Faith (My Misery Muse)

by B. Betzold

  “Yep,” she answered popping the p at the end. “Cin doesn’t like people knowing, something about guys not liking a twin brother. She said it would be different if he was a girl, I don’t get it but whatever.”

  Sam and Cris walked in at about that point. “Why is Eli yelling at Cin in the hallway?” asked Cris.

  “You don’t wanna know,” muttered X.

  “Okay then, so they said no more visitors at this time, something about changing the dressings and checking his chest tube. I didn’t know he had one, so I had to ask, apparently he had a collapsed lung as well.”

  Devi nodded. “Okay then.”

  “So I think we need to do some shopping, call the label, call the lawyers, and all that crap,” X asserted. “So who wants to do what?”

  “I’ll call the label,” Sam replied.

  “I’ll deal with the lawyers; I will have them reschedule the meeting you missed, Mags,” Seth offered.

  “I completely forgot about that.”

  Seth nodded. “Understandable, so did the rest of us, not that it really matters right now.”

  “Yay, I’ll go shopping,” said X rubbing his hands together.

  “Shopping?” asked Devi looking a little scared at that idea.

  X nodded. “Yep, we will need stuff to do when we are on shifts. I am thinking a Kindle, a DS and some games, hmm any other requests?”

  “Blankets and pillows,” replied Eli.

  I couldn’t think of anything that I wouldn’t bring with me, I looked over at everyone else and I didn’t think they had any ideas either.

  “IPod, Drake's iPod,” Devi called out.

  Sam nodded. “I can get it from his place.”

  “Anything else?” We all shook our heads at X. “Okay then, I am going shopping. Wanna go Jaks, you can help me pick out the good games?”

  Jaks closed his DS and stood up. “Yea, I guess.”

  “All right buddy then let’s go,” he said and he and Jaks were gone.

  “Well I guess I lost my kid,” Devi commented.

  “Don’t worry baby, he will return him soon,” replied Seth.

  “He better,” muttered Devi.

  “So who’s staying?” I asked.

  “I will,” Eli answered.

  We stood up to go to our different tasks; none of us really wanting to go, but we knew we couldn’t stay here forever either and I really needed to pump.

  Eli

  I really had no idea what my sister's problem was today, but I had a feeling it had something to do with X. I didn’t want them together; I had made that clear to both parties. I knew what was going to end up happening, and I didn’t want to deal with it again. I didn’t want to deal with my sister getting her heart stepped on after she had convinced herself she was in love.

  I didn’t want the drama to affect my standing in the band. I loved playing in the band; I finally found someplace I fit and I didn’t want to give that up just so my sister could get her jollies off with one of my band mates. I knew both Sam and Seth had told me not to worry about that, that whatever happened couldn’t affect my place in the band, but they didn’t know her like I did. They didn’t understand her like I did, and they didn’t know about her past like I did.

  I wanted to clue X in so he could get out now, but I knew if I did that she would find out and I would end up paying the price for that. I had tried once before and it hadn’t ended well for me. So instead I was standing back and holding my breath waiting for the fallout which would happen, and I didn’t know what to do to stop it.

  I went in and sat with Drake. I wish I had someone I could talk to about this, but some things were kept in family, immediate family, it was drilled into my head, you do not tell anyone, no one is to know, just protect your sister. So that’s what I did, I protected my sister from herself and tried my best to protect others from her, but now I was stuck between blood and those I called my brothers, and I was lost.

  Chapter 28

  Mags

  It has been three days since the accident and I was sitting beside Drake's bed watching him sleep. He was still sedated but they had removed the breathing tube, they were going to cast his leg tomorrow and possibly start weaning him off the sedation medication this weekend. Life was hectic between trying to have someone watching over Drake, the kids, and the drama the band was going through over canceling the last of their tour.

  I had a lot of time on my hands lately, with sitting here watching Drake sleep, and in that time I did a lot of thinking about what I could have lost, and still might. The doctors were optimistic but he wasn’t out of the woods yet. There was so much damage and with the unknown time before the EMTs got there they just weren’t sure. So, I sat here watching him sleep and reassessing my life. I knew I loved him, the thought of losing him made me realize that, but to what extent—I was still trying to figure out. Was I willing to give up the life I knew? That thought scared me, on the other side the idea of a life without him scared me more.

  “My mom made poor choices, she wanted to find a man to take care of her, and so she wouldn’t have to along with me.” I told Drake, “I never wanted to be like her. I never wanted to depend on someone for anything, especially a man. Then I got pregnant with Quinn and what happened? He walked away.”

  “He walked away and said he wanted nothing to do with his child. I knew then that I would never put my child in the same situation as my mother; I would be both mother and father.” I looked over at his battered face and took a deep breath. “You make me doubt my thoughts. You make me wonder what life would be like to have someone there with you, helping you, but I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know how to trust someone like that.”

  “You let him help you, you take it slow, you talk and tell him how you’re feeling. You listen to what he’s feeling and you work it out,” said the voice behind me.

  I glanced back. “How long have you been here?”

  “Long enough.”

  “You here for the next shift, Sam?”

  “Yep.”

  “Okay, just give me a minute.”

  He nodded his head and walked towards the nurses’ station. I leaned over and kissed Drake's cheek. “I love you, and I will see you tomorrow,” I whispered into his ear then got up to go back to the outside world.

  I walked into Devi’s house and it was silent. I looked around, and found Devi curled up on the couch reading. I plopped down on the couch next to her, looked at the cover of her book and laughed.

  “Seriously, Devi, Devoured again?”

  She shrugged. “Shut up, how many times have you read Thoughtless and Effortless?”

  “All right, point taken.”

  “So how was he?”

  “The same as he was when you saw him a few hours ago.”

  She nodded and put her book down. “Anything you want to talk about?”

  “No, I am just trying to figure stuff out.”

  “Sometimes when you talk to someone it helps.”

  “I know, and I just don’t know what to say.”

  “How about the truth?”

  “I love him,” I blurted out.

  “I already knew that.”

  I sighed. “No, I mean 'white picket fence' love him.”

  “I knew that too.”

  I stuck my tongue out at her. “Then why should I talk if you know everything.”

  “Uhm, cause you’re not talking about what you need to.”

  “I don’t know how to talk about all that.”

  “Sure you do, you just don’t want to.”

  I looked away, I wasn’t ready to talk about my past. “So I talked to the lawyer today.”

  “And?”

  “The papers were served suing for child support today.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay, that’s all you have to say?”

  “What more do you want me to say, Mags?”

  “What is with all this therapy shit today?”

  She shrugged. “I really don�
��t know what you want me to say, he was served, okay?”

  “I’m scared.”

  “Of?”

  “That he will want to be a part of her life, that Drake will wake up and not want me, that I am making a mistake.”

  “Okay, well if he wants to be a part of her life, we’ll deal with it. Drake will still want you when he wakes up, and you are not making a mistake wanting to try a relationship with the man you are in love with.”

  “When did you get so smart?”

  “When I finally grabbed ahold of Seth and refused to let go.”

  “Took you long enough.”

  She shrugged. “We are stubborn, Mags.”

  “I am not stubborn.”

  She snorted. “Yea, sure, keep telling yourself that.”

  “Mind if we stay tonight?” I asked.

  “Not at all.”

  “I’m just worried he will show up, you know, now that he was served.”

  “It makes sense. Why don’t I get Seth to take you over to your place and you guys can plan to stay a few days, k?”

  I hugged her. “Thanks Devi.”

  She shrugged. “That’s what best friends are for.”

  Seth and I walked into my house and the phone started ringing. I looked at the caller id and didn’t recognize the number so let the machine get it. As I was packing bags for Quinn and I, Brent’s voice came over the machine screaming obscenities at me. I glanced over at Seth and he was shaking his head. I walked over to the machine and there were twenty-four missed calls. I couldn’t believe this.

  “Pack a lot,” Seth said looking around the house. “This place isn’t safe enough for you two to be here alone.”

  I nodded my head and started to really pack. I didn’t know how long we would have to stay away.

  Seth helped me with the bags and I grabbed my laptop. Good thing I could work from anywhere. I was glad not to be staying there alone with Quinn, I didn’t trust Brent, and I didn’t know what he was capable of at this point.

  Seth

  I looked around Mags’ house, after that phone call there was no fucking way I would leave her here alone with a baby. She had no real protection if he came after her.

  “Pack a lot, this place isn’t save enough for you two to be here alone.”

  She didn’t argue, so I could tell she was scared. Once I got her back to my place I was going to call X and Eli and have them help me make sure someone was always at my house with the girls. I wasn’t leaving that house without one of us there. I wasn’t worried about Devi at the shop, those guys would never let anything happen to her, but I would still give Cris a heads up just in case.

  I helped her get her stuff in the car then drove back to our place, after unloading all her stuff I kissed Devi and left to make some phone calls.

  “Hey man, any change?” asked X.

  “Nope.”

  “This sucks.”

  “Yea pretty much, hey can you do me a favor?”

  “Anything.”

  That was the thing about X he was an ass unless his family needed help, then he was always there. “So Brent was served papers for child support today, he’s been calling Mags' house ever since, from what I heard a lot of cussing and some threats. She and Quinn are staying here until this shit is over, can you help me keep an eye on my place?”

  “In a fucking heart beat,” he replied.

  “Thanks, man. Okay, I need to call Eli.”

  “Don’t worry about it he’s here I will let him know.”

  “Thanks.”

  “You going to call Sam?”

  “No, he’s got enough crap going on, have no idea what it is, but I know he’s under some stress.”

  “Yea I’ve noticed too. Okay, let me know what you need and when you need it.”

  “K, talk to you soon, X.”

  I called Cris after that and got the same response, everyone at the shop would keep an eye on Devi when she was at work.

  With that settled, I went back into the living room to spend some time with my family.

  Chapter 29

  Mags

  I walked down the stairs and found X on the couch with Jaks asleep with his head lying in his lap, Cait asleep, curled up on his chest, an arm wrapped protectively around her and Quinn asleep in the crook of his other arm. I reached for my cell and snapped a few pictures, I couldn’t help myself and then forwarded them to Devi; I knew she would love them.

  “If you are done, think you could help,” he whispered opening one eye and looking at me.

  “Nope,” I said, “not moving a single one, or they will all wake up.”

  He grunted and flipped me off with the hand wrapped around Cait. “Fine, then I am going back to sleep.”

  My phone started ringing, and I answered it quickly before it woke one of the kids up. “Yea,” I mumbled while looking for my car keys.

  “They are not stopping the sedation drugs today,” sniffed Devi.

  “Why not, what’s wrong?”

  “He started running a fever, he has an infection, and they are starting him on a stronger antibiotic and hoping to stop the sedation drugs in a few days.”

  “Fuck, when will this end, Devi?”

  “I don’t know,” she whispered.

  “Why don’t you come home?”

  “I can’t, I have a client coming in any minute,” she said. “After I am done with him, I will be going to the hospital”.

  “Okay, heard anything from your parental units?”

  “No, not after they stopped by for like five minutes yesterday.”

  I growled, their fucking parents. “Just ignore them.”

  “I know, but man, I want to hit them right now. Their son is lying in a hospital bed and they could only spare five minutes before going on yet another vacation.”

  “I know, but don’t stress yourself over it, they aren’t worth it.”

  “I know, hey I got to go my client just got here.”

  “K, call me when you get done.”

  “K, bye.” She had only been working a few hours a day since the accident, she needed a release of some sort, as well as something else to focus on.

  “What’s going on?” asked X from the couch.

  “Drake started running a temp so they aren’t stopping the sedation medicine yet. He has an infection of some kind and they had to up his antibiotic, they are hoping to take him off sedation in a few days.”

  “That fucking sucks!” he whisper yelled.

  “Yep, pretty much.”

  “How you doing?”

  “Uhm, hmm let’s see, the man I finally realized I love is in a coma, my house was broken into, and I can’t find my car keys—fucking great.”

  “Drake will be okay, Seth took your car keys and what do you mean your house was broken into?”

  “Why did Seth take my car keys?”

  “Uhm, cause he’s an overprotective ass, the house Mags, focus?”

  I sighed. “I got a call from the police last night, my house was broken into and trashed, they don’t know who did it at this point but are investigating. Seth and I went last night not much I can do except call my insurance at this point, now how am I suppose to get to the hospital?”

  “I was supposed to take you, but I am kinda being used as a human pillow at this moment, so I don’t know. How are you holding up, I mean that’s a lot in a short amount of time Mags.”

  I walked over and sat on the couch beside Jaks’ feet. “Well that just bites. I’m ok, just glad Quinn and I were here instead of home.”

  X nodded his head and looked down “Jaks has a fat head; I can’t feel my leg anymore.”

  I giggled. “No he has a hard head, it’s a family trait.”

  “Cait drools.” This caused me to giggle more. “My shirt is covered in baby drool, and your daughter's diaper is squishy.”

  I laughed causing Cait’s head to jerk up, I reached over and started patting her back and she laid her head back down and closed her eyes, snuggling into X
’s chest.

  “How the hell did Devi get lucky enough to get two babies who liked to sleep?”

  “I dunno, but they both seem to like to sleep on me.”

  “They love you.”

  “I kinda like them too,” he started to shrug but stopped himself, “but I really gotta piss.”

  “Sorry, gotta hold it.”

  He sighed. “So did the cops ever find out who broke into your house?”

  “Nope, I haven’t heard anything, but it only happened yesterday, and we all know who did it.”

  “Yes we do, and the fact that he’s in town doesn’t make me feel all warm and tingly.”

  I shrugged. “Cops are looking into it, nothing else I can do.”

  “So who’s at the hospital now?”

  “Sam,” I told him. “I should probably call and let him know I will be later, by the way where is Seth?”

  “I’ll call Sam, and Seth is at my place.”

  “Why is he at your place? I can call Sam.”

  “I’ll call Sam, and he’s there trying to get some work done, but more than likely fighting with the label.”

  “Huh, that sucks, and I am capable of calling Sam.”

  “I know you’re capable of calling Sam, but I don’t know what which Sam we are dealing with today. Yea it does suck, they are not happy with us right now, but none of us really give a shit because we won’t be with them much longer.”

  “I can deal with Sam, it’s not like I told Seth to take my keys or the babies all sleep on you. By the way how did that happen, and does the label know your leaving yet?”

  “Yea the label knows were leaving, part of the reason they are bitching. The babies just kinda migrated here, and Sam has a short fuse lately, he may not care that Seth took your keys, and be an ass anyway.”

  “If he’s an ass I will hang up. They migrated? Sorry about the label.”

  “Eh, we will have to finish the tour at a later date to fulfill our contract. Yep Ash said here hold Cait so I held Cait, Jaks came over and passed out, then Devi saw me sitting here stuck so she handed me Quinn and left.Mags, let me fucking deal with Sam.”

  “Fine, you can deal with Sam, and you look cute with baby drool,” I told him and got up to call Sam.

  “Don’t fucking call him, Mags, or I swear I will spank your ass and not in the way Drake does.”