Searching for Glory

by Hunter J. Keane

  “God, Glory. You’re right. That was pretty stupid of me. I really am sorry. Forgive me?” Johnny looked at me hopefully.

  “You remember that you bought me a house, right? I’d say you are forgiven.” I kissed him again. “How about giving me a tour?”

  “As you wish, my lady.” Johnny offered his arm in an old fashioned manner and led me throughout the house.

  The kitchen had been gutted and replaced with brand new appliances and cabinets. I suspected that meant that I would be expected to cook now, but I was okay with that. The next stop was the two guest bedrooms and the guest bathroom. One of the bedrooms already had two twin beds in it.

  “In case the kids ever want to stay over,” Johnny explained. It was so like him to have thought of the kids. “I wanted to have your whole house furnished before you got here but I ran out of time.”

  “I have one small question,” I confessed. “You keep calling this my house. Saying that you bought it for me.”

  “Yeah…”

  “Well why isn’t it our house? Don’t you want to live here with me?” I felt a little vulnerable asking him that.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to live here. It’s just, I think that should be a decision we make together. It would have been pretty presumptuous of me to buy this house and tell you we were going to live here together, don’t you think?” Johnny leaned back against the wall. “If I did it that way, it would seem like this was only your house if we lived here together. But that’s not the case. This is your house, with or without me in it.”

  “So if I asked you to move into this house with me, would you say yes?” I leaned against the wall across from him and stared him down.

  “That depends, are you asking?”

  “That depends, would you say yes?”

  We both laughed and I sucked in a dramatic breath. “Johnny Carter,” I said, “would you please move in with me?”

  “Glory Stark, nothing would make me happier.”

  “Whew,” I said as I exhaled, feigning wiping sweat from my brow. “I was pretty nervous about your answer.”

  “Well, now you know how I felt when I asked you to prom.” Johnny took my hand and led me to the last room down the hall. “I have one more room to show you.”

  “The master bedroom?” I asked, raising my eyebrows suggestively.

  “It just so happens that this is the only room completely furnished.” Johnny opened the door.

  “Well, isn’t that convenient for you.”

  “I like to think of it as good planning.” Johnny tilted his head. “Are you ready for this?”

  “I think the better question is, are you?” I said, marching confidently past him. I grabbed his arm on the way and yanked him inside.

  * * *

  Being with Johnny was even better than I remembered. He was gentle but strong; confident and loving. It had been a decade, but we still remembered each other. Our bodies still fit together perfectly. Afterwards, we lay together on the new bed, covered only by a thin blanket. My head rested on Johnny’s chest, rising and falling with each breath.

  “We should probably get dressed. The kids will be expecting me,” I said unconvincingly. Johnny didn’t answer so I poked him gently in the side.

  “I just had sex with Gloria Star,” Johnny said smugly, his hands exploring my exposed skin. “I can’t wait to tell the guys at the shop.”

  I laughed and slapped him playfully. “You are sooo cool.”

  “Just give me a minute here. My fifteen-year-old self would be so impressed by this.”

  “Your fifteen-year-old self would be too busy trying to score with fourteen-year-old me,” I reminded him. “Unsuccessfully, I might add.”

  “Give it time. Fourteen-year-old you couldn’t resist my charms forever.” Johnny stroked my hair gently; it had grown quickly and already grazed my shoulders.

  “I have a confession to make,” I said, brushing my fingertips over the light smattering of hair on his chest. “Fourteen-year-old me was madly in love with fifteen-year-old you. But you were dating that tramp Malerie back then. You pretty much broke my heart.”

  “Really? Madly in love, huh? I only started dating Malerie because I thought I didn’t have a chance with you,” Johnny said thoughtfully. “Guess it’s a good thing I made my move on you when I did or we might never have gotten together.”

  “Even after everything we’ve been through, you still think that would’ve been a bad thing?” I turned my head so that my chin rested on his collarbone.

  “It was never perfect, but it was always worth it.” Johnny kissed my forehead decisively.

  “We have a lot of lost time to make up for. You’re going to be sick of me pretty soon. You might regret agreeing to move in with me.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “Well, I snore.”

  “I remember,” Johnny said somberly.

  “And I keep things insanely clean. You won’t be able to leave your dirty socks on the floor anymore.”

  “I think I can live with that.”

  “Well, then there’s the night terrors. And my bouts of blind rage. The medicine should help, but it makes me forget things. I might not remember who you are…”

  “Funny.” Johnny tugged gently on my hair. “You can try to scare me away all you want but it’s not going to work. You’re stuck with me.”

  “Well in that case, what side of the bed do you want? We should probably settle that now since we’ll be spending a lot of our time here.”

  “Is that a promise?” Johnny rolled me onto my back and leaned over me.

  “Kiss on it?” I said. We ended up doing a lot more than that.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  “Psst. Are you awake?” I whispered loudly. I checked the clock and watched as it turned to 4:48. It was Christmas morning and I had been wide awake for two hours. I groaned and turned back to Johnny. He was sleeping soundly, oblivious to my insomnia.

  I watched as his eyelids fluttered and I wondered if he was dreaming. Lying on my stomach, I propped myself up on my elbows and contemplated waking him. I knew it was selfish but I was bored and tired of trying to fall back asleep. I could get up and watch some television in the other room but I knew that wouldn’t help. It was Christmas morning and I was more excited than any kid.

  Vic’s illness meant that I got to take care of the shopping for this year’s holiday season and I had taken my duties very seriously. I couldn’t wait to see the kids’ faces when they discovered the mountain of presents Johnny and I had placed around the tree just a few hours earlier.

  “Bor-ring,” I sang out softly. I thought I saw Johnny stir slightly and I leaned in closer.

  “Stop watching me,” he said without opening his eyes. His voice was heavy with sleep. “Go back to sleep.”

  “I can’t,” I said, flopping onto my back in dramatic fashion. “I’m bored. Wake up and play with me.”

  “Enticing proposition, but no.” Johnny still hadn’t opened his eyes.

  I almost felt guilty for what I was about to do next. Almost. I sat up straight and started singing, very loudly and very badly. I started with Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and when that didn’t work I switched to Jingle Bells. I stopped abruptly when Johnny’s pillow smacked me in the head.

  “You are evil.” Johnny was sitting up now, his hair a wavy mess and his eyes still thick with sleep. He rubbed at them and said, “Why did I agree to move in again?”

  “I warned you.” I reached over and smoothed down his hair. “But you insisted you could put up with me.”

  “You didn’t tell me about your fetish for early morning singing. And aren’t celebrities supposed to be triple threats? Why are you such a bad singer?” Johnny yawned loudly.

  “I’m not that kind of celebrity. Do you think it’s too early to head over to Vic’s?

  “Unless those kids are all crazy like you, I think we should wait at least another hour.”

  “I don’t want to miss anything. This will b
e my first Christmas with them in Princeton.” I didn’t finish my thought which was that it would also be my last Christmas with my sister. Johnny knew what I was thinking though.

  “I know. We won’t miss anything, I promise.” He hugged me, no longer angry about his wake-up call. I loved being hugged by him; nothing else made me feel that safe and loved. “If you want, I’ll let you open your present.”

  “Really?” I said, bouncing on the bed. “I thought for sure I was on the naughty list this year.”

  “You still are.” Johnny laughed and went over to the dresser and turned on a lamp. He rummaged around in his sock drawer and came back with a shoebox with a red bow wrapped around it.

  “A new pair of shoes?” I joked.

  “Just open it.”

  I untied the bow and let it fall onto the bed. I lifted the lid gently and placed it to the side. The inside of the box was jam packed with folded pieces of paper: letters. “Am I supposed to know what this is?” I asked.

  “Well, it’s probably not as romantic since you already sent me your letters. But I always planned to give these to you.” Johnny watched as I opened one and scanned the contents. “I told you how I wrote you a bunch of letters after you left, asking you to come home. What I didn’t tell you was that I saved them.”

  “These are the letters you wrote me?” I retrieved another letter from the box and opened it carefully. “I can’t read these, Johnny. They are personal.”

  Johnny laughed softly. “Of course you can read them. I wrote them for you.”

  “I can’t believe you kept them.” I fingered through the paper. “There must be at least a hundred letters in here.”

  “Just think how much I saved on postage.”

  “Don’t joke, Johnny.” I scanned one letter, and then another. Five letters later, I looked up in shock- it was all there. The story of us. My story. I had spent the last ten years trying to find myself and Johnny had the answer this whole time. I set the box on the bed and scooted closer to him. “This is an amazing present. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I love you, Glor.”

  “Back at ya, Jay.” I kissed him quickly. “Now it’s your turn.”

  “You mean you got me a present!” Johnny feigned surprise. “I know it’s not a new alarm clock because with you around I’ll never need one of those.”

  “Joke all you want, buddy, but my gift is pretty sweet.” I practically skipped over to the closet. I had hidden it behind a stack of shoes so it took me awhile to dig it out. I came back to the bed holding an elaborately wrapped present.

  “Way to show me up,” Johnny said as he took the gift.

  “Technically, I didn’t spend any money on this gift so I figured I should splurge a little on the wrapping. Or actually, I spent a ton of money on it. I guess it depends how you look at it.” I sat next to him and bounced up and down in excitement. “Anyway, open it.”

  It took him awhile to dig through all the paper and tape. One final rip and he was able to see what was inside. “A plaque?”

  “Please, contain your excitement. Read what it says, silly.” I tore away a scrap of paper so that the inscription was clear.

  “The Carter Cancer Wing. Established in loving memory of Eva Carter, devoted wife and mother.” Johnny cleared his throat. “What does this mean?”

  “So I told you about my plans for the new cancer wing at the hospital. I just wanted to give them some money to help them out, but then they wanted to name the wing after me. I just didn’t think that would be right. But I thought it would be a nice memorial to your mother, and to your family.” I was a little nervous over Johnny’s silence. “I hope it’s okay. I spoke to your dad about it and he thought it was a nice idea.”

  Johnny finally looked up from the plaque and I noticed that his eyes were watery. “Of course it’s okay. It’s wonderful. She would have loved this.”

  “Whew. I was really hoping you would be okay with it because we sort of already ordered a really big sign for the wing.”

  “It’s perfect. Thank you. Though you definitely spent a lot more money than me. I kind of suck at this relationship thing, don’t I?” Johnny asked, his smile crooked and beautiful.

  “I don’t know about that. It’s our first Christmas together in ten years and you gave me an entire box of love letters. Seems pretty romantic to me.”

  “It’s going to be hard to top it next year.”

  I reeled backward and held up a defensive hand. “Woah. Next year? What do you think this is, Carter? Some kind of long-term relationship?”

  “It’s not?” Johnny said, playing along.

  “Sorry to break this to you, but I’ve just been using you for sex. And a new house. Oh, and the occasional free oil change.” I ducked as another pillow flew in my direction.

  We had been living together for almost a month; the house was fully furnished including a Christmas tree in front of the window. I had settled into my newly domesticated life, scrubbing floors and making dinner every night. Every day around five, I found myself dancing around the house like a giddy school girl, waiting for Johnny to get back from work. For the first time in my life, I didn’t just have a place to live- I had a home.

  “It’s been twenty five minutes,” I told Johnny.

  “Fine. Get dressed. We can head over if you want.” Johnny sighed and started to gather up the wrapping paper that littered the bed.

  “Actually,” I said, grabbing the paper from him and tossing it to the floor, “I was just pointing out that we still have thirty five minutes to kill. And I was hoping maybe you could think of a way to pass the time.”

  Johnny grinned and then lunged at me, tossing me back on the bed. I laughed in delight, thinking this was about to become my best Christmas ever.

  * * *

  Three hours later, it was all over. Piles of unwrapped presents dotted the Delroy’s living room floor. I lounged on the couch, cuddled up with Vic as we watched the kids play with their new toys. Julia was typing on her new laptop, Marta was setting up her new dollhouse, and the boys, including Jake and Johnny, were putting together the new racecar track.

  “You bought that for the kids, right? It’s a little hard to tell right now,” Vic said.

  “It was nice to make the big kids happy as well as the actual kids.” I helped myself to some of Johnny’s coffee.

  Vic smiled and her gaze drifted to the window. “I can’t believe it’s snowing. It hasn’t snowed on Christmas morning since we were kids.”

  “I remember. You used to love the snow so much you would spend all day outside,” I said. “Which was probably just as well since we never had a Christmas tree or presents or anything.”

  “Well at least we had each other,” Vic said with just a hint of sarcasm.

  “I would have rather had the presents.”

  “Yeah, okay. Me too.” We both laughed at that.

  “So do you think they would notice if we snuck away?” Vic asked, nodding at the others.

  “Probably not, but where are you thinking of going?”

  “Outside? I think the fresh air might do me good.”

  I knew that Vic was up to something but I decided to play along. I helped Vic to her feet and led her carefully through the minefield of unwrapped presents. Jake noticed our slow departure but he just smiled at us and then went back to his battery installation.

  It took a while to get Vic bundled up in all her winter layers but once we got outside, I decided it was a good idea. The snow had already accumulated about six inches and it was continuing to fall at a steady pace. The vast emptiness of the fields surrounding us created the feeling that we were the last people on Earth.

  “Did you ever miss this when you were in L.A.?” Vic asked as we settled on the porch swing.

  “Snow?” I looked around again and realized that it even smelled like snow. “I know I’m probably supposed to say yes, but honestly I never missed the snow.”

  “Hmm.”

  “I did miss you,
though. And the kids. All the time.”

  “I get why you left, Glory. Really, I do. I just wish…” Vic sighed and there was a slight rattling in her chest. “I just wish things could have been different. For both of us.”

  “I don’t know, Vic. I’d say you did pretty good.” I glanced over my shoulder and looked through the window to where the kids were playing a new video game. Faint sounds of laughter trailed out to us. “Your family is pretty amazing.”

  “They are, aren’t they?” Vic smiled shyly, the same smile she had used as a little girl. “I love them so much.”

  “They feel the same about you, Vic.”

  “Glory, I asked you to bring me out here because I wanted to talk to you alone. We both know I don’t have much time left. Stop.” Vic cut me off before I could start in with unconvincing lies. “We don’t have to pretend; it’s just you and me out here.”

  I nodded and swallowed back a wave of emotion. “Okay.”

  “Okay. So here’s the deal. I’m going to miss out on a lot of important stuff. And my kids are going to miss out on having a mother.” Vic reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing tightly despite her frail state. “I need you to take over for me.”

  “Vic, I can try to be there for them but I can never take your place. No one can.”

  “I know that. But you have to try.” Vic broke off as she began to cough. It was a wet cough and it took her awhile to gather her strength after it stopped. “You just think you have so much time, you know? You tell yourself, I’ll do that tomorrow, or next week. Or even next year. Because you always think you’ll have next year, next week, tomorrow. But that’s not always true, is it? Sometimes you just have today.”

  I didn’t know what to say, and even if I did I wouldn’t have been able to choke out the words. I wrapped an arm around my sister’s tiny body and held on tight.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to turn this into a pity party. It’s just I can’t talk like this to Jake. He’s so fragile right now and it would break his heart if he knew I had given up.”

  “What can I do, Vic? Just tell me. Anything you need, and I’ll do it.” I was desperate to help her.