First Kiss (Heavy Influence)

by Frohoff, Ann Marie

  Her honesty was palpable, compelling me to go for her. I scooped her up, cradling her in my arms as she squealed with laughter.

  “This is only the beginning,” I said and she yelped as I tossed her on the bed.

  The longer we kissed the more open she became. I felt a chub coming on as I ran my hand up her silky smooth skin. She was eager and aggressive, unquestionably willing to go further, but how far? I wondered through my haze of licks. I held back going to second base. The thought of asking permission ran fleetingly through my mind until she wrapped one of her legs around me, then bam, my hand was filled with her bare breast. This only made Aly press into me harder. I continued to obsess over her hipbone and caught myself as I nearly took advantage of her bare-openness. I quickly retracted laying flat on my back.

  “Fuck,” I whispered loudly.

  Her chest heaved and a surprised look splashed across her face. “What, what’s the matter?”

  I laughed, embarrassed. “Aly, trust me there is nothing the matter, ever,” I said, reassuringly.

  With her hair all messy and robe falling off her shoulder, the temptation was nearly too much for me. She went to kiss me again and I held her firmly away by her shoulders. “Aly, I can’t do this,” I said feeling her warm breath flash across my face. “Not anymore, not right now…I can’t believe I just said that.”

  She backed away, sitting up, correcting her disheveled appearance. “I can’t believe you said it either.” She crossed her legs up underneath her. “I thought this is what you wanted.”

  She didn’t look at me. Her voice was barely audible, and she hunched away from me. “Aly,” I said, stuttering. I reached out rubbing her back, but she didn’t budge. “Is that seriously what you thought?”

  Everything went to a standstill waiting for her to respond. I caught myself holding my breath.

  “Um, I just figured, that’s all, so I just…” her voice faded.

  “You just what?”

  “I just went for it,” she said burying her face in her hands. “Like you said, let’s just go with it, that is what you said.” She loosely repeated my words, raising her head. “So, now I feel stupid, like I’m not good enough for you…but Rachel is.”

  I felt bad, guilty, confused and mad all at the same time. The TV rambled loudly and I quickly looked for the remote, turning it off.

  There was complete silence.

  “Aly, you have no idea how bad I want you,” I admitted, wriggling with embarrassment. “…and, it takes everything in me to hold back.”

  “What if I don’t… want you to stop?” She said slowly with an adoring eye.

  Scooting over more closely to her, my mind raced. If it were anyone else I would have probably thrown her down as soon as those words hit my ears. I was torn with wanting to go for it and doing the right thing.

  “Do you really mean that?” I coerced her to lean back and hovered over her closely, feeling the rise of her chest on mine. I moved my hand under her robe, embracing her tiny waist and pulled her closer to me, her expression changed and hesitation spread over her.

  She turned away. “Now that you’re asking, and we’re not, like, making out.” She struggled. “I don’t know.”

  “Aly, look at me,” I said, bringing her face toward mine. “I can’t tell the future, all I know is, I’m alive when I’m with you.”

  This time I was the one who turned away, self-consciousness. “And when I’m not with you, you’re all I think about. And it’s not because I want to have sex with you.” The pent up words made their debut. “You’re like a constant melody streaming through my mind, and all I do now is write songs in an attempt to define what this all even means.” There was a long moment of silence, as we both ruminated on my admission. I felt like a total pussy for wearing my heart on my sleeve.

  “I believe you won’t use me.” Her words prickled at me.

  “Where are you getting the word use from?”

  She stared off, her eyes darting the thoughts in her head. I waited. “It’s all anyone talks about, you know,” she muttered. “The guys talk about who’s gonna tap who, who hooked up with who. Like it’s a game. I believe you’re not playing a game with me.” She shook head, convinced.

  I wasn’t sure how late we stayed up, but the last time I looked at the clock it was 2:30 a.m. Now the clock read 8:16 a.m. I groggily sat up and noticed Aly wasn’t in the bed. Looking around the room, I didn’t see her. Thank God, I thought, having the biggest pee boner. I jumped up and headed toward the bathroom.

  “Jake?” Her voice rang out.

  “Yeah, in here,” I said loudly, adjusting myself, making sure I was fit to be seen just as Aly poked her head into the bathroom. “Hey, where were you?”

  “On the balcony, it’s so warm outside already,” she said pulling her hair back away from her face. “My phone is going off right now.” Shaking her head she started texting. “I need to get home. I’m a little worried.”

  “Yeah, I feel the same way. Def not looking forward to walking through my front door.”

  ***

  I was not looking forward to this day, and wanted so badly to rewind back to yesterday and being on the beach with Aly. The mid-morning sun shined too brightly for me, and I attempted to shield myself from it by slapping down the sun visor. The morning joggers, cyclists and weekend worriers were getting their exercise on and making their way to the boardwalk. It reminded me that we had to take the trailer in for inspection and the appointment time was 8:30 a.m. Great, just one more thing for my mom to rag on me about – I could hear her now. Today was ramping up to be another winner.

  Aly sat silently next to me, texting away. I was curious to whom Aly was communicating with and what she was sharing. I needed to know that what happened between us would stay between us. As we pulled up to another red light, I reached over gently putting my hand on her thigh. Her fingers stopped moving across the phones keypad and she looked at me.

  “Who ya texting?”

  “Nicole and Marshall”

  “About?”

  “Seeing if they were awake yet.”

  “Aly,” I said apprehensively. “Will you make sure to keep what happens between us, between us?”

  “Yeah, of course,” she replied. “Why?”

  Why did she have to ask why? I leaned back against the headrest, looking out through the rear view mirror as if the right words would appear, helping me out.

  “Because it’s no one’s business what happens between us when we’re alone.” I said firmly. “No matter what you say, people will assume what they want, and if you say something to one person…you know how it goes, shit gets taken out of context as it travels down the wire, spinning out of control to where what really happened is lost.”

  “Yeah, I understand.”

  “I’m just trying to protect you.”

  33

  Jake

  I’d become numb to arguing with my mother. I usually knew exactly what to say to her because she was usually so predictable, but now I wasn’t so sure and she laid into me harder than ever.

  “You just disappear and think it’s ok to waltz right back in here?” My mother’s brow furrowed in anger. “Enough is enough already, Jake.”

  “I didn’t disappear,” I said smartly, raising my voice. “I told you already. I text Notting that’d I’d be home in the morning and here I am.”

  She blinked, taking in my words and her eyes narrowed. “If you think you can come and go as you please, without any accountability, you’re sorely mistaken.”

  “Mom! Why can’t you just leave me alone?”

  She glared at me. “Because I need to know what you’re doing and where you’re at when so much is going on with the band, Jake. I’ve invested too much to let you just run things into the ground. What’s wrong with you? What’s going on with Alyssa?”

  “No, no you don’t need to know everything about me, mom! I need privacy! This, this right here.” I gestured between us. “You’re making it rea
lly easy for me not to want to talk to you. You act like I’m freaking ten years old! I’m not an idiot…”

  “Well, you’re certainly acting like one!” She shouted in my face, cutting me off. “You’re going to ruin everything if you don’t stop acting like you’ve lost your mind! Now, what the hell is going on with Alyssa?”

  “Nothing’s going on with Alyssa. We hang out sometimes and she asked if she could come to the studio. I didn’t think it would be such a big deal. Her friend Nadine likes me or something.” I tried to throw her off by slipping in another girl’s name. At least it wasn’t an out right lie, I told myself.

  ***

  My mother’s warnings echoed around in my head as I sat in my truck, deflated. I started feeling bad about arguing with her. I knew I was wrong, but she was too, that I was certain. I stared at the cracks in my house’s tan colored stucco, wondering how long it would take for them to get bigger and how much it would cost to fix them. Just like the dents in my truck. Ugh, I bet that’s how my mom felt about me. I’d been cracking, denting and ruining everything in her eyes.

  As I drove to Rachel’s I wondered were Bobby was. It was strange I hadn’t heard from him yet. It was 6:30 p.m. and I dialed his number.

  It sounded like I’d woken him up. “Hello,” he said in a raspy, tired voice.

  “Dude, where are you? Did you forget that we’re playing at Rachel’s soon?” I asked a bit annoyed.

  “Aw man, yeah I did.” He breathed heavily.

  “So?” My voice grew anxiously louder. “You’re comin’, right?”

  “Yeah man, I’ll be there,” he replied, reassuringly.

  “A late one, I’m guessing.” I probed.

  “Hollywood, yeah.”

  “Who’d you go with? Anyone I know?”

  “No one you know.”

  “We ever gonna meet these new friends of yours?” I asked with a half laugh. “You should invite them to a show.”

  Another deep sigh. “Yeah, well our music isn’t really what they’re into,” he explained, grunting. “They like that club shit, ya know.”

  “So you’re going dancing?” I laughed. “Man, she better be throwin’ down for that one!”

  “Yeah, something like that,” he said dryly.

  “There was silence on the other end. “Hello,” I said, thinking we’d been disconnected.

  “Uh, yeah,” he replied. “Man, I’ll see ya there in a bit.”

  He hung up on me, completely unlike him, but whatever. I knew what it was like to be horribly hung over. I had to admit, the vibe was strange and my curiosity peaked, thinking back to the group of girls from Hollywood who always came to our shows and flirted with Bobby. I wondered if the person he’d spent the night with was one of them.

  I arrived at Rachel’s and we had another tense moment – it was always some bullshit conversation with her. I rolled my eyes, looking over her shoulder, watching everyone arrive and I walked away when I spotted Kyle, Aly and Marshall. I could hear her complaining to Sienna behind my back. I smiled when I heard Dump tell her to shut the hell up. Thank God the music blared loudly enough, no one appeared to hear us. Sure enough everyone quickly noticed Marshall and the whispers started. He was the most fashionable of any chick there. I had to actually give him props, thinking vintage David Bowie or Culture Club all the way, Glam Rock. Yeah he had style.

  “What’s up man,” I said giving Kyle a slap on the back. I gave Aly and Marshall a nod of acknowledgement. “How’s it look out front?”

  I was curious to see if there were people still trying to get in.

  “Dude, there’s a line.” Kyle nodded, happily.

  I felt awkward standing there with them. “We go on in about a half hour.”

  Marshall leaned in whispering something to Aly, and her eyes roamed around the vicinity.

  “Is there beer?” Aly asked, to my surprise. She knew how I felt about her drinking.

  “Um yeah, over there,” I said pointing. “Uh…”

  “Come on,” she interrupted. “Marshall wants to, how do you say it?” She said looking at me with inquisitive eyes. “Take the edge off.”

  She took Marshall’s hand and walked in the direction of the growing crowd surrounding the keg. I felt like I had the Scarlett Letter emblazoned on my back, everywhere I looked people were watching. They pointed at Aly and Marshal and looked back at me. I felt increasingly defiant. Going against the grain of what these fucks thought was cool, was an adrenaline rush. I kept reminding myself not to be intimidated by the force of peer pressure. As I followed them up to the keg I noticed Mike and Bobby standing next to it filling their plastic cups. Marshall was certainly making a first impression. I couldn’t figure out if it was good or bad.

  Aly decided to grab a cup and I worried what Kyle would do. I didn’t want him to think I condoned her drinking.

  “Hey, you think that’s a good idea,” I whispered loudly in Aly’s ear. “Don’t wanna make a bad impression.”

  “Kyle doesn’t give a rats ass, trust me, he’s just stoked to be here,” she replied, pinching my chin.

  I bent in closer and kissed her and lingered at her lips. As I glanced to the side I noticed Cara Walters was sucking all over Mike and he couldn’t care less. He just leered at Aly and I. He wore an arrogant grin and turned handing the keg nozzle to Bobby and dragged Cara away with him.

  I caved and decided to grab a beer too, since Aly had to be bold and drink in front of her brother.

  “Hey, Kyle,” I said loudly. “I told her not to.”

  “Dude, no worries. I suppose she’s gonna start sooner or later,” he said laughing. “At least she’s here with us.”

  I was annoyed at his liberal thinking. If it were my little sister, I wouldn’t even want her there. We stood waiting for Marshall to have his cup filled by Bobby, who seemed particularly talkative. I noticed Bobby’s hair matched Marshall’s pants. I laughed, partially amused.

  “Dude, check it out,” I said to Aly, pointing. “The color of his hair is the same.”

  “Aw, yeah, I noticed that right away. ” Aly giggled. “It’s like they planned it or something… Um, thanks for putting up with this.”

  I put my arm around her waist, and squeezed tight. “It’s different, I’ll give you that.” I concluded, whispering in her ear, taking in the strawberry scent that I hadn’t smelled in a while. “Both of you certainly have everyone’s attention.”

  Aly began to speak, abruptly going silent upon Mike and Cara’s approach. Cara Walters was your typical beach party girl with long blonde hair and nothing else interesting about her, except for her rockin’ body. The type of girl that once she open’s her mouth, you knew right away there’s nothing really there.

  Her smug attitude towards Aly disgusted me.

  “What is this,” Cara slurred out in a nasty tone, eyeing Aly up and down. “Since when do pooh butt’s get invited?”

  I frowned at Cara, appalled. “You’re kidding right?” I glanced over at Mike. “Get rid of her.” I wasn’t kidding.

  My attitude only added fuel to Cara’s inane tirade. “What, Jake,” she seethed, “You losin’ your mojo you have to hang out with toddlers?”

  I wanted to punch her in the face. “Yeah, Cara, that’s it.” I laughed. “It’s better than being hit on by a used skank like you,” I growled. “Scram.”

  “You’re a fucking asshole, Jake.” She hissed, leaning into Mike, drawing attention to us.

  To my shock Mike began to back away from her, pushing her away as she tried to hold on to him. “Cara, chill out,” He demanded. “Aly, Cara’s a little fucked up, you’ll have to excuse her.”

  I thought I was hearing things. Mike making excuses and apologizing for Cara’s foolish behavior?

  Cara’s face looked like it would melt off as it twisted into a frown and her mouth hung open before she spoke. “Oh, I see,” she said, trying to steady herself on her own. “You’re an ass kisser now.” Cara fumed at Mike.

  “Come on let�
��s go get you some Redbull,” he said, wrapping his arm around Cara’s waist, giving me a hard stare and looking over at Aly. “Sorry.”

  It was like Cara developed immediate amnesia, forgetting her discontent with all of us as she wrapped her arms around Mike’s neck. She purred happily in his ear like we’d never had an altercation. “You know what I want, and it’s not Redbull.”

  Bobby grabbed me by the shoulder, shaking me from my haze of confusion. “What just happened?” he asked, perplexed.

  I turned to Aly, who looked like she wanted to cry. “Aly, screw her, she’s a fucking cling-on.” I tried to comfort her.

  “I can’t believe you hang out with people like that,” Aly said, shaking her head.

  Marshall was the center of attention, explaining to everyone what happened and Bobby was hanging on his every word. Bobby was not the drama enthusiast, so I thought.

  “Come on man, let’s do this,” Dump said taking a long drag on his cigarette.”

  ***

  Standing, ready to play, I watched Aly in from a distance, she was a true legit beauty. She was light years away from average and she had no idea. The way she moved, like a gazelle, long and fluid. Her smile literally radiated beyond anyone’s I’d ever seen. I started to feel unsure of myself, nervous about the new songs. What would she think?

  “Dude, I gotta redo the set list,” I barked to Dump. “Now.”

  “What the fuck, dude, we gotta do this thing before the cops show up.”

  Bobby stepped over, hearing my plight.

  “Aw man,” Bobby moaned. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “Guys, I just can’t do’em here.” Firmly shaking my head no, looking each one of them in the eye. “I’m not ready, I’m sorry.”

  Mike began to laugh. “Yeah, you may start a cat fight again.” Suddenly a serious, callous expression melted over his face. “Or you’re just a pussy, or pussy whipped.”

  I wanted to punch his teeth out. Dump chimed in putting him in his place.

  “Dude, shut the fuck up, you’re just bent cause the only pussy you get is from the coke whores who use you for drugs.” He chuckled, flicking his cigarette at Mike’s feet.