Confessions of a Heartbreaker

by Sucevic, Jennifer

  Tears swim in her eyes making them appear shiny in the falling sunlight. This isn't the way I want to remember her. I don't want to think about her with tears shimmering in her eyes but I know I'll never forget this moment.

  Because I'm pretty damn sure this is the moment my heart shattered into a million jagged pieces.

  Irony… freaking messing with my life again, man.

  I nod knowing there's nothing more I can say or do. "When?"

  "My dad has some business to take care of on Saturday." She pauses before adding softly, "We're leaving Sunday morning."

  Her fingers continue to stroke over my cheek before cupping it in the palm of her hand. Closing my eyes I lean into her softness. This sucks. I feel utterly powerless to stop any of this from happening. God but I don't want her to leave. I never even took her out. How screwed up is that?

  Opening my eyes, I meet her gaze. "Go out with me Saturday. One date. One date before you leave."

  She doesn't answer right away. I watch as she mulls it over before finally saying, "Is that really a good idea?"

  I don’t even hesitate. "Probably not."

  We both know it's a totally messed up idea. It'll only make everything worse when she does finally walk out of my life. But I can't just let her go.

  I just can't...

  She smiles sadly. "I don't want to hurt any more than I already do."

  "I don't want to hurt you any more than I already have." I hold her eyes tenderly with mine. "I never meant to hurt you at all."

  "I know, Parker."

  And with that she closes the distance separating us before pressing her lips against mine. I can't tell you how many times I've dreamed about her beautiful lips. Hell, I've done a lot more than that thinking about those luscious lips but we aren't going to get into that right now. My eyes close as her mouth strokes softly over mine. In that moment I feel everything we could have had together. Everything I was too chicken shit to accept when she finally agreed to be mine.

  I don't think I've ever hated myself more than I do right now because when she leaves, it’ll probably tear me apart. How can it not? I want this girl and there's nothing I can do to hold onto her. She's slipping right through my fingers.

  As much as I want to crush her to me, I don't. I let her control the situation. And the way she's kissing me, it's perfect. It's so fucking perfect. She's perfect. The way her lips stroke over mine, caressing me, I can't get enough. I'll never get enough.

  It sucks that it took me so damn long to figure this out.

  To figure out just how important she was to me.

  She whimpers. Just a little tiny noise from deep within her throat and I open my mouth so that her tongue can stroke against mine. As it does, I'm the one suddenly groaning with need. I don't think I've ever wanted anyone more than I want her. All the other girls I've been with pale in comparison to her. And I'm starting to realize that they always will.

  Our tongues mingle, sliding slowly against one another until it feels as if we're melting into each other. I don't want this to ever end. This is probably the sexiest kiss I've ever had. Hell, it's probably the sexiest thing I've ever experienced in my life. I never realized that being with someone you actually had feelings for could make fooling around so much better. Hooking up has always been about the physical release, the instant gratification, the pleasure. I never realized there could be more. So much more.

  Christ… who would have ever suspected that?

  Not me, that’s for sure.

  Finally, breathless, she pulls away. Just enough to search my eyes. I want her to see everything I feel for her because it has to be there. Right there in my eyes.

  "You can't leave without letting me take you out."

  Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, she whispers, "It’s such a bad idea."

  "Please, I want to spend more time with you. I want to give you something, something special to remember me by."

  Slowly her lips lift into a smirk before one of her brows slides upwards. "Wow, you really have some high hopes for our date, don’t you?"

  Her words catch me off guard before their meaning finally slams into me. "What? No! That's not what I meant. Jeez, get your mind out of the gutter." With a small smile, I roll my eyes. "You girls are all the same- sex, sex, sex. It's all you think about. I'm not just a piece of meat, you know. I have feelings too."

  Her green eyes widen in shock. "Wait a minute... you have feelings? Seriously?" Finally her lips curve upwards until her smile matches mine in lightness. "So, what are we going to do Saturday?" She asks the question cautiously as if she's actually considering the possibility.

  Of course there's an idea brewing in the back of my mind. And just like serenading her over the PA, whatever I do has to be big. Epic (which seems to be the word of the day). All I need now is for her to agree to be mine on Saturday.

  So we can go out on our first date.

  And our last.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  It's bright and early on Saturday morning as I trot up Jordan's front steps. And when I say bright and early, I mean like eight o'clock early. Yep, pretty much the butt crack of dawn as far as I'm concerned but I'm not complaining (that wasn't complaining, by the way) because I want to spend every single possible moment we have left together. I still can't believe she's leaving town tomorrow. Something painful clenches in my gut at the thought of not being able to see her any time I want. Unwilling to dwell on a future without Jordan, I push it far from my mind instead focusing on what we'll be doing today.

  And you better believe I have it all planned out.

  Down to the very last detail.

  As I ring the bell and wait, I watch the little puffs of my breath rise in the frigid morning air. I'm totally freezing my ass off out here. The temperature is supposed to hover around forty degrees today and it sure as hell feels like it too. I'm just about to rub my hands together when the massive front door swings opens.

  "Parker, what a nice surprise. Come in."

  For just a moment I do a double take (actually make that a triple take) not immediately recognizing the woman at the door.

  Holy.

  Effing.

  Crap.

  Those are the only three words my stunned brain can process because the woman behind the door is none other than (drum roll please) Ms. Fisk.

  Except, well, it's Ms. Fisk like I've never seen her before. I didn't even know she could look like that.

  You know... Good.

  I'm so dumbfounded by her drastic change in appearance that my mouth stops working. Okay, maybe my whole brain stops working. I can't even form the word hello as my eyes continue to sweep helplessly over her. Yeah, I'm totally checking out Ms. Fisk.

  It's like a horrendous car accident I can't look away from. Her hair, which I'm only now realizing is blond like Jordan's, flows around her shoulders. And it's all thick and... full.

  Jeez, who knew the woman could look like... like... that?

  Ah, certainly not this guy.

  That's for damn sure.

  Normally at school she wears her mousy looking hair pulled back into a tight bun at the nape of her neck. Total cliché, but true. Sometimes her hair is scraped back so forcefully I think it must give her headaches which is why she acts like such a-

  "Parker?"

  One of her thinly arched brows slides slowly upwards and her red painted lips quirk into what on any other person I would call a smile. On her, it's more like a...

  Well, let's just say that it's like seeing a great white shark grin. Incredibly scary but completely captivating because of its unexpectedness. I can literally feel my mouth falling open. FYI- I still haven't managed to utter one single sound yet. I think my lips have actually gone into shock.

  She doesn't look anything like the Ms. Fisk I've come to know and-

  Hmmm, I guess that old saying really doesn't apply in this particular situation, now does it?

  Know and tolerate?

  Yeah, that's about as tou
chy feely as we're going to get here.

  Anyway, Ms. Fisk actually looks like, well, certainly not the cranky old bat I oh-so-enjoy referring to her to as. Nope, she actually looks kind of... nice.

  More than nice, I admit rather begrudgingly.

  I'm tempted to rub my eyes because I feel like I'm having some kind of drug hallucination or maybe a bizarre dream. But I refrain, especially when she starts waving her hand in front of my face like I'm a total moron who's just spaced out on her.

  Oh... Right.... I am a moron who just spaced out on her. I seriously need to get a grip.... Like right now.

  "This is the first time I've ever seen you speechless, Mr. Montgomery." She smirks- no for real, the woman actually smirks at me. "I have to say, it's actually kind of a refreshing change of pace. You might try it more often."

  Alright, I think I've made enough of an ass out of myself for one day. Probably for the whole damn week.

  "I'm, ah, here to pick up Jordan." I would be lying if I said that my eyes weren't still roaming over Ms. Fisk's transformation in amazement. Because the more I stare, the more I realize that she's a lot younger than I've always suspected.

  Her school uniform of choice is usually some kind of God awful skirt and jacket combination in some dull and drab color (for example- baby shit green). But not today. Nope, today she's wearing some type of matching velvety sweat suit in red. Fire. Engine. Red. And it pretty much hugs every single one of her shockingly female curves. Oh my God, I'm seriously noticing that Ms. Fisk has curves. And yeah, they're in all the right places too. I'd like to be able to say that I almost threw up in my mouth but I didn't... because she looks kind of... hot.

  Holy crap, did I really just think that?

  Yeah, yeah I did... and trust me, I'm feeling fairly ashamed and kind of dirty right about now. And it's not a good kind of dirty either. Nope, I feel like I need a scalding hot shower. And not, um, because I need to take care of some personal business either... if you know what I mean... which I think you do.

  Wait just a minute here... I glance quickly around the immense foyer looking for hidden cameras because I'm suddenly wondering if I'm being Punk'd. Honestly, that would make so much more sense than what I'm seeing.

  Shaking her head, her hair bounces around her shoulders like she's in some kind of sexy hair commercial. Yeah, still totally speechless over here. Turning away from me, she calls out, "Jordan, Parker's here." She eyes me for a moment before muttering under her breath, "And he seems to be intellectually regressing right before my very eyes."

  Ouch.

  But yeah, I kind of deserve it because I haven't been acting like my normally smooth self. Not by a long shot.

  As she turns to walk away, I catch a peek of perfectly polished toe nails. In electric blue. Damn, does this woman know that she's totally blowing my mind right now? I shake my head one last time to clear it of all these rather disturbing images. Because what I've seen today can never be unseen again. Nor can it be proven. I almost wish I had taken out my cell phone and covertly snapped a picture or two because no one will ever believe this.

  My eyes trail after the woman claiming to be my English teacher when I hear Jordan moving down the curving staircase. And then my eyes are colliding with Jordan's greenish-gold ones. The breath whooshes out of me and I actually feel as if I've been sucker punched in the gut. It's the best feeling in the world.

  Jordan looks nothing less than amazing.

  I mean, she always looks scrumptious enough to eat.

  Come on, get your minds out of the gutter, people- I didn't mean it like that.

  Oh, who am I kidding? Of course I did.

  It's just that today she looks even better.

  As if that's possible.

  Like her aunt, her hair is all long and loose around her shoulders. My hands fist at my sides because I just want to drag my fingers through the silky softness of it all before pulling her against me. Now I can see even more of a resemblance between the pair of them. Then my eyes are dropping to those incredibly kissable lips of hers. Damn but they look all glossy and shiny. Yep, like I said, totally freaking kissable. In fact, I want nothing more than to take her in my arms and kiss the hell right out of her.

  But I'll refrain.

  For now anyway.

  Just let it be known that I'm not making any promises for the very near future.

  I don't want to scare her off after all. It's taken us way too long to get to this point. And there's no way I'm going to ruin it by mauling her within five minutes of greeting her.

  Holding my eyes, she smiles. It's kind of a lopsided one but it arrows straight to my heart and I almost want to rub at the imaginary feeling pounding like crazy in my chest.

  "Hi Parker."

  She continues to descend the staircase until she's at the very last step and I don't even realize that I've somehow managed to make my way to her until we're standing just a few inches apart. Until I can inhale the minty smell of her toothpaste and the citrusy scent of her shampoo.

  God, has it been at least five minutes yet?

  More like two or three.

  But I can't seem to help myself any longer because without a single word, I lean over until my lips are sliding slowly across hers. Her soft sigh of pleasure feathers lightly across my lips as her arms slide over my shoulders before hooking behind my neck. Then she pulls me just a bit closer. My tongue slips into her mouth for just a few breathless strokes before I finally pull away until I'm leaning my forehead against hers. Yep, so, so very kissable.

  This girl has definitely turned out to be my kryptonite.

  "Morning, Sunshine. You ready to go?"

  Because, yeah, I am so ready to go. So ready to get this date started.

  "You still haven't told me where we're going." Her eyes sparkle as she murmurs the words against my lips.

  "That's because it's a surprise," I whisper back.

  "What kind of surprise starts at eight o'clock in the morning?"

  "The completely amazing kind." Even though it's the last thing I want to do, I untangle her arms from around my neck until I'm holding both of her hands in my own. Then I step away because I definitely don't want Ms. Fisk or Jordan's parents walking in on us.

  Can you say- awkward?

  I bet you can.

  She cocks her head to the side in the cutest way imaginable. "Not even a small hint?"

  I can't resist smiling. "Nope, not even a teeny tiny one."

  Damn but this girl is adorable. Is it totally cheesy to say that she had me at hello? Of course it is. Because we all know that she didn't exactly say hello, now did she. More like told me I was a walking STD. Yeah, good times alright. My lips curl up at the corners as that memory rolls through my head.

  "Has anyone ever told you that you have kind of a maniacal smile?"

  I force the grin from my lips. "Nope, not even once."

  "Well, you do."

  With our hands still clasped together, she steps closer until her perfectly perky breasts are pressed rather tantalizingly against my chest and it takes every shred of willpower I have not to groan. Not to mention keep my hands off her. I think my brain just went on the fritz again.

  Then she leans even closer. "Am I going to be safe with you today?"

  "As safe as you want to be," I murmur back.

  She smiles slowly before stepping away just as her aunt saunters (yeah, she is totally sauntering- man this woman is killing me!) back into the foyer. I'm embarrassed to admit this, but, I'm still stunned by this rather peculiar transformation of hers. I can't help but think that I could have done a hell of a lot better in her class if I'd been taught by this hotter version of Ms. Fisk.

  Damn but I can't believe I actually just thought that.

  "So, Parker, where exactly are you taking Jordan today and when can we expect her back? She still has some packing to finish up before she leaves tomorrow morning." Narrowing her eyes, she looks more like the Ms. Fisk I love to bitch and complain about. "And she's to be
returned in precisely the same condition that she left this house in," her eyebrow hikes up about an inch before she continues, "if you know what I mean."

  Jordan snorts as if her aunt's words are nothing more than a joke. Unfortunately my balls shrivel just a little bit because I know exactly what she means. And she's not kidding around either.

  Damn, how uncomfortable is this conversation turning out to be?

  Pretty damn uncomfortable.

  "Uhhh..." Yeah, that's the best I've got to offer right now because visions of her actually chopping my off my nuts are flashing through my head. And it's not a pretty sight either.

  Her other brow joins the first one as she silently awaits my response.

  I nod my head toward the empty living room. "Could I, ah, possibly speak with you privately in the other room?"

  Ms. Fisk's eyes narrow yet again and I suddenly wonder if she's going to boot my ass from the house pronto. I wouldn't put it past her either. Newly transformed or not. She's still a pretty scary chick. Well, she scares me anyway. And yeah, I'm man enough to admit it.

  Privately to myself.

  For just a moment she considers my words before spinning on her heel and stalking into the living room. Jordan watches me through narrowed eyes as well.

  Talk about creepy (not to mention disconcerting) similarities.

  Without a word, I follow Ms. Fisk into the huge room now devoid of furniture. Even the paintings have been removed from the walls. And it slams into me once again that she's really leaving. Our time together is quickly slipping away.

  "So what exactly couldn't you tell me in front of Jordan?"

  I suddenly realize that if she doesn't like what I'm about to say, she'll happily pull the plug on today’s excursion. She'll ruin the last chance we have to spend time together. And I can't allow that to happen.

  "I've planned the whole day out, Ms. Fisk. It's a surprise and I don't want to ruin it for her. I swear on my life that I'll take good care of her." Then I say quietly, "I promise." And I mean it. There's nothing I wouldn't do for that girl.

  She searches my eyes for a long drawn out moment that has me holding my breath, practically choking on it before she finally asks, "When will you be back?"