Highland Lover

by Hannah Howell

  “Nay, but that doesnae mean that I like being made a fool of. I ken weel that I am the verra last to hear about this. If someone had e’en hinted at what was going on, I could have saved myself six long days of struggling to decide what to do and say to untangle this mess.”

  “Ah, but then ye would have stayed here, and I do think it was for the best that ye left,” said Ewan. “Mavis was a wee bit cowed by her father. The moment ye returned, she began to stay close by your side. I feared Laird Kerr could convince her that she had to marry you and she was too much the dutiful daughter to tell him that she wished to have another mon for her husband. With ye gone, Brian had the freedom to woo her and convince her to do as she wished to anyway.”

  Gregor slowly drank a little more ale. He did wonder why he felt so annoyed. He should be pleased, should be skipping about the room in unbridled joy. The tangle he had fretted over for so long had been neatly untied with no effort needed on his part. Brian now had himself a good wife, land, and a full purse. He also had Ian Kerr for a father-in-law, but Gregor suspected Brian would know how to deal with the man. It was his pride that was hurting, he realized. Gregor suspected no man would like to discover that a woman preferred another man over him, even if it was a woman he was about to set aside for another. The fact that he was the last to know what had been going on stung, for it made him look like a complete fool.

  He quickly pushed those feelings aside. This was what he had wanted, even before he had met Alana. He should be pleased no matter how it had come about or how much it had cost his pride. Now he could turn all of his attention on Alana and soothe the hurt he had inflicted. Gregor felt a flicker of fear enter his heart as he began to wonder exactly why he had not seen her yet.

  “Where is Alana?” he asked, eager to settle matters between them.

  “In her bedchamber,” replied Fiona. “She fled there when she heard ye had returned.”

  That stung, but Gregor could understand. He had hurt her and, even though it was not widely known that they had been lovers, he had shamed her, at least in her own mind. There was every chance she thought he had simply used her to pass the time and feed his manly needs while they journeyed to Scarglas, where he would be reunited with his betrothed.

  Gregor did not dare to even guess how that had made Alana feel, and she had not allowed him to explain everything. Worse, he had spent a lot of time during his journey to and from Ardgleann planning what to say to Mavis, but had not thought of anything he could say to Alana. The idea that he could just apologize most humbly and kiss her into forgiving him was a foolish one, but he had clung to it with a desperation he winced to acknowledge.

  Meeting Alana’s twin sister had proven very uncomfortable, although the sisters looked nothing alike except in size and the shapes of their faces. Keira was a lovely woman and obviously had the same bond with Alana that Alana had with her. Gregor was not able to shake the feeling that Keira knew what he and Alana had shared and that he had hurt her sister. It had been tempting to ask the woman if she knew what Alana was feeling now, even if she knew if Alana loved him, but he had shied away from indulging in any confidences with the woman. Unfortunately, Keira had shared no confidences with him, either, so he had little to tell Alana to soothe her concerns about Keira’s happiness.

  Liam had been much more forthcoming, and he could try to reassure Alana with those confidences. Gregor suspected it would not be enough, however. Not only was he going to be giving her a man’s view of it all, but she could probably still sense her sister’s lingering unhappiness. He had not needed to reveal any of that to Liam, for the man had already known about the bond between the sisters. Worse, it was Liam’s past that was making it difficult for him to win his wife’s trust. Gregor was concerned that his past was going to prove a problem as well. At least Liam had no bastard children under his roof who would constantly remind his wife of that past.

  “Ye willnae sort anything out by sitting there and scowling into your ale,” said Fiona.

  Gregor scowled at her instead. “I doubt Alana wishes to see me. ’Struth, she has made that verra clear by fleeing to her room when I arrived.”

  “Ye should have told her about Mavis,” said Fiona, ignoring her husband’s murmured protest about her interfering. “Nay, I will say my piece. After all, he left me here to deal with his betrothed and his lover beneath the same roof. It could have proven verra awkward for me.”

  “I ken that I made a mistake when I didnae tell Alana about Mavis, but ’tis verra hard to correct that mistake when she willnae listen to what I have to say.”

  “Aye, ye made a big mistake by nay telling her the truth ere she arrived here to face the woman, but ye made an even bigger one by fretting more about Mavis’s pride and feelings than ye did about Alana’s.”

  “That isnae true,” Gregor protested a little weakly because he had the sudden realization that it might well have appeared so to Alana.

  As he thought over how he had behaved in the few short hours he had been at Scarglas, he decided that might was the wrong word. It had undoubtedly appeared so to Alana. He had been still reeling with the shock of finding Mavis here claiming him as her betrothed and facing Alana’s hurt and anger, and he had not been thinking too clearly. All he had been able to think of was the need to keep Mavis and her father happy until he could quietly end the misunderstanding and get them out of Scarglas. Guilt over having wooed the woman for her dowry as much as anything else had kept him concerned for her feelings, for not humiliating her by disclaiming her before one and all. Instead, he had disclaimed Alana.

  He cursed. The number of missteps he had made with Alana continued to pile up. He should have done something, even forced her to listen to him, but he had played the kind groom to Mavis’s smiling bride. If it had been Alana who had done that to him, had acted so before his eyes, he would not have been so quiet about it all. No, there would have been one dead man before the meal had ended.

  But, he thought a little crossly, he would have at least allowed Alana to explain. If she had just listened to him for a minute, all he had done at the meal that night would have been understandable. Gregor knew Alana would never have wanted her pride to take precedence over anyone else’s. She would not have wanted Mavis hurt or humiliated, either.

  “Ye shall have to make her sit down and listen to ye,” said Fiona.

  “That easy, is it?” he asked, his voice sharp with an anger that was mostly directed at himself.

  “Easy would have been if ye had told her about Mavis. Now ye must not only explain that, but why ye didnae tell her.” Fiona sighed. “Can ye nay see? Ye have made Alana think that all she was to ye was a convenient woman, someone to warm the blankets ere ye arrived home to marry another.”

  “Ye speak verra freely.”

  “I must, or this tangle could become a knot that will ne’er be untied, and that would cost both ye and Alana far too dearly. I think ye held back a lot of words as the two of ye traveled here, perhaps afraid to give her any promises or the like until ye were completely free, but it has cost ye now. Alana has naught from ye, nay, not e’en a few whispered words, to cling to and believe that this is all just a mistake. Ye gave her naught to set her trust in. Ewan says ye consider Alana your mate, but I fear ye have given her naught to make her think the same.”

  There was no denying that. His reasons had seemed all that was honorable. It was wrong to make any vows or promises to one woman when one had just come from wooing another for his wife and had not let it be known that that was not going to happen. But it had put him in the tight corner Fiona now described. The woman he wanted now had nothing to tell her why she should trust him or believe that anything aside from passion had passed between them.

  “And of course, she now kens about your sons.”

  Gregor stared down at the top of the table and wondered if it would help if he banged his head on it a few times. “I wasnae really hiding them.” He grimaced. “I had just forgotten about them. The trouble with Mavis
was all I could think of, aside from what was happening between Alana and me.” He frowned. “If I can sort this all out in my favor, she will accept the lads, willnae she?” he asked, and he knew she would even as he presented the question to Fiona. He accepted the disgusted look she gave him as his due.

  “Of course she will and ye ken it. Now, I believe she is actually in the solar. All I will say is that she promised me she would listen to you. The rest is up to you. If ye cannae convince her, soothe her hurt and all of that, she will leave for Ardgleann and I willnae stop her this time.”

  “Ye are a verra managing woman, Fiona,” he said and grinned when she just smiled. “I shall do what I can. Since I ken she wanted news of her sister and now I ken about her promise to ye, at least I can get a foot in the door to plead my case.”

  He made his way to the solar feeling both hopeful and terrified. This was why he had shied away from love. It was undignified for a man to go to a woman feeling as if he was facing the hardest battle of his life and was actually considering the possibility of a craven retreat.

  Gregor sighed as he stared at the door to the solar and tried to brace himself for the coming confrontation. He was facing the most important battle of his life, if not the hardest, for he knew the future would be cold and empty without Alana at his side. That emptiness he had felt before deciding he would cease tumbling any woman when the mood struck and get himself a wife seemed like nothing of any real importance compared to what he would feel if he could not win Alana’s heart. In the time he had been away from Scarglas, he had become all too aware of how he liked having her at his side all night, waking to her in the morning, and knowing she was close at hand during the day. Nay, not liked, he told himself, determined to cease deceiving himself—needed.

  His tap upon the door did not immediately bring an invitation to enter. He waited only for a moment before he considered just marching in there. Common sense told him that was hardly the way to soften Alana’s anger, but the longer he stood outside the door like some sad penitent, the more annoyed he got. Gregor was just reaching out to open the door when he heard Alana’s voice issue a clearly reluctant invitation to enter. As he opened the door, he prayed that he could find all the appropriate words to bring her back into his arms.

  Alana watched Gregor enter the room, softly close the door behind him, and turn to look at her. The sight of him made her heart skip and she cursed herself for a witless fool. While it was true that he was now completely free, it did not change matters between them very much. He still had a lot of lies to explain and she still had no idea of how he felt about her beyond desire.

  She thought of how happy she had been that those thieves had not been able to abuse her and kill all the beauty of what she and Gregor had shared. What violence had not killed, Gregor’s lies had. At the moment, with the pain of betrayal still a hard knot inside her and no words of love to cling to, she could not recall those moments in his arms without wincing in pain and embarrassment over her foolish innocence. It would probably pass with time and the memories would grow beautiful again, undoubtedly tinged with a bit of melancholy for things lost, but right now she tried her best not to remember one single moment of their passion.

  “Did ye have a pleasant journey?” she asked as he sat down in the chair facing her before the fireplace.

  The way his eyes narrowed at the cool, polite tone she used made her feel better. Alana knew it was probably petty of her to gain some satisfaction from being able to annoy him, but she did not care. He had left her here to wallow in her own pain and fury for six days, side by side with a woman he had courted and who claimed she was his betrothed. If he had been anxious to explain things to her or sort out what he had claimed was a misunderstanding, it would seem he could have stayed at Scarglas and put some effort into it.

  “My journey was pleasant enough,” he replied, “although I sorely missed my usual companion.”

  “Ah, such a shame, but I felt Charlemagne needed a respite from travel.”

  Alana could get nasty when she was angry, Gregor thought, torn between an urge to grin and one to give her a little shake. Now that he thought on it, their time with the Gowans should have warned him of that. She had slapped those men with the sharp side of her tongue many times. He would accept it as his penance for his mistakes, but only for a little while. He knew he had hurt her even if he did not know how deeply or badly, and he could understand that she would feel a need to try and hurt him back. It could also be her way to keep him at a distance, but she would find that did not work for long.

  “Where is the cat?” he asked, looking around for the animal that had never strayed far from her side.

  “Your sons have taken a liking to him and Charlemagne is gracing them with his presence.”

  Gregor felt himself blush and inwardly cursed. He had not anticipated that she would slap him in the face with one of his lies quite so quickly. Although, he mused, it was not really a lie, but he suspected trying to explain how he had forgotten them because he had been thinking about the problem with Mavis would not endear him to her. In truth, he was a little embarrassed about that himself.

  “Ah, that is good.” And now he was apparently reduced to stuttering out polite idiocies, he thought. “Do ye wish to ken how your sister is?” Even more idiotic, he mused, not surprised when she looked at him as if he had been beaten on the head once too often.

  “Aye, how is Keira?”

  She sat up very straight with her hands folded in her lap, just as she had been taught to do since childhood. It was the way one sat when meeting guests, and Alana suspected Gregor knew it, if his scowl was any indication. If he thought she would be all smiles and soft welcome just because Mavis had run off with Brian, he had another thing coming. He would be treated as no more than an acquaintance until he gave her very good reason to treat him otherwise.

  “She is fine,” he said. “That sorrow ye feel could be from the hurt done to Ardgleann and its people. He treated the lasses there as his own private stable, he and his men. Took them away from their homes and families and held them in the keep for their own amusement. They dinnae fault her, but I think she still blames herself for nay coming to their aid sooner than she did. Ah, and there was damage done to some of the beautiful things Ardgleann seems to abound with. All the food stores and livestock were tossed down the gullets of the men and the fields werenae planted on time. Aye, there are a lot of things there that could bring her sorrow, although things are improving.”

  It took a moment for Alana to shake aside the horror she had felt over what the women of Ardgleann had been forced to endure. She could understand how Keira would feel it was her fault because she had not returned to oust the invader almost immediately. Alana suspected she would feel the same no matter how foolish it was to do so. For a moment she concentrated on all she had felt concerning her sister and then slowly shook her head.

  “Aye, that is the way of it. There is the weight of an unearned guilt upon her heart, but there is more. I truly believe there is something wrong with her marriage.”

  “Nay, Alana, there isnae anything wrong. There is just a wee bit of, weel, unease. Some matters must be settled between her and Liam, but nay more than that. Liam truly cares for her, but she remains unconvinced, or so he believes. As ye have said yourself, he is a mon most women find beautiful and your sister is troubled by that. They but need time to learn about each other and for her to believe that he willnae play her false with another woman, nay matter how foolishly that woman may pursue him.”

  “Ah, like the one who came to the monastery, the one who had him beaten because she was jealous.”

  “Exactly. The people of Ardgleann already trust him and look to him as their laird. Can ye nay take some comfort in their opinion of the mon?”

  “Some, aye, but I still feel the need to see Keira.”

  “Soon. Let her and Liam have time to settle things between them. She didnae appear truly unhappy with him and showed no resentment o’er every
one looking to him as the new laird e’en though Ardgleann was bequeathed to her. He openly marks her as his equal in all things, sending people to her for some of the decisions.”

  Alana was heartily pleased by that and saw it as very promising. Although she understood that marriages were often made with an eye to a gain in land or purse or an alliance, Keira had not needed to make such a match. She had wondered if Liam had been mercenary in his pursuit of her sister. That he shared the power of the laird’s place made it seem far more probable that he had married her sister for more reasons than her inheritance.

  She suddenly noticed that Gregor had leaned forward in his chair and was looking at her intently. He was obviously finished telling her the news from Ardgleann. She had relaxed with him as they had discussed Liam and Keira and she fleetingly wondered if that had been his intention. The expression in his eyes told her he was about to try and discuss them, and she was not sure she was quite ready for that.

  “Alana, I ken ye think I but played some game with ye, using ye when I had no right to,” he said, taking one of her hands in his and ignoring her brief effort to tug it free.

  “Ye should have told me about Mavis, told me that ye were a betrothed mon.”

  “But I wasnae betrothed. Aye, I courted her. I decided it was time I ceased playing about with women I couldnae remember from one day to the next and get me a wife. Most men reach an age when they start to think like that. I heard about Mavis Kerr and went to see if she would suit me. She had land and a nice fat purse, and I am sorry if that sounds callous, but ’tis what most men think on when they go looking about for a wife. I did court her, but I never became betrothed to her. Aye, it was all done with a marriage in the offing, but naught had been promised or signed.”

  “So why did she need to be kept some great dark secret?”

  “In the beginning I didnae think it was of any importance. I had already decided I couldnae marry her, that tempting though her dowry was, I couldnae feel any more than a mild affection for her. While I sat alone in the dark at the Gowans’, I realized I didnae want to tie myself for life to a woman I could only, weel, like.”