ariana. I feel completely helpless. We should have said something ages ago. It was never confirmed but the signs were there. How stupid could I be? She’s always been standoffish and even flinched at a touch. I’ve seen her do it with every person that tries, including myself. My mom hugs me several times a day and it’s almost second nature for me to do it to others. Especially when we part ways. Now that I’m thinking more about it, Brynn is the only one she welcomes in.

  “What happened?” I prepare myself to hear the worst. In a sense, I’ve been very sheltered during my life. My mom is one of the best. I don’t understand why some people get stuck with such shit parents.

  “I walked in the door, after being out for a while with some of my friends…” I cringe at her wording. I hate that she has those friends. But I don’t say anything, letting her continue. “She was on the couch with another random guy. She’s been doing this a lot lately since Ariana left. Like, I know she has issues, but she’s never lashed out on me before. Well, anyway, I said something smart… like, go get a room or something like that. She jumped up and just started to wail on me. I got down on the ground and tried to protect myself, but she wouldn’t stop. All I could hear was the sound of her punches and this strange guy’s laughing. After a couple of minutes of it, she gave up and went to her room. I laid there for a minute before lifting myself up from the floor. I was planning on just going to my room and trying to sleep it off. But that greasy guy had never left the couch. His disgusting eyes found me and when he said to me “You’re much prettier than your sister but she’s a good piece of ass. Let me try some of you.” I almost vomited. I didn’t know what else to do, Cohen. So, I ran. I sat by our tree for a while before deciding to come here.”

  Anger wells up inside of me and I’m having a hard time just sitting here. I pull away from her and stand up, unsure of what to do from here. I feel so helpless.

  “We’ve got to call someone, Brynn. The police.” I walk over to the phone and pick it up from its cradle. But before I can dial, she rushes over to me and takes it from my hands.

  “We can’t. Then I’ll get taken away, Cohen. I’ll be sent away. I won’t ever get to see you again.”

  “I’m sure that won’t happen, Brynn. They will figure something else out. But you can’t go back there!” I don’t know how any of this works. I don’t want her to be taken away from me, but it isn’t okay what her mom has done to her. What she did to Ariana.

  “I will just stay here tonight, Cohen.” She responds. A part of me feels like she is in shock or something. She isn’t handling this the way I would think someone would.

  “Just tonight isn’t enough, Brynn. You can’t go back there ever. Next time it will be much worse. She could kill you! Are you sure you’re okay? I didn’t even see all your injuries. What if something is broken? I need to call my mom.”

  “Please, Cohen. I’m begging you please don’t do that. I can’t be taken away. I’m fine. I promise I’m fine. It doesn’t even hurt. It will hurt me much more to never see you again.” Her words hit me deep within my soul. She yawns and I can tell that she’s emotionally and physically exhausted. I feel the same way. My mom won’t be back until tomorrow evening. She usually picks up a double on the weekends. I leave our food untouched and lead Brynn back to my room. I gesture for her to get into the bed and then I cover her up.

  I don’t push the topic tonight of telling someone. The truth is, I’m scared. I’m not sure how she will react and I’m also unsure of what the outcome could be. It isn’t a decision that you can undo once the process begins. But I know that I won’t be getting any sleep tonight. I’m so angry. I just want to make her mom feel the pain that I imagine she enjoys inflicting on her own children. How could a mother do that?

  I don’t say anything to Brynn. Her eyes are already closed and I’m sure she will fall asleep any moment. I turn away and walk towards the door, flicking the light off as I go. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.

  “Please don’t go. Come hold my hand.” I hear her whisper before I can close the door behind me. I turn around to look back. I can somewhat make out her shadow in the dark. It looks like she’s sitting up and has her arms wrapped around herself. It makes me feel awful.

  “Okay. Just until you fall asleep.” I respond and walk back towards the bed. I crawl in next to her, laying on top of the covers. In the dark, my hand finds hers. My palms are sweaty but she doesn’t say anything. I close my eyes and take in the silence; the rain seems to have stopped. The only storm now is in my heart and taking over my mind. Indecision on what I should do. After a few hours of listening to Brynn snore, I slowly creep out of the room and lay on the couch. I fall asleep almost immediately when my head hits the cushion.

  I’m not sure how much time elapses, but I wake up with a start when I hear sirens outside the door. I groggily rub my eyes and run a hand through my hair. I walk as quickly as my legs will allow over to the door and bring it open. My eyes adjust to the sunlight, just starting to come across the horizon. It must still be early. It’s a seemingly clear day already, but the smell of smoke immediately fills my lungs. I find the fire and gasp.

  “Brynn!” I shout and race back to my room. She’s still sleeping soundless, cuddling up in my blankets.

  “Brynn,” I say a little quietly but still, shake her.

  “What…What!” She wakes and sits straight up. Her hair is a mess.

  “Your house!” I shout. My brain is freezing. “You’ve gotta get up!” I grab her arm and begin to gently pull her from the bed. I drag her to the door and she’s still half asleep until she sees her house. It is completely engulfed in flames and surrounded by police, paramedics, and firefighters trying to put out the fire that only seems to continue to grow.

  We walk outside and down the stairs of the porch. It’s a compulsion to do so and I barel
y realize how far I’ve gotten until I’ve reached the crowd surrounding what is going on. The area has barriers surrounding it. Brynn hasn’t left my side. I can see Betty out of the corner of my eye and she makes way over to where we are.

  “Oh God…Brynn…Honey…I’m so glad you weren’t in there.” She grabs a hold of Brynn in a tight hug. Brynn doesn’t return it at all, staring over her shoulder at the place she’s always known as her home, being destroyed.

  “I don’t know if my mom is…” She whispers, not sure if it is to anyone. The calmness in her voice is eerie.

  “Oh, honey…Let’s go find something out.” Despite her crying, Betty is helpful and calming. She leads the way over to where a few uniformed officers are standing.

  “Deputy…this is one of the residents who occupy this home. Has anyone else been taken out of there?” Betty asks the officer.

  “No Ma’am.” He bows his head down, “We haven’t been able to send a crew in. Trailers have a history of burning quickly. It was already engulfed completely in flames when we arrived. I’m so sorry.” I glance back over to the fire and it seems to finally be dying down but there is nothing left of the trailer. If Brynn’s mom was in there, she didn’t make it out alive. There’s no way.

  Betty looks over to Brynn and pulls her to her chest, sobbing. Brynn doesn’t react at all.

  “Do you know how many people were in there? How did you escape?” The deputy begins to question Brynn. Betty releases her but keeps her arm around Brynn.

  “I wasn’t home. I was at a friend’s. I think it was just My mom and her boyfriend.” I can see the struggle on her lips. She doesn’t know how to react. I feel the same way as her but this isn’t my family in there.

  “I’m going to go call your mom. Stay with her.” Betty whispers in my ear. I wrap my arm around Brynn’s shoulder. The deputy eyes Brynn a bit too suspiciously for my liking.